


I'm not in Love

by ValkyrieShepard



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Resident Evil, Resident Evil Damnation
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Polyamory, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-04
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-16 03:30:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 95,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2254200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkyrieShepard/pseuds/ValkyrieShepard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At first Leon thought he felt himself drawn to the former freedom fighter out of guilt, but it quickly turned into something else. Never would he have thought to be dragged onto a relationship rollercoaster that has both of them ending up where they never expected themselves to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Post RE Damnation. I don't really know where this is going, but it needed to happen.

Leon looked down at the sleeping figure in the hospital bed before him. Gone was the proud and ruthless freedom fighter, this man was broken. He had lost everything, family, friends, and the use of his legs.

Thanks to Leon.

 

He knew he had done the right thing. The only possible thing. He couldn’t have allowed Sasha to kill himself, not after everything, and if there was a tiny chance he’d get out of a plagas removal alive, he had to take it.

And that’s what Leon had done.

 

He had contacted Hunnigan, pulled some strings to get Sasha immediate medical attention, and a safe hospital to rest in. Leon had returned here to see if he had even made it. He was alive, but the doctors told him he’d never be able to use his legs again.

It was the best possible outcome and still…

 

Right now Leon would trade his own ability to walk, if he could return Sasha’s use of his legs. And he couldn’t even tell why. He was the one to inject himself with the plagas parasite, so he could use BOWs in their civil war.

It showed what people were capable of once they were desperate enough. They just didn’t know what he knew about BOWs, the t-virus, the plagas… He had tried his best to explain to the other man what he had seen, what would happen here, too, but he had been too far gone.

 

Sasha shifted in his sleep and Leon lost track of his thoughts. It was dark inside the room, as it tended to be at 3 in the morning, and it might not make the best impression to see an almost complete stranger watching you sleep. He tried to make his way out of the room as silently as possible, but before he could do so he heard something in a language he did not understand. Sasha was awake.

 

“I was just leaving”, he said, hand already on the door handle.

 

“The… the agent?”, Sasha asked, voice raspy and sleepy, making his accent even thicker than it had been.

 

Leon turned to look at him, saw Sasha bend towards the glass of water on his nightstand and flinch, no doubt due to the hole in his torso. The glass fell to the floor with a loud clang, water spilling everywhere. Leon rushed forward to pick it up, refilled the glass and handed it to Sasha.

 

“Leon”, he introduced himself. There hadn’t been much time for that when they were running from tyrants. Two of them. Leon was still amazed they had both survived that. Sometimes he still had nightmares of being chased by the one in Raccoon City. “Sasha, right?”

 

“Alexander, but… yes”, Sasha took a careful sip of water, spilling some more on his chin. He said something else in his language and Leon assumed it was a curse. “Can you… use the remote? Help me sit up?”

 

Leon did as Sasha asked, making the upper part of the bed a little higher. The whirring of the motor drowned out the sounds of Sasha groaning in pain.

 

“If you press that button over there, it will inject more morphine”, Leon suggested, pointing at the little cart next to the bed.

 

“No. I deserve… this. And besides”, he stretched out his arm. “I can’t reach it.”

 

Leon walked around the bed, his boots echoing on the floor. He pushed the cart closer to the bed, just in case he changed his mind.

Sasha looked up at Leon, and even in the dark, with the room only illuminated by the moon, he could tell how pale he was. A bullet through the spine will do that to you.

 

“Why are you here?”, Sasha asked, hand over the spot on his torso where the bullet had entered. His gaze was just as piercing as it had been a few days ago, when they had still thought they were enemies.

 

“I wanted to see if…. “

 

“I was still alive”, Sasha finished. “Well… as you can see.”

 

Leon wasn’t the best at reading other people, but he could tell he wasn’t wanted. And why would he? Everything Sasha had lost he most likely associated with him. Not saying another word, he calmly walked towards the door.

 

“You were right”, Sasha’s words made him stop in his tracks. “I had time to think...about what you said. I owe it to them. JD, Irina… I owe it to them to live. You saved my life. Thank you.”

 

Leon balled his hands into fists, and looked down at the floor. Why would he say this?

 

“You’re paralyzed because of me.”

 

“I am also not dead or a mindless beast.” Leon turned once more to look at Sasha. “It seems to me this is the best option. Also… I have retained some function… there.”

 

Sasha’s gaze flickered towards his crotch for a split second, and a small smile slowly spread on his lips. It took Leon a moment to understand what he meant, and when he did heat started to creep into his cheeks.

 

“I see. I… didn’t really need to know that”, he said lamely. He’d never been good at this sort of thing, hardly even realized when people made lewd comments. Once it had even had to be pointed out to him that someone was flirting with him. Leon had simply thought they were being nice and conversational.

 

“Sorry. I… make jokes when things are awkward. Used to, anyway.” The smile on Sasha’s face faded as he hesitated for a moment. “But I mean it. You saved me.”

 

Leon moved closer to the bed again, feeling simply awkward standing so far away from him, when they were having such a conversation.

 

“I’m glad you’re still alive.” It was the truth. People like Sasha were rare. “Do you… know what you will do now?”

 

Sasha gestured to a chair next to his bed, and Leon took the invitation to sit down. He was glad to be able to rest his hands on his knees. For some reason he felt nervous.

 

“Be bored in this hospital for a while, I suppose. And then be bored at home, until I can move around on my own. Though I suppose that will be a challenge from now on.”

 

“You’re strong. You will manage.” Leon didn’t doubt that if he set his mind to it, he could do anything. Nevertheless it would be difficult, he was aware of that, too.

 

“You are very honest”, Sasha was smiling again, and that seemed to infect Leon for some reason, though a faint sheen of sweat was visible on the other man’s forehead.

 

“And intruding. You need to rest, you’ll need a lot of time to heal now”, Leon got up, Sasha’s brown eyes following his movements.

 

“Will you stay in the area? I could use some visitors”, he averted his gaze, fumbling with the sheets. “There aren’t many people left…”

 

Leon hadn’t thought about it. Technically he was still on holiday, still had a few weeks left. If there was anything he could do for Sasha… The way he suddenly seemed shy made him make up his mind.

 

“I still have business here. I’ll come by tomorrow. Have to make up for shooting you, right?” He smiled shily, though he couldn’t say why this man made him act like this. Perhaps because he knew what he was capable of, and to suddenly see him weak like this… There was still so much about Sasha he did not yet know. And he was intrigued.

 

“It’s going to be a start”, the corner of Sasha’s mouth twisted up in some resemblance of a smile, but he evidently had trouble keeping his eyes open, so he returned the bed into its lying position and settled down to sleep. “Thank you for coming.”

 

“Not a problem”, he hesitated for a moment, not sure why his feet refused to move. “Good night.”

 

Sasha was already out. His body was still so weak, he would need a lot of rest.

 

Leon hesitated for a moment longer, taking in Sasha’s sharp features. Resting like this he was… handsome. Though, looking back, he had been handsome fighting the tyrants and the soldiers, but this was somehow different. Intimate.

 

He shook his head, trying to get rid of those thoughts, this was not what he was here for. This was not the time, or place, for romance. There were so, so many things wrong with that thought. He could remember the knife against his throat only too well.

Without a further word, he quietly made his way out of the room and returned to his hotel.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

During the night Leon had found it difficult to keep his thoughts away from the other man. No matter what he tried, he always ended up thinking of Sasha, calmly sleeping in his hospital bed.

He had spent the morning explaining to Hunnigan that he would stay in the country for the rest of his holiday time, and staring at his watch. He didn’t want to seem too desperate, though he wasn’t sure when that had become important to him.

 

So he wandered the streets of the city, trying not to glance at the large hospital building that he somehow kept passing. Life here had quickly returned to normal and Leon couldn’t help but be impressed by the people’s ability to keep going after such a devastating civil war. It had left marks on the city, but already people were rebuilding - the city as well as their lives.

 

Leon had found out that apparently during the war there had been shortages in the import of certain goods, chocolate one of them, resulting in enormously high prices. Deciding it would be a nice gift for Sasha, he bought some, along with a bouquet of flowers, that the sales lady almost forced on him after hearing he was on his way to the hospital. Everyone liked flowers though, didn’t they? They would certainly brighten up the dull hospital room.

 

Just after noon he was finally standing in front of the white door, leading to Sasha. All of a sudden he found his hands clammy, his heartbeat rising, and his mouth dry. Was he allergic to the flowers? He’d never had a problem with them before…

Hoping Sasha wouldn’t have the same problem he knocked shortly before entering, revealing another guest inside it. A small, old lady was sitting next to Sasha’s bed. She had the same sharp nose that was a little crooked, and Leon guessed she was his mother. At least he still had someone.

 

As soon as the woman noticed Leon in the doorway she jumped up with surprising agility, exclaiming something he couldn’t understand. She kept talking and talking, rushing towards Leon to engulf him in a strong hug. He had no idea what to do, he could only helplessly look at Sasha, who was evidently torn between embarrassment and amusement.

 

“A little help here?”, Leon said over the strings of words from the small woman, who was now pulling him down to kiss both of his cheeks.

 

“She is thanking you for saving my life”, Sasha said, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. He was smiling however, and Leon couldn’t help but join.

 

“I didn’t really, I-”, Leon started, but quickly realized she didn’t understand him, either.

 

“Mama”, Sasha finally got his mother’s attention. She glanced at the gifts Leon was holding, and put a hand in front of her mouth, perhaps realizing she had been a bit overwhelming. She gathered her things and placed a big, sloppy kiss on Sasha’s cheek, before saying goodbye to both of them, and leaving.

 

“So that… was your mother.” Leon took a step closer, suddenly very aware of his hands.

 

An awkward silence settled in the room, both of them were looking at anything but each other. Leon was painfully reminded of his time in high school. He tried to remember that he was a grown man, a government agent, he could deal with awkward situations.

 

“She can be a bit… you know”, Sasha finally said. He made a vague gesture with his hand, before looking down at the presents in Leon’s hand. “Are you on your way to a date?”

 

“No, uh, these are for you. I hope you like chocolate.”

 

Sasha raised an eyebrow. For a single moment Leon didn’t know what would happen, had he done something wrong? But then Sasha stretched out his arm, gestured for him to come closer. Leon did and handed him the chocolate and the flowers.

 

“Thank you. It was not necessary.” But Sasha was smiling again, and Leon found he liked it much, much better when he did.

 

“Well, I said I would make it up to you.” Leon sat down in the chair Sasha’s mother had occupied earlier.

 

“May I?” Sasha held up the chocolate, having already put the flowers on the nightstand beside him.

  
“Of course, it’s for you.” Leon watched as the other man opened the box of chocolate with what he could only describe as child like excitement. After putting a piece of it in his mouth he closed his eyes, leaning back against the bed, letting out something very close to a moan.

 

“It has been so long…”, Sasha said. “I missed chocolate.”

 

“I’m glad you like it.” Leon was trying really hard to hold back the grin that was threatening to spread on his face, but he was failing. Even if it was just a little thing, Sasha deserved this, deserved to have this tiny bit of happiness. Leon knew he’d have given anything to have someone there with him after Raccoon City.

 

They fell into easy conversation after that, Leon couldn't remember when he had been so at ease with someone this quickly. Maybe because he did not have to lie or hold back when he was talking to Sasha, he knew about the plagas and the lickers, and after asking, Leon told him a brief summary of his work, leaving out the more gruesome details. He wasn’t aiming for pity, simply wanted Sasha to understand why what he did was wrong. These things could never be controlled, they only caused pain and suffering.

 

Aside from these little dips into each other’s pasts the tone of their conversation was light and Leon was enjoying himself, as, it seemed to him, did Sasha. If he could distract him from the pain he was surely feeling, he was glad.

 

Leon had moved the chair closer to the bed, and he was halfway leaning on it by the end of the day. He hadn’t even noticed, the hours had passed by so quickly. What he did notice were Sasha’s eyes. They were captivating, with a gaze as sharp as a knife, making Leon feel as if he already knew everything about him. Maybe that’s why this was so easy for them.

 

“Leon?”, the way Sasha said his name, with that light accent, made a warmth pool in his stomach. “You haven’t said anything in a while.”

 

Sasha’s hand was resting on Leon’s arm, the warmth from it spreading throughout his whole body. This simple touch was something he rarely had the privilege of experiencing, and only now did he realize how much he craved it.

 

“I…”, Leon was at a loss for words. So many thoughts were jumbled in his head, all wanting to be heard. “You must be tired, I should let you rest.”

 

He wondered how people did it. How they asked other people out and - oh no - now he did realize that he wanted to ask Sasha out. Wanted to court him, spoil him, all this after a few days of knowing him?

 

Before he could do anything stupid he got up, gathering his jacket from the back of the chair.

 

“I really enjoyed today”, Sasha was looking a bit disappointed, though he was still smiling. “I’m sure you will want to enjoy your holiday but… if you are ever in the area… I would like another visit.”

 

“Yes… of course.” He had no idea what else to say, or how to express how he felt without sounding too creepy. He was being creepy, wasn’t he? Though today had been so much fun… fun he hadn’t had in a very long time.

  
For tonight he only managed a lame goodbye, rushing back to his hotel, blaming his rapid heartbeat on his hurrying there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I characterize Leon as being 95% cool guy, as we usually see him, but he is so dense when it comes to romantic things, and IF he notices that, he'll turn into the biggest, blushing, awkward dork there ever was. So... expect that to happen.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3 of being in the hospital

He wrestled with himself, all night and the entire morning, if it was somehow too strange if he came back the next day as well. It was true that he did stay here simply for Sasha, but the other man didn’t have to know that, not yet at least. He had also lost all interest in being by himself, he did that at home as well and it was getting old by now.

 

So once more he was standing in front of that white door, chocolate bar in hand, and before he knew it he was knocking, and entering.

 

Sasha looked up from a newspaper he was reading, confusion on his face for a split second before beaming up at Leon.

 

“You are back!”, the newspaper quickly found its way to the night stand, completely forgotten.

 

“Yes unless… if you need to rest… I can come back some other time.”

 

“How do you Americans say… Bullshit?”, Sasha asked, making Leon laugh. “My mother had to go back to her village, I am so bored and - is that chocolate?”

 

Grinning, Leon made his way around the bed, settling back into the chair that had not been moved since yesterday.

 

“It is, but if you’re already sick of it I can eat it myself. Wouldn’t want you to gain weight or anything.”

 

“No, give-”, Sasha winced in pain as he leaned forward to snatch the chocolate from Leon’s hand. Leon stood up to gently push the other man back and press the chocolate bar into his hands.

 

“Please don’t, I was joking.”

 

“I know I…”, Sasha sighed. “For a moment I forgot I was hurt.”

 

They were both silent and Leon felt guilty again.

 

“It’s good though”, Sasha insisted. “I also forget the pain. I just have to remember not to move around too much. What I am trying to say is… I like when you visit me.”

 

“I’m not boring you already?” Leon was smiling, trying to make it seem like a joke, but it was something he was truly worried about. He felt like an idiot with a school boy crush. _Do I like him? Does he like me? Should I stay or go? Knock it off, Kennedy..._

 

“Not at all”, he started to open the chocolate bar, broke off a piece and ate it. “Oh this is so good.”

 

_It’s cute how much you enjoy it._

 

Leon would have almost said it. To think that someone as strong as Sasha, who held himself as if he had royal blood, would completely change if simply given some chocolate.

But instead he just smiled and watched as the other man enjoyed his gift. This was fine, he could do this. Enjoy Sasha’s presence, and just relax. That was what holidays were for, right? And if he could do something good, help with his recovery, then all the better.

 

“Do you… want some?”, Sasha had evidently noticed Leon’s staring.

 

“No… no that’s fine, it’s a gift. For you.”

 

“Oh thank god”, he was smiling again. “I really didn’t want to share.”

 

“Well, I certainly know how to get on your good side…”

 

“Suddenly I feel myself getting very mad at you…”, Sasha hesitated. “For various reasons. I think you need to make it up to me. With chocolate. Lots of it.”

 

They both started to laugh, though Sasha had to hold back, as his wound was being strained from it.

 

“If you ever come to America, I think you might die from a sugar overdose.”

 

“I might need someone to supervise me then”, Sasha looked up at Leon, an expression on his face he couldn’t read.

 

“Have you ever been there?”, Leon asked.

 

“Ah…”, Sasha looked down at his hands again, the chocolate almost forgotten. “Irina… and I had started to save up but… That is all gone now.”

 

“I’m sorry”, Leon mentally scolded himself. How did he always manage to put his enormous foot into his even bigger mouth?  “But maybe… I mean… one day… if you ever go there… I could show you around?”

 

 _Yeah sure cause you know the entire United States._ Leon closed his eyes for a second, he couldn’t believe he was being this idiotic. It was like as soon as he realized he had... _romantic_ feelings - possible romantic feelings - for someone, he was completely incapable of acting like a normal person.

 

“You’ll show me around all of America?” Sasha raised an eyebrow but otherwise looked at him with a serious expression. It only made Leon more nervous.

 

“I suppose I… will have to take a vacation. America is pretty big, it might take a while.”

 

That made Sasha laugh again, and clutch at his wound. Leon leaned forward, reaching out, though there wasn’t much he could do.

 

“I… I am fine.” Sasha was grinning, gently taking Leon’s hand in his. “Really.”

 

“I’ll try to be less funny.” Leon really tried to make it sound light, but somehow it didn’t come out as such at all. He was just staring at Sasha’s hand, touching his own. How pathetic was he, that this made his heart beat faster?

 

“Please don’t, it’s been a very… very long time since I have laughed.”

 

Leon looked up again, his heart skipped a beat as he saw the pain and sadness in Sasha’s eyes. He had never lost a fiancé, but he had lost enough to understand what Sasha must be going through. Everyone dealt with loss differently, if stupid jokes could distract him enough to make him forget for a moment, make him happy for just one second, then stupid jokes were what was needed.

 

“You wanna hear a joke about pizza?”, Leon asked.

 

“Huh… what?”, Sasha looked utterly confused. “Sure?”

 

“Never mind. It was too cheesy.”

 

Silence settled between them. The most awkward silence Leon had ever experienced, as Sasha kept staring at him with that look of utter bewilderment on his face.

He was about to try and explain when Sasha suddenly burst into laughter, clutching his wound as he tried to suppress it.

 

“I am sorry, I…”, he was laughing so hard he had trouble getting the words out. A tear rolled down his cheek that he wiped away. “I did not understand at first.”

 

Leon’s grin was so wide, it almost hurt. But it was all worth it.

He waited for Sasha to calm down a little, as he tried to think of more puns. He didn’t even remember where he had heard them, but he was worried some of them might be a little hard to understand. Language barrier and all that.

 

“Uhm… I forgot how to throw a boomerang. But it came back to me.”

 

“Oh god”, Sasha exclaimed, new bursts of laughter wrecking his body. “Stop, stop, I can’t….”

 

He was gripping Leon’s hand tighter, but now all nervousness had been forgotten, it was all just puns in his head.

 

Despite his claims of not wanting to hear more lame jokes, Leon ended up telling him every single one he could think of, with various levels of success. Some of them he did have to explain, but Sasha appreciated them anyway.

 

Once more Leon ended up spending the entire day in the hospital, only noticing how late it was when a nurse entered to tell him that visiting hours had long since ended. She also glanced at their still intertwined hands with a disapproving look, making Leon realize they had been like that all day. He couldn’t say he minded though.

 

The nurse was very insistent on getting Leon out of here, so he only managed a quick, very awkward goodbye, not even able to reply to the “Thank you” Sasha called after him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lame-ass puns of course courtesy of The Last of Us


	4. Chapter 4

The weeks passed quickly and though Leon was worried at first that he would outstay his welcome, Sasha soon dispelled such thoughts with a beaming smile every time he came through that door.

Every day he brought something else that was, at the moment, considered a luxury good in this country. As it turned out Sasha had a real sweet tooth, not just for chocolate. Leon found that very endearing and couldn’t hold back his own smile whenever Sasha received his newest gift.

 

When the time came for Sasha to leave the hospital he did not even have to ask if Leon would be there to help him. He was already there to replace the nurse behind the wheelchair.

It was tough going for Sasha, having to rely only on his upper body strength to get around, but Leon knew not to help too much. He was too proud and too strong to not be able to do everything on his own. And he had to learn to rely on himself, Leon would not be able to stay here much longer. The thought weighed heavy on him.

 

“Well, this is my place”, Sasha said as they made their way through the door of his apartment. “What’s left of it.”

 

He hadn’t had a lot of need for furniture during the war. As he explained, Sasha had given some of it away and sold some of it. The only things left were a bed, a couch and a table with a single chair. The furniture was quite rustic, but in good condition. Especially the couch seemed very comfortable, but they had spent enough time sitting around.

Even though it was dusty, once Leon opened the curtains the place was bright and cozy.

Sasha dumped the bag containing some of his clothes in the corner and wheeled himself next to Leon, looking out of the window.

 

“Lucky I got a place with an elevator”, he mumbled.

 

“There’s a park over there”, Leon pointed at it, trying to distract Sasha from his negative thoughts. He knew if he let Sasha go to a bad place it would be hard to get out of it again. “Do you know it?”

 

“Of course. I used to go there… a lot.”

 

 _With Irina,_ Leon thought. Again he had managed to remind Sasha of what he had lost. It seemed to be a talent of his.

 

“It’s a nice day. Now that you’re out of the hospital, how about a trip?”

 

“I am so sick of being locked up in a room”, Sasha sighed.

 

“I take that as a yes.”

 

Leon chuckled and promptly wheeled him out of the apartment again. On their short way to the park they passed a market, where they bought bread, cheese, and fruit. Leon already felt like he was on holiday, even in the hospital room where they had spent most of their time, but this only made the feeling stronger. Sasha was the one who had made that time enjoyable, very much so, and now… now Leon felt almost completely at ease, though he still carried at least a combat knife with him wherever he went. Old habits die hard.

 

The park was even bigger than it had looked like from Sasha’s place. The meadow was full of children playing, couples relaxing and a few elderly people sitting on the benches, just a regular, zombie-free park, which made it perfect in Leon’s book.

 

He walked them to a free spot under a tree, leaving Sasha to decide whether he wanted to sit in the shade of it.

He seemed to hesitate for a moment, almost looked like he was about to say something but then he moved his wheelchair closer to the tree. Sasha enabled the brakes on it, making sure it wouldn’t move as he propped himself up with his arms. Leon was about to rush over to help when Sasha shot him a look. That fierce gaze told him Sasha needed to do this on his own.

 

Leon stepped back. He understood, of course he needed to do this.

 

Sasha slowly lowered himself onto the grass, the strain clear on his face but Leon wouldn’t help unless asked.

Slowly but surely he made it, maneuvering himself to rest his back against the tree. He looked normal like this. Like Leon didn’t have to paralyze him to save his life.

He sat down next to Sasha, crossing his legs. They were silent for a while as Sasha calmed his breathing. It wasn’t too hot here in the shade, a soft breeze ruffling through their hair.

Leon felt so relaxed, and a sudden urge to rest his head in Sasha’s lap overcame him. It took everything to fight it. Over the course of the past few weeks Leon’s crush had only gotten stronger, though he managed to contain it, and simply enjoy the other man’s presence.

 

“Thank you”, Sasha finally ended the silence. “For understanding.”

 

Leon glanced over, the other man was resting his head against the tree, eyes closed, his cheeks still a little red from the effort.

 

“Of course”, Leon replied. “I know that you can do it… You will be fine.”

 

Sasha opened his eyes, a faint smile on his lips.

 

“I am starting to think so too…”, he turned his head, staring into the distance.

 

Once more it struck Leon how handsome he was, how proudly he held himself, even after everything that had happened to him. He was amazed at that willpower.

 

“I thought about getting back into teaching…”, Sasha said absentmindedly.

 

“That sounds great”, Leon said, trying to hide the pang he felt in his chest.

 

Of course he would start to plan his life again. Away from all this, away from Leon. Sasha deserved a normal life - as normal as it could be now. He simply wished he could be a part of it. But he could never stop doing what he did, it was too important, it was his duty.

 

Leon would simply have to leave soon, and never look back.

 

With a start Leon realized Sasha was watching him.

 

“When do you have to leave?”, he asked.

 

Leon looked down at the grass.

 

“In a few days.” _Five_ , Leon thought. He had been counting.

 

“Then why are you not kissing me?”

 

_What??_

 

It took a moment for Leon to realize he hadn’t actually said that out loud and was simply staring at Sasha.

 

“What?”, he finally stammered.

 

“Unless I am mistaken… you are interested in me, yes?”, Sasha was very matter-of-fact about it, whereas Leon felt heat rising into his cheeks, his hands started to feel clammy and his stomach seemed to be dancing. What the hell, Kennedy, you fight monsters for a living. “I am interested, too, Leon. I just felt like maybe you needed time.”

 

A million thoughts raced through Leon’s mind. I am interested too surfacing more than any other. But there was only one right thing to do.

 

“I…”, Leon forced himself to look at Sasha again, glad he couldn’t see how red his own face was. “What we… experienced. That is my job, I do that almost on a daily basis. I’ll have to leave soon and return to that. There is no future for… what this could be. I can’t put you through this, or ask you to. So…” He shrugged. “What would be the point?”

 

“A few days of happiness?”, Sasha suggested. “You are worried that… I will get worried about you, yes? So you think instead of enjoying your last days here it would be better to not try at all?”

 

“It would just make saying goodbye harder.”

 

“Maybe”, Sasha took Leon’s hand in his. “But I think it would be worth it. I… can’t even imagine what it must be like for you to go through this every day. I think it’s just all the more reason to seize your chance. If you don’t want more, I understand, but I believe you deserve at least something. A few days, and then we’ll go our separate ways.”

 

Leon sighed. Already that simple touch was more than he had felt in years, had never allowed himself to experience more. He wanted this, wanted this so badly, and maybe Sasha was right, it could be worth it. Though it seemed like he would be taking advantage of the other man’s vulnerable state. Surely there was much he had to work through, was it right for Leon to just do this to him?

 

Sasha brushed his other hand through his hair, and Leon closed his eyes. So long… it had been so long…

 

“Your hair is…”, Sasha was interrupted by Leon pressing their lips together, there was only a moment’s hesitation and Sasha was kissing him back, both hands finding their way into Leon’s hair now.

Leon was out of practice, but Sasha was patient, guiding him as much as he could, pulling him closer, since his range was limited. He took the hint, sliding into Sasha’s lap without breaking their kiss. If either of them cared that they were in a public place, they didn’t show it, Leon couldn’t even remember anymore. His head was filled with the sensation of his lips on Sasha’s, his hands in Leon’s hair, while he himself was clutching to the other man’s jacket, almost desperate he might vanish, might have this stop at any moment.

 

“Open your mouth”, Sasha mumbled against him, as they pulled away for breath. They didn’t move too far though, and so their breaths were intermingling. Leon felt dizzy, an amazing kind of dizzy he had never experienced before.

“What…”, Leon was confused for a moment, but it all clicked into place. It really had been long. “Oh…”

He simply nodded and brought their lips together again. Leon did as he had been told, parting his lips, letting Sasha slip his tongue inside his mouth. The sensation sent sparks throughout his whole body, making him grip Sasha’s jacket only harder, trying to slide closer to him.

He could have kept going like this forever, feeling like there wasn’t even a need for breath, but they were interrupted by an unusually loud tutting noise from behind them.

Leon turned, and he had to blink a few times to adjust his eyes against the sun. A woman who seemed to be in her forties had approached them, hand on her hip and a disapproving look on her face.

She said something Leon couldn’t understand so he turned to Sasha, who seemed to be fighting a wide grin. He replied something and the woman left.

 

“What did she say?”, Leon asked.

 

“That this is a family park and we have been making… unseeming noises, apart from all the kissing of course”, Sasha’s fight against the grin had been lost, and he was beaming at Leon, who, if he hadn’t blushed before, sure was doing so now.

 

“Oh my god…”, he mumbled, trying to hide his face behind his hands. “I can’t believe we just did that… _with noises.”_

 

“Do not worry, I enjoyed your noises.”

 

“Ughhhh”, Leon was simultaneously embarrassed and aroused. He wasn’t quite sure if he should stand up right now.

 

“Perhaps we should… go to my place?”, Sasha gently took Leon’s hands in his, guiding them away from his face.

 

“We haven’t even eaten yet.”

 

“You are worried about eating right now?”, Sasha was laughing, and though Leon was embarrassed, he loved seeing this. “I believe what you are is called, a… dork, yes?”

 

“I am not a dork, I just… we bought this food and also, I can’t get up yet”, Leon had to look away as he felt heat rising back into his cheeks.

 

“I noticed”, Sasha sent a quick glance at his crotch, his grin not fading. “I can’t reach the bag though.”

 

Leon leaned over without getting up to grab the bag with their supplies and spread them out next to them. He took one of the strawberries, as did Sasha, and they started to eat.

 

“This isn’t really helping”, Leon had to admit as he watched the other man slowly bite into the fruit.

 

Sasha swallowed, and licked his lips. His face might as well have been a stone mask at the moment, though Leon suspected he knew exactly what he was doing.

 

“I suppose we will just have to wait. You could try thinking about… those things we fought.”

 

He tried. He really did. But whatever he thought of always turned into Sasha. Sasha kissing him. Sasha touching him. Sasha’s lips around the strawberry. That he was right in front of him, staring at Leon with a mischievous glint in his eyes was also not helpful in this situation.

 

“Stop doing that”, Leon said, trying not to look at the man in whose lap he was currently sitting.

 

“Stop doing what?”

 

“Looking at me like that.”

 

“I can’t believe that one of the fiercest fighters I have ever met could blush at something like this.” Sasha brushed a thumb over Leon’s cheek, it felt cool compared to the heat of Leon’s skin.

 

“I don’t have a lot of… experience with this.” Leon looked back at Sasha, it was silly trying not to maintain eye contact. But why was this so hard for him?

 

“I can’t imagine why…”, the sarcasm in his voice was so strong, even Leon could detect it.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You probably think you are doing others favours, by not being with them. I’m sure you’ve had plenty of… suitors”, Leon had to grin had Sasha’s odd choice of words, it was endearing. “Even I had to convince you just a moment ago. But you deserve to be happy, too, and if someone can’t deal with what you do, and how dangerous it is, they can chose if they want to be with you. You don’t have to sacrifice your personal life for this.”

 

“But I… It’s not that simple.” Leon scratched the back of his head, trying to find the right words. “Besides… no one’s interested in me.”

 

“It is simple”, Sasha sighed. “No more talking back from you.”

 

Leon was taken aback by the stern tone but he also couldn’t help but smile.

 

“Sir, yes, sir”, he said.

 

Sasha rolled his eyes before starting to point out different people in the park.

 

“That man over there, and that woman on the bench, and that other women there, all of them have been looking at you. Very intently. They only stopped after we kissed”, he grinned. “No, wait, that woman still is.”

 

Leon tried to see who he was talking about, not at all stealthily looking around the park. He caught a women avoiding her gaze. Had she really been checking him out? Hunnigan always said he was dense about these things.

 

“It doesn’t matter”, Leon turned back towards Sasha. “They are not who I am interested in. What was that about going back to your place?”

 

Sasha grinned and nodded. It seemed Leon had… calmed down enough for him to stand up without being too embarrassed. The woman’s confrontation was still in the back of his mind however.

 

“Do you want some help?”, he asked Sasha. He knew he’d probably want to do everything on his own right away, but he was still in recovery, still physically weaker than he had been before. Leon hoped he’d realize that and accept help, not straining himself too much. From experience he knew that could be counter productive.

 

“I… yes, I would like that.”

 

Leon leaned down to brush a strand of hair out of Sasha’s face before sliding his arms under the other man’s shoulders, interlocking them on his back. It may not have been the most graceful way to lift him up, but it was the easiest for him. The wheelchair was close, Leon merely needed to take one step to then gently lower Sasha into it. It wasn’t a problem for him to lift a grown man, years of training and of course his physically demanding job always kept him fit. He suspected he might even have been able to carry Sasha bridal-style. Perhaps another time…

 

“Thank you”, Sasha said, as he adjusted his feet onto their supports.

 

“No problem”, Leon took his place behind the wheelchair and started to push him back towards the apartment. “Have you thought about if you need some improvements in your place?”

 

“Actually, yes. The hospital gave me some information. It’ll need some work.”

 

“I could help you with it, if you like. While I’m still here.”

 

“I think there are better uses for your time here”, Sasha turned around to grin at Leon, whose ears turned a little red again. “But that would actually be very helpful. Do you know how to use tools?”

 

“For killing… yes. For building things… not so much”, he hesitated. Why did he think that had been a good idea? He had never learned anything about tools, never had the time to teach himself. The only thing he did that was remotely in that area was solve strange puzzles in Salazar’s castle. He doubted that experience would be helpful.

 

“I could… hold things?”, he suggested lamely.

 

Sasha laughed that beautiful laugh of his, and Leon had to smile.

 

“It’ll be a disaster”, he said. “I cannot wait.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friendly reminder that I have a tumblr: valkyrieshepard.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it gets a little nsfw

As soon as they were through the door of the apartment Sasha pulled Leon down into another kiss. Leon almost stumbled over the wheelchair as he awkwardly tried to close the door with his foot, not separating his lips from Sasha’s.

 

“Couch”, Sasha mumbled against Leon’s lips and so he rolled the wheelchair closer to the couch, glad there wasn’t much else in the way that he could bump into.

With the same maneuver as before Leon quickly picked Sasha up, not managing to lower him down quite as gently as he had done before.

 

“S- sorry, I-”, Leon started but was interrupted by Sasha.

 

“Shut up and get over here.”

 

Sasha grabbed Leon’s ass, pulling him forward. He could barely brace himself in time to lower himself more slowly into the other man’s lap, straddling him like that. Sasha didn’t let go of his ass, squeezing it and Leon instinctively rolled his hips forward, against Sasha’s. They both gasped at the same time, making them chuckle for a short while before their lips found their way to each other again. Not as tentatively as before, this was hungry and Leon eagerly parted his lips to feel Sasha’s tongue against his.

Now his hands were in Sasha’s hair, gripping it tightly. The sensation made Sasha moan and he felt himself getting hard. Evidently he wasn’t the only one, as he started to feel a hardness against his crotch. So he really was still fully functional there…

Until now he hadn’t really thought about the fact that he had fallen for a man, had never thought it mattered - and it didn’t. But now he was shockingly aware of how little experience he had regarding men. As in, almost none.

A small voice in the back of his mind reminded him that _hey, you are a guy_ but it was soon silenced by Sasha sliding his hands over his legs, the touch was light, but electrifying. Soon they were wandering to Leon’s crotch, frantically opening his jeans. He pulled them as low as it was possible sitting like this, reaching for his erection without hesitation. Leon gasped at the touch. It was one thing to do this himself, having someone else do it was an entirely different sensation.

He had to pull away from the kiss, resting his forehead against Sasha’s. He was already breathing heavily, his mind and thoughts a complete mess, all he could think about was Sasha’s hand on his length.

Sasha slowly started to pump him, and Leon knew right away he wouldn’t last very long. If there had been any blood left for it, he would surely be blushing again.

 

“Open your eyes”, he heard Sasha say, and in his pleasure filled mind he didn’t have the ability to be embarrassed anymore, so he obeyed.

Sasha was just as flushed as he surely was, cheeks red, breathing heavily against Leon. He let his thumb brush over the tip of Leon’s cock, making him moan openly. Sasha smiled in return, leaning in for another kiss, slightly biting down on Leon’s lower lip, all the while never stopping his hand’s movements.

 

Though this was only his second time being with a man like this, it didn’t feel strange to Leon at all - quite the opposite. Nevertheless his hands were shaking slightly as he, too, reached for Sasha’s pants, unbuttoning them as quickly as he could.

 

“You do not have to-”, now it was his turn to interrupt Sasha.

 

“Shut up- ah…” Sasha was increasing the pressure of his hand. This really wouldn’t take much longer…

 

Before he completely embarrassed himself, he mirrored Sasha’s earlier movements, sliding down his pants as far as he could, before reaching for his cock. He almost felt silly for being nervous about this, he knew exactly what to do, he’d done it himself enough times.

He couldn’t really tell if it was on purpose or not, but Leon mirrored Sasha’s rhythm, letting his thumb brush over the tip as well, eliciting a delicious moan from the other man. There was hardly a proper thought in his head by now, it was all just pleasure and the sensation of those lips, Sasha’s hand, and his length in his own.

 

“Sasha I…”, Leon barely managed to get the words out, he was close, so close… “I’m gonna…”

 

“Go ahead”, Sasha whispered, watching him with that sharp gaze. “Come for me.”

 

“Ah, fuck”, hearing those words, staring right at Sasha who was looking at him _like that_ was enough to send him over the edge, the orgasm rippling through him. He hadn’t come like that in a long, long time and he had to close his eyes, grasping at Sasha’s shoulders for support. His head fell back as he let that wave of pleasure wash over him, unable to do anything else.

He needed a few moments to come back to earth, to realize where he was. Leon opened his eyes to find Sasha smiling at him, raising his come covered hand to his lips.

 

“What are-”, Leon didn’t really have to ask as he was watching Sasha lick Leon’s come off of his hand. “Oh…”

 

That was… hot. But Leon realized he was being selfish, had even stopped touching Sasha. He slid his hand back around his length, resuming his earlier movements. His other found its way onto Sasha’s neck, holding him in place as he looked into his eyes, not averting his gaze this time.

Now it was Sasha who had trouble keeping his eyes open, though he tried, and every open moan sent shivers down Leon’s spine. It didn’t take long for Sasha to exclaim something Leon couldn’t understand, and it pleased him that he could make him forget English for a moment, his hands frantically grasping for support from Leon’s shirt.

Sasha shuddered as he came, though he kept staring at Leon who pumped him through his orgasm, thoroughly enjoying the noises he could get out of the other man.

 

Leon was the first to break eye contact, looking down at them he only now realized both of their hands, and shirts, were covered in come.

Though still embarrassed, Leon couldn’t find it in himself to care quite as much as he might have before being coming all over… his lover? His… he decided not to further think about it. His Sasha.

 

“Well… looks like we need to do some laundry”, Leon said.

 

“Leon, you are so not funny.”

 

“Then why are you laughing?” Leon leaned down to softly kiss Sasha, and he tasted something salty. He flinched back when he realized what it was.

 

“You have never tasted this before?”, Sasha asked, a faint smile still playing on his lips. Clearly he had…

 

“No. But… hang on.” He leaned back in for another kiss, keeping it slow as he explored Sasha’s mouth with his tongue, thoroughly tasting himself. He couldn’t really say that he minded… actually liked it.

 

“My…”, Sasha whispered when they finally broke apart. “There might be a naughty side in you after all.”

 

“I think I might… need a bit until I’m there”, he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, before quickly adjusting his pants as he fully noticed the state they were still in. Smiling, Sasha did the same.

 

“You are doing rather well so far.” He quickly took off his shirt, letting it fall onto the floor. They really weren’t in a very nice state, and Leon did the same.

He took his time, letting his gaze wander over the other man’s abs, wishing they had gotten rid of their shirts before all this had happened. But he still had five days to learn every line, memorize every inch of skin. It might be a fleeting thing, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t remember it once it was gone.

 

“Did I?”, Leon asked, remembering Sasha’s comment. “Do… well?”

 

“What do you mea- oh… Leon, was this your first time?”, Sasha bit his lower lip. “With a man?”

 

Suddenly Leon felt very exposed without his shirt. Even more so than with his cock hanging out.

 

“Not… exactly but it’s been so long. Was this… okay?” He felt stupid just saying this, but he really did want Sasha to have a good time, he wasn’t even worried about himself.

 

“Okay? You _are_ a dork, Leon. I could have done something else, there is still so much more…”

 

“You’ll show me.”

 

Sasha slid his arms around Leon’s waist, pulling him closer for another kiss.

 

“I will.”

 

~~

 

Though Leon could see he wasn’t entirely happy with it, as they hadn’t built in any of the improvements to his apartment yet, he helped Sasha throughout the day. Especially getting into the bathtub turned out to be quite difficult. The bath, that they incidentally shared, turned out to be very pleasant though, both of them had enough time to really get to know each other’s bodies and soon they were making out again, moans echoing off the bare walls as they came the second time that day.

 

Since they hadn’t a lot of time left they did manage to separate their lips for long enough to go outside once more, getting all the supplies they needed to improve Sasha’s apartment. He had given Leon money to pay for all of it, but Leon managed to distract him long enough so he could pay for everything himself. It was his fault after all… He would simply hide the money until it was time for him to go, then there was no way for Sasha to reject it.

 

Actually improving the apartment, building in the railings in the bathroom, getting everything into Sasha’s reach, wasn’t as difficult as Leon had imagined. Unlike him, Sasha actually knew what he was doing, though it still took the rest of the day, as well as the entire next morning to finish, as they kept getting distracted by each other’s lips.

 

Leon knew he wouldn’t be able to remember any of the things Sasha had tried to teach him about home improvement. But it didn’t mean he hadn’t learned anything. He learned that the spot just below Sasha’s ear was incredibly sensitive. Kissing him there was enough to almost make him moan and drop what he was holding. He learned that he liked light bites, giving them as well as receiving, and that he was fascinated by Leon’s hair, randomly he would just stop what he was doing and brush his fingers through it. Leon had also learned that he liked that.

 

And so they spent their days rarely going outside, merely to get the bare necessities like food, though even that hardly made its way past the bedroom.

Leon was grateful the mattress Sasha had once invested in was comfortable, as they spent most of their time there. Whatever Leon had missed during the years he hadn’t allowed himself to be romantically involved with anyone, he sure made up for it now. And it wasn’t just sex, simply falling asleep next to each other, waking up still entangled, made him happy in a way he had never known before.

He certainly didn’t mind receiving his first-ever blowjob, either. Sasha had been appalled when he had found out about it, and immediately went to work. Leon thanked him in the same manner. According to Sasha, he had a real talent for it, too.

 

Leon also learned to be comfortable with simply being naked, something he had never given much thought to, as it had rarely come up. It had been strange to him for only a short while, but he was sure that it was Sasha who made him relax. Trying to imagine to be like this with someone else seemed impossible right now.

 

If he had to describe those few days with Sasha, it would be one word: Bliss.

 

Unfortunately they ended all too soon.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Engulfed in all that happiness it was like a punch to the gut when Leon realized it was the evening before he had to depart. As far as he knew a plane was scheduled for him at 6 am the next morning - typically Hunnigan. Normally he wouldn’t mind the early hour, but now… Now it just robbed him of more time he could spend with Sasha.

 

They were both in bed, naked, as they had learned that it just wasn’t worth the effort to put on clothes, Leon resting his head on Sasha’s shoulder, who was reading a book, absentmindedly brushing his fingers through the other man’s hair. He needed glasses to read, which somehow only made the fondness Leon felt for him grow stronger.

 

“Sasha?”

 

“Hm…”, Sasha always needed to read until at least the paragraph was finished. Leon had learned that the hard way. The part of his shoulder Sasha had pinched when he had interrupted him last time still hurt at the memory. “What is it?”

 

“I want you to…”, he squeezed his eyes shut, he knew it would sound stupid, but he also couldn’t bring himself to use the other word. “Make… make love to me.”

 

“Have we not been doing this?”

 

“No…”, Leon turned to face Sasha, propping himself up by his elbow. “You know what I mean.”

 

Sasha took off his glasses, carefully putting them on the floor next to his bed, soon joined by his book.

 

“Are you sure?” Sasha was propped up by a few pillows that were resting against the head of the bed, making him look down at Leon.

 

Leon swallowed hard before answering.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Come…”, Sasha gestured for Leon to come closer, who eagerly followed the prompt. He slipped into his all familiar seat in Sasha’s lap, sighing at the touch. Already Sasha’s hands were trailing soft patterns all over his back and he shuddered, he would miss those hands… but not just that, and suddenly a strange sadness overcame him, so strong he forced himself to kiss Sasha, hoping that would dispel it. As he felt the all too familiar taste of Sasha’s tongue it partially did the trick, erasing all other thoughts from his mind. Something still lingered though…

 

Leon barely noticed the other man fumbling for something next to the bed, too entranced was he in that kiss. He only realized what Sasha was doing when he felt a cold, wet pressure against his ass, making him gasp.

 

“Are you…?”, Sasha started but Leon couldn’t talk right now, afraid of what he might say, might promise. Things that he could never hold up. He simply gave Sasha a curt nod, pushing himself down on his finger.

It wasn’t as bad as he had imagined it to be, though Sasha had gotten him completely relax, to trust him completely, and so he managed to take in the entire finger, letting Sasha slowly stretch him wider. The sensation was odd, but he just knew that he wanted - needed this, and as he managed to calm his breathing, he felt more pressure, another finger added by Sasha. He went even slower this time, while at the same time trailing kisses down Leon’s neck, something he had discovered he like a lot. It was enough to get a moan out of him, and he could feel himself growing hard alongside Sasha. It didn’t take much for them, they were like horny teenagers in that regard.

Sasha stretched Leon open, until he was able to add a third finger, and now Leon was clutching at the other man’s neck, breathing heavily against him, their foreheads almost touching. This was unlike anything he could have imagined, but as soon as he accepted the odd sensation, it did not feel quite as uncomfortable.

 

“Leon…”, Sasha said softly. “Normally, I would but… You have to help me out a little.”

 

Leon simply nodded in return, gasping as Sasha removed his fingers from inside him, to coat his own length with lube.

 

“Just take your time, Leon.”

 

As Sasha was unable to move, Leon lifted himself up, aligning himself with his cock. He took a deep breath, trying not to let the guilt that was threatening to overcome him ruin this moment. Ever so slowly he lowered himself onto Sasha, eyes closed as he concentrated on that sensation of being filled up like that. Despite the other man’s protests he simply kept going, lowered himself until Sasha was completely inside of him.

Leon opened his eyes, his chest rising and falling quickly. Looking at Sasha, he saw his own state of mind mirrored, happiness and sadness mixing into a bittersweet emotion. As if on cue they both leaned in to kiss once more, no rough, hurried kisses as they had shared so much, this was slow and meaningful. Leon started to move his hips, up and down, slowly at first, still getting used to this, but soon he was picking up speed. His kisses turned sloppier, until finally he had to pull away, his fast rhythm not allowing him to reach Sasha’s lips. Because this, this felt _amazing_. Every nerve in Leon’s body was on fire, sending pleasure into every fibre of his being.

And then suddenly it felt like sparks were going off… everywhere, and he had to stop for a moment, moaning and gasping against Sasha, who he barely noticed was grinning at him.

 

“Found it, have you?”

 

Leon was incapable of answering, though he finally realized what Sasha meant. As soon as he had gathered himself enough he was moving again, moving with increasing speed, hitting that sweet spot more and more, their moans getting louder, though none of them cared.

At some point Leon felt Sasha grasp his erection, pumping him in time with his movements, and if he had thought it couldn’t get better before, this certainly proved him wrong. He couldn’t manage a warning for Sasha, only dragged his nails over his back as he came all over the other man’s chest.

He had stopped moving but some of his muscles were out of his control, and soon he felt a wetness spreading inside of him, warm, filling him up even more. He watched Sasha through his orgasm, not getting enough of that blissful expression on his face.

 

Though they were both spent, Leon did not move, did not want to lose that feeling of Sasha inside of him. Because it also meant that this was over. This life, where he did not need to fight for his survival, this life where he was happy… it had to end. For a split second Leon thought he could throw it all away, lose all ties to the government, stop fighting those…-

No. There was no way.

 

“I… I’ll just take a quick shower, okay?”, Leon finally broke the silence that had settled between them. “I’ll be right back and then you’ll let me be the big spoon for once, okay?”

 

That made Sasha smile, though Leon could tell he wasn’t entirely convinced by his light joke.

 

“Okay. Just this once. Hurry, okay?”

 

Leon nodded, slowly getting up. Though he now felt some pain, he hated the fact that he had to move at all more.

Contrary to what he had said, he took his time taking a shower, afterwards gathering all of his things that quickly had made their way from his hotel to Sasha’s apartment.

As he had hoped, and simultaneously dreaded, Sasha was already asleep when he returned to the bedroom. This was his chance. If he were awake, Leon knew he would stay, and that simply wasn’t an option.

 

Once more he walked through the apartment, making sure he had everything he needed, but also trying to still commit everything he could to memory. The kitchen they had rarely used, the couch where they had first been together, the floor they had once ended up on because the bedroom had simply been too far.

The bedroom…

In his sleep Sasha looked peaceful, happy… When he closed his eyes Leon could still feel his skin against his own, the warmth of his body.

 

He didn’t dare to go inside. Afraid that one last kiss goodbye would be his breaking point, or that Sasha would wake up and try to stop him from leaving. Right now he didn’t know if he had the willpower to say no.

Leon took the money Sasha had given him for the home improvements out of his bag, putting it onto the kitchen table where he would be sure to find it. From a drawer he gathered a piece of paper and a pen so he could write a note, though he knew any words he could come up with would be inadequate.

What had happened that made this so hard on him? There had been clear rules from the beginning, five days, nothing more. It had to be the fact that Leon barely let himself get involved with anyone, that it had been so long for him. Yes, surely that was it. Which meant, this would pass.

 

It was five in the morning when Leon finally left the apartment. Closing that door one of the hardest things he ever had to do. He told himself it was ridiculous. They had spent a week together, there was no way it was enough to fall in love.

 

_I’m not_ , he told himself. _I’m not in love_.

 

On cue, his phone started to ring. Taking a deep breath, he answered it.

 

“Hunnigan.”

 

“Your flight leaves in an hour. Something came up, you need to go to Brazil.” Though her voice was as matter-of-fact as always, Leon knew the small changes in it to realize this was serious.

 

“On my way.”

 

Leon thought about that note for the remainder of his flight. He had wanted to write a million pages, but in the end, he had barely managed one.

 

_It’s better this way._

_I’m sorry._

_ Leon.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leon is a dweeb who can't say "fuck me" 
> 
> And now the title finally makes sense.


	7. Chapter 7

Sasha glanced at his calendar. June 30th. Two days since the school holidays had started, and he was already turning back into his old self. His old self that didn’t smile, didn’t go out, only focused on what he had lost instead of what he had gained.

No, scratch that, July 1st, he corrected himself as he saw the clock strike midnight. That also meant two years and four months had passed since Leon had left.

It hadn’t all been bad but…

 

He had tried so hard to stay the person he had become when Leon had been with him - smiling, laughing, happy… The man had had such an amazing effect on him, though he couldn’t say why. Had he not been there to keep him company in the hospital, things might have turned out very differently.

It had been hard all on his own, after Leon was gone, the loneliness only interrupted when his mother managed to visit. There was just no one else left and he was regularly reminded of it.

 

 Sasha had gotten a lot better after starting to work again. He quickly remembered why he had become a teacher in the first place, and it soon brought new life into him. Question from his students about the flask he always carried with him on his wheelchair were always brushed off however. Luckily small children were easily distracted.

 

 That didn’t mean he was happy though.

Since he started his therapy he knew he had made progress, but he would still end up in bad places. Drinking until he passed out, though that had been rare after he woke up in his own vomit, when he had not been able to get to the bathroom in time. He broke down when the memories of his losses became too much and he still regularly woke up from nightmares. They always differed though, he had enough material to last him a lifetime. But this way he couldn’t even get used to them, there was a new horror his mind came up with each time.

 

And then he remembered that time Leon had been here.

 

They had both known that it would be something fleeting, the distance between them alone would make it incredibly hard for a proper relationship. But as it turned out, it wasn’t as easy for Sasha to forget about Leon as he had told himself it would be. As he needed it to be.

Even after making new friends, and starting to actually live his life once more, there were still moments - a smell, a place, things that might be totally unrelated - where he’d remember Leon. Even now, two years later. Two years and four months.

 

It was hard to get over someone when they didn’t even give you a proper goodbye.

 

Sasha had been angry at that note at first, furious to wake up to an empty bed and that note, when he had hoped for a goodbye at the airport, anything but this. But after a while he understood. Had he been awake, had Leon come back into the bedroom to kiss him goodbye, he would have started to beg for him to stay.

And if he had done that…

New threats would always arise, and if Leon wasn’t there to fight them, Sasha knew he’d be unhappy. That wasn’t what he wanted either. He wasn’t that selfish.

Though he also couldn’t bring himself to look for someone new. Sasha always declined any offers from friends to set him up, he always told himself he needed more time, or that he didn’t like blind dates, it was easy to come up with excuses. Not that he had many offers... people didn’t exactly line up to date a cripple.

 Sometimes he hated it.

Of course he was grateful to Leon for saving his life, stopping him from turning into a monster, but there were still days when he’d give anything to just be… normal again. He’d been told by his therapist it was perfectly normal to feel that way, but it didn’t exactly help, didn’t give him back his ability to walk.  

 

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.

 

Who would that be? At this hour? Maybe there was an emergency…

Suddenly he was on edge. He didn’t get a lot of visitors. Just in case he checked that the knife hidden in his wheelchair was still within reach. He may be a teacher now but he wasn’t stupid.

 

Sasha wheeled himself towards the door, not bothering to check who was there before opening it, hand ready to reach for the knife. As he looked up at the person standing there, his stomach dropped along with his hand.  

 

“I… I don’t know why I’m here”, Leon said, voice small, almost cracking on the last word.  

 

He looked terrible. The blue shirt he was wearing was torn in multiple places, revealing cuts all over his skin. His black vest, as well as the shirt were covered in stains that suspiciously looked like blood - and Sasha knew, he had seen enough of that himself.

There was dirt all over him, his clothes, face, even his hair - which was dishevelled, for the first time Sasha had ever seen.

 

Leon’s hands were shaking.

 

“Oh god…”, Sasha was still staring at the state Leon was in. He couldn’t comprehend that he was even here, but he was here, _like this_. “Come in!”

 

He made room for Leon to enter, who did so in an almost mechanical way, letting himself drop onto the couch. Sasha closed the door and moved closer.

 

“What happened?”, he asked, gently putting his hand on Leon’s knee.

 

“I was in the neighborhood.” Leon glanced at Sasha’s hand, but otherwise didn’t move.

 

Sasha noticed he was still in full gear, guns, knives, and everything. Something was very wrong.

 

“Really? Where? I didn’t hear of anything happening here…” Sasha was trying to think, if there was something nearby, did he have to get out of here? Though if Leon had been involved, surely it was dealt with by now.

 

“Well…”, Leon looked at Sasha with an expression that hurt. His eyes were unfocused, empty. “China.”

 

“China?”, a second passed as Sasha realized what that implied. “I saw on the news. The outbreak… you were there?”

 

_And flew all the way to my apartment afterwards._

 

They had bombed the city, hadn’t they? It had been completely infected, just like Raccoon City. Leon had told him about that.

 

“Yeah…”, Leon’s eyes slightly focused, like he had realized something. “Fuck, it’s really late. I should leave…”

 

He almost got up but Sasha pushed him down.

 

“You are _not_ leaving. Wait here.” Sasha hurried to get his first aid kit, though as he got back to Leon, he saw it hadn’t been necessary. He was simply sitting there, staring into empty space. Sasha wanted to cry seeing him like this, but that wouldn’t help. He could do this, he could help Leon for a change.

 

“Sit up”, he ordered, and Leon did, leaning slightly forward so Sasha could reach him. Carefully he started to undress the other man, starting with his gloves, and he saw that there was still blood under his fingernails.

Ignoring that for now, he helped Leon shrug out of his weapon holster before removing his vest, and finally his shirt. Revealing Leon’s torso made him take in a sharp breath. His entire right side, including the shoulder, was black and blue, like he had fallen onto it from a great height. Sasha couldn’t even see how far down it went.

 

“Fuck…”, he muttered. He saw this, now, after one incident. Who knew how many times Leon had gotten hurt in those two years? Had there been someone to help him? The thought hurt something deep inside him, made him want to protect him though he knew he couldn’t. He was useless now.

 

Sasha started to carefully inspect Leon for wounds that perhaps needed stitching, or otherwise more attention, but it seemed he had been lucky, most of them were shallow cuts. He took out a cold spray for the gigantic bruise though. Leon barely winced when he applied it.

 

“Leon…?”, Sasha asked softly. Leon turned, barely focusing on him. “Do you think you can manage to take a shower?”

 

Leon blinked for a second longer than was normal, and suddenly, he was yawning. But he nodded.

 

“Leon, when was the last time you have slept?” Only now did Sasha notice the bags under Leon’s eyes, partially covered by dirt. There was a bruise on his cheekbone too, which was starting to turn purple.

 

“I don’t… Two days ago, I think”, he was pulling himself up by Sasha’s chair, evidently not very secure on his own feet.

 

Sasha decided he couldn’t let him out of his sight, not when he was like this, so he guided Leon into the bathroom, staying just inside the doorway as he watched him get rid of the rest of his clothes. He could feel a painful pulling sensation in his chest when he finally saw how far down the bruise on Leon’s body actually went. He’d be in pain for a long while…

Watching Leon move so slowly, barely in control of his own movements was painful. Seeing the dirt and blood wash off of him even more so. But while he was at his worst, his sleep deprived brain had brought him here, to Sasha. _What did that mean?_

 

Towelling himself dry did take quite some time for Leon, and Sasha had to help wrapping the towel around his hips to secure it there. He led Leon into the bedroom, prompting him to sit down on the bed. He turned to get some underwear out of his closet, they were roughly the same size so it would be fine.

When he turned back to Leon, he grabbed Sasha’s hand, looking at him with so much… sadness.

 

“I’m sorry…”, he said, the crack in his voice almost enough to make Sasha break down. But not tonight, not when he was needed.

 

“There is no need”, Sasha pressed the underwear in Leon’s hand. He simply needed sleep. They could talk in the morning. “Put these on. And then lie down. You are sleep deprived.”

 

Sasha could actually see how much effort it took Leon to stand up once more, and when he had finally put on the underwear, he was almost crawling into the bed. Even Sasha managed that more gracefully.

As he turned off the lights, Sasha could hear Leon sigh, could feel him move closer, and it was an instinct he had apparently never lost to slide his arm around the other man. Leon was still barely propped up on his elbow, leaning in closer for a kiss. It was messy, but the sweetest thing Sasha had tasted in two years.

 

“I missed you so much…”, Leon whispered as his strength finally gave out and he slid down. As soon as his head hit Sasha’s chest, he was out like a light.

 

“I have missed you too”, Sasha replied, though he knew he wouldn’t be heard.

 

He stayed up a while longer, watching Leon’s chest rise and fall, listening to his even breathing. Though he of course wished the circumstances were different, the fact remained, Leon was here. In his apartment. In his arms.

And he had kissed him.

 

Though Sasha supposed in the state he was in, Leon wasn’t quite responsible for his actions. After all, nothing had changed, hadn’t it? Watching Leon like this made Sasha wonder… all the pain he had been through during the last two years, trying to get over him, was it really worth it? He evidently wasn’t the only one still thinking about the other, Leon’s presence here showed that.

 

Sasha shook his head.

 

He was tired, too, his brain was making up ridiculous scenarios in which this could work. But it wasn’t realistic. They lived thousands of miles apart. He was a teacher, and paralyzed. What did he have to offer?  

 

He decided to clear his mind of these thoughts. Whatever this meant, it could wait until tomorrow. For now he would simply enjoy feeling Leon’s warmth against him, though he wished there was something he could do about that bruise… A man who risked his life for the world didn’t deserve to be in pain like this.

 

Sasha let his hand brush through Leon’s hair… Tomorrow. They would all figure this out tomorrow.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a little while since I played RE6, I vaguely remember Leon getting hurt, falling, so I just made that bruise up. Artistic freedom or whatever.


	8. Chapter 8

Leon had had this dream many times. He was back in Sasha’s apartment, the sun was slowly rising, warming up the room, he could feel it start to erase the numbness from his limbs. Sasha had his arm around him, only this time it felt so much more real. The warmth of his skin, the rise and fall of his chest, his breath tickling the top of his head…

 

He heard his phone ringing - Hunnigan - and he groaned. He was still so, so tired. He felt weak, drained. She could just let him let him have one day, he’d even be happy about one more hour, anything, really. He felt like a little kid again, _just five more minutes_.

He didn’t want the dream to end, either… This was his happy place, the one place he felt safe.  

 

As he fumbled around next to him, he found nothing but sheets… sheets that didn’t feel familiar. And he realized that his side hurt…very much so.  

Slowly he blinked his eyes open, focusing them on the ceiling… the ceiling that was definitely not his, though it looked vaguely familiar. When he realized why he rushed to sit up, the pain in his side intensifying, making him look down at it. He was only wearing boxers - not his own - and his entire right side was just one giant bruise.

 

“Leon…?”

 

That voice…

 

He suddenly remembered flashes from last night. The outbreak, the underground lab, their race to China to stop Simmons, his frantic need to find a flight to Eastern Slav, Hunnigan almost yelling at him to explain himself.

The memory of the flight itself was fuzzy, like he had been drinking and had been completely out of it during that time. He had never experienced anything like it.

 

Slowly he turned around, just in time to see Sasha dragging himself up so his back was resting against the head of the bed, an image that was just all too familiar. He had really done it. Had flown all the way out here.

 

Leon reached up to touch his own lips. He had kissed him. After that everything had gone dark.

 

“How do you feel?”, Sasha asked, only concern clear on his face. No anger, nothing of what Leon would expect to be there after the way he had left. After not contacting him for two years and four months. If he wanted to he could tell the weeks and days too...

 

“I’m… okay.” His voice was raspy, when had he last had something to drink?

 

As if nothing had changed between them, Sasha simply rolled his eyes. If he wasn’t so tired and confused, Leon might have smiled.

 

“I saw you last night. You are not okay.”

 

Before Leon could protest, his phone started to ring once more. It sounded far away, and he vaguely remembered taking of his clothes somewhere else… Wincing in pain, he got up to search for it, managing to take the call in time.

 

“Leon. What the hell?”, Hunnigan’s voice was partly angry, partly worried, mostly angry though.

 

“I’m sorry. Can you give me time? Please? I can’t...”, he stopped himself before his voice started to crack. He had no energy for this.

Time. He needed time.

 

The video feed showed Hunnigan chew on her lower lip for a moment. She was one of the few friends Leon had, and she knew something was wrong, though it was also clear to her she shouldn’t push. Leon never had been a very open person.

 

“Helena has already reported back in, if you send in your report, I can give you a week before you have to come back. Things are bad, Leon.”

 

“That’s all I need. Thanks, Hunnigan.” He cut the call. He couldn’t answer any questions she might have, she’d drill him once he got back anyway. And Helena… what would she think of him now. Simply vanishing like this. She was the one who had lost much, much more than he had.

 

Leon glanced up to see himself in the mirror. The bags under his eyes were still clearly visible, and there was a bruise on his cheek as well, but what was more important to him right now was the toothbrush that was on the sink. _Still_ on the sink. The one he had bought two years ago. It still had the little “L” on it that Sasha had drawn so they wouldn’t mix them up. Something in his chest constricted, and he had to lean against the wall, eyes closed, trying to calm down.

 

Maybe he hadn’t been the only one who still thought about the other after all this time.

 

While he was already in the bathroom he quickly brushed his teeth, drinking some of the tap water before returning to the bedroom. Sasha was looking up at him, worried.

 

“Do you want to talk?”, he asked, gesturing for Leon to come closer. He gladly complied, sliding back under the covers. As long as he stayed on his left side, he wasn’t in too much pain.

 

Before he knew it Leon was recounting everything that had happened over the past two days to Sasha. The outbreak in Tall Oaks that killed the President, Helena’s involvement, quickly flying to China, Simmons’ betrayal and inevitable demise.

While he was moving, fighting, adrenaline pumping through him, these things never bothered him. And while he had been better at processing all the blood and gore, things still got tough for him sometimes. Usually he would call Claire, but for some reason, two years later, he simply _had_ to see Sasha. He left out that last part when he told his story.

 

Sasha had been listening patiently, his hand softly resting over Leon’s, the touch soothing to him in a way he couldn’t describe.

 

“I’m glad you survived”, he finally said when Leon had finished his story.

 

“But the President didn’t… my job and I fail-”

 

Sasha pushed himself up, taking Leon’s head in his hands, forcing him to look at the other man.

 

“You _did not fail_. It was out of your control.” Sasha was looking at him in a way that told Leon he knew exactly how he felt. Had needed to hear those exact same words at some point in his life too, and that he meant them. But still... _“It was not your fault.”_

Leon closed his eyes, his friend, one of the few friends he had, was dead. He had to watch it happen, and shoot the risen corpse.

A tear threatened to roll down his cheek, and suddenly Sasha was pulling him closer, enveloping him in a hug. Instinctively Leon wrapped his arms around him, clutching at his shirt. They stayed like that for a while, as Leon tried to fight back the tears.

 

“Let me make you some breakfast”, Sasha suggested once Leon’s breathing had stopped hitching. “You are only skin and bones.”

 

Leon chuckled against his chest, the touch had already made him feel better, and he was amazed that one person could have such an effect on him. He did realize that in addition to having been sleep deprived, he hadn’t exactly had a chance to eat either. His stomach rumbled in response.

 

“I think that is my answer”, Sasha said. He leaned back to look at Leon, his thumb brushing over his cheek in a soothing way. “Take some of my clothes, I will be right back.”

 

Leon was impressed by how quickly Sasha now managed to maneuver himself from the bed into his wheelchair. But then he did have two years to practice it.

He watched Sasha roll out of the room and he sat up, brushing his hands through his own hair. He needed a moment before he could get up.

What was he doing? He had tried so hard, for over two years, to get over Sasha, and just because he was needy he was going to throw this away? Nothing had changed, but he couldn’t deny how good it felt to feel Sasha’s skin against his own once more…

 

He took a deep breath, finally standing up to randomly chose a shirt from Sasha’s closet. He did notice however that all of his pants were just a little bit too short. But he didn’t plan on leaving the apartment today, so boxers it would be. Not like Sasha had never seen him like this.

 

Already delicious smells were coming from the kitchen, and Leon made his way out of the bedroom. He noticed that there was a lot more furniture here now, a coffee table, more chairs, actual decoration and clutter, with paintings on the walls, new curtains and more. There even was an entire wall dedicated to polaroid pictures of many different people, apparently Sasha was creative too.

Leon noticed Sasha’s mother in a few of them, some of them seemed to have been taken in a school.

So he had gotten back into teaching…

 

That was good. He was living his life.

 

Though Leon did notice that none of those pictures seemed to be in a romantic setting. He was actually relieved, and immediately felt ashamed for it. Why should he hold Sasha back? He had no right to it.

 

“I hope you like pancakes”, Leon heard Sasha call from the kitchen. When he turned around he saw him wheeling himself inside, a tray draped across the wheelchair armrests. Clever.

 

“Love them”, he said as he sat down, his stomach rumbling again.

 

“That’s the shirt you picked?”, Sasha pointed at it, his grin widening.

 

“I just took the first… oh.” He looked down at said shirt, realizing it was covered in smiling cartoon kittens, eyes wide and sparkling. “Why… why do you even have that?”

 

“It was a joke present”, Sasha replied, barely able to contain his laughter. “People always say I am too serious.”

 

“Serious? You?”, Leon was glad that they could easily fall back into their old rhythm. Their banter distracted him from the last two days’ events. “Look at you, you’re giggling like a little girl.”

 

“Well… I am not like this with everyone.” Suddenly this didn’t seem so funny anymore.

 

“Have you…”, Leon hesitated. “Have you been okay?”

 

“It was tough at first”, Leon’s heart almost dropped at those words, but Sasha was smiling. “But I’m okay now. Really.”

 

“I’m glad.” To fill the awkward silence he started to eat. “Oh my god… these are amazing.”

 

“Of course. I made them.”

 

The rest of the meal was filled with light banter, and by the end of it, Leon already felt about a million times better. At least physically, homemade food did wonders to him. Though his right side was a constant, throbbing pain that he supposed he had to get used to for a while.

 

Leon insisted he’d do the washing up, since Sasha had already made the food. He quickly gathered all the dishes, still remembered where everything was, dish soap, towels. Nothing here had changed.

 

“That shirt really suits you”, Sasha commented as he watched Leon dry off the dishes. “You should keep it.”

 

“Wasn’t it a present? That’s kind of rude…” Leon raised an eyebrow at Sasha.

 

“They will never know. I’d rather know that you are wearing it from time to time.”

 

Leon looked down at himself, he must look ridiculous right now, but he couldn’t care less.

 

“All right… but only if I can kiss you.” He sought Sasha’s gaze, not sure where that sort of bravery had come from. It was just too much to be standing here and not be able to do it. “I mean… unless you’re seeing someone, oh god you’re seeing someone.”

So much for that bravery. He couldn’t stop himself from rambling on.

“And I just show up out of nowhere, and I’m wearing your clothes and I- I kissed you I’m so sorry I-”

 

Leon hadn’t even realized Sasha had moved up to him, and suddenly he was being pulled down by his shirt, the next thing he knew was his lips were on Sasha’s.

It was like nothing had changed, it felt just like two years ago and they were still completely in synch. Leon parted his lips, eager to once more taste Sasha completely, and he let out a small moan as he felt his tongue against his own.

Leaning down like this was uncomfortable, and so he slid his knees, one after the other, onto Sasha’s wheelchair, right next to his hips, so he could sit down on the other man’s knees. Immediately Sasha’s hands moved under his shirt, trailing up and down his spine. Leon shuddered, and gasped against Sasha.

 

“You do not have to barter for a kiss”, Sasha whispered. “For you, they are free of charge.”

 

“You know, you’re not really funny either”, Leon said, remembering something Sasha had told him two years ago.

 

“Then why are you laughing?”

 

They were both smiling as they leaned in for another kiss.

 

They were only barely able to separate themselves long enough to throw Leon’s clothes in the washing machine, Sasha adding a generous helping of disinfectant to it.

As Leon had made a split-second decision in coming here, he hadn’t brought anything, and since Sasha’s pants were too short for him, they had to wait.

Though they certainly knew how to fill the time. Two years was a long time without any human touch… At least not a touch like this.

 

Leon was too afraid to ask if Sasha had been with someone else while they had had their falling out. He simply didn’t. They also didn’t discuss why Leon had come, or what it meant, not that Leon could have said. For the moment, they were simply too wrapped up in each other to be bothered by it. There was still time.

 

This week might be good after all…

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. You guys.  
> Seriously. You have no idea how much your comments and kudos mean to me, I would have never expected this kind of response.  
> Thank you so much, I mean it!


	9. Chapter 9

It was the third night Leon had spent at Sasha’s place.

 

The third night he had woken up from his nightmare. The zombies, the city on fire, the terrible things Simmons had turned into… him shooting his friend’s walking corpse. All mashed up together in one horrible scenario.

 

Leon sharply sat up after being woken once more by those memories, his side still a throbbing pain. His bare torso was covered in sweat, and a cool breeze came in through the window, making him shiver.

Why did the days have to be so sweet, and the nights so terrible?

 

He could deal with nightmares, but now… now they were different. They were too real, and he didn’t understand why.

Maybe because he had failed. Failed to protect the one person he should have never let come to harm.

 

Behind him he could feel Sasha stirring. It wasn’t enough that he had to go through this, he also had to bother Sasha with it, who he knew didn’t deserve it. Not after all he had gone through, and Leon’s own part in paralyzing him, the way he had left and returning like this out of the blue. He still felt guilty, and now there was even more on his conscience.

He pulled up his knees so he could let his head rest on them. After three nights, he felt so incredibly exhausted. Just one more hour…

 

Leon felt the bed dip, and he knew Sasha was pushing himself up into a sitting position. He still sometimes had the urge to help, though he knew full well that Sasha was pretty much able to do everything himself. Guilt was most likely motivating him, he wasn’t sure he could ever quite get over what he had done.

 

Shortly after this he felt Sasha’s arms wrap around him, and he pulled himself closer, his chest touching Leon’s back, though still careful not to put too much pressure on the bruise.

 

“Another nightmare”, it wasn’t a question, it was a statement. Even though they had spent such little time with each other, he understood. Leon suspected he had gone through something similar during the civil war, perhaps after it too. And Leon had never noticed. He brushed his hand through his hair in frustration. He was so selfish.

 

“It will pass. I am here”, Sasha said, before pressing a kiss on Leon’s shoulder. It was what he always said. Those small words always managed to erase some of the tension from Leon’s body, and he sighed.

 

“I’m sorry…”, Leon apologized for the third time, earning another annoyed huff from the other man.

 

“Don’t apologize”, Sasha said. Leon could almost predict their conversation.

 

This, now, was the part where they went silent again, and Sasha slowly started to rub his back. It was such a simple thing, something a mother would do… but it helped more than Leon could say. His breathing calmed and slowly but surely the horrible images faded from his mind. As much as they could, anyway.

 

“Do you want to try sleeping again?”, Sasha asked after a while.

 

“I don’t think I can…”, Leon hated to admit it. He had tried the other nights, but he was so tired of seeing it. And he was tired. Period. “But please go back to sleep.”

 

“Not a chance”, Sasha replied, his tone not allowing any talking back from him. Leon had already learned that. Fighting monsters was one thing, but talking back to Sasha? Not a chance. “Let us get dressed, I know what we can do.”

 

Curious, but too tired to inquire what he meant, Leon complied. He slowly got dressed in clothes that they had to buy, as Leon had arrived here with nothing but what he had been wearing at the time.

Sasha managed to dress himself more quickly than Leon, and he was impatiently waiting for him at the door. Leon’s tired brain realized it too late, and before he had a chance to apologize Sasha was already ushering him out the door.

 

It was still pitch black outside. As big as the city was, at this hour, it was silent. The only sounds were the wheels of Sasha’s wheelchair on the cobblestones, and Leon’s footsteps hurrying after him.

 

“Come on, we will miss it”, Sasha called when Leon started to fall back. How was he faster than him?

 

Sasha led them through twisting alleys, and after ten minutes Leon would already not be able to find his way back if his life depended on it. The one thing he did notice that they were steadily climbing up.

Leon couldn’t tell how much time had passed since they left the apartment, but he started to get out of breath. Something that rarely happened, though he blamed his lack of sleep, and the incredible speed Sasha managed to come up with.

He was already quite a bit ahead of Leon, and now he was waiting atop a small hill, stone road gradually making way for its grassy top.

Taking a deep breath, Leon gathered his strength and walked after Sasha, and when he finally caught up with him, he had to gasp, speechless.

 

“We have made it just in time”, Sasha said, taking Leon’s hand in his.

 

Sasha had led them to the one hill that let them see almost across the entire city. And in the distance, just behind the mountains that framed the city, the sun was starting to rise.

 

It was the single, most ridiculously romantic thing Leon had ever experienced.

 

“Wow…”, was all he managed to say.

 

As they watched the sun rise, it started to lighten up the city’s buildings, revealing its red rooftops, the light reflecting off of its churches. Slowly Leon’s breathing calmed, and as the sun hit them, warming them up, he finally felt peaceful again.

 

They remained like that in silence, just watching, holding hands.

 

When the sun had finally risen, and Leon could tear himself away from the sight, he kneeled in front of Sasha.

 

“Thank you”, he said, leaning in to kiss him, slowly and thoroughly.

 

“You are most welcome”, Sasha replied when he finally pulled away. “How about some breakfast now? You look like you need some coffee.”

 

“Well thank you”, Leon chuckled. “You look very handsome too.”

 

Sasha smiled, brushing his thumb over Leon’s cheek, and letting his hand rest there.

 

“You are always handsome. Even with bags under your eyes.”

 

Leon couldn’t stop the heat from rising into his cheeks again. He rarely got compliments like that.

 

“Do you know a super secret café too?”, Leon tried to distract from his silly reaction. “I mean this place… it’s amazing.”

 

“I am glad you think so”, Sasha started to turn his wheelchair around. “And yes, there is a place. Follow me.”

 

And so once more Leon followed Sasha as they made their way down the hill, through the streets they had come. Though Leon was pretty lost at this point, Sasha only made it worse by taking, as far as he could tell, different turns than before.

After another eternity - at least that’s what it felt like to Leon - they ended up in a small alley, the only building that was already alight was a small café. A man was just carrying a table outside, making the alley even narrower. As he noticed them he waved to Sasha. They greeted each other, and Leon could tell he frequented this place, as the man removed one of the chairs to make room for him.

 

“This is Dominik”, Sasha told Leon, and he shook his hand. Sasha proceeded to say something to Dominik, and though Leon couldn’t understand, his sharp wits told him he was being introduced, as his name came up somewhere in that sentence.

 

“Ah, American?”, Dominik asked, apparently that was the only English word he knew.

 

Leon nodded before joining Sasha at the table outside the café. It was a beautiful place, the sun already warming up the alley. He really noticed his lack of sleep now though, and he slid down in his seat, letting his head rest against the back of his wicker chair.

 

_A wicker chair_ , he thought, _incredible, you don’t get those anymore…_

 

“You are feeling right at home, yes?”, he heard Sasha say though he only managed to reply with a sort of grumbling noise, earning a small laugh from the other man. “Maybe you should take a nap at home, instead of drinking coffee now.”

 

_At home._

 

It almost sounded like it was _their_ home. Leon liked the thought, but quickly pushed it out of his mind.

 

“No”, he forced himself to open his eyes and sit up again. “Maybe if I’m really tired tonight I’ll be able to sleep. Without dreams.”

 

“That might work”, Sasha said. “And you’re in luck, Dominik makes the best coffee in the city. And the best breakfast.”

 

“You’re spoiling me”, Leon said, grinning.

 

“I like spoiling you”, Sasha reached over to take Leon’s hand in his. Holding hands over a table, another ridiculously romantic first for Leon. “And you deserve to be spoiled.”

 

“I’m not so sure about that…” Leon averted his gaze. Despite what Sasha had said, he still felt like a failure.

 

“You went through something traumatic. You deserve to take some time off.”

 

It was like Sasha could read his mind. Leon had never considered himself easily read by others, and yet Sasha knew almost exactly what he was thinking. He did feel guilty about taking time off after the incidents in Tall Oaks and China, but he just… couldn’t.

Couldn’t go back yet, and he wasn’t even sure if he’d have the energy for it now.

 

Soon enough Dominik came out to bring them their coffee. Leon hadn’t noticed Sasha ordering, maybe he had missed it, maybe the owner simply assumed Leon would take what Sasha had. He certainly didn’t mind, quickly adding milk and sugar to his coffee before drinking it.

 

“Fuck…”, Leon said after his first sip. “This really is amazing coffee.”

 

Sasha was simply smiling, drinking from his own cup.

 

“What?”, that smile was somehow different, like he knew something Leon didn’t.

 

“You are just… cute.”

 

“Shut up I’m not…”, Leon really couldn’t handle compliments. At least not about his appearance. And besides… cute? “I kill monsters for a living, I’m a government agent, I’m not cute.”

 

“Well when you do that, you are hot”, Sasha clarified, the comment making Leon’s ears burn. “But like this… you are very cute. Sorry if you think that ruins your reputation.”

 

For a split second he had to imagine Saddler, gross tentacles, extra eyes and everything, cooing over him like an adorable baby, but he shook his head, trying to get rid of the ridiculous thought. He was definitely sleep deprived…

Thankfully at that moment the proprietor of the café brought out their breakfast. Two plates with different kinds of sausages and cheeses that Leon had never seen before, some hard boiled eggs, cut in half and decorated with mayonnaise. In the middle of the table Dominik placed a basket with dark rye bread, something Leon rarely saw in the States.

He said something so Sasha, who replied with an embarrassed smile, before he went back inside.

 

“What did he… er… say?”, Leon asked, already taking a slice of bread, not quite sure what he should eat first. Just now he noticed how hungry he really was.

 

“He just complimented me on my _cute_ … boyfriend”, Sasha hesitated before saying the last word, and Leon understood. They’d never exactly talked about it, hadn’t even spent enough time together to call each other this… had they?

 

“I told him you are not my boyfriend”, Sasha added, and Leon couldn’t help but feel a little twinge of disappointment. This was just a… fling. Nothing more.

 

“I see… I guess I am cute then.” Leon started to try out the different sausages and cheeses, marvelling at every one of them.

 

“I know this is amazing, but what the hell do you eat at home if you are so impressed by this?”, Sasha actually looked genuinely concerned. Like he was about to fly over and start cooking ‘proper’ meals so Leon wouldn’t starve and eat healthy. Though Leon wouldn’t exactly have minded that happening…

 

“Take out… mostly”, Leon admitted. “I’m not a good cook. Hunnigan tried to teach me a bit, but even she said I was hopeless.”

 

“Hunnigan… the woman on the phone?” Sasha was helping himself now as well, evidently he was used to this amazing food.

 

“Yes. She’s my handler. And one of the few friends I have. We sometimes go drinking after work, she uh… actually nevermind.”

 

“What?”, Sasha was grinning, he could detect an embarrassing story it seemed. “I want to know.”

 

“Well she… tries to get me to talk to girls. Or anyone, really… But I uhm…”, he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. “I’m not very good at… flirting. It doesn’t help that I can only do it when I’m drunk.”

 

Leon could tell how hard Sasha tried not to laugh.

 

“You… bad at flirting?”, Sasha asked, his grin widening. Leon already felt embarrassed again, but his smile made it feel not so bad. “I cannot even imagine that that is true.”

 

Leon decided to play along.

 

“I know it’s very hard to believe, considering my cool, steely exterior.”

 

At that point Sasha finally lost it. His laughter shook him so hard he dropped the piece of bread he was still holding onto his plate. Leon couldn’t help but join in, the other man’s laughter simply infectious.

_I’m not the only one who’s cute_ , he thought.

 

Leon could see that Sasha was trying to calm himself down, with only moderate success. He was able to stop, just to start up again.

 

“I’m glad my inability to flirt amuses you”, Leon said when he thought Sasha had calmed down enough. “I’m hurt, _deeply_ hurt.”

 

“I am sorry, I just…”, Sasha wiped away a tear. “Just had to imagine it…”

 

“Won you over, didn’t I?”

 

“I would not exactly call it that”, Sasha said. “If I remember correctly _I_ had to convince _you_.”

 

“Or maybe it was all an elaborate ruse to make you want me even more.”

 

Sasha chuckled again but managed to stop himself from going into another laughing fit.

 

“Well if it was, it worked”, he finally said. They both went quiet.

 

_Worked?_

 

Leon was still not sure what this was, but it dawned on him that Sasha had been thinking about him too.

Two years and four months and yet here they were.

 

“You know, there is a nice bar quite close to my apartment”, Sasha said after a while.

 

“Oh no. No. I am not going to try flirting for your amusement.”

 

“Of course not”, Sasha said, laughing. “But getting a drink might be nice. I’ll show you all of my country’s specialties.”

 

“Well that”, Leon hesitated, there wasn’t anything speaking against it. “That does sound nice.”

 

“But maybe tomorrow. After you’ve hopefully had a good night’s sleep.”

 

Sasha was looking worried again, and Leon dreaded looking into any kind of reflective surface. Of course that was when he realized they had been sitting next to the café’s glass front, and he saw himself in it.

It was even worse than he had imagined. Just below his shirt’s sleeve, and its collar, the bruise he had gotten from the fall in China was visible. The bags under his eyes were an ugly color, as bad as the bruise on his cheekbone. He wondered how Sasha could call him handsome or cute when he looked like this.

At least his hair was fine. He never did anything with it, but it always managed to be just the way he wanted it, not that he really cared about something like this. He hadn’t changed his hairstyle in probably fifteen years.

Sasha had once called it his ‘magic hair’ when he had tried to mess it up but it always ended up perfect again. Maybe it was something in his genes.

 

“Hey…”, Leon only vaguely heard Sasha’s voice, tearing him away from his reflection. “You’ll be much better tomorrow, do not worry about it.”

 

“Yeah, you’re probably right”, Leon brushed his hand through his hair. It immediately fell back into place.

 

“Glad your hair has recovered.” Sasha was smiling as he watched the sun make Leon’s hair shine.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well when you… arrived”, Sasha hesitated. Leon didn’t want to remember it either but running from the memory would just make it worse. “Your hair was… all over the place. I have never seen it like that before.”

 

“Not surprising considering all the explosions I was close to. And the helicopter crash…”

 

“ _Helicopter crash_?”, Sasha was shocked, leaning forward, all tense.

 

“Yeah, but that was after the plane crash so I already had some practice.”

 

“Plane…crash...? I am going to have a heart attack”, as if to emphasize his point Sasha clutched at his shirt where his heart would be. Only now did Leon realize he wasn’t joking with his reaction.

 

“But I’m fine”, he reassured Sasha. “I’m here, still in one piece.”

 

“Yes, but how?” Sasha was reaching for Leon’s hand, like he still had to make sure Leon was there.

 

“I had help. I mean Helena was there. It’s not a big deal.”

 

“Leon. It’s a big _fucking_ deal. Why didn’t you mention the _two_ crashes when you told me about this?”, Sasha asked. He looked so worried, and it only now struck Leon that this really was a strange thing to say. He sometimes forgot that other people didn’t do what he did.

 

“Well, technically, there were more… that car crash… oh and that bus in Tall Oaks.”

 

“Leon, please stop”, the expression on Sasha’s face was painful for him to look at. Maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned this… “Please, I can’t know more, or I won’t let you go.”

 

“W-what?”

 

“I’m sorry, I just mean…”, Sasha looked down at their hands. “I know what you do, but still, I did not quite expect _that_. I… I am impressed I have to say.”

 

“Boy do I have some more stories for you then…”, Leon was smiling, trying to make light of the situation.

 

“No no, please, I mean it. No more. Let’s make you have a normal day for once, okay?”

 

Leon brushed his thumb over Sasha’s hand in an attempt to calm him.  

 

“I think I would like that.”

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Though Leon was exhausted, even after his coffee, they continued walking around the city, albeit at a leisurely pace.

Leon pretended to push Sasha from time to time, not because he needed the help, but because he was so tired he needed to lean against the chair for a little while. Sasha also pretended not to notice and graciously accepted the ‘help’.

 

Sasha showed him all his favourite spots, book stores, markets, the school he now worked at which was unfortunately closed due to the holidays. He could simultaneously imagine and not imagine Sasha teaching young children, his view of him always torn between the ruthless freedom fighter and gentle person he now knew. He wished he could see him teach one day, see him work with children.

It felt to Leon like he was showing parts of himself, like he was truly getting to know the other man. Was this what he had been like before? Before the civil war happened, before his fiancé died… Leon really was impressed that Sasha hadn’t turned into a bitter person, that he could be this… happy around him. At least he hoped Sasha was.

 

Sasha had promised Leon a normal day, and he delivered. Leon felt the rest of the tension that was still in him fade away as they planned the meal for that night, home made by Sasha. Though he made Leon promise to help, even after his warnings that basically everything he touched in the kitchen ended up on fire. He wasn’t even kidding, that had actually happened a few times. Just in case there was even a small fire extinguisher in one of the cabinets in his kitchen back in Washington.

 

That night he managed fairly well, though Sasha quickly took the knife away from him when he had almost sliced his hand open with it, sleep deprivation to blame. Instead he was tasked with stirring the Kotlety, apparently a type of traditional meatballs - it seemed Sasha was hell bent on showing off everything his culture had to offer. It was cute, really.

He was so engrossed in his task - he really did not want to mess up what Sasha had made - that he barely registered the flash going off next to him.

 

“What are you doing?”, Leon asked, just barely glancing over.

 

Sasha was holding a polaroid camera, slightly shaking the photo he had just taken.

 

“Taking your picture. You’re going on my wall. And I like candid shots.” Sasha was smiling as he looked at the finished photo, pleased with the result.

 

“Let me look”, Leon demanded.

 

“No you have to stir”, grinning, he left the room, leaving Leon behind who didn’t dare move. Though his mind was already racing. Surely, this didn’t mean anything, right? The people on there… they didn’t necessarily have to be important. The fact that Sasha’s mother was in those pictures was just… no, it was surely nothing.

 

_Stir the meatballs, Leon._

 

Another flash.

 

“Still not satisfied?”, Leon didn’t look away from the pan.

 

“Just making sure I have all your… assets covered.”

 

Now Leon looked at Sasha, whose grin was… not of the innocent variety as he held up a picture of Leon’s ass.

 

“ _Assets_?” Though Leon was pretty sure his ears were already red again, he couldn’t help but laugh. Sasha joined in before putting both camera and picture away and joining Leon at the stove.

He had prepared some vegetables, greens mostly, asparagus, spinach, peas and the like, which he informed Leon weren’t exactly traditional, but he liked them. Leon was excited about pretty much anything that wasn’t leftover Chinese from the place close to Leon’s apartment... He was a regular there, he even got a discount.

Suddenly Sasha was adding something into his pan, there was a flash of fire, startling Leon into dropping his spoon.

 

“Why would you do that??”, he asked, slight panic in his voice as he stepped back, pan with meatballs still in hand.

 

“Just wait until you taste it”, Sasha was grinning up at him and Leon knew he hadn’t warned him on purpose. “Those are done by the way. You can put them on the table.”

 

Leon did as he was told, glad to get out of the death trap called kitchen. Soon enough Sasha followed with the finished vegetables and he had been right, when Leon tried them they were simply amazing. Everything Sasha had made was, and he was sure to tell him. He could see how much he liked compliments about his cooking.

 

“Though I am sure your stirring made all the difference tonight”, Sasha added. Leon was close to flinging a pea at the other man, but it would have been a waste. Instead he ate it, making yummy noises. Sasha just chuckled in reply.

 

After they’d finished the meal and the washing up, Leon was once more hit by how exhausted he was. When he was talking to Sasha he hardly noticed, but there was simply a point where even he couldn’t help it anymore. Of course it wasn’t as bad as it had been after China, but if he could avoid that ever happening again, he would.

Sasha noticed his state - of course he did - and ushered him into the bedroom.

 

“You don’t have to go to bed too you know”, Leon yawned, stretched, and revealed his stomach a little that way. Immediately he felt Sasha’s hand on it, and he opened his eyes to look down at him. Sitting like that he was just in the perfect position to… No. He pushed the thought from his mind.

 

“Nonsense”, he simply said, and though Leon hadn’t said anything about what he was thinking, Sasha was already working on unbuttoning his jeans.

 

“S-Sasha”, he knew it was stupid, still acting like a schoolboy but he couldn’t help it. “You don’t have-”

 

“I want to”, Sasha interrupted, not stopping his movements. “We have to make sure you are thoroughly exhausted so you can sleep.”

 

The smile Leon now received sent all of his blood south.

 

And Sasha managed it, exhausted him even further, but now, now it was in a good way. Leon was spent, but felt glorious when he finally let his head hit his personal Sasha-pillow. Though it hadn’t exactly been necessary, they both somehow ended up naked. Maybe Leon simply wanted to take this chance, since he couldn’t do this with anyone else. Didn’t want to do this with anyone else.

The warmth from Sasha’s body flooded through him, instantly lulling him to sleep. He barely registered that the other man had said something, but when the next morning came he had already forgotten.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A dreamless sleep.

He had managed it. After a dreamless, glorious sleep Leon woke up refreshed, immediately peppering kisses all over Sasha’s chest before slowly moving up. Pressing kisses to his neck, that spot below his ear Sasha liked so much, and finally his lips.

 

“Hm… someone slept well”, Sasha’s hair was mussed, he was still blinking sleepily but grinning.

 

“ _Amazing_ ”, Leon simply said, letting his head rest on Sasha’s chest again, listening to his steady heartbeat. “What’s that?”

 

Leon reached for a pile of polaroid photos that had somehow appeared on the nightstand over the course of the night. They were all… of him. Each focusing on a different part of him, his face, shoulder, his back, apparently he had turned in the night and there was one of his naked ass, making him blush once more. There was even one focusing on his hair. That made him smile, Sasha did have a fascination with it.

 

“I…”, Sasha’s voice was quiet and he looked up at him. He looked a little bit embarrassed. “I could not resist, I do not want to seem… creepy. I’ll get rid of them if you want me to. You are just, well… beautiful.”

 

Leon hid his face in Sasha’s chest for a moment before looking up again.

 

“It’s okay, you can keep them.” Leon didn’t exactly know why, but there was no harm in it, was there? “On one condition.”

 

He sat up, taking the camera in hand. Sasha realized what he was doing and smiled directly at the camera. Leon tried taking a few pictures, all of them turning out great, but he supposed it was the subject making them so.

 

“I think there is only one left”, Sasha said.

 

Leon nodded and laid down next to the other man again, holding the camera at arms length.

 

“Hey…”, he said, prompting Sasha to look at him and he did the same. He was lying a little lower than Sasha, so he was looking up at the other man, his brown eyes with that sharp gaze. That’s when he took the picture.

Together they watched the photo develop. Leon had managed to get them both in it, though he was speechless when it was finally done. In it, Sasha was looking at him with such… _affection_. Leon took a deep breath, it was almost a gasp because there was so much… so much emotion in him at this moment, he could barely contain it. And still he had no idea what any of this was. The one thing he knew was that he cared, a lot. Why else would he have come here again?  

He needed to figure this out, but how?

Maybe talking to Hunnigan once he got back helped. She seemed to know more about him than he himself did.

 

“Leon?”, Sasha’s voice was strange, like he was worried, but Leon didn’t look at him.

 

“You should keep this. It might get lost if I take it with me.”

 

“I will keep it safe. I like it”, Sasha’s hand was brushing though his hair once more. “Though I might… might not put it up on the wall.”

 

Leon understood. This was too intimate, this was just for them.

 

“Well I do hope you don’t plan on putting the picture of my ass there.” That made both of them laugh, Sasha’s movements shaking Leon.

 

“If you ask me it should be in a museum, next to the classics. It’s the most beautiful ass I have ever seen.”

 

“Well…”, Leon’s ears were heating up again. “Yours is… pretty amazing too.”

 

Sasha sighed exaggeratedly.

 

“I know…”

 

They laughed again, Leon’s embarrassment forgotten by now.

 

Their day started slow, and they ended up staying in bed for a few more hours, just talking, kissing, enjoying each other’s company. The rest of the day was spent much like the one before, but Leon didn’t mind. On the contrary, he loved it. Normal, to him, was rare.

 

In the evening Sasha reminded him of the bar he had talked about, and they both dressed up a little, as much as Leon could with the few clothes he had bought here. The best thing he had was a black dress shirt that was a little snug. Sasha had picked that one out, and Leon suspected he had selected that size on purpose.

Sasha on the other hand was wearing a white dress shirt, along with a black tie and vest. Leon was a little speechless when he first saw him. It really looked, well… hot.

 

The walk to the bar was short and Leon was surprised at its high class look, but quickly scolded himself for expecting a sleazy, run down, back alley bar. Sasha wouldn’t bring him to a place like that.

It’s decor was mostly dark wood, the light was a little dimmed and the music wasn’t too loud. Leon had been worried about that, crowded places reminded him a little too much of zombie hordes sometimes. He would just keep thinking about how easy it would be to infect a place like that, and so he was glad it wasn’t the case here.

It was the middle of the week, so they quickly found a free table, though Leon insisted on holding the door open for Sasha, informing him that this was ‘a proper date’ and this was how he would do things.

 

“Does this also mean you’ll pay?”, Sasha grinned at him over the table.

 

“Yes, it does.” There was a candle on the table that the waitress lit before giving both of them a look over and winking at Leon.

 

“I should warn you then that this bar carries 100 year old whiskey.”

 

“Which I can only recommend”, the waitress said in English and Leon felt a little relieved. He did feel a little lost sometimes, but he didn’t want to waste the short amount of time they had on language lessons.

 

“I think we’ll start with some stavlenniy myod, I am showing my friend what we have to offer here”, Sasha said, slightly hesitating on the word ‘friend’.

 

“We have a good one, coming right up.”

 

“So uh, what am I in for here?” These awkward moments kept coming up, and still none of them mentioned it, instead they were almost experts at covering them up.

 

“It is a little like… mead? It is a little strong so you should go easy.”

 

“What makes you think I can’t handle my liquor?”

 

“Well, can you?”, Sasha rested his chin on his hand, smiling.

 

Leon hesitated. “It’s been a while”, he said honestly. “I’m not actually sure.”

 

“Then trust me, and take it easy.”

 

Leon took his advice at first, wincing a little at the strong flavour of the drink. After that Sasha ordered a bunch of different beers, which this bar was apparently famous for, showcasing the almost one hundred different types in the bottom of the bar. They didn’t quite make it through all of them, but before he knew it, Leon was drunk.

Not to the point where he’d pass out, but drunk enough to loosen his tongue and inhibitions.

 

“Look at that woman at the bar”, Sasha leaned over in a conspiratory way. It was hard to tell for Leon but he guessed he was at least a little tipsy as well. “She is checking you out.”

 

Leon turned to look at her, a slim brunette, who was smiling at him and giving a little wave. He did the same without knowing what he was doing before turning back to Sasha.

 

“She looks nice”, he said.

 

“Nice? She’s pretty hot I’d say.” Sasha leaned in even closer. “Maybe you should go talk to her.”

 

“Why would I do that?” Leon was genuinely confused. He didn’t really want to go, why was Sasha suggesting this?

 

“Well you’ve been here twice already, you have not talked to anyone else besides me. You should get to know the locals a little. Maybe you will make a new friend.”

 

Something was different about Sasha’s smile, but Leon couldn’t quite put his finger on it. What he said… sort of made sense. He might as well try.

Without further ado he got up and walked to the women.

 

“Hi I’m Leon”, he said before realizing something. “Oh wait, do you speak English? Damn I don’t speak… do you understand what I’m saying?” The last part of the sentence he said very slowly, as if that would somehow help.

 

“Yes”, the woman laughed. “I do speak English. I am Martha, nice to meet such a handsome American in this place.”

 

_Handsome?_

_Oh no. No no no._

 

Sasha had set him up. This was a flirting thing. Immediately he forgot all of the words the English language had to offer, his mouth went dry and- did his hands get bigger?

 

“Buh”, he managed to get out.

 

“Ex… excuse me?”, she looked a little confused, but this was still salvageable, right?

 

_Just say you forgot something and go kill Sasha._

 

“I uh, do you… do you like your drink?”

 

What the hell was he doing?

 

“Yes”, she was smiling again, that was at least something. “It’s just a martini but I like the classics.”

 

“Did you know that martinis should be stirred and not shaken, unlike the way James Bond always requests them?”

 

“That’s… interesting.”

 

It wasn’t.

 

Leon was so bad at this. The seconds ticked by ever so slowly, and the most awkward of silences settled between them.

 

“I… I think I forgot something at my table.” Leon wanted to die. Or kill Sasha. Or both. This was the worst attempt ever, and that meant something.

 

“Yes, good. I mean… It was nice meeting you.” The woman looked just as relieved as he felt when he finally turned around to walk back to his table.

 

Sasha had his hand pressed over his mouth, obviously trying not to laugh, but as soon as Leon had sat down, he did anyway.

 

“You fucking set me up!”, Leon said, trying not to shout. “That was… that was horrible!”

 

“It was!”, Sasha said between fits of laughter. “I did not think it would be that bad!”

 

“Alcohol…”, Leon said. “I need more alcohol.” He waved the waitress over, quickly ordering more beer, he didn’t care which, the one that would get him drunker fastest.

 

“Just so you know, I am going to kill you”, he added when his beer arrived. He forewent the glasses, drinking straight out of the bottle.

 

“I am sorry, I am planning on making it up to you.” Now that smile Leon could place. It was the smile Sasha had smiled before sucking him off. Suddenly it was all Leon could think about.

 

“I might… might change my mind then.”

 

“Do you want to go home?” Sasha reached for Leon’s hand, squeezing it.

 

“ _Yes_.”

 

Leon never paid that fast for anything in his life, earning another wink from the waitress who had already figured both of them out, not that they had been very subtle about it. Though as Leon followed Sasha after holding the door open once more, he stumbled and almost fell.

 

“Would you like a ride?”, Sasha asked, smirking up at him.

 

“Is that… will that work?”

 

“Sure, I am quite strong. Hop on”, he patted his lap, and Leon followed the prompt, sitting sideways, his legs resting over one of the armrests.

 

To his surprise, it did work. Sasha was just as fast as he was without him, and it gave Leon a chance to pepper kisses all over his neck, nibbling on that spot that made the other man gasp.

 

“Leon I have to… have to drive”, Sasha said, a little out of breath, and Leon was sure it wasn’t because of the strain.

 

“Do you want me to stop?”, he asked, teeth scratching over Sasha’s earlobe.

 

“о, Боже!”, Sasha gasped. “Just… for a little, tiny while.”

 

Leon smiled as he let his head rest on Sasha’s shoulder, arms wrapped around his neck. The warm summer wind brushed through Sasha’s hair, and now it was his turn to play with it. The other man just hummed in agreement.

The ‘ride’ to the apartment was over too soon for Leon’s taste but at least now he was allowed to do… things again.

Already he was working on unbuttoning Sasha’s vest, sliding it down as far as he could while sitting in his lap, then continuing his work on the shirt.

Sasha started to do the same, and they were quickly a mess of limbs, made worse when he leaned in to kiss him, all sloppy and wet, but glorious to Leon’s drunk mind. Once their shirts were out of the way - Leon had had a little trouble with the tie, but eventually he managed - Sasha moved them into the bedroom, but not without bumping Leon’s legs against the doorway, making them both laugh. Reluctantly he got up, working on unbuttoning his pants as he looked back at Sasha over his shoulder.

 

“Fuck, that’s hot…”, he mumbled to himself as he quickly followed Leon.

 

Leon was standing at the foot of the bed, his jeans unbuttoned, and only barely still hanging on his hips. Sasha wheeled himself in front of him, and simply pushed Leon so he’d fall onto the bed, before leaning forward and pulling off his pants in one quick motion.

  
That was the last thing Leon remembered before the incredible amounts of alcohol he had consumed fully kicked in, knocking him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to google translate "о, Боже" means "oh god". I imagine when Sasha gets aroused or something like that he sometimes slips back into his mother tongue. (which I guess is Russian)
> 
> Just so you know I sometimes look at all your comments again, they make me happy <3 Thanks for sticking with this, I'm glad people enjoy it~


	11. Chapter 11

Leon woke up with his face squished against Sasha’s back, who was lying on his side, though how he had gotten here, he didn’t remember.

 

There was the faint memory of beer… lots of it, warm summer wind ruffling Sasha’s hair… They had started to take off their clothes, hadn’t they?

 

He shifted slightly, getting a little space between himself and the other man. A quick glance showed him they were both naked.

 

“Finally awake?”, Sasha asked. Leon could hear the amusement in his voice.

 

“Wha-”, Leon had to swallow, his voice was cracking. “What happened?”

 

“You passed out…”, he said with delight. “You are a lightweight.”

 

“Oh my god…”, Leon pressed his forehead against Sasha’s back. He was incredibly grateful he couldn’t see him right now.

 

“And just when I had hoped you would fuck me…” Sasha sighed.

 

“ _What_?”

 

“Really, Leon?”, Sasha tried to turn his head to look at him, but Leon slid down further to hide from his gaze. “After all we have done you are still so shy? I want you to fuck me.”

 

Maybe it was the leftover alcohol in his system motivating him but if that was what he wanted…

 

Leon moved back up again, pressing kisses against Sasha’s spine on the way. For the first time he properly noticed the scar on his back. The one he had caused. He pressed a soft kiss to it, and Sasha shuddered.

He kept peppering kisses all over his back, moving steadily up to his neck, and that spot he liked so much. Already he had the other man gasping.

 

“Can you… can you feel… I mean, if I do… you know.” If Sasha only wanted to do this to make him feel good, he wouldn’t go through with it. There were plenty of other things they could both enjoy.

 

“Yes. To some extent.” Sasha was already going through his nightstand, reaching for the lube in there and handing it to Leon.

 

“What do you mean?”, Leon took the lube, but didn’t do more yet. “We can do something else.”

 

“You were gone for a long time. I have… tried things”, Sasha looked back at Leon, the dirtiest smirk on him. “And now I want to feel it with you.”

 

“Oh…?”, the wheels in Leon’s brain turned slowly, but it finally clicked. “ _Oh_! I… I see. Well then…”

 

Leon coated his fingers with lube and reached down, pressing one against Sasha’s entrance.

 

“Can you feel this?”, he asked, pressing soft kisses against his shoulder.

 

“A little”, he replied, but still gasping. Leon knew that kissing, touches, anywhere, were just as important as what he was about to do. “Keep going.”

That he did, slowly pushing the first finger inside. Sasha might not be able to feel it fully, but he would still take his time, slowly stretching him wider. All the while he kissed his neck, his jaw, everything he could reach from that position, experimenting with his tongue.

Sasha gasped when he licked the inside of his ear, a shudder running through him.

 

“You… you like this?”, Leon was still working on being confident in bed, but he was trying. And seeing Sasha’s reaction was just the right incentive. The other man moaned, grasping the sheets tightly.

 

“Боже…. yes!”, Sasha managed, and Leon did it once more, earning another gasp from him. He reached back, grasping Leon’s arm tightly.

 

“Too much?”, Leon asked softly, he had been stretching him wider, close to adding his third finger.

 

“No…”, Sasha managed to get out. “Feels...good.”

 

Leon moved closer, touching as much of Sasha as he could with his own body, never stopping to kiss, or lick - anything for him.

 

“Ready?”, Leon whispered, gently removing his fingers from Sasha who gasped once more, but nodded in reply. He quickly coated his erection with lube, it hadn’t taken him long to get hard, those sounds Sasha made enough for that to happen.

 

Sasha twisted around as much as he could, Leon took the hint and leaned in for a kiss, which was a little awkward like this, but he couldn’t care less as he slowly pushed inside the other man. He gasped against Leon’s lips as the latter wrapped his arm around his waist, using that leverage to thrust deeper.

His thrusts were slow, partly because the position was a little awkward - the first time for Leon, too - and partly because he didn’t want to rush this. This was too sweet to be over too soon, though Sasha turned again, his chin now almost touching his chest. He was twisting the sheets tighter, and Leon took that as a good sign, and he kept moving like that.

A particularly deep thrust made Sasha moan out loudly and reach behind him to scramble for support on Leon’s back. Though all he managed was to let his fingernails scratch over it, the light pain sending shivers down Leon’s spine.

 

“Y-yes, like that!”, Sasha said, chest rising and falling quickly. Only now did Leon fully realized what Sasha had meant earlier. His ears turned a little red, though he was surely completely flushed by now and the other man would hardly notice. This position wouldn’t do at all…

 

He pulled out, quickly pushing Sasha onto his back, who was about to protest at first, but seemed to be catching on quickly. Leon positioned himself between his legs, maneuvering them onto his shoulders, though he had to hold them in place for this to work. Sasha helped him push inside him once more, and now there was nothing to hold him back from reaching that spot.

Leon sped up a little, too delicious were the sounds Sasha made, his eyes fluttering closed in pleasure.

By now he couldn’t hold back his own moans, and all of his embarrassment was long forgotten, he was just lost of the sensation of Sasha around him. Their bodies pressing together, the slight smell of sweat and sex in the air, all of it was perfect.

He leaned forward a little, his hair falling into his face, but he needed to be closer, needed to feel… more.

Sasha reached up to brush the hair away, smirking at him as he reached down to start stroking himself.

 

“Oh fuck, S-Sasha…”, he was barely able to form the words, his grip on Sasha’s legs tightening.

 

“Come inside me, Leon”, Sasha whispered, the way he said his name, the slight accent, the affection in his voice… He loved hearing it so much.

 

“Going to… going…” Leon froze as his orgasm hit him, just pushing deep inside Sasha once more. He kept his eyes open, looking at the other man who was simply smirking at the blush on Leon’s cheeks.

But suddenly Sasha’s eyes fluttered closed, a low moan escaping his lips as he came all over his chest. Watching him like this was just as amazing to Leon as his own orgasm. He shifted Sasha’s legs so he was able to lean down and lick over his chest, tasting him there.

 

Sasha wrapped his arms around Leon’s neck, pulling him in for a long kiss.

 

“You are still inside me”, he finally said. The smirk was still there.

 

“Y-yes…” Leon was about to move, but Sasha held him in place, as much as he could.

 

“A little while longer.” It wasn’t even a question, just something they both wanted.

Leon leaned down to press kisses all over Sasha’s chest, everywhere he could reach, really, tasting more of Sasha’s come.

“Leon…”, Sasha’s voice was quiet, and he looked up at the other man.

 

He looked like he was about to say something, mouth actually opening for a short moment, before he seemed to think better of it, ending up not saying anything at all.

 

“Are you okay?”, Leon asked, utterly confused by Sasha’s behaviour. He couldn’t read him at all.

 

“More than okay. Come here.”

 

Leon finally pulled out, lying down next to Sasha in his all too familiar position, resting his head on the other man’s shoulder.

Once more they just fell silent, but between them it was never awkward. Leon loved the way Sasha would brush his hands through his hair, the featherlight touch soothing.

 

They spent almost the entire day like this, only interrupting their time in bed when they decided to take a bath, getting rid of the smell of sex, though Leon was almost disappointed to lose it and immediately blushed at that thought. He knew it was completely normal to like these things, but still… he just couldn’t get rid of that reaction.

And he suspected that Sasha actually liked when he blushed, the frequent kisses pressed to his red cheeks at least one indicator for it.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------

 

“We need to talk”, Sasha said, gesturing for Leon to sit down on the couch.

 

He would have to leave tomorrow. Again.

 

Leon had dreaded this, but he also did not want to leave the same way he had done two years ago. He complied, sat down, hands in his lap. Sasha was in his wheelchair across from him, the coffee table like a barrier between them. Suddenly he was all nervous, the day had started as sweet as all the ones before, but this had to happen eventually.

 

And there were things he had to deal with at home. Leon really hoped he’d still be a government agent when all of this was over.

 

“So…”, Leon started, but if he was honest, he had no idea what to say.

 

“If you leave like last time, I swear I am going to hunt you down and hurt you.”

 

Leon looked up to see anger in Sasha’s eyes, hands twisting the fabric of his pants. He couldn’t blame him. Looking back, what he had done was horrible, after what they’d done that night… to not get a goodbye, just vanish. Another thing Leon felt incredibly guilty about. But at that time, he really hadn’t been capable of doing anything else.

 

“So you _are_ angry at that…”, Leon’s voice was small.

 

“Of course I-”, Sasha stopped himself to take a deep breath. “I was angry. I got over it, and I do understand why you did it but… Just don’t do it again.”

 

“I just thought it would be easier.” Leon didn’t even know why he was trying to defend himself. He supposed he just had to make sure Sasha understood.

 

“Well it was not”, Sasha’s gaze was unforgiving. There may have been the slight hint of fear inside Leon at this point. He didn’t doubt for one second that Sasha was able to hurt him in terrible ways, despite him being in a wheelchair.

 

He took a deep breath.

 

“But nothing has changed”, Leon stated. “Has it?”

 

They both knew it, he was pretty sure about that, but it couldn’t happen again like it did last time. He wouldn’t be able to bear it.

 

“I know. But…” Never had a ‘but’ sounded sweeter to Leon. “We don’t have to break off contact again completely. We tried that and it did not work. I missed talking to you…” Sasha hesitated for a moment. “If… If you found someone else-”

 

Leon was about to protest but Sasha stopped him with a gesture of his hand.

 

“If you found someone else, or… If _I_ found someone else”, Sasha continued. “That would be… fine. Though I doubt there are a lot of people lining up to date a cripple-”

 

“Don’t call yourself that!”, Leon interrupted. “You… you’re amazing, okay?”

 

He couldn’t bear that Sasha was thinking about himself like that. Anyone would be lucky to have him.

 

Sasha smiled in return and nodded.

 

“As I was saying I... I could not bear to not at least be your friend. I know there is the time difference and everything but there are emails… things… and…”

“We’ll figure it out”, Leon finally interrupted. A weight had been lifted from him. While he wasn’t too sure about whether he even _wanted_ to find someone else, it was good to know they would be friends.

He hadn’t just missed the sex over the last two years, though, yes, he had missed that. But Sasha and he were good friends, they just got along in a way that was different from all of his other friendships. Even though people like Claire had gone through the same things that he had, things with Sasha were somehow… different. Maybe it did have something to do with him getting himself to open up to so many different things.

Not being able to talk to him had been terrible and he would look forward to be able to do that whenever he wanted. It would be good. More than that.

 

“I… got skype”, he suggested, making Sasha smile. “We can… sort of see each other that way.”

 

“Yes, that is what I had in mind. And…”, now Sasha looked down, fumbling with a stray thread on his pants. It was unlike him to be nervous like this. “I mean I do know it is not my place to ask. But maybe, if you… are in the area, you could… drop by?”

He looked up at Leon with such a shy smile, a smile unlike anything Leon had seen on him before.

 

Leon smiled, and now finally decided they had spent enough time apart. He got up to sit down in Sasha’s lap, noticing how that little time apart had already made him miss that touch. Even if they talked, things would be hard.  

 

“Sure, like… China?” They both laughed and leaned in for a kiss. “I can’t promise anything but I’ll try.”

 

“Just… don’t let it be two years okay?” Sasha looked… sad. He couldn’t bear this look on his face, so he pressed a kiss to that frown.  

 

Leon was still confused about this, about what he felt. But friendship, that was something he could do. Everything else he could figure out from there. Hopefully.

 

“I promise.”

 

\-----------------------

 

They spent the rest of the day close to each other, as they almost always did. But it did not feel as final, or heartbreaking as it had done two years ago. Leon was glad they had talked, and felt stupid that he hadn’t suggested this before. But then he wasn’t exactly very… versed in these things. His last relationship… he didn’t even want to think about how long ago that had been. And the one date he had with Angela turned out to be a complete disaster. They hadn’t been compatible at all outside of a combat situation. He’d gladly fight alongside her again, but remembering that date was almost painful to him.

 

His fears were still there but… Sasha had been right, back when they first met. It wasn’t just his choice. Sasha _wanted_ to be his friend, or whatever they were to each other, he knew what could happen to him, and still he wanted it.

 

Leon had to figure out a way to make up for the way he had acted though. He owed Sasha. If he hadn’t let Leon in, hadn’t forgiven and taken care of him the way he did… Leon didn’t want to think about what he might have done. He’d been in such a dark place.

 

This time Sasha went with him to the airport for a proper goodbye, insisting beforehand that he take a bag of his for the clothes they had bought - and the shirt he had given to Leon. He had particularly insisted that he take that shirt with him.

Inside the airport they passed a souvenir store, and suddenly Leon remembered something.

 

“Oh shit”, he quickly stepped inside, looking around.

 

“What is it?”, Sasha followed after him, completely confused. “Did you suddenly have the urge to buy something?”

 

“Hunnigan’s gonna kill me if I don’t bring her something.” But Leon didn’t actually have a clue about what she would like…

 

“You are serious?”, Sasha was grinning up at him. “She is… scary?”

 

“She can be”, Leon picked up a tacky looking animal figure, quickly dismissing it again. “And I mean, I depend on her. If she decides to not help me anymore, I’m pretty much fucked.”

 

“Well, can’t have someone else fucking you”, Leon blushed slightly at Sasha’s comment. “What does she like?”

 

“I don’t know…” A scarf with Eastern Slav’s flag on it? Maybe…

 

“I thought you said you were friends.” Sasha gently took the scarf from Leon, placing it back on the shelf.

 

“Yes but… She’s a woman… and… I mean... what do women like?” He was panicking a little bit, she had been very disappointed the last time he was here, she even said what she liked but Leon couldn’t remember.

 

“You really are clueless”, Sasha chuckled, started to make his way around the store, finally stopping in the back of it. Leon followed, and Sasha pressed a gift box of various lotions, soaps and scents into his hand. “We are famous for our honey, it would make a nice gift if she likes this sort of thing.”

 

“Oh you are a life saver! She will, I’m sure! I could kiss you!”, Leon looked at the box, and then at Sasha. “Wait, I _am_ going to kiss you.”

 

Sasha was grinning widely as he leaned up as far as he could, meeting Leon for said kiss.

 

The store clerk subtly cleared his throat incredibly loudly, reminding Leon he still had to pay for the gift. He did so with bright red ears.

 

Their goodbye at the gate turned into their longest kiss, so long that the flight attendant had to come over and remind Leon that they had a schedule. This time Leon was smiling when he left.

 

But before he stepped onto the plane he promised he’d return the bag Sasha had given him.

 

“Next time.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's it guys. That's all the finished chapters that I have. I honestly don't know how long it'll take me to finish the next one. Hope someone will stick around for it, I still have some plans for these two. 
> 
> Also: I know that sex scene is probably not that accurate. But you know [noncommittal hand gesture]
> 
> Боже = god


	12. Chapter 12

Next time turned out to be three weeks later.

But only after he had been questioned by the agency about Simmons, and then, a few days later, by Hunnigan.

The first had decided he had acted amicably, had even praised him for tracking down the former National Security Advisor and so they kept him on. It was a relief. He was still an agent. Of course he didn’t tell them how guilty he still felt. They’d get in a psychologist, he’d be put on forced leave and he couldn’t have that. The worst thing for him to do now would be to do nothing. Fighting was his way of keeping it together. At least he hoped it would do the trick.

 

Hunnigan on the other hand dragged him out to their favourite bar, into the furthest corner where they stayed until closing time as she tried to get out of him why he hadn’t returned for a week. He told her about his guilt, and could see the surprise on her face - he hardly opened up like this. But his time with Sasha had shown him that it was good to do that from time to time. And he trusted her, ended up telling her everything from his perspective.  

Obviously she already knew everything that had happened. It was Hunnigan he was talking to after all.

 

Until he was being deployed again he spent almost every waking hour at the gym, exhausting himself so he could fall asleep. Somehow, being in bed alone, made the nightmares come back, and he learned that if he wasn’t exhausted enough, he would hardly get any sleep at all.

It took a while before his sleeping pattern resembled anything like normalcy.

 

Leon really, honestly hadn’t even planned on visiting Sasha three weeks later. But he was sent to Eastern Slav’s neighbouring country, incredibly close to the border, with a few days to spare, and suddenly he found himself in a rental car, driving through the night to see him.

 

Thankfully Sasha did not have to go back to work yet, and so he opened the door for Leon, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes before fully realizing who was standing there before him.

 

They didn’t leave the apartment for the three days Leon had. But when he left, some of his things stayed behind. For convenience, he told himself. Then he wouldn’t need to carry as much with him next time he came over. Whenever that would be.

 

Though he didn’t have time to return after his initial assignment, they kept writing their usual emails, which they replied to when they did not have a lot of time. If they happened to be awake at the same hour, sometimes not even then, they’d chat, mostly via skype, sometimes with video, sometimes without it. Just about random things, what they were doing, thinking… they did what friends would, and it made their time apart, and Leon’s sleepless hours, seem not so bad.  

 

Sasha was particularly fond of sending him cat pictures, claiming they looked like Leon. Sometimes he would wake up to twenty unread messages, all of them pictures or videos of cats. At first he tried to pretend to be annoyed by it, but he loved it. If his job didn’t require him to be away this much, he’d probably have a cat by now anyway. Or a hundred.

 

It was those small things that kept bringing a smile to his face.

 

\-------------------------------------------------

 

A month after their last meeting Leon had just returned from an assignment in Alaska which turned out to be a dead end, and was still a little jetlagged. It was early evening, but he hadn’t changed out of his pyjamas, didn’t plan on doing it either, it was just one of those days…

 

His laptop with the polaroid picture of Sasha taped to cover the broken corner was always on standby these days, just in case _someone_ might want to contact him, and so he did hear the skype call when it came through. He took the laptop to settle down on the couch, grinning when he saw Sasha’s cat icon show up on the screen.

 

“Hey, you missed me so much you had to call me at… one in the morning?” Leon frowned at the dark picture that came through. He could barely make out Sasha lying in his bed on his side, hair all messed up, only made worse by his hand brushing through his hair. “Are you okay?”

 

“Sorry I just... “, Sasha’s voice was raspy and he let his head drop onto the mattress for a short while before looking back at Leon. “A nightmare. I needed… someone.”

 

“Oh god Sasha…”, it almost broke his heart. Leon knew full well what it was like, had woken up just recently with the fear that came with a nightmare. And no one there to help him through it.

 

“I do not wish to bother, I can…”

 

“Don’t think about it”, Leon interrupted. “That’s what… friends are for. Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“It is just the same as always…”, Sasha sighed. His sheets slipped down a little, showing that he was sleeping shirtless, if not naked. Leon tried really hard to concentrate on his eyes. “I would rather like some distraction.”

 

“Sure, I can manage that.” Except right now his brain couldn’t come up with anything. Sometimes he was amazed at himself how he could keep a level head in dangerous situations, when he couldn’t even do something as simple as this.  

 

“Leon?”, Sasha drew his attention again. He was almost… smiling? That was a quick change… “Are you wearing the shirt with the kittens?”

 

“Er…..”, Leon looked down at himself before sheepishly grinning back at Sasha. “Yes I uh… wear it as pyjamas. It’s really comfortable.”

 

_And it reminds me of you._

 

He didn’t say that out loud.

 

“I am glad it is seeing some use now. Isn’t it a little late or… early to be wearing pyjamas though?”

 

“Well I just got back from an assignment. Am still a little jetlagged and it’s not like I was expecting company today. Sorry, do you want me to dress up for you?”

 

“I would rather you undress for me.”

 

_Fuck._

 

That made Leon blush again and he wished his own room was as dark as Sasha’s. Though he could still make out the grin spreading on the other man’s face.

 

“You still blush, I like that”, he said. “Did you remember to bring Hunnigan a gift this time?”

 

“I did remember”, Leon said, glad for the distraction. “Alcohol. She always likes that. We’ll probably end up drinking it together so it’s also indirectly a gift for me.”

 

“Why Mr. Kennedy, I did not think you had it in you.”

 

They kept talking like that for a while, Leon ending up without his shirt, just to distract Sasha from his dream until he eventually fell asleep again. He had just had a short bathroom break to find the video feed showing Sasha sleeping, and evidently he hadn’t even managed to end the call. And Leon somehow couldn’t.

He told himself that Sasha might have another nightmare and need him again, it was definitely not because he liked watching him sleep. He also, definitely, didn’t notice how cute Sasha was like this, when he didn’t have a nightmare. He looked calm, peaceful, and suddenly an hour had passed before Leon could drag himself away from the screen.

He decided to mute his microphone, afraid he might wake Sasha up, before he went about his usual business, making sure to put his shirt back on. Finally he had a little time to get back to his Stephen King book, he was a little behind in the times, but he really liked The Shining so far. Of course if it were him in that hotel, he’d have long ran far, far away from it. Or blown it up. Probably both.

When he made the call to his usual pizza place he found himself checking in on Sasha, hoping he was still asleep and wouldn’t notice him ordering. Thankfully, he was. Leon could already hear the other man scolding him for not eating properly.

He did the same when the delivery guy finally showed up and he forewent the chat they normally had. They were even on first name basis, but Sasha didn’t need to know that.

 

While he ate he put on a movie, something that made him happy, which turned out to be Pacific Rim. He needed to stay up long enough to counteract his jet lag and this was one of the movies to be able to hold his attention no matter how tired he was.

He soon found himself engrossed in the movie, sprawled across his couch, the pizza box resting on his stomach.

The only thing missing was a little company…

 

The movie eventually ended, but he wasn’t quite up for moving yet, he just let the credits rolls, not even bothering to move the almost empty pizza box.

 

“What a view”, he heard from his right. Sasha had woken up, startling Leon into turning sharply, dropping the box onto the floor.

 

“S-Sasha…” Leon pulled his shirt, which had ridden up, down again, scrambling to pick up the pieces of pizza on the floor.

 

“I cannot hear you Leon”, he heard Sasha’s voice. “But if you can hear me, I made a screenshot and I am currently making it my wallpaper.”

 

“What the-?”, Leon quickly finished cleaning up, lying back onto the couch on his stomach. It was late now but he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep now. He unmuted his microphone. “Stop that, no! Undo it, I… wasn’t prepared!”

 

Sasha was hard pressed not to go into a laughing fit.

 

“It is a piece of art though”, he said, actually giggling. “I can even see a little bit of your stomach, and there is a grease stain on your shirt. I love it.”

 

_Love it…_

 

“It’s just I… uh….”, he groaned.

 

“Leon, I have seen you naked”, Sasha said, and Leon let his head fall face first onto the couch. “I like seeing you like this, the way you... are… if you understand what I mean.”

 

“I…”, he raised his head, as his voice was muffled by the couch, smiling. “I think I do.”

 

“What were you watching?”

 

Leon hesitated.

 

“Pacific Rim…”

 

“I _love_ that movie!”, Sasha exclaimed, suddenly all excited.

 

For the next half hour they geeked out about the movie, alternately acting out scenes from it. They promised that next time they met, they would watch it together. Leon already couldn’t wait.

 

A month later they did.

 

For once Sasha was in Leon’s arms, resting against his chest with Leon playing with the other man’s hair as they were watching the movie.

Leon realized he had been flying over almost regularly, his stays ranging from two days to a week. He kept telling himself that friendships like this were rare. To find someone he was so completely comfortable with… it was worth flying halfway across the world. The sex helped make up for the long hours on the plane, though it wasn’t something Leon needed.

It didn’t always happen when he came over, certain touches, or just simple company could mean so much more than sex ever could.

 

Like tonight.

 

“A little to the left”, Sasha said, and Leon adjusted his hand, lightly scratching him where he had requested. “Hmm, yes. Good boy.”

 

“I’m not a dog”, Leon chuckled. “And I thought I was a cat in your eyes?”

 

“Well, you have traits of both. But if I think about it… you are more like a dog. You are very loyal. Brave. A little reckless.”

 

“Reckless?”, he asked. He wouldn’t have described himself like that.

 

“Yes. You tried to fight those… what did you call them, tyrants? You would have fought them just with your knife to… to protect me. That was reckless.”

 

Sasha twisted around as much as he could, looking up at Leon.

 

“I never properly thanked you for that.”

 

“You don’t have to…”, Leon started.

 

“Shut up. You would have died for me. Thank you.”

 

Leon swallowed. That sharp gaze, that honesty in his eyes. He leaned down to kiss him, sweetly and softly.

 

_You would have been worth it._

 

“You’d be a wolf”, Leon said instead.

 

“What?”, Sasha was smiling and returned to his earlier position in Leon’s arms. “I’m not a wolf. Not anymore.”

 

“You are”, Leon said. “You’re… beautiful and… dangerous. Something to be admired from afar.”

 

Silence settled between them. Gipsy Danger smashed a tanker into Otachi’s face.

 

“And yet you are here”, Sasha said.

 

“Because you let me. And I’m… grateful for that.”

 

He really was. He couldn’t even imagine not being friends with Sasha anymore, they wrote each other almost everyday. Something big would be missing from his life if they stopped.

 

Sasha reached for Leon’s hand, and pressed a kiss to its palm. Leon didn’t need any words from him, this was perfect.

 

They went back to watching the movie, commenting on their favourite parts. Leon quietly cheered when Mako extended the jaeger’s sword to cut Otachi in half and Sasha laughed at his reaction.

 

“You know…”, Sasha said a while later. “I don’t have much, but I could chip in for your flights. A little. I feel bad that it is always you coming over here. It must be expensive.”

 

“What makes you say that?”, Leon frowned, looking down at Sasha though he could of course only see the top of his head. “It’s fine, really. I’m getting paid pretty well.”

 

“Really?”, Leon could hear the grin in Sasha’s voice. “Like… how much?”

 

“Oh I see you’re just in it for my money”, Leon couldn’t help but laugh. “Uh, like around 90k.”

 

Sasha twisted around to stare at him.

 

“Holy shit, really?”

 

“Yeah… I mean it’s dangerous work. But I don’t really care about money.”

 

“If I had that kind of money I would not care, either”, Sasha said. He let his hand trail down Leon’s chest, making his heart beat faster. “You could be my…” He did that adorable thing where he had to think about the English word for a moment, it was rare though. “Sugar daddy.”

 

“Oh really?”, Leon chuckled. “Well what would you like? Diamonds? Pearl necklaces?”

 

“Hm…” Sasha was tracing circles on Leon’s chest, and he found himself fascinated by it. “Diamonds are nice I suppose. But… when I think about it… your company is enough.”

 

Leon smiled, letting his hand rest on Sasha’s cheek, his thumb brushing over it. His hair was all messed up from him playing with it, and it did make him look like a wolf who had just run through the woods.

  
“You can be sweet… for a wolf”, he said, making Sasha smile too. “Come on, let’s finish watching the movie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out there are patches at work where I have nothing to do and sometimes I get inspired, so here, sooner than I thought. 
> 
> Also yeah I realize it's super cheesy, sorry, I'm a sucker for it apparently.  
> (Pacific Rim. Because I can. If you don't know it and like giant robots fighting giant monsters you should watch it. Gypsy Danger = robot, Otachi = monster)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few months after his last meeting with Sasha, Leon is called on a mission to Brazil.

Sweat was rolling down Leon’s face and into the collar of his shirt. His long sleeved, olive, standard issue army shit, the thick fabric not letting any air through. He wished he had gone for the short sleeved one, but with the bulletproof vest he was wearing over it, it wouldn’t have mattered.

Then again, no matter what he wore in the rainforest, he would always be hot. Despite the humidity, his hair was still okay. At least he had that going for him.

 

The sun was merciless, almost blinding him when he wasn’t in the shade. Never before had he felt such a deep appreciation for the moderate climate of North America. But a job was a job and if it meant stewing in his own sweat for a few days, he’d have to endure it.

 

He shifted slightly, careful not to disturb the bushes around him too much. Though the ridge he was lying belly first on was high enough that the people down in the military camp couldn’t see or hear him, he did not want to risk drawing attention to himself.

After days of tracking down the self proclaimed General through the Brazilian rainforest he had finally found his camp. It was smaller than expected, and Leon guessed he wasn’t as well equipped as he boasted. Nevertheless he was expecting a shipment of BOWs and that warranted his attention.

 

Leon knew it would arrive today, but he had no idea when. So that meant waiting.

 

He wiped the sweat from his forehead as he felt his phone vibrate. That could only mean Hunnigan. Fumbling to get it out of his pocket he put up his binoculars, scanning the camp once more. Still nothing. He hated stakeouts.

 

“What is it, Hunnigan?”, he kept his voice quiet, propping up the phone so he could see the video feed of what looked like a very much not sweating Hunnigan. Her office was probably air conditioned. What he wouldn’t give for the tiniest breeze right now.

 

“Just checking in. Anything new?” Her demeanor was as professional as always. Out of the corner of his eyes Leon saw her checking the multiple monitors in front of her. No doubt she could see him on a satellite image. He waved at the sky and she huffed in annoyance, confirming his suspicion.

 

“No movement. Could still be a while.”

 

“Sorry, I haven’t been able to dig anything up. This guy hardly has any digital presence at all. Smart, really.” She slightly adjusted her glasses, the sound of her typing vaguely noticeable through the feed.

 

“Or paranoid”, he sighed. “My back is killing me.”

 

He was grateful for the little distraction though. It really was just a matter of time, and he could talk and watch simultaneously. The soldiers would surely not notice it from all the way up here...right? His boredom outweighed his worry of being discovered.

 

“Careful. You still need to be in fighting shape when the shipment finally arrives. We can’t let them get their hands on it. That’s what the C4 is for.”

 

“Don’t worry”, he flashed her a smile. “I always deliver.”

 

“Is that so?” Leon was impressed, she was almost smiling. “Don’t forget my souvenir then.”

 

“I’ll see what I can do. Some plaga parasite perhaps? Hm… might be a virus, too, I couldn’t get a lot of information.”

 

“I’d rather have some cachaça. I’ll show you how to make caipirinha, and then you can serve me… There’s not much you can set on fire when making a drink”, she added after a small pause.

 

“Serve you, huh?” Leon ignored the reference to his bad cooking skills and chuckled, setting down his binoculars. He really didn’t want to watch that soldier down in the camp piss. “Well I guess I owe you. You always keep me alive.”

 

“Damn right.” Hunnigan really was smiling now. She rarely did, but her smile was beautiful. He made a mental note to ask her if she had a boyfriend next time they went out. This wasn’t exactly the time for private conversation. Anything but light banter would just distract him too much from his mission. And besides, this was a government line. Though, knowing Hunnigan, she had encrypted it, so not even their own people would be able to listen in. You never knew…

 

“Could you do me a favor?”, he asked, an idea forming in his mind.

 

“What do you need?”

 

“I’m guessing I’ll be done here tomorrow. Or the day after. Could you check for flights to Eastern Slav?” He hesitated. “What are you grinning about?”

 

“You must really love him.”

 

“ _What_?” The military camp had completely lost his attention. “I’m not in love. That’s… no, that’s ridiculous.”

 

“Right…”, she drew out the word and took off her glasses, started to clean them. “That’s why you fly halfway across the world, on a regular basis I might add, to see him. The person you _don’t_ love.”

 

“We’re just friends…”, Leon paused. “With...certain… benefits, I suppose.”

 

“Sex”, she simply stated. If Leon wasn’t so hot, and probably red already, he would be now. “That’s not friendship. That’s a relationship.”

 

“I’m telling you, it’s not. I can’t…”, he picked up the binoculars again, trying to distract himself from Hunnigan’s stare. “We’re too far away, and with what I do… It’s not a relationship. We’re just friends. I like it this way.”

 

What they had was fine like this. They were okay. And when Sasha finally found the right person for him, Leon would gladly remain his friend. Or stay away, whatever he preferred.

He ignored the strange aching sensation that thought instilled. It didn’t mean anything, he had just been lying here for too long. He did _not_ have any… _romantic_ feelings for Sasha.

He repeated that sentence in his head like a mantra.

 

“Leon you are such an idiot.”

 

“Hold that thought”, he interrupted. “There’s movement. A truck. I’ll contact you when it’s done.”

 

Leon watched as a white male in a suit exited the truck and was greeted by the General, briefly wondering how he could deal with a suit in the rainforest. He showed off his wares - plaga parasites, as Leon had expected. Which would make his job easier. Blowing up a virus wasn’t the safest option, and he did not have everything at his disposal to neutralize it.

 

He waited. By now he was an expert at it.

Darkness fell, and neither the man in the suit nor the General had exited the tent they had entered earlier that day. Under the cover of night he was able to slip past the guards, who weren’t exactly trained well, which only confirmed his suspicions about this whole operation not being as big as they had made it out to be. The General wouldn’t be a problem.

First he attached the C4 to the truck. The most important thing was to ensure those parasites would not be used. He had enough of plagas.

But as he knew his luck, plagas didn’t have enough of him yet.

 

Sometimes his work seemed to be neverending. But it would never stop him from fighting.

 

As soon as he had cleared the camp he pressed the convenient red button on the remote, his inner child still always enjoyed this part. The following explosion had the desired effect: It got rid of the plagas and drew the attention of the General, who, along with the man in the suit, left the tent. During the ensuing chaos Leon slipped inside, gathering as many documents as he could. He needed evidence, needed to find out who the man in the suit was, but for now, before the whole place burned down, he needed to get out.

 

That’s when everything went wrong.

 

A rustling noise behind him alerted Leon and as he turned around he saw one of the soldiers from the camp. He scrambled to raise his gun but the soldier already had his rifle in hand, he had the advantage, and he didn’t hesitate. Leon was incredibly lucky as he felt a few shots hit his vest, felt the pain but he knew it would be temporary, bruises would heal. He didn’t falter in his movements, finished drawing his gun and returned fire.

If there was one thing he could be proud of, it was his marksmanship. A well placed shot to the shoulder, another in the leg, incapacitated the other man. There was no need to kill him, he was a scrawny kid, not older than twenty.

All of this had just happened in just a split second.

 

There was no time to linger, he leaned down to grab the files he had dropped, as many as he could, ignoring the pain flaring up in his torso. He dropped down, crawled under the furthest end of the tent, registering out of the corner of his eye that more soldiers were already running inside.  

 

He ran.

As fast as he could, dodging vines blocking his way, looking back from time to time to see if anyone was following him. It didn’t seem like anyone had really noticed his presence. He was getting out of breath quickly, vaguely registered that this was strange for him. The pain from where he had been shot got worse, too.

 

While still running he fumbled over his vest, plugging out the bullets that had hit there, ignoring that their heat burned his fingers. Two of them. But still… he didn’t feel better. There was no time to stop though.

 

He finally reached the jeep he had hidden about a mile from the camp. But by then his vision was already failing. When he dumped the files into the passenger seat he noticed the blood on them for the first time. The soldier hadn’t been close enough so whose…

Leon swayed, had to grab onto the jeep to stop himself from falling over. He didn’t feel any pain anymore, but he felt… wrong. The edge of his vision was going black.

This couldn’t be happening, not here, not in the middle of god damn nowhere.

 

With clumsy movements he took off his vest, he needed air, the humidity was killing him, he was choking…

 

His phone. Hunnigan.

 

Blessing speed dial, he called her, and she answered immediately.

 

“Leon? What’s wrong?”

 

“I think…” It was hard for him to think, he was still not getting enough air, he was panicking. “I think I’ve been shot. I can’t… can’t tell…”

 

“Listen to me, Leon. Focus. You’ve done this before.”

 

It was true, he’d been shot before. He would be fine, just needed to find out where he had been shot. It had to be a place where his vest hadn’t covered him.

 

“My shoulder… ‘s fine…”, as he checked his torso he kept talking, needed to stay conscious, the worst thing he could do now was to lose consciousness. “Shit it’s… lower abdo-abdomen. Fucking vest… just below it.”

 

“Okay, Leon. Is the bullet still inside?”

 

He nodded. There was no exit wound. Even with his brain clouded like this he knew it was better to leave it in, it would take a long time for him to bleed out, and if he removed it, he would just die quicker.

 

“Use an herb”, Hunnigan reminded him. “Then drive back to the city, I’ll have an escort waiting for you.”

 

Herb… right. He could make it. He would.

 

His limbs felt heavy as he looked for the vial, it was in his vest, he always carried some with him. Stupid. He had been stupid for taking it off. Not caring if anyone could hear him, he groaned as he picked the vest off of the ground, put all his strength into pulling the syringe out of it and spray the liquid at his face. He inhaled deeply and immediately he felt it spreading through his system. Some of the heaviness left him.

 

“Leon, can you drive?”, Hunnigan was still there as he scrambled into the driver’s seat.

 

“Have to”, he said. Everything else was additional energy he wasted, couldn’t afford to waste. The drive was long.

 

“Keep the line open”, she said, and if his brain hadn’t been occupied with the movements required to operate a car, he might have noticed the concern in her voice.

 

All he did for the next hour was to concentrate on his every movement. Push down the pedal, move the steering wheel, blink, swallow, live.

 

As he neared the outskirts of the city he already saw the escort, mentally praised Hunnigan for her efficiency because he couldn’t do it out loud anymore.

 

Brake.

 

Handbrake.

 

He stopped in the middle of the street and as he looked down to open the door he saw the blood… all this blood, his blood. The seat was covered in it and even his shirt was soaked.

He hardly felt like he was in his own body anymore, it felt like this was somehow happening to someone else. His hand moved on its own, touched the wound, and came back completely covered in blood.

 

But he was still awake, he would be fine.

 

Leon managed to open the door, and he fell. Hitting the ground didn’t register with him, neither did the voices around him, or the people rushing to pick him up. Someone may have started to press something against his side and he wondered how much blood was still left in him.

 

“Sasha…”, he mumbled, but his tongue felt heavy. He couldn’t even say if he had actually formed the word. But it somehow felt important to do so.  

  
Was it still night…? It was so dark… he couldn’t see anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Herbs are a thing and I intend to use ridiculous RE things <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NOW, LEGOLINE??

Leon’s brain was barely functioning but even like this, engulfed in darkness and uncertainty he knew that this was bad. Very bad.

 

He felt like he was floating, everything was numb, and worst of all: There was no pain.

 

He had been shot… hadn’t he?

 

His memories of the rainforest were full of holes, he couldn’t remember half of it. Had he even been successful?

 

But no pain was a bad sign. At least if there was pain it meant he was still alive… didn’t it? His brain was clouded and trying to form any semblance of a thought was hard enough for Leon.

 

Leon tried to move his limbs, and failed. Everything was numb and he couldn’t speak, could only manage a groan but his eyelids wouldn’t obey his command. All he could feel was a sense of urgency. There was something he had forgotten, something he needed to do but he wasn’t able to do anything and it was driving him crazy.

 

“возлюбленной…”

 

That voice… It must be a dream then. If he was still alive and could still dream, that was.

 

Whatever consciousness he had regained soon failed him again, and darkness consumed him once more.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Where…”, it was hard to speak and Leon was blinded by the room’s light. “Where am I?”

 

He didn’t know why it was so important, but he needed to know.

 

“Washington. In the hospital. You are safe.”

 

His brain was slow to process, but the voice seemed familiar, and it was so gentle. It immediately soothed some of his frantic nerves.  

 

“Drink… I…” Before he could say more someone pressed a cup against his lips. He greedily started to drink, felt like he hadn’t done so in years. A little bit of water dribbled down his chin, but the same person quickly wiped it away.

 

“What happened?”, he asked, his eyes still adjusting to the strangely bright light. Why would they make the light so bright? Surely something was wrong with it, he didn’t remember any sort of light having this crazy intensity. It made his head hurt. He didn’t even have the energy to lift his hand and shield his eyes from it.

 

“You managed to get to the city and they stabilized you there. You had lost… had lost so much blood but they got an emergency medical transport and brought you back to Washington”, the voice seemed… worried. Someone was squeezing his hand and Leon was glad he could feel it. “You have been here for three days. They were worried you would not wake up.”

 

Shapes were starting to form before him. First the outline of the light on the ceiling, which seemed to slowly return to a normal intensity. He could see the end of his bed, his feet covered by a white sheet. He looked to his right, where the voice had been coming from, and he couldn’t help the tears that started to form in his eyes.

 

“I’m hallucinating, aren’t I?”

 

“I am very much here”, Sasha said, leaning forward and squeezing his hand once more. The touch made even Leon’s weak heart beat faster. “Ingrid called me, brought me here.”

 

Ingrid… Hunnigan. They were on first name basis? He wondered how much they had talked to each other. He suddenly remembered the conversation he and Hunnigan had in the jungle, about his feelings - existing or not - and he hoped she was kind enough not to mention that to Sasha.

 

This was a lot to process for Leon in his current state. He tried to take a deep breath, which turned into a few short, shaky ones.

 

“It was close, wasn’t it?” Only now did he start to feel the pain in his right side flare up. He winced and noticed Sasha fumbling around by his side. The pain went away again. Morphine. Thank science for morphine.

 

“Yes”, Sasha said, his own voice shaky. “You have… you have no idea how happy I am to see you awake.”

 

“What… what about your work?”, Leon asked, suddenly overwhelmed by guilt. Sasha had flown all the way out here, must have dropped everything on a moment’s notice. If he remembered correctly he had passed out on a weekday… Had Sasha come over immediately? It sounded like he had been here for the full three days he had been knocked out.  

 

“Fuck work”, Sasha shook his head, a faint smile on his face. “You almost died, Leon.”

 

“Eh…”, he tried to make a vague gesture with his free hand, but only managed to lift it a little bit before dropping it onto the mattress again. Only now did he notice the IV guiding some sort of clear fluid into his arm. The movement had pulled on it, sending a stab of pain up his arm. “A mere bullet cannot kill me. I have magic hair remember?”

 

“That you do, but…”, Sasha looked away from him and glanced down at his phone. “There is something Ingrid told me… she is on her way.”

 

Leon really focused on him now. His presence made him feel safe but there was something in his eyes… He seemed so concerned, but he was awake now, didn’t he see he would be fine?

 

“I’ll be fine, I’ll heal.”

 

“I know”, Sasha said. “That’s not…”

 

He was interrupted by the door opening, and Hunnigan entered. Her face was a mask, as usual. Only this time he worried about it.

 

“Something’s wrong, isn’t it?”, Leon asked.

 

He could tell, even without them saying anything.

 

Hunnigan and Sasha exchanged a glance that told Leon everything. What if he wouldn’t be able to walk anymore? He couldn’t fight like that… sure there were other things he would be able to do but this was his entire life.  

He wriggled his toes. He could still feel them, move them. So that wasn’t it.

 

“Not exactly”, Hunnigan said and took a seat on his left. “While they examined you they took some of your blood. Routine tests and the like.”

 

No sugarcoating, no talking around the bush. He liked that in her.

 

Sasha’s hand holding his was nevertheless quite reassuring.

 

“They found traces of the t-virus.”

 

His stomach dropped. Bile threatened to rise up in his throat.

 

How could that be? It had been months since he had last been in contact with infected and people usually turned much quicker.

 

Was he going to turn?

 

Leon pulled his hand away from Sasha’s. He felt dirty suddenly. Sasha shouldn’t be in contact with him like this. If there had been anything in his stomach he might have thrown up.

 

“What, I mean…-”, before he could say anything else Hunnigan interrupted him.

 

“And traces of plagas.”

 

How was that possible? This was his worst nightmare come true… Leon felt his chest constricting, his heart beat too fast, it would burst…

 

“What does that mean?”, he forced himself to ask. His thoughts were a mess.

 

“Don’t worry…”, he heard Sasha say, but didn’t dare look at him.

 

“I fucking worry, okay?!”, he said sharply, his tone shutting the other man up immediately.

 

“You’re not going to turn, Leon”, Hunnigan said calmly. Her tone was reassuring but he nevertheless couldn’t help the panic rising in him. “You would have a long time ago if that were the case. It seems you have developed some sort of resistance - after you’ve been vaccinated - and perhaps when you were temporarily infected with the plaga they somehow combined and there have been small… mutations, alterations in your physiology. Making you stronger, helping you heal faster, things like that. They don’t quite fully understand yet, so they’d like to do some more tests, if that’s all right with you.”

 

“Are you absolutely sure I’m not going to turn?” Leon had to know. If there was the slightest chance he could be a danger to those around him…

 

“Positive.”

 

He sighed, some relief washing over him. This time it was him reaching out for Sasha, and as he looked at him, a small smile spread on his face.

 

“Sorry about snapping at you I just…”

 

“I understand”, he interrupted. “Do not worry about that, please. I am just glad you are okay.”

 

Okay? Could he be called that? The only other person he knew of who had not been turned into a zombie by the virus was Wesker… And he had been a monster. Had literally turned into one in the end, as Chris had told him. What if that was the price for the benefits the virus brought? Madness and… mutations.

Leon had looked at the files, the sketches and descriptions of what Wesker had turned into… He had to take a deep breath to try and restrain his gag reflex.

 

“I always just thought I was well trained and… do they know for how long?”, the question was directed at Hunnigan, though she seemed to have already talked about this with Sasha.

 

“Years, probably.”

 

_Oh god..._

 

“You know”, Sasha drew his attention again. “I was amazed at how quickly you could get up after being thrown against a wall by that tyrant, back then… That would explain it.”

 

“Fuck I’m so sorry Sasha…” Something had occurred to Leon, and he felt dread. He could have killed him. He had simply _assumed_ they were both healthy, that there hadn’t been a need for a condom. In retrospect he wondered how he could have been so damn stupid, he wasn’t a fucking teenager anymore.

 

“About what?” Sasha looked at him, utterly confused.

 

“If I had been infectious you would have… would be…you know when we did… you know.”

 

The gears in the other man’s head were turning slowly, before he finally understood what Leon meant.

 

“But it is fine, you did not infect me and before you start again with ‘but’s and I don’t know what… I suppose we should have been more careful, that much is true, but it turned out well in the end. What is done, is done. I am just glad you are all right.”

 

There was no sense in talking back to him. Leon knew that. He was almost more stubborn than he was. Nevertheless… He felt wrong. Like a monster.

 

What if there was still a chance he could turn?

 

“I sense that you two need some time alone”, Hunnigan said, smiling weakly. “If you need me, call. I’ll come by again tomorrow.”

 

She was on her way outside when she turned around again.

 

“Oh and Leon, good work. The files you managed to bring in were everything we needed. The General is already in custody. You do always deliver it seems.”

 

They smiled at each other for a moment, then she turned around and left him and Sasha alone in the room.

 

Sasha.

 

In Washington.

 

“You really came.” Leon brought Sasha’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it. He had been here for days, and had most likely the worst case of morning breath ever. He didn’t want to properly kiss him like this.

 

“Of course”, he said, smiling at the gesture. “Those were a few agonizing days… You looked like death when I first saw you.”

 

“Oh no that’s just my complexion”, he said, and Sasha chuckled. “Could you press that button again?”

 

As the morphine flooded his system and the pain faded away he realized it had been a bit much. That floating sensation he had dreaded so much at first now came back. But this time it felt nice.

 

“Wow, okay… whoops.”

 

“Too much?”, Sasha asked, still grinning at the expression on Leon. “We better lay off for a bit then.”

 

“This is nice though…” Leon traced circles on Sasha’s hand, started to trace the lines there.

 

“A kiss would be nicer.”

 

“Very smooth but no…”, Leon tried to push Sasha away, but didn’t really have the strength for it. “Got gross breath.”

 

_Do you really want to kiss me like this? Infected..._

 

“I do not care but”, Sasha wheeled himself to the small bathroom that Leon only now noticed, returning with a bowl, a toothbrush and toothpaste, along with a cup filled with water. “Here you go.”

 

He handed Leon the toothbrush, already with toothpaste on it. He started on brushing his teeth, but it seemed a lot more effort than he remembered. Though it tasted better than usual.

 

“Leon stop chewing on it”, Sasha’s stern tone was in strong contrast to his big smile.

 

“Tastes good though…” As Sasha tilted his head and raised an eyebrow, he forced himself to keep brushing, finally spitting into the bowl and rinsing out his mouth. Sasha brought everything back to the bathroom before returning to his place by Leons side.

 

Sasha chuckled as he leaned in and Leon briefly wondered who had gotten him a hospital bed that was this low. Sasha didn’t have a problem in reaching him. But he pressed a hand to the other man’s chest. It wasn’t like he had enough strength to push him away but Sasha understood and stopped his movements. He stayed close however.

 

“I’m…”, Leon couldn’t finish the sentence. _Disgusting. Infected._

 

“Leon”, Sasha said, his hand resting on Leon’s arm, who flinched for a second before accepting the touch. “You have been like this for a long while. The doctors have said you are not infectious. You are still the same. Still...моя возлюбленной.”

 

“What does that mean?”, Leon frowned, Sasha hardly ever did that. Maybe he should learn some Russian.

 

“Maybe I’ll tell you… some time.”

 

Leon sighed, but couldn’t help smile. He couldn’t really change the way he was feeling but at least he was right about him not being infectious… wasn’t he? The doctors said so, he had to somehow convince himself it was true. Had to get over this sudden disgust with himself.

 

“Can I coax it out of you with a kiss?”

 

At least he didn’t have to burden Sasha with his thoughts. Not when he was here for the first time, and just for him, too.

 

“Perhaps…”, Sasha smiled as he closed the distance between them.

 

“Hm… better tell me”, he mumbled against Sasha’s lips. He sighed into the kiss, he felt starved for it and he wanted so much more. More of the by now all too familiar feel of Sasha’s soft lips, the taste he knew so well, now mixed with a little bit of peppermint. “Don’t go...”

 

Leon couldn’t control the sadness his his voice, his expression, the way he clutched at Sasha’s shirt, the need for the other man overwhelming him right now. Needed to kiss him more, to have him close, he was his safety net.

 

“I won’t, Leon”, Sasha said and Leon’s brain registered that he looked sad, worried.

 

“Don’t be sad, little wolf.” That made Sasha chuckle, despite his still sad expression. Leon cupped his cheek, brushed over it with his thumb. Something in the back of his mind told him that he was high off his rocks and should probably stop talking, but the thought was quickly gone again. “Don’t… don’t leave…”

 

Leon’s vision darkened again. He was suddenly so tired. His grip on Sasha’s shirt loosened.

 

“I told you, I will not”, Sasha kissed the palm of Leon’s hand, adjusted his sheet. He could tell Leon wouldn’t be awake for much longer.

 

“But you will…”, Leon yawned, he couldn’t hold his eyes open much longer, they were doing their own thing. “Always… we always go…”

 

“Sleep now…”, Sasha said, his hand brushing through Leon’s hair. He leaned into the touch. If he was being needy, he didn’t care, was too out of it to even notice. “We will talk when you are better.”

 

“Hm…”, was all Leon could say as sleep overtook him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> возлюбленной= sweetheart  
> моя возлюбленной = my sweetheart
> 
> I don't care if the science makes any sense, I mean it's Resident Evil. It's just my headcanon that Leon has some sort of mutations making him stronger and more durable.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for gory stuff

They didn’t talk.

 

To be fair, Leon had hardly any recollection of what he had been saying the next time he woke up, was surprised again to see Sasha next to him. Only vaguely did he remember the conversation about the virus inside him…

 

Sasha had to reassure him again and again that he would be fine, but still he asked the doctor when he came in to check up on him. They drew more blood and scheduled regular check ups for him, as they would constantly monitor his state. Leon was fine with that, he didn’t exactly like hospitals - who did? - but if there was the slightest change, or chance that something could be wrong, he wanted to know about it. He would not be the one responsible for another outbreak. If the worst happened, he would take care of it.

 

Thanks to his accelerated healing he was released about a week later. He was still quite a bit in pain, and was grateful to Sasha for letting him lean on him as he walked up to his apartment.

 

As soon as they entered Sasha scowled at the empty pizza boxes he hadn’t gotten around to throwing away before his mission. He ordered Leon to open the windows, get the stale air out, and worked on cleaning the place.

Leon insisted he didn’t have to, but once Sasha set his mind to something it was impossible to stop him. Not even his not-wheelchair friendly apartment would hinder him.

Leaving Leon to rest on the couch - he had tried to get up but Sasha was very strict - he went out to the store, returning with a large bag of groceries.

 

“For the last time, Sasha, you don’t have to do this”, Leon said as the other man started cooking.

 

“For the last time, _Leon_ ”, he glared at him. “I know that but I still will. You need proper food with actual nutrients if you want to heal.”

 

“How about some…”, Leon hesitated. _You can do this, you’re a grown man and you wanna suck a dick what’s so hard about that?_ “Some protein?”

 

Sasha stopped chopping to turn and look at Leon.

 

“Really?”, he raised an eyebrow. “You are going to be like this the one time we can’t do anything?”

 

“Why not?” He started to sit up, but Sasha’s glare made him immediately fall back down again.

 

“Not until you’re healed. Then we can fuck.” Sasha turned around again, kept chopping those damn vegetables. Leon would hate eating them. He was sure they would be delicious, but he would make an effort to hate them.

 

“That’ll take forever”, Leon sighed. “You’ll be gone by then.”

 

“I’ll stay for as long as I need to.”

 

“But what about your work… and things?”

 

“I told them I have a… family emergency”, he said, back still turned to Leon. “I am a teacher, I cannot get fired. So do not worry about it.”

 

Leon almost informed him that he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, but if he was honest, that didn’t mean that he wanted to. Lying here, and letting Sasha cook for him was a lot more preferable than being on his own, with the occasional visit from Hunnigan, or Claire if she could manage it. Still, he couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty that Sasha had just dropped everything to be here.

He wondered what Helena was doing, they hadn’t talked in a long while. He really was a terrible friend. Their last contact had been during a mission about a month ago. They worked well together, and he kind of missed her.

 

As he glanced over to his left, he noticed his laptop was open, Sasha’s picture still taped to the one broken corner, covering it up. He tried to casually lean over to close it, but only ended up falling off his couch with a loud thud, making Sasha turn to check up on him.

 

“Are you all right?”, he asked, coming closer. “What are you doing?”

 

“Nothing…”, Leon said lamely, trying to ignore the pain as he finally managed to close his laptop. Not without Sasha seeing the picture of course. “Just hanging out… on the floor…”

 

_Brilliant, Leon. Really._

 

“You dork.” Sasha closed the distance and opened the laptop again, smiling knowingly at Leon. “Go back on the sofa. And stay there.”

 

Leon saluted.

 

“Sir, yes, sir.”

 

He scrambled back onto the couch, careful not to strain himself too much. Sasha mumbled something that suspiciously sounded like ‘idiot’ while he continued to work in the kitchen. Leon meanwhile contented himself with watching him, the concentrated expression, the practiced movements.

Thinking about what those hands could do didn’t lessen the urge he had to do… _things_ to him. So many dirty things, some of which Leon didn’t even know he knew about.

 

His jeans were getting pretty tight…

 

“Zombies”, he mumbled to himself. “Think about zombies…”

 

“What are you on about?”, Sasha called from the kitchen, which was only necessary because he was already frying something. Leon was very thankful for there not being a wall between the rooms that could be obstructing his view. He smiled at the way Sasha bit down on his lower lip in concentration.

 

“Nothing…” That didn’t even sound convincing to himself. “When’s dinner?”

 

“You have to be patient a little bit longer.”

 

Despite Sasha’s protests Leon got up and set the table. Just lying around like this was killing him, he wasn’t used to it, didn’t much care for it either. Doing it once in a while after a long mission, sure, but he had been lying in a hospital bed for over a week.

 

And now he was impatiently sitting at the table, tapping his leg.

 

“Have you had too much sugar?”, Sasha asked as he put another delicious homemade dinner on the table.

 

“I wish…”, Leon said, immediately digging in. Only now did he really notice how much he had missed proper food. Hospital food was terrible, and compared to it, this meal was heaven.

 

“Leon…”, Sasha said, and he turned to him, mouth full, with a questioning expression. “You are… sort of moaning.”

 

“Sorry, this is just _so good_.”

 

“Thank you but… this really makes the whole no sex thing very difficult.”

 

Leon swallowed and looked at Sasha for a moment as he gathered his courage for what he was about to do.

 

He closed his eyes, thought about the last time they had been together, and moaned openly.

Already he could feel his ears start to burn, but the expression he saw on Sasha’s face after he had opened his eyes again was absolutely worth it.

 

“о, Боже…”, he said, slapping a hand over his mouth. “That… I…”

 

Leon was grinning widely now. He had actually managed to make him speechless. He had to admit, he was a little proud of himself.

 

“No!”, Sasha had collected himself again. “Fuck… do that again in a week, okay?”

 

“A whole week?” While it was true sex wasn’t that important to Leon, right now, he was really fucking horny. And Sasha was just _right there_ looking so _god damn attractive_.

 

“With your fast healing, I would think that might work. But perhaps longer, we will see.”  

 

“No!”, Leon almost knocked his knife off the table. “A week. You said so. A verbal contract…. or something.”

 

Sasha laughed, the sound filling the apartment and making Leon’s heart skip a beat.

 

“That is not how these things work but…”, he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. “Fine. It’s a deal.”

 

He held out his hand and Leon shook it.

 

“Now it’s a contract”, Leon said, grinning as he dug in again, and when his plate was empty, he licked the remaining sauce off of it.

 

“Glad you enjoyed it”, Sasha said, smiling at him.

 

“Oh no, I mean…”, Leon tried to make a serious face. “It was terrible, really, I was just being polite.”

 

“Of course you were.” Sasha rolled his eyes in reply.

 

Despite Leon’s complaints Sasha worked on collecting the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, ordering the other man to go back to the couch.

 

_This is going to be a really long week…_

 

They settled into their all too familiar position on the couch, Leon resting with his back against Sasha’s chest. A contented sigh escaped his lips and he felt Sasha’s chest rise and fall in a small laugh.

 

“Anything you would like to do, Leon?” Sasha’s hand had already found its way into his hair again, playing with a streak. Leon enjoyed the sensation for a moment, the way the other man twisted the streak around his finger, let it fall again, just to start the process once more.

 

“Not really… got Netflix.” Leon lazily reached over for the TV remote, only barely reaching it. He handed it to Sasha. “You chose.”

 

The other man chuckled.

 

“You know if you’re tired we can just go to bed.”

 

“I’m not tired.” Leon yawned, badly hiding it behind a hand. He really needed to get back into shape.

 

“You are the worst liar, Leon.” Sasha’s chest rose and fell sharply from his laughter, but Leon didn’t mind the feeling. Anything that made the other man laugh like that was a good thing. “Oh, Sleepy Hollow, I heard it is good.”

 

Leon only hummed in affirmation, he really didn’t care what they were watching, as long as they stayed together like this. The most important thing was Sasha brushing through his hair, and since that was already happening he didn’t have anything else he could want.

 

“And you are sure you do not want to go to bed?”, Sasha asked once more.

 

“I told you I’m not sleepy.”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Leon woke up feeling hot and feverish. His head felt like it was close to splitting apart and despite the open window the air inside the living room felt stale and damp.

The TV was still on, but all it showed was a black screen, the little red light in the corner unnaturally bright in the darkness.

 

It took him a lot of effort to sit up, and in the end all he managed was to roll over on his side. Leaning over the edge of the couch a coughing fit overcame him and when he looked at his hand there was blood on it.

He was shaking, the silence of the apartment was deafening.

 

He pushed himself up into a sitting position and by now Sasha was stirring, slowly waking up. Leon had trouble breathing, his chest felt like it wasn’t under his control, needing more effort to raise it to breathe. It sounded wrong, too, rattling.  

 

“Leon?”, Sasha asked sleepily, the name slurred slightly. “Are you all right?”

 

He wanted to form words, he really did, but all that escaped his mouth was a strangled moan. Leon tried to clear his throat but he just went into another coughing fit. He noticed Sasha sitting up and starting to rub his back. All that did was increase the feeling of his skin being on fire.

 

“If you move a little I can get you a glass of water.”

 

Leon shook his head. He wasn’t thirsty, didn’t want to drink anything despite his rising body temperature.

 

He was hungry.

 

_So, so hungry._

 

Sasha’s neck was exposed. The collar of his sweater so loose that all that soft, tender flesh was just right there. Begging...

Leon moved, no, crawled up, all of his weight pushing Sasha down again.

 

“What are you doing? You do not look well, we should not…”

 

He nuzzled the crook of Sasha’s neck, licked over it and the other man shuddered. This was good, tasted too good… He needed more.

 

Another moan escaped him, this time it almost sounded like a growl and he let his teeth scratch over that soft skin of Sasha’s neck, making him shudder.

He felt the other man’s hands slip under his shirt, pushing it up and the air hit his hot skin, but he barely noticed it.

 

_Hungry_

 

“Leon you are hurting me…”

 

_So hungry_

 

Leon wasn’t holding back as he bit deep into the soft flesh of Sasha’s neck, his teeth breaking skin with surprising ease. He heard the other man shouting out, trying to push him back but a sudden burst of energy build up in him and he pushed Sasha down, his struggle was in vain, in the end he was always stronger.

 

His head snapped back, ripping a chunk of flesh right out of his neck. Blood was gushing out of the wound, over the pillow, over Leon’s face. The warmth felt good, as did the flesh on his tongue but it wasn’t enough. Even as he swallowed he felt no different, still hungry, still wanting more.

 

“Stop!”, Sasha shouted, panic in his voice rising. He was still struggling, but Leon held his arms down, and his legs were useless. “Leon!”

 

Ignoring the tears rolling down Sasha’s face he leaned down again, mouth over the wound, letting blood and flesh fill it as he ripped another piece out of there, tearing the throat open as he did so.

As he chewed he grunted, watched as Sasha’s eyes slowly glazed over, his movements got weaker, until his struggle finally seized.

 

“Leon…”, Sasha’s voice was weak, the loss of blood finally taking its toll. The look of utter defeat on his face didn’t matter to Leon, nor the pain in his voice or the sadness in his eyes.

All that mattered was the hunger.

 

It felt so good. The tender flesh, the hot blood. More. He needed more.

 

Again and again he ripped pieces of flesh out of Sasha’s neck. So engrossed was he in his hunger that he did not even notice the light going out of the other man’s eyes, not until it was too late and even then… he couldn’t bring himself to care.

 

His brain merely registered that this was all his now. Maybe it would be enough to finally still the hunger.

 

He groaned as his teeth bit into flesh once more.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> о, Боже = oh god


	16. Chapter 16

Leon sat up with a start, his whole body was shaking with the memory of the nightmare. He was shivering uncontrollably and his breathing was erratic. If he didn’t do something to calm himself down quickly, he’d go into a full blown panic attack.  

Turning to look at Sasha he saw that the other man was thankfully still sleeping. His shaking hand reached out to him almost on its own but Leon stopped himself just in time.

 

The things he’d done to him in his nightmare. He could still feel the warmth of the blood, the taste of the flesh…

 

The worst part was, that he had liked it. So much.

 

He needed to get away from Sasha right now. Couldn’t touch him with the thought of what that hand was capable of.

 

Moving as quietly as he could he walked towards the balcony door, but stopped before it and made his way to the cabinet. This called for whiskey and lots of it. Leon was in the mood to drink until he passed out, but some rational part of his brain told him it was probably a bad idea.

 

He took the bottle along with a glass, worried that his shaking hand and clinking glasses would wake Sasha up, but a quick glance told him he was still lucky.

Just in time he remembered the spot that would make the balcony door squeak, and so he opened it just enough to let him slip outside. He all but collapsed into one of the chairs on his balcony. The nights in Washington were cold, but he was already shivering and couldn’t stop it, it didn’t make a difference to him. It was better than feeling that feverish heat he had felt in his nightmare, the sign that he could turn…

 

He downed the first glass in one go, a pleasant warmth settling in his stomach, making him shiver slightly less. Immediately he poured himself a second glass.

 

After all he’d been through, all the times he had been hurt and beaten and close to death - this was the worst thing he had ever experienced.

And to think there might be a possibility it could really happen… He had the potential inside him. For the rest of his life. The virus was unpredictable, if something new was introduced to his system, maybe something as simple as a painkiller, it could change, could still turn him into a monster. He had seen enough of Umbrella’s experiments to know it was true.

Wasn’t the mixture of virus and plaga exactly what had turned Wesker?

 

All of the doctor’s assurances were forgotten now. He was scared, so scared.

 

Leon glanced at Sasha through the glass door of the balcony. He was getting tipsy, finally.

 

All of this meant one thing: He had to end it.

 

It had always been clear to him that what they had would be temporary but he would have never imagined it would end like this.

 

He just couldn’t risk it. Although he was fully aware he had been like this for a long time, it was different now that he knew about it. He couldn’t let Sasha touch him anymore, not with this knowledge. There were very few people who knew better than him what could happen. Sasha didn’t deserve that.

After the Civil War, after losing everything and finally building a life for himself, Leon couldn’t be the one to destroy it all. A normal life with a person who could always be there for him, that was what he needed. And Leon couldn’t offer that.

 

He already knew Sasha would argue, try to convince him it wasn’t true, but then Leon would just have to be strict… even mean if he had to be. In his heart he knew it was the right thing to do, even if that broke it. It’s not like he was in love with him, anyway.

 

Finally, after starting on his fourth glass, he tore his gaze away from the sleeping figure on the couch and looked back over the city. He used to do this a lot, just sit out here, watch the lights of the city, listen to the sounds of the people, the Capitol building lit up brightly in the distance. The cold air used to be enough to clear his mind.

But tonight, even with all this whiskey, he couldn’t get the taste of blood out of his mouth. The memory would haunt him for a long time, he could tell.

 

A soft knock on the door made him sigh. He had hoped he would have been able to avoid this until the morning, but if Sasha was awake, he would want to touch him, talk to him, and he couldn’t pretend for a second longer.

 

The quiet squeak that Leon hadn’t gotten around to fixing yet told him Sasha had opened the door, and when he didn’t come out onto the balcony he remembered the small step needed to get out here. He wasn’t going to offer help.

 

“Leon?”, Sasha was hesitant, perhaps sensing the tension in him. “It is cold out here, will you come back inside?”

 

“I’m good”, Leon replied, not turning to look at the other man. He took another sip of the whiskey. “Just… go to bed. You have a long trip tomorrow.”

 

“What?”

 

The silence was interrupted by an ambulance driving by. Leon waited until it had passed, gone to whatever emergency had called it.

 

He took a deep breath. No going back.

 

“You need to leave”, he finally said. “I’ll book you a flight in a minute.”

 

“Leon what the-”, Sasha stopped himself before he could really get agitated. Leon still couldn’t look at him. “What makes you say that? I told you I can stay for as long as you need me.”

 

“Well I don’t… need you. Thank you for coming but… you need to leave now.”

  
“Why?”, Leon tried to ignore how hurt Sasha sounded. But he couldn’t ignore the pain in his chest. “Why are you suddenly… like this? Did something happen?”

Leon drained his glass once more, thinking about how he could best explain this. The truth would just have them arguing for hours, he needed Sasha out of here.

 

“You are drunk”, Sasha said, trying to stay calm. “Let us talk tomorrow, okay?”

 

The hope in his voice was almost painful to Leon, but he could do this, could go back to being on his own, throw himself into his work. He had done harder things. On a daily basis.

 

_Have I really?_

 

“I’m not drunk.” He only swayed slightly as he got up sharply, looking at Sasha for the first time. He looked so hurt, but Leon needed to keep going. “Move aside please, I’ll book the flight.”

 

Sasha moved back wordlessly, eyes following Leon’s movements as he walked to his laptop, his stare piercing him, making him almost think he could read all of his thoughts. He’d miss those eyes…

 

No. He couldn’t go there.

 

Leon busied himself with booking the ticket, had to concentrate not to make any mistakes, the whiskey now showing its full effect. While he was typing he noticed the picture of Sasha still taped to the laptop. He ripped it off and put it face down on the table, couldn’t bear the happy memory right now. Soon enough he had the ticket printed out, arranged for a taxi to pick Sasha up around ten the next morning. Which meant only a few hours were left.

 

“There is no way to convince you?”, it was more of a statement than a question, but Sasha was stubborn, Leon hadn’t expected him to go down without a fight. “Whatever… happened that made you change your mind, you can tell me. We can talk about this.”

 

Leon got up, started to pace around the apartment. He brushed his hand through his hair.

 

“Just… there’s nothing, I- just leave.” This was getting harder by the second, the longer he looked at Sasha the more he wanted him to stay. But flashes from his nightmare came back to him, made him stumble and lean over the sink. He tried his hardest to control his breathing and not throw up.

He could sense Sasha moving closer to him, out of the corner of his eye he saw him reaching out.

 

“Don’t touch me!”, Leon said sharply as he flinched, and Sasha retracted his hand.

 

“Sorry… I…”

 

He looked down at Sasha and his heart finally broke. The pain in his eyes reminded him too much of what he had looked like in his nightmare, a look of complete and utter betrayal, mixed with disbelief.

 

It was for the best, it really was. Sasha could finally live his life. Leon was just holding him back.

 

“Go to sleep”, he finally said, trying to keep his voice steady. “There are still a few hours. Take the bed.”

 

And with that he left Sasa there in the kitchen to lie down on the couch, but instead of trying to sleep he simply stared at the ceiling. He knew he wouldn’t be getting any more sleep tonight. Not after this conversation, and not after his nightmare.

 

A few minutes later he heard Sasha wheel himself into the bedroom and climb into the bed, but judging by the tossing and turning he heard during the next few hours, he didn’t sleep either.

 

After they had both gotten up again, they simply stopped talking altogether. Leon feared what he would say, that he would make it even worse, or take everything back and convince Sasha to stay. None of that was really an option right now. Sasha just looked at him with that… fierce look he did so well. Leon had to avoid looking at him as much as he could for fear he might just break if he did.

 

When the cab driver rang the doorbell and Sasha was on his way out the door, bag in his lap, he turned around once more. Leon still didn’t look at him. He knew what expression awaited him.

 

“Leon I... “, Sasha sighed. “I will call you, okay?”

 

He didn’t answer. He really wanted to say _something_ but what? What could he possibly say to make him understand, to make him leave and not hate him?

 

“Goodbye…”

 

Still Leon said nothing, just watched the two men leave down the corridor. He gathered the strength necessary to close the door - it seemed so heavy all of a sudden. Once it was done he felt exhausted, leaned with his back against the door before slowly sliding down.

 

It was done. Sasha had left, and Leon wouldn’t contact him anymore. He was fully aware that this was a terrible thing to do to someone but it was all for the best, he was sure of it.

 

But why did it hurt so much?

 

He had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but thinking about the nightmare, about the hurt in Sasha’s eyes when he left… Tears started to form in his eyes, rolled down his cheek and soon enough he was crying openly, sobbing, wrapping his arms around his knees for support.

 

This was temporary, he told himself. The pain, the _agony_ of losing him would be over soon, and the tears would stop.

 

He kept repeating it in his head as the sobs shook his entire body.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if you guys like this chapter better than the one before [mad laughter]


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sort of forgot I ended the last chapter on a bad note. Whoops, sorry!

It didn’t get better.

 

Leon found every single movement to be a hundred times harder than it had been before.

 

He had lost track of time, but it had to be less than a day after Sasha had left when his phone started to ring and he wasn’t surprised to see that it was Sasha calling. He simply denied the call and turned off his phone. Next to come in was a skype call, but he just did the same thing, the first time he had moved from his spot in front of the door.

 

Locking himself completely away from the outside world he spent his days mostly in the dark, on the couch, not doing anything. He felt pathetic, like a teenager after his first breakup but he couldn’t help the way he was feeling. Never had he thought he could miss someone this much.

 

They had talked. Constantly. And now there was just silence. It was his doing, he knew that, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

 

A week could have passed, or maybe two, Leon didn’t pay attention to the rising and setting of the sun. He barely even managed the bare necessities like drink and eat, empty take out boxes were scattered all around the couch. Thankfully he didn’t even notice the smell that had started to accumulate in his apartment.

 

The doorbell ringing dragged his thoughts away from the one thing he was capable of thinking about, which was Sasha.

Had he ordered food? He had probably ordered food.

 

Dragging himself up, some crumbs from his last meal fell from his hoodie onto the floor, but he didn’t notice, or care.

 

“Ugh sorry”, he said while he opened the door, forgetting to check who was there for once. Hunnigan had come by at some point, but he had refused to open the door for her. “Gotta get some cash.”

 

“Leon you fucking idiot.”

 

That wasn’t his delivery guy - and yes he did have a delivery guy. But this was Chris Redfield, tall figure taking up almost the entire door frame, with a scowl on his face.

 

“Chris…”, Leon stammered before he was pushed backwards by the other man who made his way into the apartment without asking.

 

“You look like shit - god what is that smell?”

 

Chris strode through the apartment, opening all the windows on his way, collecting some of the empty food boxes and stacking them into a neat pile. Leon could only stare, he hadn’t seen Chris in months, despite the only five hour drive to Pittsburgh.

 

“Close the door and get over here”, Chris said, dragging Leon out of his stupor. All he could do right now was obey, his brain hadn’t quite processed what was happening right now. He closed the door and sat back down on the couch, for once not in a fetal position. Chris sat opposite him on the coffee table.

 

He scanned Leon up and down, taking in the longer than usual stubble, the hoodie full of grease stains, the messed up hair. Leon wasn’t exactly concerned with his appearance at the moment.

 

“Leon”, he finally said. “What the fuck?”

 

“What do you…”, Leon had to clear his throat, he hadn’t talked to anyone in a long while. Sometimes he just grunted at the delivery guy, he didn’t care what he looked like as long as he paid. “What do you mean?”

 

“What do I mean?” Chris ran a hand through his short hair, sighing in exasperation. “This. You. This place. Do you know you missed your medical examinations?”

 

“How do you know about those?”

 

“Hunnigan called me and she got me into contact with Sasha. You had everyone worried sick. Why would you not answer _the damn phone_?”

 

“You… you talked to Sasha?” They weren’t supposed to know. No one was supposed to know. He was _supposed_ to get over this and have things back to normal. He just needed a little more time.

 

“Yes and really, Leon? I never thought you could be such an asshole…”

 

“What?”

 

He had just done what was necessary. To protect the person he cared about.

 

“Just doing a complete 180.. and then not calling him, at all?” Chris was getting more and more agitated, sighing in frustration. “Have I mentioned how fucking worried everyone was? Until we talked to Sasha we thought… god, we had no idea what happened to you, you weren’t answering the door or the phone, nothing. I love you Leon, but that’s being an asshole.”

 

Leon was getting agitated, angry. What did he know? What did any of them know? They weren’t fucking infected.

 

“You have no idea-”

 

“Then talk to me!”, Chris interrupted. “No one can understand if you don’t fucking talk!”

 

“I’m infected!”, Leon shouted. The silence that followed was all the more prominent for it. They stared at each other for a moment, both breathing heavily.

 

“I know”, Chris said calmly.

 

“What? Does Hunnigan not know the fucking word ‘privacy’?”

 

What had she been thinking? She didn’t have the right to just go around telling everyone that he was a monster just waiting to turn.

 

“Really, Leon?”, once more Chris ran a hand through his hair. “Frankly, I’m insulted you didn’t tell me. But I guess you were busy feeling sorry for yourself.”

 

“You have no idea, you have no _fucking_ idea what it’s like!”, Leon was shouting at Chris, though the other man didn’t seem to care. “You were the one who killed Wesker, saw the thing he turned into, you told me about that. That is me, I’m fucking like him! I have all of that shit inside me.”

 

“Finally he is talking”, the calm way Chris talked to him only made Leon more angry. “You have been told, over and over again, that you are _not_ infectious. Sasha told me you seemed fine with it and then when you came back here, you just lost it. What the hell happened?”

 

Leon looked away to stare at the stack of empty take out boxes. He knew it was silly, feeling like this after a nightmare, but he couldn’t explain how real, how terrifying it had been.

He felt Chris put his hand on his knee, and when he looked back at him, he was a lot closer than he had been before.

 

“Leon”, Chris sounded gentle now, his eyes full of worry, but also patience. “You know you can tell me anything.”

 

He sighed.  

 

“I had a nightmare...”

 

“In which you turned”, Chris finished the sentence. “I… had that dream too you know.”

 

“It was just…”, Leon looked away again, he hadn’t talked about this before. “Too fucking real. The blood, the… the flesh… I just. I watched him die, killed him, Chris, and I liked it.”

 

“Leon…” Chris slipped into the seat besides Leon. They both remembered these movements too well, and he leaned forward to let Chris wrap his arms around him. His hands moved on their own, clutching at Chris’ shirt. This felt good. The warmth of another body, the familiar feeling of it. He had always liked that Chris was taller than him.

 

“That sounds horrible”, Chris said. “But you have to fight this, okay. You can’t let it take over your life. You are safe now and everyone’s working on keeping it that way.”

 

“But what if… what if-”

 

“Stop.” Chris pushed him away a little so he could look down at him. “You can’t go down that road, it’ll destroy you. Our work is dangerous, but that has never stopped you before…”

 

“It’s different now.” Leon let his head hang low, leaning forward again to let it rest against Chris’ chest.

 

“Because of Sasha?”, Chris asked, and he nodded against his chest. “But Leon… isn’t he all the more reason to fight? To keep going, living a normal life… as much as we can at least.”

 

“He… deserves someone better. You know, someone who can be there… and won’t turn.”

 

“We could all turn. But think about it, you are less likely to do so, you’re stronger… faster…Even if you got bit now, it wouldn’t matter.” Chris’ voice was calm and steady, it was like an anchor for Leon. “And do you ever consider what Sasha might have to say about this? He knows the deal, that you can’t always be there, he seems fine with it… You’re not the only one in this.”

 

“God damn it…”, Leon sighed and finally straightened himself again, looking up at Chris. “I was so sure I did the right thing… how are you doing this?”

 

“It’s a gift. That’s why I’m here.” Chris smiled, and Leon felt a little relief wash over him.

 

“But… You’re right. I was an asshole, I kind of did that on purpose to push him away… Sasha would never forgive me.” He raised an eyebrow. “How much did you talk, really?”

 

“Enough to know you wear his kitten shirt as pyjamas.”

 

“Oh god…” Leon hid his face behind his hands. So they had talked a lot. Or maybe Sasha had just told Chris that so he could tease him with it. It would be something he’d do. And Leon deserved it.

 

“I can’t say if he’ll forgive you.” Chris forced Leon to look at him again, but didn’t completely let go of his hands. It was reassuring. “But you have to call him and tell him you’re okay… Sort of. When have you last showered?”

 

“Uh… I don’t know…” Leon lifted an arm and sniffed under his armpit. Yeah, definitely time for a shower.

 

Chris chuckled shortly, but quickly turned serious again.

 

“He was worried sick. I don’t think he slept a lot during the last weeks…”

 

“Fuck… but it’s late there now.”

 

“Leon, which part of ‘he’s not sleeping because he’s worried about you’ do you not understand?” He tilted his head as he looked down at Leon, a small smile on his face. “I told him earlier that I was going to come here, I’m pretty sure he’s awake.”

 

Leon sighed and brushed his hand through his hair. It came back greasy.

 

“Let me just take a quick shower first, okay?”

 

“I suppose a few minutes won’t make a difference”, Chris said, grinning. “You really need that shower.”

 

He hurried in taking the shower, though he had to admit that he already felt a little better. Chris had gotten through to him but now a whole other problem was before him: Trying to explain this to Sasha.

Being an asshole had been his whole plan, he thought there hadn’t been a need to ever turn back, and yet he was thinking about it. Maybe he wouldn’t forgive Leon, maybe he’d just tell him to fuck off. At least then he didn’t have to think about how he could possibly make this up to him.

 

Returning to the living room he found that Chris had cleaned up the place, had gotten rid of the excess garbage that had been lying around the apartment. The windows were still open, the apartment really needed the fresh air.

First Leon turned on his phone again, and was immediately bombarded by a mass of texts and missed calls alerts. The texts ranged from worried inquiries to angry messaged about what the fuck was wrong with him. He couldn’t blame him, or Hunnigan. Apparently that’s how far this had gone, and she hadn’t told anyone else besides Chris. At least that was something…

 

The same thing happened when he turned on his computer, and skype. Hundreds of messages. It seemed Sasha had almost constantly tried to call him, and only moments after he had started up the program, another call came in.

 

He took a deep breath and accepted it.

 

Sasha did look terrible, probably as bad as he did. The bags under his eyes were all too prominent, making the ache in Leon’s chest only stronger.

 

“Hey…”, he said lamely.

 

“You are still alive”, Sasha said, sighing deeply once before completely changing his demeanor. “You fucking asshole.”

 

He looked angry, really angry. Leon couldn’t blame him.

 

“How dare you fucking do this to me?”, he shouted. “I thought you needed time, I was okay with that but you cannot just fucking break off contact completely, missing all your appointments and making me sick with worry...мудак… I could not sleep because of you!”

 

“I’m sorry…”, Leon’s voice was small. He deserved this, deserved to be yelled at, and more.

 

“Oh, you are _sorry_ ”, Sasha’s voice was dripping with sarcasm, and he made an exasperated gesture with his hand. “I cannot believe… I cannot… that you thought you could not talk to me.”

 

“I really am sorry I just…”

 

“No”, Sasha interrupted. “Fuck you. I do not want to talk to you anymore.”

 

And with that he ended the call, leaving Leon to stare at the screen with only the skype interface on it. No Sasha. Nothing.

 

“Well that went… horrible”, Chris said from behind him and he let his hand rest on Leon’s shoulder, gently squeezing it once.

 

“I deserved it.”

 

“You kind of did. But give it some time. He cares about you, he’ll come around, but then you really need to talk to him. Stop shutting yourself away from everyone.”

 

“But…” Leon looked up at Chris, only to see him smiling. He had screwed everything up, had gotten everyone mad at him, why would they even want to talk to him anymore?

 

“Leon, you have to get it into that thick head of yours that we care about you. A lot. I know this is going to sound cheesy but… you deserve to be loved, okay?”

 

He chuckled at Chris’ little speech. He really was lucky to have people like him in his life. If things had been a little different… maybe they would have ended up together.

 

“I don’t know why though…”

 

“You don’t have to, okay?” Chris shook his head. “Maybe it’s your cute ass.”

 

That made Leon laugh, and it felt good to be doing it again. Though of course he was still worried about Sasha… and Hunnigan, who would probably try and kill him the next time they met.

 

“Bet you wish you had seen it more than once”, he said, tilting his head in a cocky way.

 

“It was pretty amazing, I have to admit. But I got a nice replacement ass…” Chris stopped to frown. “Don’t tell Piers I called him that.”

 

“Don’t worry”, Leon chuckled. “I won’t. How’s it going with you two anyway?”

 

“Pretty good, we’re actually thinking of moving in together.”

 

“That’s great!” While he was still sad about his own situation, he really wanted Chris to be happy. If there was a purely good person in this world, it was him.

 

“Is it weird… us talking about this?”

 

“Oh come on, it was one time, years ago. We’re friends”, Leon reminded him. “If we can’t talk about this stuff, what’s the point?”

 

“See, you say that and yet you still pulled this shit…” Chris leaned forward to smack Leon over the head.

 

“Ow! What the hell?!”

 

“Promise me you’ll never do this again.” Despite their earlier banter Chris looked one hundred percent serious now.

 

“I promise”, Leon said, not blinking as he looked into Chris’ eyes. “I’m sorry, I really am.”

 

“Good. Now let’s go get you some groceries, your fridge is completely empty, doofus. How you stay in shape like that is a mystery to me.”

 

“Perks of the virus I guess”, Leon said dryly as he got up from the couch.

 

Suddenly Chris was right in front of him, wrapping his strong arms around him once more. Leon chuckled into the taller man’s chest but didn’t push him away. Chris was an amazing hugger and he mirrored the gesture, relaxing into the touch.

  
“You’ll be okay, Leon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> мудак = asshole
> 
> The night Leon and Chris referred to would be this one: http://archiveofourown.org/works/2509211


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you missed it, here's that night that was mentioned in the last chapter: http://archiveofourown.org/works/2509211

Chris stayed over for a few days to “catch up”, though Leon got the feeling he wanted to make sure he stayed on the right track and didn’t fall back into his depression.

 

He didn’t mind, Chris was his best friend, they did need to catch up and he was almost as good a cook as Sasha. As Leon’s attempts at making food tended to end up on fire it was Chris who made their meals over those few days. Real food. Leon had actually missed it.

 

Chris was also the one to attempt to coach Leon on how to best try and approach Sasha, as he was close to just booking a flight out to Eastern Slav. But he was warned by Chris that that move might just be a little bit drastic.

 

Leon didn’t feel like explaining himself in an Email or letter would be the best thing, but since Sasha refused to answer his calls he didn’t have much of a choice. He just needed him to know, what he did with it, was of course his choice. He had no right to expect Sasha to forgive him.

 

“You could try recording a video message”, Chris suggested on their second night. “I still don’t think flying out there would be the best thing to do, but this would be a compromise.”

 

He sighed as he handed Chris his beer, who acknowledged it with a nod, before dropping down onto the couch next to him, an all too familiar movement lately. At least he showered regularly.

 

“I… guess. But he might not even watch it, he hasn’t answered any of my calls, or replied to my texts.”

 

“You texted him?”, Chris asked, one eyebrow raised. “I thought I told you to give him some space.”

 

“Just… just a few times.” Leon didn’t make eye contact, just played with the top of his own beer bottle. “Just… asking him to please let me explain. And to say sorry.”

 

“Oh Leon… And you still insist that you’re not in love with him?”

 

Leon looked up at Chris now, making a point of rolling his eyes at him.

 

“How many times?”, Leon asked, exasperated. “I just want to make it up to him.”

 

“You’re fucking hopeless. No wonder nothing ever happened with us.”

 

“If you remember we _had_ agreed to just be friends.”

 

Leon wondered where that had come from. They weren’t embarrassed about it, but they still rarely discussed that one night they had spent together. Back then.. he had felt like there had been something more between them than the initial lust that had gotten them into bed. But then Chris had gone off the grid to go after Umbrella and they had rarely heard from each other, only met again about a year later.

That was the time their friendship had really started, and he wasn’t quite sure how, it was Leon after all, but it had never been awkward between them. None of them had ever initiated anything more than friendship though, so Leon had assumed it was what Chris wanted. He was glad about it too, if he was honest, he wouldn’t want to miss this friendship for the world.  

 

“Of course we did, I was going after Umbrella, but…”, Chris slightly shook his head. “There was… _something_ there, wasn’t there?”

 

“I… this is dangerous territory, Chris.”

 

“Just tell me.” Chris had his gaze fixed on him, a relentless stare that almost reminded him of Sasha’s.

 

“I did feel it too.”

 

Now Chris broke into a smile, utterly confusing him. Why did he need to hear that, what was he going to do with it?

 

“But it doesn’t matter”, Leon added. “You’re with Piers now, you love him, don’t you?”

 

“I do”, Chris was still smiling. “And you have Sasha.”

 

“Well that’s debatable.” Leon huffed, smiling weakly anyway.

 

“I don’t know, I just needed to know. Maybe if the timing had been better we’d be sitting here now, married or something.”

 

“Hah”, Leon couldn’t help but laugh at the picture. He didn’t see himself as the married type, not with the kind of work he did. “And stare at your face all day, no thanks.”

 

“Ouch, you wound me”, Chris said, pretending to be physically hurt. He earned a light punch from Leon into his side with that. “Can I try one thing?”

 

“What on earth is up with you tonight?” Leon frowned up at Chris. “You’re being weird.”

 

“Do you trust me?”

 

Leon hesitated only for a moment, tried to figure out what he was up to by squinting at him.

 

“With my life”, he said eventually.

 

Chris leaned down and pressed their lips together.

It was just like it had been those many years ago, Leon too shocked to do anything about it, but this time Chris was patient. After the initial shock had worn off he slipped his arm around Chris’ neck and returned the kiss. There it was again, the note of beer, even the same brand, he could taste on the other man’s tongue.

His lips were rougher than they had been, but just as skilled, and soon enough Leon sighed into the kiss, prompting Chris to finally pull away.

 

They stared at each other, but this, the look, the sensation, that was different. The kiss had been nice, but that was all.

Both of them started to laugh, leaned back from each other to settle back into their earlier positions.

After a while silence settled between them, both trying to return their breathing to normal.

 

“What the heck, Chris?”, Leon asked, but he wasn’t angry. He had a feeling what this could have been about. He also had a feeling they both felt the same way. There was nothing between them anymore, and now they could be sure.

 

“Sorry, I had to know if... “

 

“That thing was still there?”, Leon finished the sentence.

 

“Yeah and… no offence… but it’s not.”

 

“Hey, I know. I understand.” For the first time the silence between them turned a little awkward. “You’re still a great kisser though, Piers is a lucky man.”

 

Chris squirmed a little at that comment, adjusting his shirt before taking a sip from his beer.

 

“This didn’t… mean anything but”, he looked at Leon again. “Could you please not tell him about this?”

 

“You sure that’s wise? I thought honesty was the best policy or something like that… And you’re right, it didn’t mean anything.” He paused for a moment. “Does he know about that night?”

 

“Says the right person”, Chris huffed, and Leon shrugged. He knew he’d be teased about his fuck up for a long while. “He doesn’t know… yet. I will tell him, it’ll just be awkward otherwise but… I think this should stay between friends.”

 

“Well if you insist…”

 

“When did this become about me anyway”, Chris adjusted his seat, leaned against the back of the couch with his shoulder to face Leon. “We were going to make an explanation video.”

 

“Oh, were we?”, Leon raised an eyebrow. But it wasn’t a bad idea. He had to at least try. “Have I mentioned that I hate it when you’re right?”

 

“Shut up and think about what you want to say”, Chris said as he got up, setting his beer bottle down onto the coffee table. “You still have that camera?”

 

“Yeah…”, he made a noncommittal gesture with his hand. “Drawer.. you know the one.”

 

What was he going to say? He didn’t have the words to explain how sorry he was, or how real that dream had felt, how scared he still was…

He was so incredibly grateful to Chris for not letting him stay on his own for the last few days. All he had been doing was think about that nightmare and the more he did that, the more scared he got.

 

“Smile”, he heard Chris say, dragging him away from those dangerous thoughts. He dropped his teasing tone though as he set up the camera. “Okay just… take your time. Be honest.”

 

Leon sighed at the red light telling him Chris was already recording. He brushed a hand through his hair and averted his gaze. He felt ridiculous.

 

“Hey Sasha uhm…”, he started, already feeling like it was the worst opening in the world. “Well if you’re watching this, first of all thanks for… for doing that. What I did was terrible and you have every right to be mad at me… obviously…”

 

Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Chris making a gesture with his hand, telling him to keep going.

 

“I feel so stupid doing this…”, he muttered under his breath. But now he forced himself to look at the camera, imagining Sasha there. “I said this before but I can’t say it enough… I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry, you did not deserve this.”

 

Leon took a deep breath. He had to explain it, which meant recounting his nightmare. He still got sick thinking about it.

 

“The night you were here, when we got back from the hospital I… had a dream, a nightmare. I know what it sounds like but it was the realest fucking thing I have ever experienced. I… I killed you, I ate you Sasha, I can still taste it when I think about it too much and I got so, so scared. I thought…

I overreacted, panicked, convinced myself you were better off without me, better off without the risk that came with _what_ I am. But”, he quickly glanced up at Chris for a short while, smiling weakly. “Someone talked some sense into me. It was the worst way to handle it, and I should have just talked to you, I know I’m not the only one in this. It’s not just my choice. I’m… trying to deal with this, to be fine with this.”

 

Behind the camera he could see Chris smile and nod. The man was just so… large, it made the gesture kind of adorable.

 

“I don’t… expect you to forgive me just like that, but I at least wanted to explain. I…”, he hesitated. “Care about you. And I miss you. It would be great if… maybe… we could some day talk again.”

 

He brushed through his hair once more, smiled crookedly at the camera.

 

“Er… I hope you don’t think this was too goofy. It was Chris’ idea so you can blame him…”

 

Chris leaned to the side to scowl at him and mouth _hey_.

 

“Anyway… that’s why I was being an asshole. Again, I’m sorry. I hope that you’re doing well and uhm… yeah. I… Goodbye, I guess”, he finished lamely. Before he could say anything else or try again Chris had turned off the camera.

 

“That was very… Leon”, he said, grinning down at him. “But it’s honest, I think he’ll appreciate that.”

 

“Ugh… this was embarrassing, you sure I should send it?”

 

“I’ll go send it, before you get cold feet. Go order us some food.”

 

“Yes, sir…”, Leon rolled his eyes, but did as he was asked.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

 

A few days later Leon still hadn’t heard from Sasha, and he got more and more nervous. Chris had to go back to Pittsburgh and for the first time in his life Leon wished he didn’t live alone. Of course he couldn’t stop Chris from leaving, he had an actual boyfriend to return to, but he was a little worried about where his thoughts might wander if he was on his own for too long.

 

Instead of worrying on his own however, he told Chris about this, and of course the man offered that Leon could call him, day or night, it wouldn’t matter to him. He also made him promise to check in by text with him at least every other day, if he didn’t want to call. Just to make sure he was still alive and relatively well.

 

Leon did take advantage of that offer, though he felt a little guilty about calling at 2 am after another nightmare - thankfully not as bad as the initial zombie one he had had.

When he heard another male voice, which he assumed to be Piers’, in the background, mumbling something about ‘frikkin 2 am’ he made a mental note to invite them over some time, or make it up to them in some other way. Having only met Piers during that chaotic time in China he would love to have a chance to really get to know him, too. He was dating his best friend after all.

 

He had counted the days, and on the fifth, while he was having lunch, his phone buzzed. Deep inside he didn’t even expect it to be Sasha, but he couldn’t help rushing to check it.

 

_Little Wolf(12:45): I have received the video_

 

Leon grinned at his choice of words, and the nickname he had given him in his phone. Whereas other people used abbreviations when they texted, Sasha was always overly formal. Unless they were sexting. Which hadn’t happened in a while.

 

His heart started to beat faster, he felt heat rising into his chest. Sasha had replied. He was talking to him! Sort of…

 

_Leon S Kennedy(12:46): Did you watch it?_

 

…

 

The seconds ticked by as he watched the little dots move on the screen, indicating that Sasha was writing something. Agony. Those dots were pure, fucking, agony.

 

_Little Wolf(12:50): Yes._

 

That was it? Leon rolled his eyes, he had probably done that on purpose. Just mashed the buttons for a few minutes to tease him. Even if it was petty, he deserved it.

 

_Leon S Kennedy(12:52): You’re texting me... What do you think?_

_Little Wolf(12:53): I haven’t forgiven you._

 

Of course not. Nevertheless Leon felt a little disappointed. He was being selfish again, and he needed to stop.

 

_Little Wolf(12:54): Yet._

 

Leon jumped up from his seat, almost knocking it to the floor. He had a chance. Sasha would give him a chance to make it up to him. He did a little dance around the apartment before replying.

 

_Leon S Kennedy(12:58): I want to send you something. You don’t have to accept it, but I want to make it up to you._

 

He waited a few minutes for an answer, but it seemed he wasn’t going to get one until he actually sent it over. And so he went to his laptop, thankful that he still had all of Sasha’s information saved. They had once talked about going away together, and he knew it was kind of a silly thing to do, perhaps ridiculously romantic and inappropriate in this situation but maybe, just maybe it would be silly enough to get Sasha to come. He felt that if he met him in person again he might have a better chance of making it up to him.

 

And he just missed him so much.

 

He fumbled around in the drawer of his desk, pulled out the polaroid picture of Sasha he hadn’t been able to throw away, and taped it back to the corner of his laptop. The broken off corner really did look ugly.

 

_Leon S Kennedy(13:15): Could you take time off on short notice?_

_Little Wolf(13:16): Perhaps. Why?_

_Sending attachment(13:16): EasternSlavCentral_to_MiyakoAirport.pdf_

 

He’d once crash landed on Miyakojima, an island to the south of Japan, closer to Taiwan but still Japanese territory. Despite almost drowning there, he had noticed how beautiful everything about it had been and since then he had always wanted to go another time. If it was with Sasha it would make it all the better.

 

_Leon S Kennedy(13:18): I’d love it if you could come._

 

…

 

Those dots again. Leon let his head drop onto the table, the thud very loud in his silent apartment.

 

_Little Wolf(13:20): I will think about it._

 

Leon sighed with relief. That was something, that meant he had a chance.

 

_Leon S Kennedy(13:21): That’s all I ask. Thank you._

 

There was silence again after that message, and though he dared to text Sasha a few times after that, he never got another reply. Not even when he tried to make sure if he would come to Japan with him. Obviously they wouldn’t be on the same flight, so he would only know once he was actually there.

 

He had to risk it.

 

Wasting a few, possibly thousands of dollars was definitely worth it. Sasha was worth everything.

 

A week later he was all ready and packed, making his way to the airport in Washington. All during the journey he was so nervous that he couldn’t sleep, which, after almost 24 hours didn’t make him look very attractive, but all that mattered to him at the moment was Sasha. He had gone without sleep for much, much longer, anyway.

 

He knew by heart that Sasha’s flight would arrive a few hours later than his, so once he had collected his bag and gone through customs he paced around the airport’s terminal. Too tired to do anything to distract himself, too excited to just stand still. He actually had to flash his badge once when airport security started to question him.

 

11:55 am.

 

Sasha’s flight had finally touched down, and slowly the first people from it came through the terminal doors. This was it. The moment of truth. This was his one shot to make it up to him, to somehow make things right and to possible go back to what they had had before.

  
But what if he didn’t show up? 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out this amazing [fanvideo](http://make-sterek-canon.tumblr.com/post/101674247092/hi-so-ive-been-reading-a-kennechenko-fanfic-for) ok?! <33 Thank you again Aeriels_Stories!!!

Leon had stopped pacing around the terminal.

 

Now he was just standing in front of the one door Sasha _could_ be able to come out of. If he had come. If he deemed him worthy of forgiveness.

 

His hands gripping the handle of his bag tightly were clammy, his heart refused to stop its erratic beat.

 

The minutes ticked by. People came out of the door, greeted their relatives, friends, lovers. Everyone around him seemed to be reunited with their loved ones. Happy faces everywhere, but no Sasha.

 

Leon was about to give up, an hour had passed, no one else was coming through that damn door. Sasha had just not been able to think about forgiving him, and he didn’t blame him. He tore his gaze away from the terminal door and was about to leave.

 

“You were not thinking about leaving, were you?”, an all too familiar voice came from behind him.

 

He turned around and his heart seemed to stop.

 

Sasha was here. He had come. He was talking to him! There must have been another door he had missed...

 

“No I just-”, Leon stammered, now that he was here, he had no idea how to act. “I thought...you hadn’t come.”

 

He couldn’t read the expression on Sasha’s face. Anger? Indifference? He made a mental note never to play poker with him.

 

“I was not going to pass up on a free holiday…”, he said, and Leon might have laughed at that if he hadn’t been this nervous.

 

“Of course I mean that… yeah… I mean-”, he stopped himself before he could stammer even more nonsense. Was that twitch almost a smile on Sasha’s face? “We should get to the hotel.”

 

Leon was about to take Sasha’s bag from him, when he moved backwards a little, glaring up at him.

 

“I am perfectly capable of doing this”, Sasha said.

 

“I know I just-” He couldn’t believe how badly he was already screwing this up. All he wanted to do was reach down and touch him, any kind of touch. “Sorry.”

 

Leon led them outside. He remembered surprisingly much about the airport and its layout, though he had only been here once. His Japanese was rusty, but enough to get them a taxi. Out of the corner of his eye he thought he had seen Sasha raise an eyebrow as he first spoke the language. He didn’t know everything about Leon yet.

 

During their silent ride to the hotel Leon tried to speak about a million times. He must have looked ridiculous right now, but he couldn’t actually bring himself to do it. What would he say? Apologize again? Knowing Sasha he would just get annoyed at that.

The other man didn’t make any attempts at speaking, either, just stared out of the car window. Would they spend the rest of the holiday like this? Leon couldn’t quite believe that Sasha would have just come here just for that. Or maybe he did, planned on leaving Leon behind while he’d go out to explore the island.

 

When they arrived at the hotel Leon had booked, Sasha let out a little gasp, and he had to bite down on his lip not to break into a huge grin. He loved that sound.

Of course if they already went all this way Leon would book them not just a regular Western hotel, but a Ryokan, a traditional Japanese inn. The family that ran this particular inn had helped Leon when he was stranded there, and he kept in contact with them, so naturally he would come here. It was pretty impressive for someone who had never been to Japan before, and he suspected Sasha hadn’t.

 

He noticed that the Yamadas had kept their promise to install a small ramp over the one staircase the whole inn had - at the entrance. That way Sasha could easily get inside.

 

Sasha couldn’t take his eyes off the u-shaped building, in its center was a garden that looked spectacular this time of year, with cherry trees that were unfortunately not in bloom anymore, but still gorgeous to look at. He was so distracted that he even allowed to let Leon take his luggage this time.  

 

“ケネディさん,ようこそ!”, Mr. Yamada greeted him.

 

“久しぶりですね, 山田さん.”

 

He quickly introduced them, grinning at the way the small bald man bowed to him again and again, who also refused to call him by his first name. Though Sasha tried to hide it, Leon could tell he was at least a little bit impressed at the whole trip, and his language skills.

 

They were shown to their room, which, in accordance to the flair of the inn, was lined with tatami mats. A small alcove to the left displayed an ikebana arrangement, and the only seating were a few pillows around a low table.

 

Leon let their bags drop to the floor as Mr. Yamada left them to themselves, and watched Sasha take all of it in. The sliding door on the other side of the room was halfway open, letting them see the garden inside the inn. A few leftover cherry blossoms had fallen from the trees and had been blown inside the room.

 

“I hope you like it”, Leon said quietly. The first time he had really addressed Sasha in about an hour. “Sorry, they don’t have single rooms… but I can get us a room separator if you want.”

 

“I do… and we will see”, he said after a moment’s pause. It almost felt like he hesitated in answering on purpose, just to leave Leon to doubt himself again and again.

 

He couldn’t really blame him. He deserved punishment, all of this, and more.

 

“I don’t know how tired you are but we probably shouldn’t sleep now, jet lag and all that…”, Leon continued, trying to dissolve the awkward tension between them. “We could go to the beach if you like.”

 

Sasha finally looked at him now, expression still completely neutral. If he would at least be angry at him, Leon could deal with that, but he had no idea how to handle _this_.

 

“I don’t have to go with you. If you prefer to go alone”, he added.

 

_Please say no, please say you want me there, please say anything…_

 

“Let me change into my swim trunks. Then we will go.”

 

_‘We’_

 

Leon let out a sigh of relief, and turned away from Sasha as he started to slip out of his jeans. He himself did the same, though he wasn’t sure if the water was warm enough to actually go inside.

 

The beach was close to the inn, only a few minutes walk, which is why he didn’t bother with a shirt or shoes, but when they got there Leon realized there was one thing he hadn’t considered and he mentally scolded himself. How could he have been this stupid?

 

Beaches and wheelchairs didn’t exactly mix well.

 

Sasha just looked up at him with a raised eyebrow, making Leon blush furiously.

 

“S-sorry…I-”

 

“Carry me”, it almost sounded like an order.

 

One Leon didn’t dare to disobey. He knelt down in front of Sasha’s wheelchair, who leaned forward to wrap his arms around his neck. But it was Leon who had to do the heavy lifting after he had guided Sasha’s legs around his waist.

Holding them tightly he swept him up in one fluid motion. He didn’t feel very heavy to him, but now he was just painfully aware of the heat of Sasha’s body, his head so close to his own he could feel his breath on his cheek.

 

He begged his heart to stop beating this fast, was afraid Sasha might notice.

 

Of course it didn’t work.

 

Leon carefully made his way down the beach, he would not be letting his nervousness screw this up by possibly dropping Sasha accidentally. He tried his best not to even think about it, which, in his head, only made it more likely to happen.

 

“Do you want to go in the water?”, Leon asked. He had taken off his shirt earlier, but Sasha was still wearing his own.

 

“Yes”, Sasha said, a little too eager. “I mean… Since you will be testing it first. If it is too cold then I would rather not.”

 

“All right.”

 

Carefully dipping his foot inside the ocean water he was prepared for the worst, but it turned out to be a very bearable temperature and he sighed in relief. He still flinched a little as a small wave surprised him, bringing the water up to his ankles. Sasha chuckled against his back, and he couldn’t suppress his own grin.

 

They were making progress.

 

He still took his time in going further into the water, thinking Sasha might want to abort this at any minute. He had no idea how well he would be able to swim with only his arms, so he’d have to trust Leon in keeping him safe and well… Leon had no idea if he actually did trust him anymore.

That thought wiped the grin off his face immediately.

 

But Sasha said nothing, only hissed in surprise when the water finally came up to his hips, a spot he could actually feel. His grip on Leon tightened, but he didn’t say anything about it, couldn’t deny that even if it was just like this, he had missed Sasha’s touch too much.

 

“There is a rock over there”, Sasha said, nudging his head to their right. “Set me off there.”

 

Leon obeyed, half walked, half swam over there, as he could still partially reach the ocean floor. He swam around the rock to set Sasha off so he could look out into the ocean, the beach behind them. He stayed inside the water.

 

What now? Should he leave? Come back in a bit, to let Sasha be on his own for a while?

 

He was almost about to leave when he thought better of it. He didn’t want to leave him alone, not when he wasn’t sure if he’d be safe. Instead he let his arms rest on the rock, and his chin on his arms, focusing on the ocean.

Definitely not on the man in the white, wet shirt right next to him. He definitely did not notice how it clung to Sasha’s skin, making every outline of muscle just all too visible.

 

Leon had to suddenly flinch as Sasha flicked a few drops of water into his face.

 

“You are staring”, he said.

 

“S-sorry”, Leon stammered, for what felt like the hundredth time.

 

To his surprise Sasha laughed, eyes crinkling together as he looked down at him.

 

“Oh you _are_ an idiot.”

 

“What?” Had he missed something? What had suddenly gotten into Sasha? Not that he minded hearing that beautiful laugh again. It felt like it had been ages.

 

“I was always going to forgive you, Leon.”

 

All he could do was stare.

 

Stare at that handsome face, drops of ocean water running down the left cheek, along that gentle smile.

 

Gentle. Not mocking or cruel.

 

“Are you…”, Leon felt his voice give way and he stopped the sentence mid-way. But he needed to know, _physically_ needed to know if this was real, his whole body was aching for it. “Are you serious?”

 

Sasha reached out to him, wet hand brushing through his hair and despite the now cooling water the touch sent a familiar heat through him.

 

“Of course, dummy”, he said, chuckling quietly. “I had to teach you a lesson. But I think I teased you enough now.”

 

Still looking up at Sasha he couldn’t contain the sob that escaped him as all the tension he had held for weeks now rushed out of him. He had hardly even noticed how unbearable it had become, and now that it was gone, it almost hurt the more for it. His vision blurred as tears started to form in his eyes, though he thought that maybe Sasha was frowning now.

 

“Sasha…”, all those words he wanted to say were lost in a sigh against his arm, as he had let his head drop down again. But Sasha’s hand was still there, gently playing with his hair.

 

“Get up here”, this time his voice wasn’t commanding, this time it wasn’t an order. He asked, and Leon followed. Though he needed a few tries to lift himself out of the water, he was strong, yes, but at this moment, all of that had left him.

 

But Sasha pulled him up, and he managed.

 

The hand he used to wipe the tears from his eyes only helped in making his whole face wet, and again Sasha laughed.

 

“I have to apologize, I went too far”, Sasha said, wrapping one glorious arm around Leon’s waist to pull him closer.

 

He wanted to worship that body, and never let it go again.

 

“No…”, Leon muttered as he shook his head to emphasize his point. “I deserved it, all of it, and more. You should keep punishing me, really.”

 

“Leon…”

 

How he had longed to hear his name from Sasha’s lips again, the way only he could say it. Scolding, but gentle, with so much affection that it made his heart skip a beat.

 

He let out another sigh. Too much had been bottled up inside him.

 

His body seemed to be moving on its own as he turned towards Sasha to let his forehead rest against his own, hands travelling up his back, tracing the spine. Sasha shuddered under the touch.

 

“I was just so mad”, Sasha whispered, and Leon nodded in reply, desperate, his voice suddenly failing him completely. “Because you kicked me out like that, made me worry by not talking to me… We can always talk, Leon. I understand why you acted like this, and how terrible you must have felt, but I could have helped you, I _wanted_ to help you so badly.”

 

How did he deserve this? How did he deserve this forgiveness, this man who has been through so much, but who was still capable of forgiving him and being so gentle?

 

He let out a shaky breath, clinging to the back of Sasha’s shirt.

 

“I’m sorry.” He was whispering too, because this was intimate, but he also because he wasn’t capable of anything more.

 

“Enough, Leon”, Sasha replied, keeping his voice low. “It is enough, you do not have to apologize anymore. I forgive you.”

 

Before Leon could say anything else, before he had the chance to break down completely, Sasha shifted his head to close the tiny bit of distance that still separated their lips.

 

It was such a cliché, but still… Leon hadn’t known how much he had missed this until now. He could still map out every line and imperfection on those soft lips, but feeling them in real life, not just in his dreams was so much better. Indescribable.

 

The cold water around them was forgotten as he became hyper aware of every detail of Sasha’s body. The slight shudder when Leon gripped his shirt more tightly, more desperately, the soft moan when he softly bit down on Sasha’s lower lip, prompting both to part their lips, to let their tongues meet.

The taste of Sasha flooded his mouth and mind, it filled his entire being, only made more exquisite by the faint note of salt brought by the ocean water. It mingled with the scent of Sasha’s body, that somehow, no matter where they were, slightly reminded him of a forest - clear and sharp.

 

They were both breathless when they finally pulled away, and Leon cursed the need for oxygen their stupid bodies needed.

 

He wanted to live off of that taste, that scent, that touch.

 

“I…”, Sasha started and Leon tore his gaze from his lips to look into his eyes. A whole range of emotions were displayed there, one after the other, and not all of them he could understand. Relief and hope, but sadness too.

 

“I did not know you spoke Japanese”, Sasha finished. Though Leon was dense about many things, he was completely sure that was not what the other man had initially intended to say. But he didn’t want to press him, not when this was just starting again and he could mess it up any second.

He tried to lessen his grip on Sasha’s shirt, but found that he couldn’t, scared that this might just not be real after all.

 

“Enough talk”, Leon whispered, promptly swinging his leg over Sasha, straddling his lap. “もうキスして.”

 

They both broke into a wide grin. Yes, he could do that too.

 

“I take it that m-”, Leon didn’t let Sasha finish his sentence, simply leaned in again to press their lips together. He needed more, couldn’t wait for more banter or dancing around each other. He needed those lips to burn into his skin like fire, to leave a permanent mark, to mark him as Sasha’s.

 

He was completely lost in the other man, the kisses, the looks they shared, didn’t notice the hours pass by, only when darkness started to fall and Sasha started to shiver he managed to pull away.

 

“Ah, fuck, sorry”, he said between pants. “We should head back.”

 

“Yes”, Sasha chuckled. “My feet will be all.. wrinkly now.”

 

“Hm, too bad”, Leon said as he slipped back into the water to offer his back to Sasha, who quickly followed. Thankfully they weren’t too far from the shore, and so they were on their way back to the inn soon enough. “They have an onsen.”

 

“Onsen?”, Sasha asked, trying to rub some heat into his arms. Leon picked up the speed, pushing the wheelchair faster.

 

“Ah, it’s a hot spring. Pretty awesome.”

 

“Hmm”, Sasha hummed. “That does sound nice. Just let us dry a little first, and eat something.”

 

“You have the best ideas.”

 

Mr. Yamada greeted them just as enthusiastically as he had this morning, promising he would start working on their dinner immediately.

While they waited for their food they quickly washed off the remaining saltwater from the ocean.

 

“We can’t go into the onsen dirty, anyway”, Leon explained as he gently rubbed a wet sponge over Sasha’s back, peppering kisses every other moment over it. He couldn’t stop himself. “Luckily none of us has a tattoo.”

 

Sasha had his eyes closed, humming contentedly every time Leon kissed him..

 

“Because it is considered… a criminal’s mark, yes?”

 

“Precisely”, he agreed, switching the sponge with a towel to start on drying Sasha off. “There. All done.”

 

Sasha turned his head to smirk at him.

 

“Maybe I will just have to get dirty again.”

 

Leon laughed against the other man’s lips before pressing a soft kiss to them.

 

“Just get in the damn yukata.”

 

He hadn’t worn one himself in a while, and so he fumbled around a little with the robe before he managed to properly bind the obi to keep it closed. Then he went to help Sasha with it, who seemed utterly confused.

 

“No, no, no”, Leon said, laughing. “Don’t make the knot in the front, people might think you’re a...prostitute!”

 

“Well how am I supposed to know that?” Sasha huffed, pushing a streak of Leon’s hair into his face with his breath. Leon just replied with a kiss to his forehead.

 

“That’s why I’m here.”

 

He knelt down in front of Sasha, silently asking for permission to pick him up by nodding down at him. Sasha replied by wrapping his arms around Leon’s neck, who slipped an arm underneath his legs to lift him up and carry him over to the table.

 

“Is this comfortable?”, Leon asked, arranging Sasha’s legs under the blanket attached to the low table.

 

“Yes.” It seemed Sasha, too, couldn’t stop kissing him, couldn’t handle them being apart for too long. Leon certainly didn’t mind. “Is there… heat coming from that blanket?”

 

“It’s called a kotatsu, an electrical blanket, pretty nice in the winter. I got one too.”

 

“Hey.” Sasha grabbed the sleeve of Leon’s yukata as he was about to move to the other side of the table. “Stay here.”

 

“I… I’m not sure Yamada-san approves of… this.”

 

Sasha just stared at him, making him unable to move.

 

“Do you really care?”, he asked quietly.

 

He relaxed and shook his head softly, was about to lean in for another kiss when a soft knock on the floor outside interrupted their little moment.

 

“Yes… はい!”, Leon called and the door slid open, revealing a kneeling Mr. Yamada who proceeded to bring in their trays, laden with all kinds of delicious food.

 

His nervousness was quickly forgotten as the small man placed their trays not opposite, but next to each other.

 

“ご主人ですか?” , he asked and Leon blushed so hard he was sure it would go all the way down his chest.

 

“いいえ...ただ...ただの...友達です.”

 

“あ,わかりました.” Somehow Leon didn’t believe that he understood at all, but he tried not to think too much about it.

 

“Do I want to know?”, Sasha asked, grinning at how red Leon had become.

 

“No… it’s nothing.”

 

_Is this your husband?_

 

The thought wouldn’t leave his mind, it all circled around that one word… “husband”.

 

“Well I do not care as long as that blush is back…” Sasha slipped his hand inside Leon’s yukata, exposing his chest a little. “I do not think I have seen it go down this far before.”

 

He breathed against Leon’s already heated chest, proceeded to press a kiss to it, and suddenly he was moving down, sliding open the yukata as he trailed more kisses wherever he could reach.

 

“I think it goes all the way down to-”

 

“We should eat!”, Leon almost shouted, not quite in control of his voice. He didn’t know exactly why he stopped Sasha, just knew he was too tired, embarrassed and confused to do this right now. Most likely he wouldn’t last long anyway.

 

“As you wish, though I have never used chopsticks before…”

 

“Come on, I’ll teach you…”, he adjusted his yukata and scooted closer to Sasha, slipping an arm around him to be able to wrap his own hand around his, guiding his movements. “Put them between your thumb and finger… like this… yes. Now just move the upper one, like… this… There.”

 

“Ah, it is not as difficult as I had thought and…”, Sasha made a yummy noise that sent the blood straight to Leon’s crotch. “Hmm, this is delicious.”

 

“G-glad you like it”, Leon stammered. Sasha had turned his head and they were close, so close… Leon could smell the ginger from the dish the other man had just tried. But he remembered that he didn’t have to hold back anymore, he could just kiss him, and he did, sliding his tongue along Sasha’s lip, now tasting the ginger as well.

 

“I thought you wanted to eat”, Sasha said breathlessly. Leon noticed the irregular rise and fall of his chest.

 

“Yes, food… right.”

 

It took a lot for him to pull away from Sasha, and he fumbled with his own chopsticks for a while before he could manage to eat something.

It was just as good as he remembered and as they ate, he explained the dishes Sasha didn’t know yet. Their trays were full of small bowls, all holding a different seasonal dish. There was rice of course, pickled ginger, a few pieces of maki sushi, gyoza, fried salmon, lightly cooked vegetables, miso soup and mochi for dessert. All in all, it was heaven, especially with Sasha there beside him.

 

“Are you still up for the onsen?”, Sasha asked, grinning as he watched Leon stretch and yawn. When he settled to lean back, hands pressed against the floor behind him, his yukata slipped over his shoulder, Sasha’s earlier fumbling with it had loosened its binding. Leon couldn’t bother to adjust it.

 

“Maybe we should just do that tomorrow”, he said, yawning.

 

“What do we do with this?” Sasha gestured to the empty trays.

 

“I’ll take care of it”, Leon said. He was acutely aware of Sasha watching his every move as he went to put the trays just outside their door for an employee to pick them up. It wasn’t usually done by the guests, but he did not want to wait much longer to go to sleep, so Leon arranged their futons on the floor himself, placing them right next to each other.

Sasha still grinned as he slipped inside one of them, still watching Leon as he went to turn off the lights.

 

“Do not dare”, Sasha said, making Leon stop in his tracks. He was merely about to slip inside his own futon but now he felt like he had committed a crime. “Come.”

 

He glanced over at Sasha, who had pulled back his futon for him to slip inside. He sighed with relief, and accepted the invitation. It was a tight fit, but it only meant they had to sleep as close together as they could.

 

Perfect.

 

Leon slipped his arm under Sasha’s neck, so he could use it as a pillow. He pressed a kiss to the top of his head, breathing in the scent of his freshly washed hair.

 

After the tense morning he could have never imagined it would end like this. Things… things would actually be okay. Until the next time he fucked up that was. He just hoped it would take a long time or perhaps… perhaps he could even stop himself from doing that. Sasha was too important to lose.

 

“You’re squeezing my ass”, Leon mumbled, already almost in that sweet spot between being awake and asleep, where everything felt floaty and unreal.

 

“I have missed your ass”, he heard Sasha’s equally sleepy reply, muffled against his chest.

 

“I have missed you. _So much._ ” He breathed in the other man’s scent, hadn’t even realized how much he had missed it until now.

 

“Then don’t be an idiot again, and you will not have to.” For emphasis Sasha pinched his ass, making him flinch.

  
“Ow”, he said, not even pretending to mean it as he was still too content and sleepy. “I’ll try not to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok it's not really necessary but if you must know what they say:  
> ケネディさん,ようこそ - Welcome Mr. Kennedy  
> 久しぶりですね, 山田さん - It's been a long time Mr. Yamada  
> もうキスして - kiss me already  
> はい - yes  
> ご主人ですか - Is this your husband?  
> いいえ...ただ...ただの...友達です - No... just... just... a friend  
> あ,わかりました - oh, I understand
> 
> Scene on the beach inspired by [this fanart](http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=44626590) (You might need a pixiv account to see it)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday Aeriel! 
> 
> Now you can hover over words in another language and immediately see what they mean! 
> 
> (Also my Nivanfield fic is up if anyone is interested in that :D)

“Leon… возлюбленная… wake up.”

 

He suddenly woke from his nightmare to hear Sasha’s gentle voice soothing him. It took him a few moments before he realized how tightly he was clinging to him, and he forced himself to relax. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt him.

 

Another fucking nightmare.

 

The same one he’d had the day they had returned from the hospital. He felt sick and disentangled himself from the other man to sit up.

 

The sun must have just risen, the room was engulfed in a gentle glow but Leon felt anything but peaceful.

 

“A nightmare?”, Sasha asked, though the answer was obvious. Leon was glad he wasn’t coming closer. Any sort of touch might have set him off now.

 

“Just… Just give me five minutes.” His voice cracked at the last word, and he did not think he’d be able to say any more.

 

“As long as you need…”

 

He was shivering again, despite the lingering body heat from Sasha, but he had learned how to deal with the nightmares better over the last few weeks. He needed to ground himself, needed to focus on what was real.

 

Leon took a deep breath, or tried to, it still came out shaky, but he forced himself to stay calm. To concentrate on his body that was here and now, his limbs that were still human, the texture of the tatami mat beneath him.

 

_You’re Leon Scott Kennedy._

_You were born in 1977._

 

It was a mantra he had taught himself. These were things that never changed, that would always be true about him.

 

_You’re a survivor of the Raccoon City incident._

_You’re with the Department of Security Operations._

_You’re with the man you love._

_You’re on Miyakojima._

_You’re in an inn._

_You’re sitting on a tatami mat._

_You haven’t turned._

 

The breath he took now was steadier, and he was able to turn towards Sasha again, who had been patiently waiting for him. There were no words to describe how grateful he was to him.

 

“Sorry…”, he mumbled when he thought his voice was strong enough. Sasha just shook his head in reply, he was smiling weakly as he reached out to him. But he thought better of it, didn’t quite close the distance and waited until Leon nodded in encouragement. The warmth of Sasha’s hand on his arm felt good, it seemed to spread through him. Were he anyone else, he would have shied away from the touch. Only Sasha had this effect on him.

 

“Don’t ever apologize for this”, Sasha said quietly but his understanding look turned into a frown. “Leon? You look like you have seen a ghost all of a sudden…”

 

Not a ghost. Just a sudden realization.

 

_I’m with the man I love_

_I love him_

 

He could only repeat it in his head as he stared off into the distance. When… how…? His mind was a complete mess.

The thought was overwhelming, but the more he repeated it inside his mind, the surer he got. He hadn’t known he was in love, simply because he had never been in love. And how could he have been, with his life being turned upside down on a regular basis?

This… feeling, this steadiness with Sasha was entirely new to him, which was why he had brushed it off as nothing. What an idiot he had been...

 

“Leon!”, Sasha’s voice ripped him from his stupor. He realized that the other man had sat up and was waving a hand in front of his face. “Do not scare me like this, what is it? Is it the nightmare?”

 

“N-no”, he stammered. Oh god… only now did he remember how Chris and Hunnigan had tried to tell him this. And if they knew...did Sasha know? Leon thought he had never noticed Sasha alluding to it and obviously he hadn’t said those exact words, he was dense, but _that_ he would remember. Should he tell him? He had just forgiven him… not even 24 hours ago, it was way too soon, wasn’t it? He needed fresh air, to clear his head if that was even possible. “I… I mean yes. I mean I’m fine. I’ll go see if we can get breakfast.”

 

He almost stumbled over himself in an attempt to get up. His fingers seemed so much clumsier than usual as he adjusted his yukata, which had become all messed up from sleeping in it. When he finally left the room, leaving a completely confused Sasha behind, he noticed too late that he had taken the wrong door, and ended up in the garden in the center of the inn.

 

It didn’t matter.

 

Leon let himself slide down against the wooden pole supporting the roof above him and let his legs drop off the u-shaped walkway that framed the garden.

 

“I… love him”, he said quietly to the air around him. Saying it out loud… it was a relief, though he wasn’t sure why.

 

He had always known that he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed when it came to romantic affairs, but as he looked back on his behaviour the last few weeks, the incredible relief he had felt when Sasha had finally forgiven him… He had to agree with everyone who had called him an idiot. Next time he should just listen to the people around him, who apparently knew better than himself what was going on inside him.

 

But the question remained: Should he tell him?

 

It seemed no matter what he did, it was the wrong thing. He wanted to tell him, burned with the desire to do so, but that only meant that he shouldn’t… right?

They should spend more time together first, should build a real foundation and… What if Sasha didn’t feel the same way? Sure, Leon had never broached the subject but then neither had Sasha. It could only mean he was waiting for him, or that he didn’t love him, not like this anyway.

 

Though he had come all the way out to Washington when he was hurt. But people did that for their friends, too, and Leon had insisted until a few minutes ago that that was all they were.

 

His thoughts raced in circles like that until he forced himself to stand and take a deep breath. He needed to concentrate on other things, try to distract himself and maybe he would be able to figure this out later.

 

Breakfast.

 

Breakfast sounded like an amazing idea right now.

 

Leon focused on the single steps he needed to function right now, walking, switching to a different language, and then he quickly decided he should watch Mr. Yamada prepare their breakfast. It meant he had more time before he needed to go back to their room, though he could already imagine Sasha worrying about him.

He just needed time to collect himself, put on a straight face until he could pretend he hadn’t just come to this huge realization. Then of course there was still the problem of figuring out what to do with it, but that could wait.

 

Leon insisted that he could carry both trays on his own, though Mr. Yamada didn’t quite seem to happy about the process. Before he entered their room again he took a deep breath, preparing to ignore what he had found out about himself.

He opened the sliding door with his foot and placed the trays on the table the way they had been last night. Sasha came over to sit beside him.

 

“I’m okay”, Leon said before he could say anything. “Just needed some fresh air, sorry.”

 

“I told you not to apologize for this”, Sasha smiled at him. “If you need time, then you should take it, if you need a hug, all you have to do is ask.”

 

“I er… I would take that hug now, I mean, since you’re already offering…”

 

“You are such a dork”, Sasha said as he leaned in to wrap his arms around him.

 

Everything was different now.

 

The warmth of Sasha’s body seemed more intense, his scent seemed to fill Leon’s entire being, made his heart beat faster, made him hold the other man tighter.

He leaned back just enough to kiss him, chaste, but intense, relishing that feeling of soft lips on his. Leon sighed against them, kept his eyes closed for a moment longer than he usually would have.

 

“You are acting oddly”, Sasha whispered, picking up on the strange mood within Leon.

 

“It’s just…” No, he decided. He couldn’t do it, not yet. Instead he made himself smirk at the other man. “I’ve never been very… into sex, but god I could jump you right now.”

  
Sasha’s laugh filled the room for a short while, making the grin on Leon’s face actually real.

 

“All right, just please let me gather my strength first”, he said, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. “Besides, we should not waste this amazing breakfast.”

 

Leon couldn’t really argue with that, and so he just shrugged before they both started to eat.

 

“You know…uhm...”, Sasha started after a while. “Sexuality is a spectrum…and...”

 

Leon let his chopsticks rest on their little stand.

 

“What?” He turned to look at Sasha. “That was... random.”

 

“Because of what you said earlier. I know what it is like to not be sure about this, I struggled with it when I was young, too. But it is not always necessary to define it”, Sasha hesitated for a moment, but Leon was watching him with interest. His life had never given him much room to think about this. “If you don’t want sex a lot, that is completely fine, if you only want sex with m- one person, perhaps you are demisexual, but I suppose what I am trying to say is: It is all fine. Please do not think you are weird for wanting, or not wanting something.”

 

“I didn’t think I was but… thank you. For explaining.” He frowned, noticing something Sasha had just said. “Demisexual?”

 

“Ah yes, when you only experience sexual attraction to someone you have a close… emotional bond with.”

 

“Oh I see... “, Leon let his elbow rest on the table in front of him. “That makes sense, though I did have that one night stand with Chris.”

 

“What now?” Sasha looked at him with his eyes wide.

 

Shit.

 

He fucked up. Again. This was completely, one hundred percent not how he had wanted to tell him.

 

“God no… I mean yes”, he forced himself to take a deep breath, rambling like an idiot certainly wouldn’t help his situation. “Yes, we had sex. So… so many years ago. 2003 I think. It had been long for both of us, and he was going after Umbrella, we had no idea if we would see each other again. It just kind of… happened. I’m not ashamed or anything but please believe me, we are just friends now. I mean that kiss the other week just showed it.”

 

The quiet acceptance Leon had seen on Sasha’s face vanished at his last comment, and he wanted to mentally kick himself, possibly physically too. He was such a fucking idiot.

 

“You kissed the other week?”, Sasha’s voice was so calm it was scary again. The way his voice would be before he’d stab him in the back. He could just imagine it too well, that’s how they had met after all.

 

“Sasha no- He kissed me!”, Leon just watched Sasha raise an eyebrow, and he was done. The man could get government secrets out of him if he wanted to. “Okay I… kissed him back. But he did surprise me. I think… he got cold feet because he was going to move in with Piers and back when we had that one night... I think there might have been something there, but it was just bad timing, and he wanted to make sure that Piers was really the one. And I told him… that kiss was nice, but that was it, it didn’t mean anything. It’s not like when I kiss you.”

 

Leon froze as he realized how he had ended that speech.

 

“Tell me what it is like when you kiss me.”

 

Government secrets. Why didn’t he ask about those, he’d much rather talk about that right now. Just anything but this. Leon knew what he’d end up saying, and he didn’t want to say it after just confessing to sleeping with his best friend and kissing him mere weeks ago. One look into those brown eyes completely weakened his resolve.

 

“It’s like… fireworks”, he said quietly, not meeting Sasha’s eyes. “Every time.”

 

He took a deep breath. This was dangerous territory.

 

“Look I…”, before anything else happened, Leon needed to explain himself. His ramblings before hadn’t quite managed that. “I’m not going to apologize for sleeping with him… it made sense back then. I had just hoped to tell you in a different way. I am sorry about the kiss, but it truly didn’t mean anything. Any sort of romantic feelings we may have had for each other are long gone. He’s my best friend and I’d hate it if you didn’t get along.”

 

Sasha looked at him with that gaze that tore right through him for what felt like an eternity. Leon’s heart beat so fast he was sure Sasha could hear it.

 

“You’re right”, he said and Leon relaxed a little. “It was years ago, and I know how close you are. And it is not like I have the right to complain, it is not like we are… together.”

 

Leon suddenly felt sick again. A kind of sick that was wholly unlike the kind he felt after a nightmare.

 

Right.

 

He had insisted, for such a long time, that they were just friends with benefits, and now it came back to haunt him. Leon had deluded himself into thinking it was true, but what if Sasha really felt that way? If he confessed now he could ruin everything.

 

But he might also ruin it by keeping quiet. Sasha would think it’d be okay to look for someone else and he would find someone - he was amazing, that was why he loved him. And then he’d drop Leon for them… what did he really have to offer, anyway?

 

The minutes ticked by and still Leon hadn’t said anything. He wasn’t good at this - why wasn’t Chris here to tell him what to do?? He’d even take Hunnigan at this point!

 

He wondered how bad it would be if he excused himself to call him… probably very bad, considering what he had just told Sasha about the two of them.

 

“Leon…?”, Sasha dragged him away from his thoughts. “Tell me more… about what it is like when you kiss me.”

 

“Why…?”

 

“I need to know.”

 

This was his chance. To tell him what he felt like without actually saying those three words. If only he weren’t so incredibly bad at this. Words. He needed them so badly right now and it seemed that all of them had suddenly vanished from his mind. He fought zombies for a living, he didn’t talk sweet nothings into their ear to defeat them. He was so far out of his depth with this.

 

“I…I’m not really good at this but...”, Leon took a deep breath before continuing. “It’s like… no matter how cold I’d be… one kiss would warm me up. It sends… sparks through me, and butterflies into my stomach. When you kiss me it’s the most exciting thing, but I also feel safe, like all this shit in the world isn’t happening, like I won’t be able to turn… ever. I forget about my nightmares, and it’s all I want to do… _Only_ with you.”

 

At some point during his speech Leon had looked down, hadn’t been able to meet Sasha’s eyes for fear of what he might see in them. Had that been too much? He might as well have said I love you right then and there.

 

“Look at me”, Sasha said softly and Leon followed the command.

 

The gentle smile he found on the other man let him release the breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

 

“Like this?”, he asked and leaned in, pulling Leon down by the collar of his yukata into a kiss.

 

Yes. This was exactly what he had been talking about - tried talking about - this was so, so much better than any of the words in the English language could describe.

 

“Oh god yes just like this”, Leon mumbled against his lips as he finally had to pull away for breath. He didn’t know if Sasha had put a conscious effort in it this time, or if this whole situation had made it this intense, he didn’t care, he was almost dizzy from that kiss. It was like a drug, and he needed more.

Immediately he leaned in again, a little too forcefully, and pushed Sasha onto the floor with a soft thud.

 

“Fuck, sorry!”, Leon said, hands reaching out to make sure the other man was okay, but stopping just before he could touch him.

 

“Ouch”, Sasha said, without really meaning it. He was grinning widely up at Leon, who exhaled sharply with relief. “I know I am quite irresistible. Get down here.”

 

The tension between them had evaporated, like some sort of unspoken agreement had been acknowledged. Maybe… maybe they’d be okay, and everything else he could deal with from there.

He was only all too happy to follow Sasha’s directions, straddling his hips as he leaned down for another kiss. He just couldn’t take his eyes - and lips - off of the other man. Screw this beautiful island, it had nothing on him.

 

“I want to make it up to you”, Leon mumbled against Sasha’s skin as he peppered kisses all over his neck.

 

Sasha’s eyes had already fluttered closed and his hands were in their favourite place - Leon’s hair, gently brushing through it, grasping it when he kissed a particular sensitive spot.

 

“I… told you it is not necessary anymore”, Sasha said almost breathlessly. A soft moan escaped his lips, his breath warm against the top of Leon’s head.

 

“I want to”, Leon insisted, pressing a kiss to that spot just between his collarbones. “I want to make it up to you. Want to make you feel good. Will you let me?”

 

Sasha only briefly opened his eyes, groaned at the sight Leon presented on top of him, all flushed and nervous, before he closed them again, moaning into the silence of the room.

 

“дерьмо́! Not… not going to say no to that.”

 

Leon sat up, let his hand trail over Sasha’s chest, opening the yukata in the process until he reached the obi that held it together. He forced himself to take a deep breath, but somehow he didn’t feel as nervous as he used to. His head was clear now. This - Sasha - was what he wanted.

 

Forcing himself to keep his hands steady, his movements slow, he undid the obi, let it fall to the side before he slid the yukata open. Sasha, like him, wasn’t wearing any underwear, and was already getting hard, Leon could feel it against himself.

Even though he knew it was rude to disturb the Ikebana arrangement in the room, he leaned over to pull the small twig with peach blossoms out of it, making a mental note to apologize for it later. Though after this, he might not remember.

 

Sasha was watching him intently now, eyes following every movement. Though he was frowning slightly he didn’t question what Leon was doing.

Leon realized Sasha trusted him. He was lying here, in front of him, completely exposed, but he would accept whatever came next. That thought made him happy in ways he couldn’t describe, and the smile spreading on his face infected the man beneath him. It quickly faded however, as Leon reached out with the twig, let the blossoms brush over Sasha’s shoulder. He, in turn, just watched the movement of the flower, as Leon let it wander down his arm, down to the fingers, letting the touch stay as light as he could.

As he moved the blossom to Sasha’s other arm, the man beneath him let his eyes fall shut again under the touch. His chest rose and fell more quickly now, his breaths were getting shaky and he was growing harder against Leon. But it wasn’t time for that, not yet.

 

Leon could have watched the bliss on Sasha’s face forever, so he brushed the flower over his chest, let it trace the lines of muscles down from there, along his abs and that v, stopping just before touching his now completely hard cock. He earned a disappointed sigh from Sasha at that, but Leon had other plans. He continued his patterns, along Sasha’s hip, experimenting with which spots were particularly sensitive. Which spots would make him gasp and moan and shudder under his touch, and Leon committed them all to memory. And once he had done that, he used all of them to his advantage.

His hipbone - the left curiously more so than the right - was one of those spots. Every time the blossom brushed over it, Sasha would moan in a particular way, one that would have driven Leon crazy if he hadn’t reminded himself he was the one in charge. What he wanted to do, was lean down and kiss that spot, bite down onto it, see how far he could go. But he wanted to drive Sasha crazy, wanted to make him almost beg to be touched by him, though he would not do it. In the end, he knew, it would make everything so much more intense.

So he kept going, teasing Sasha’s collarbone just like he had done with his hip. It made the man beneath him gasp and a slight shudder ran through him. It was beautiful to watch.

 

Sasha was slowly coming apart beneath him, though he was far from done. Only now did he lean down again to press a kiss, just as soft as the blossom’s touch, to his jaw. Sasha moaned, loudly, at that, gripping the fabric of the yukata that was still beneath him tightly.

 

“L-leon…”, he all but gasped into the almost palpable air around them. Right now it seemed like they were the only two people in the world, like everything around them had stopped to give them this moment.

 

Leon was grateful that the room was so small, it meant he could lean back and still reach his bag, he would need it for what he had planned next. Though Sasha gasped at the loss of his body heat against him, he wasn’t able to stop him, too lost in all of the sensations Leon had created on his skin.

He quickly went through the bag for the lube he had - optimistically - brought along. Though he had to be honest, it was only in there because it always was since he had started to regularly fly over to see Sasha, he had never expected the trip to turn out like this, but was incredibly grateful that it had.

 

“Will you make-”, Sasha whispered, not wanting to destroy the moment by saying anything that could be considered loud, but he stopped mid-sentence. “Will you… come inside me?”

 

Leon just shook his head, and Sasha frowned at that. When he had said he wanted to make the other man feel good, he had meant it. He wasn’t thinking at all about his own pleasure, wasn’t even hard, despite the noises Sasha had made. This was not about him.

 

He coated his fingers with lube, though it wasn’t about stretching the other man open, it was still necessary. Sasha let his head fall back again, breathing out as Leon settled between his legs, lifting one of them up on his shoulder. He leaned forward, pressing their bodies together as much as he could, so he could kiss him again. It felt like it had been ages, and the urgency he felt in the way Sasha kissed him showed he wasn’t the only one thinking like this.

 

Leon pulled back as he pushed his finger inside Sasha, who looked disappointed, but touch wasn’t allowed for this. It didn’t take him long to find that sweet spot inside the other man, it was something he’d never forget for the rest of his life, and Sasha gasped at that first touch. But he wasn’t about to stop there.

He’d never done this for Sasha, or for himself for that matter, so he watched the other man, as he had done before, to see if what he did was right. The gasps and moans tumbling more quickly and frequently from Sasha’s lips told him all he needed to know, and when he added a second finger, crooked them just _like this_ , he groaned in a way Leon had never heard before. Precome was already leaking from Sasha’s cock and he was shaking, gripping his yukata so tightly it was threatening to rip at any moment.

Leon just kept going, every alternation of his movements just made more moans escape Sasha’s lips, made him call his name over and over again until his shaking became even stronger. His cock twitched, and now it started: Sasha was _begging_ to be touched. Leon smirked at that, ignored the other man’s request, instead he just crooked his fingers again, until all knowledge of speech was wiped from Sasha’s mind.

Only sounds of pleasure escaped him now, syllables of something that might have been a word here and there, but nothing Leon could decipher. The view was _incredible_. A slight sheen of sweat had formed on the other man’s skin, almost glistening under the sun’s light that came through the thin sliding doors. Leon realized others might be able to hear them, but then he also realized he did not care. Not when Sasha was coming apart beneath him. _His_ touch. He was able to do this, and it filled him with a different kind of pleasure than what Sasha was feeling right now.

Without warning Sasha stopped shaking and suddenly came - hard - all over his chest as he called out Leon’s name for a final time.

 

He knew Sasha would be sensitive now, so he slipped his fingers out of him, only pressed a soft kiss to his leg, though he could neither see or feel it. He contented himself with watching the other man try to regain some sort of consciousness. Sasha was still breathing heavily when he finally opened his eyes. He was flushed, but his grip on the fabric beneath him had finally loosened.

 

“How… how…”, he was panting, needed a few more attempts before he could finish the sentence. “How did you know how to do that?”

 

“I… did some research”, Leon admitted, sheepishly grinning down at Sasha, who was still covered in his own come.

 

“Oh god, Leon, I…”, Sasha trailed off, gesturing for him to come closer, and he gladly followed. He lay down next to him on his side, careful not to touch him, in case it was too soon. “You are one hell of a quick learner. That was… that was… _amazing_.”

 

“I wanted to make you feel good. I think I accomplished that.” Leon carefully started to clean Sasha with a towel he had taken from the bag still next to him. He didn’t see the smile Sasha gave him.

 

“Good? More than that I would say”, Sasha huffed. “I do not think I would be able to walk after this… if I could I mean.”

 

“Sasha…” These sort of comments made Leon worry that maybe he did still blame him for the loss of his legs’ use. That he still on some level might resent him for it. Leon still did.

 

“Oh Leon you worry too much…”, Sasha cupped his cheek, and Leon leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. “I am fine. More than that. Kiss me again.”

 

That he could definitely do. And would do, for a very long time, he thought as he leaned in for that kiss.

 

“What about you…?”, Sasha glanced down at Leon’s crotch, not at all subtle about it.

 

“I’m good like this”, he said, not able to stop kissing Sasha who had to push him away for them to be able to talk.

 

“Hm… What…”, it didn’t seem like Sasha really wanted to stop either. “Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah… Seeing you like this… It’s more than enough.”

 

“Something… is different about you today.” Sasha was staring at him, eyes piercing through his entire being.

 

_I love you, Sasha._

 

“I’m just… happy”, Leon said instead. He was quite impressed with himself, that he could keep this secret when Sasha looked at him like that, and all he really wanted to do was say it. But he couldn’t be sure just yet what would happen. Everything seemed okay now and he was too scared that he could mess it up again.

 

“You do know that this is a good thing, yes?” Sasha smiled gently at him, brushed a strand of hair behind Leon’s ear.

 

“Good thing you told me.”

 

As he leaned in for another kiss Leon realized that, yes, this was indeed a good thing. He’d enjoy this holiday with the person he loved, perhaps he’d figure things out here, or it might take a little while longer, but it didn’t seem that important as long as Sasha was here with him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leon you fucking idiot. 
> 
> (Talks about sexuality are always awkward.)
> 
> возлюбленная = sweetheart  
> дерьмо́ = shit


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can hover over words in another language to see what they mean! HTML is magical.

 

Something was different about Leon, that much Sasha could tell, but he could not quite place what it was.

 

Maybe it was the fact that the blonde tried to convince him to stay inside for the remainder of their holiday, to keep doing what they had done that morning - and he would have almost said yes. But he’d never been to Japan, and yes, even with Leon’s attractive company there, Sasha still wanted to see some of the island. In the end he had managed to convince Leon, he was good at that after all.

 

It wasn’t exactly common in Japan to showcase public displays of affection, especially not in a rural area like this, but it was hard, so very hard to resist the temptation to just casually pull Leon down into a kiss. They ended up making a game out of it, tried to find places where no one could see them before they could finally steal a kiss: An empty alleyway, the farthest table at the back of a restaurant, a hidden garden, behind some bushes… the list went on and on. It was surprising how many places you could find if you really looked for them.

 

Of course they were both fully aware that technically, they were far too old for games like this, but Sasha told himself that they had both been through a lot in their lives, they should be allowed a little fun like this. As he thought about it, from what Leon had told him of his life, he never really had the chance for it. Sasha could only imagine too well that he’d been a shy dork in high school and from there he had gone straight to the police academy, where he’d had a short relationship which he decided to end when he was transferred to Raccoon City. Everything from then on was history… He figured Leon was allowed to have this little bit of silliness, especially when he looked so damn cute every time he managed to find a new ‘secret’ place.

 

Sasha had learned to be attentive. Usually about things that might endanger his life, but the skill he had developed helped him here, too. He noticed Leon’s odd but pleasant behaviour, a soft kiss here, a touch that lingered just a few seconds longer there, it was different, but in a good way.

 

God, he loved this man.

 

Who could be the biggest dork, who could blush at sexual innuendo, and who could protect him from a raging tyrant. The one person who could get him to completely and utterly relax around him, to enjoy his life to the fullest. He had come to terms with his situation, but still, when he was around Leon he almost managed to forget about it. That tiny voice in the back of his head that kept telling him he was worthless was finally silenced then.  

 

The whole week felt like a dream to Sasha. They’d been together before, but somehow things were different now. It almost seemed… and Sasha did not want to give himself too much hope - though it was hard to suppress it - it almost seemed like Leon had finally realized he loved him. It was so painfully obvious, not just now, even before Leon had gotten hurt. Which was why it had hurt all the more when he had kicked Sasha out after that first nightmare.

 

Obviously Sasha couldn’t just tell him that Leon loved him. Not to mention that it would be silly, it was something he had to find out for himself. Besides, after the way he had acted… Sasha was worried that even if he himself confessed to Leon first, the other man might get scared and run. It seemed to be a pattern with Leon and he did not want to risk it. In a way he was selfish. He wanted - needed - Leon to come back to him.

 

Being together like this was all he wanted. He would understand that Leon had his job, that he had to be all over the world to protect it, but he still believed that there was a way for them to build a life together.

 

But he was getting ahead of himself. Leon hadn’t realized it yet, perhaps never would, so this was all he could have at the moment. In a way, it was enough.

 

“You have not been able to stop smiling for days”, Sasha informed him the night before they had to leave.

 

“Well neither have you.”

 

He couldn’t really deny it, and so he simply shrugged. As he glanced down the street that they were currently in, he noticed that it was decorated differently than it had been before. More colourful, people started to gather at the end of it, most of them dressed in what he had learned was a yukata - and Sasha had insisted Leon kept wearing one.

 

“What is going on down there?”, he asked Leon. Music had started, too, and the fragrance of many different kinds of foods was slowly drifting towards them.

 

“Oh I…”, Leon hesitated, which made Sasha frown. “Uhm… I forgot about this. I think it’s the Tanabata festival.”

 

“A festival? Should we go?”

 

“Yeah uh… sure.”

 

They started to move towards the crowd, and slowly Sasha could see the many stalls that had been built there, different foods were being sold, some offered many kinds of games or souvenirs. He had precious little knowledge about these things, but it all seemed wonderful to him.

 

“What is this festival about? Is it about something?”, he asked, looking up at Leon as they had stopped to watch some children trying to catch goldfish with what seemed like a small net.

 

“It’s uhm…”, the slight blush appearing on Leon’s cheek made Sasha smile. He loved that blush. “It celebrates a legend… about lovers.”

 

Ah. That’s where that blush came from. Sasha’s grin only grew wider.

 

“Orihime fell in love with Hikoboshi”, Leon continued. “But they were separated because her father, the sky king, or the universe, however you want to interpret it did not want her to stop weaving her beautiful cloth. The loss of it made the uh… cows, stray all over heaven. Or something like that. So he separated them again, but Orihime was so distressed about the loss that he allowed them to meet for one day every year… which is today. If I remember correctly, they couldn’t meet, but magpies came to build a bridge for Orihime. It is said that if it rains on this day, they will not be able to meet and have to wait for another year. It seems we’re lucky.”

 

_Indeed we are._

 

“And so people celebrate like this?”  

 

"Yeah uhm...", Leon waited a moment until the child in front of them was done celebrating his catch. "I think it's tradition to write a wish onto a piece of paper and then bind it to a tree, which will be burned at the end of the night. To make it come true... I don't know. I’ve never actually been to one, Yamada-san had just told me about it."

 

“So, is that something we can do?”, he asked. “Or is it just for the locals?”

 

“No, I think we can”, Leon looked down at him with a warm smile. “We’ll get you the whole experience.”

 

“Well I would hate for you to have wasted your money…”

 

Leon chuckled and they resumed their leisurely stroll through the streets. As they walked they inspected the different stalls and Leon bought him a fan adorned with red flowers ‘as a souvenir’. All of this was so ridiculously romantic. Sasha loved it.

There seemed to be a lot of couples out tonight, not surprising considering the nature of the festival. But Sasha realized that they were just another couple in the crowd - whether Leon realized it or not. The thought filled Sasha with a happiness he hadn’t thought he could feel ever again. It made him want to reach out and simply hold Leon’s hand… but of course he couldn’t, he needed both of them to move forward.

 

Dark thoughts started to creep up on him again, as they tended to do from time to time and Sasha knew they would never completely go away, but he would not let them grab a hold of him tonight.

 

Instead he made Leon buy him every type of food the festival had to offer - he only needed to allude to the way Leon had treated him and he could get everything out of the man. He might have felt a little guilty about that even… almost. But the food was so, so worth it. Takoyaki, okonomiyaki, yakisoba… he tried all of it, making a mental note to learn how to make all of it as Leon loved the food just as much as he did. Only when his stomach was about to burst did he stop eating.

 

“Hey, look, we can write down our wishes there”, Leon said as he pointed down the street. There was a small stand next to a large bamboo tree, its thinnest branches already filled with the wishes of the people around them.

 

When they had walked over Leon handed him a piece of paper and a pen, as it was hard for Sasha to reach the table next to the tree. He would use his leg to write on but he hesitated… What should he wish for? Not that he believed in these things, but it was a nice sentiment… and you never knew.

 

“Hey, you’re writing in Russian”, Leon said, frowning in that adorable way of his.

 

“Of course I am”, Sasha replied drily. “And I highly doubt you are supposed to read someone’s wish.”

 

“Sorry”, he said meekly before folding his paper so he could tie it to one of the tree’s branches.

 

Sasha did the same, but once more he realized he would not be able to reach something. This time it was the tree that was supposed to grant him a wish. He sighed.

 

“Could you do this for me, Leon?”, he asked, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.

 

“Well… you’re kind of supposed to do it yourself”, Leon hesitated. “I could… pick you up.”

 

“I…”, his stubborn nature of wanting to do everything himself was at war with his desire to be close to Leon. The thought of being carried by him… it was kind of nice. He didn’t really mind anyone seeing him here, he didn’t know any of them, and would be leaving tomorrow. “Okay.”

 

Leon smiled and knelt in front of him. He slid one arm underneath Sasha’s knees - and how he wished he could feel that - the other around his back, and then he stood. Effortlessly of course, he had a kind of superhuman strength after all.

 

Before he did anything else Sasha wrapped his arms around Leon’s neck, and despite the fact that it wasn’t done here, pressed a kiss to his lips. Leon didn’t hesitate to kiss him back - rarely did so anymore when they were in public - to let their tongues meet, letting Sasha taste the spices there. Ginger, aonori… He sighed into the kiss. This was perfect.

 

“You still have to… have to…”, Leon had been caught off guard by the kiss, and judging by his stammering, Sasha had done a good job. “The thing… on the tree.”

 

Sasha silently congratulated himself on being a great kisser as he turned to tie his own wish to the tree. He wondered what Leon had written on it.

 

_Please let Leon always come back_

 

He had debated with himself for a while. He could have wished for Leon to tell him he loves him, or to never leave, but these things were ultimately not important. Sasha could deal with him leaving, could deal with him never saying those words. It didn’t matter as long as he felt it, and Sasha could tell that he did - he saw himself mirrored in those looks the other man gave him.

 

The one thing he wanted - needed - was for Leon to always come back to him. For a day, for a week, it did not matter.

 

As Leon gently put him down into his wheelchair again, the urge within Sasha to just stand up, to hug and hold him came rushing back. Why today of all nights? He wanted to enjoy this so badly…

 

“Are you okay?” Leon was still kneeling in front of him, had taken Sasha’s hands in his own as he looked at him worriedly. No, this was wrong, he should not look like this tonight. Leon should be smiling, happy, blushing as they held hands and kissed. Not this.

 

“I do not blame you Leon, I never have. I just wish…”, he couldn’t look at Leon anymore. Instead he focused on his useless legs as he balled his hands into fists. “Sometimes I do wish… I could do these things myself. To just… walk down the street with you. To hold hands at the same time.”

 

“Sasha...Is that what you wrote on there? I-”

 

“No”, he interrupted. Now he looked up at Leon again, unblinking. “What is on there is so much more important than this.”

 

“How could… what could…?” Leon was especially adorable when he was confused like this, and Sasha managed a small smile.

 

“If I tell you it won’t come true.”

 

“If I could change-”

 

“Stop”, once more Sasha interrupted him. “Don’t even say it. You cannot change places with me and if you did, I would be very angry at you. I am sorry… I am happy like this. I should not have said anything.”

 

“Sasha”,  Leon said, a look of such sincerity in his eyes it made his heart ache. He didn’t doubt for one second that Leon would switch their places if he could, even after what he had just said. “You’re allowed to feel like this. And I want you to be able to talk to me about this, if you want to. I don’t want you to feel like you need to hide anything from me… I want to help, if I can.”

 

“You are the sweetest dork, Leon”, he said, making the other man smile. A faint blush was already creeping back into his cheeks. “Let us do something else, it will take my mind off… this.”

 

“Sure.” Leon looked around in a conspiratory way for a second, before leaning in to press a quick kiss to Sasha’s lips. “I think I read something about fireworks over on that meadow. How about that?”

 

“Sounds good.” Something in the back of his mind was giving him a bad feeling about this, but he pushed it away. He had already made Leon worry tonight, he would not be doing so again.

 

It was a short walk over to the meadow where already a crowd had gathered, mostly couples sitting on blankets, ready to enjoy the fireworks. Of course neither of them had thought to bring a blanket but it also did not matter to them if they got dirty.

 

Sasha lowered himself onto the grass - something he was at least able to do on his own - and Leon sat down next to him. He hesitated for a short while and as Sasha looked at him, his blush had gotten stronger.

 

“Just do it already, Leon”, Sasha said, rolling his eyes for emphasis. He could read the blond like an open book. Leon wanted them to be close, but was worried what it might look like, especially here in Japan. But Sasha also knew that if he asked, Leon would not care. Besides, so far they had not encountered any sort of negative reaction, though that might have been because of their excellent hiding skills.

 

“Okay”, Leon mumbled and moved closer to Sasha, wrapping his arm around him. He gladly leaned into the touch, letting his head rest on Leon’s shoulder. He could practically feel the other man hesitating once more before he pressed a quick kiss to the top of Sasha’s head. A grin spread on his face. “So uh… are you ever going to tell me what it is you keep calling me in Russian?”

 

“Hm… I think I like you not knowing.”

 

“I could just look it up you know.” Leon huffed.

 

“Then why don’t you?”

 

“Hm…” Leon’s hand wandered from Sasha’s shoulder up to absentmindedly play with his hair. Sasha liked the sensation, let his eyes fall shut so he could concentrate on it. “I feel like that would be cheating.”

 

Typical Leon, always so ridiculously honorable. It was part of why he loved him so much. If it hadn’t been for that honor, that sense of righteousness, Sasha wouldn’t be here after all.

 

“I suppose you will just stay in the dark then”, Sasha said.

 

“You’re mean.”

 

When Sasha looked up at the other man he saw an honest to god pout on his face. Ridiculous. Dorky. He loved all of it.

 

“Come here, возлюбленная.” He pulled Leon down into a kiss, and at that exact moment, the fireworks started. Sasha might have laughed at the absurd coincidence but he suddenly found himself gripping the front of Leon’s yukata tightly. He had been so at ease, so completely happy that he had forgotten what fireworks - or their noise to be precise - did to him. Or he had thought that he would be able to get over it with Leon there but apparently that was not the case.

 

“What’s wrong?”, Leon looked at him with a frown, his hands covering Sasha’s.

 

“I forgot… I can’t-”, he wanted to explain, to speak, but the next volley of colourful explosions had him flinching again, made him hear nothing but that high pitched noise, as if a grenade had gone off right next to him. He tried to fight the panic attack that was threatening to overwhelm him. His throat was already closing up, the edge of his vision got blurry.

 

Leon.

 

He had to focus on Leon.

 

He saw the other man’s lips move, but no sound reached him. What if it never would again? Some part of his brain knew that this would be temporary, that these panic attacks would always go away, but while it was happening, it seemed to be never ending. It was impossible for him to breathe, no matter what he did, he just could not get enough oxygen. He needed more, needed to calm down but every time a new burst of fireworks set off he was reminded of his past.

 

Flashes of a row of tanks, decimating the building he was in, walls that were crumbling around him as he frantically tried to get as many of his friends out of there. The screams of the ones that had not made it filled his ears.

 

Another flash. Bombs falling. The burned body of Irina somewhere beneath the rubble of the destroyed school. He had never even seen it, it had been impossible to find, and even if they had… there would have been nothing left to identify.

What he did see were the bodies of so many children… all killed because of their government, because false information had been spread.

 

All he could see was red. Like the blood of the people whose death he had been responsible for. All he could do was cover his ears, trying to block out the sound of bombs, gunfire, death.

 

This was it. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, couldn’t get out of his own head. It was over. It had to be.

 

“Sasha…” Leon’s voice faded in and out of his consciousness. He tried to focus on it, tried to let it be his anchor.

 

There was an opening in his vision, slowly getting larger until he could see that they were back at the inn, though he had not noticed them move at all. Of course Leon would get him to safety. He always did.

 

Sasha’s breathing hitched, but at least he felt some oxygen rush back into his system. The attack started to pass, and his brain started to function more normally again. He noticed Leon’s arms around him, his ear started to pick up the blonde’s erratic heartbeat, similar to his own. Leon was talking, constantly talking, sometimes a little calmer, sometimes a little more urgent, but the fact that he kept going made Sasha able to calm himself.

 

“I’m so sorry Sasha I’m so sorry I did not know I should have known I love you please listen to me please calm down I don’t know what to do just listen to my voice this will pass you’re strong I love you and you will be fine just take deep breaths and listen to my voice I won’t leave I won’t let you go I love you…”

 

Leon kept going like this and despite the pain in Sasha’s chest, despite the memories burning his mind, he had picked up on it.

 

He tried to speak, though only fractured syllables left his lips. His hand reached up to cup Leon’s cheek and he stopped talking to look down at Sasha. There was relief there, but also fear.

 

“What do you want to say?”, Leon asked. “Just take it easy, that was a pretty bad panic attack. Just… keep breathing.”

 

“I…”, Sasha swallowed before continuing, took a few more breaths that were increasingly steadier. He would live. He would be okay. “I know.”

 

“What do you know?” Leon frowned, his hand brushed through Sasha’s hair, the touch calming him further.

 

“I know that you love me.”

 

Leon’s eyes widened as he realized Sasha had heard everything he had mumbled before. A small smile spread on his face as he watched Leon’s mind come to a complete halt. It was a little mean, but Sasha just really wanted to see that look on the other man’s face.

 

He was calm now. Back to being himself.

 

“W-Why didn’t you tell me?”, Leon eventually managed, his eyes were still wide as he looked down at Sasha again.

 

“Why didn’t _I_ tell _you_ that you love me? I thought that was kind of something you needed to realize yourself”, he said as he straightened himself from his slouched position against Leon’s chest.

 

“B-but…”

 

“Leon”, Sasha interrupted.

 

“Huh?”

 

It was time to make that confused, slightly panicked look vanish from his face.

 

“I love you too.”

 

“Fucking-”, Leon actually got angry. “Don’t fucking do this to me for a second I thought you didn’t… that you… I… for fuck’s sake!”

 

He couldn’t help but laugh out loud, this was even more perfect than he could have ever imagined.

 

“I apologize”, he said. “That look on your face was just priceless.”

 

“Fuck Sasha…”, Leon drifted off, less angry now and actually smiling. “Are you better now?”

 

“I am, thanks to you. I cannot believe I just forgot… What this does to me.”

 

“I should have thought about it, I’m sorry.”

 

Of course Leon would apologize for his own mistake. Sasha smiled at him.

 

“It is truly fine”, Sasha insisted.

 

“So uhm…”, Leon hesitated. “What now?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well we just said… you know.” Leon was blushing again, it was adorable.

 

“Nothing’s changed”, Sasha said. “I have felt like this for a long time, as have you, even though you did not realize it. Except… Perhaps now you can admit that we are not just friends. That we are more.”

 

“Like uhm… boyfriends?”, he asked.

 

A grown man, Sasha reminded himself. That was a grown man who killed zombies for a living, and it took him years to ask him to be his boyfriend. He sighed. It felt, to him, like they should be skipping a few steps, but if Leon needed to take things slow, than that’s what they would do.

 

“Boyfriends sounds good, does it not?”, Sasha asked back.

 

“Shit… Everyone back home is gonna be unbearable…” Leon let himself fall back onto the floor. “Though I am kind of dumb, I probably deserve it.”

 

“A little bit”, Sasha admitted, grinning down at his boyfriend. He let his hand play with the hem of Leon’s yukata, which suited him incredibly well. His hand was only slightly shaking, but it got steadier by the second.

 

“Hey!”, Leon’s eyes lit up at a sudden idea. “Do you wanna come over some time? You’ve sort of met Chris, it would be nice if you could meet for real. Maybe I’ll invite everyone else too, I mean… I don’t have a family anymore.”

 

“So you want me to meet your friends?” Perhaps now that Leon had realized things wouldn’t move quite as slow as they had done. “I would love to.”

 

“I’ll have to make a lot of calls then…”, Leon started and Sasha could already tell he would be rambling again. “Make sure when everyone’s free, see where they even are at the moment, and I’ll have to make food, I mean order food let’s face it, but not pizza, or at least something else for Sheva cause she’s lactose intolerant, or maybe-”

 

Sasha leaned down to silence Leon with a kiss.

 

“I will come earlier and we will figure it out.”

 

Sasha knew though, that once he got there, he would never want to leave.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while. Savor this while you can the next one is probably gonna take even longer :D   
> (Also if you have prompts or smth just hit me up on my tumblr (valkyrieshepard))


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry this took so long. BUT I have another idea for another chapter so hey, it's not over yet! Though I am not quite sure if the next one will be the last one or not.  
> Thank you for waiting, I am not entirely happy with this chapter but I hope you still sort of enjoy it.  
> Remember, you can hover over the words in Russian to see what they mean.

 Leon was panicking.

Zombies? Not a problem. Cryptic Umbrella puzzles? Cakewalk. Trying to organize a party for the most important people in your life? Impossible.

Though Leon was still amazed at the fact that he had managed to get all of his friends together. Everyone was busy, lived in different cities, he hadn’t actually thought it would be this easy, though it had still taken about a month after they had come back from Japan. Well. It wasn’t easy now.

Thankfully Sasha had arrived about a week before the actual party. He had started to cook almost immediately, and boy, he had hardly stopped. Soon enough his fridge had been filled with the most delicious dishes from all around the world but about a day before the event he had managed to destroy almost half of it.

He honestly wasn’t at fault… not really, or so he told himself. Maybe his fridge was too old, or the sheer amount of food had just been too much, but when Leon opened it suddenly the entire lower shelf assaulted him. He was covered in food as Sasha came into the kitchen, investigating what that noise had been.

The man’s glare was terrifying. So much effort had been wasted, Leon felt so bad and for a moment he had legitimately thought he was about to cry. Sasha must have sensed that though, and insisted that it was all right. It had been an accident after all.

Still. It didn’t leave them with a lot of food, and there were still drinks that Leon had to get but there just wasn’t enough _time_.

“What if we just order some pizza to what we already have?”, he asked, his shirt covered in flour after having tried to help Sasha get some more done. He was now banned from the kitchen.

“Pizza? You cannot just get pizza.” Sasha was working on rolling out dough for… quiche? Leon had never heard of it, but he trusted his boyfriend.

He still had to smile at the thought.

Leon had been so, so stupid, for such a long time. Oblivious, too. But now that he had realized he wanted to say it as much as he could.

“Hey Sasha.”

His boyfriend briefly looked up. The smudge of flour on his cheek made him look adorable despite his glare.

“What?”, he asked sharply.

“I love you.”

Sasha’s features relaxed, and he was almost smiling.

“I love you too. Now go get those drinks we talked about. You will not set foot in this kitchen until tomorrow.”

“Sir, yes, sir!” Leon saluted before putting on his jacket. He didn’t even bother to change his shirt, there was so much that could still go wrong until tomorrow, so why bother?

He earned an amused look from the cashier when he was finally done getting all the beer, wine, specific, weird Russian vodka Jake had apparently requested. He just really wanted everyone to have a good time, if he had to get weird Russian vodka, he would.

“Big baking project?”, the cashier asked.

“Uh, my boyfriend’s cooking, actually”, yes he had _definitely_ just mentioned that because he could. Boyfriend. His. “I’m not allowed in the kitchen anymore.”

“I wonder why”, she replied, laughing. “Well tell him good luck from me, and have a nice day.”

Leon grinned as he wheeled the incredible amounts of alcohol out of the store. Even to him it did seem like too much, but if he knew something about Claire, it’s that she could definitely hold her liquor.

It was getting dark, there wasn’t much time before everyone would arrive tomorrow but Leon stopped on his way back to get some of those chocolate muffins Sasha had instantly fallen in love with upon his arrival in America. He had been here once before, to visit Leon when he was hurt but due to his… misguided attempt at protecting him, hadn’t really had a chance to see any of it. The day after tomorrow, Leon had promised, they would go sightseeing.

When Leon got back the… thing that was apparently a quiche was sitting on the stove to cool, but Sasha was already preparing something else.

“Why don’t you take a break?”, Leon suggested, stopping just before the imaginary border between living room and kitchen, box of muffins in hand. “We probably already have enough.”

“This is not much work.”

He didn’t quite understand why Sasha was so agitated. Was he… nervous, too? These people were basically his family, so it would make some sense. But it was still strange to see him like this, he thought that almost nothing could phase his boyfriend. Strong, proud, amazing Sasha.

Leon gently shook the box of muffins, finally drawing Sasha’s attention with it.

“It’ll be fine”, he said. “Wanna join me on the couch? I don’t know about you, but I’m beat.”

He slowly made his way towards it, fully aware that Sasha was following his movements as he put the box down onto the coffee table and then started to stretch. Slowly, making as much noises as he possibly could, careful to definitely make his shirt ride up his stomach. Only when he had adjusted it again, just as slowly of course, did he let himself fall onto the couch.

“You…”, Sasha was struck silent for a moment, and Leon couldn’t hide his grin. He was getting pretty good at this, he had to admit. “You drive a hard bargain.”

Leon waited patiently as Sasha came over to him, joining him on the couch. As he was taking his first bite out of a muffin he let himself fall back onto Leon’s chest, humming contentedly. Leon could watch this forever, the pure bliss on the other man’s face, the domestic atmosphere. Despite worrying over the party it was nice, because for once he wasn’t worrying about his life or the end of the world. When exactly had that become a regular thing for him to worry about?

“You’re nervous, aren’t you?”, Leon asked softly, fingers tracing up and down Sasha’s arm. “About meeting my friends?”

“You are quite perceptive tonight… that is very unlike you.”

There was a small crumb of chocolate muffin stuck to the corner of Sasha’s mouth. Leon leaned down to kiss it away.

“Shut up and tell me why.”

“You have to ask?” Sasha leaned forward to take another muffin out of the box. It was incredible the sheer amounts of chocolate the man could consume in one sitting. And not get fat. Leon was quite jealous. “They are… like your family, yes?”

“I suppose. They’re as important as family to me”, he hesitated. “Maybe more.”

“You really are not making it any better.”

Despite Sasha’s serious face Leon had to laugh.

“You’ll be fine. They’re all cool and besides, I love you, so they’ll love you.”

“Hopefully not in the same way”, Sasha said, finally smiling now.

“I would certainly have something to say about that.”

Leon managed to calm Sasha that night, or perhaps it was the muffins, but in any case, they spent the evening on the couch, just talking. The warmth in Leon’s chest had been there since Sasha had arrived. This simple life, together, with his boyfriend, made him happy in ways he hadn’t imagined. He tried so very hard not to think of the fact that Sasha had to leave at one point.

For a few nights he had lain awake, thinking about if there was a way for them to be together… more. Living together, perhaps? But there was no way that he could ask his boyfriend to give up his entire life, to move to another country and basically start anew. He couldn’t leave Washington either, and so those thoughts just kept moving in circles, never arriving at a conclusion.

But for tonight they were both so exhausted that they fell asleep on the couch, only waking up when the sun hit their faces.

Sasha sat up sharply.

“What time is it?”, he asked nervously.

“Hngh… gimme a sex- sec!” Now Leon was awake too. His sleepy brain was evidently not quite able to suppress all of his thoughts yet. Sasha did look quite adorable like this, but evidently he hadn’t noticed his mishap. “I… it’s noon.”

“дерьмо!” Sasha was cursing in his mother tongue. Not a good sign. “There is still so much to do!”

He was about to get up but Leon held him back.

“Sasha, please. This is supposed to be fun, okay?” He pulled his boyfriend into a soft kiss. “We have enough food, if we don’t we’ll just order something. It’ll all be fine. Please?”

Sasha sighed, but he relaxed. Even stole another kiss.

“Okay. But we still have to clean up. And shower.”

The bath they had ended up taking turned into something more, but at least they had cleaned up before that. They were both almost breathless when they were finally dried and dressed, having needed to hurry as too much time had passed.

The first guests had arrived.

Before Leon opened the door he turned to his boyfriend, leaned down to kiss him passionately.

“They’ll love you.”

Sasha nodded, giving him permission to finally open the door. It was Claire, with Piers and Chris, who was carrying two large bags.

“Why… do you have those?”, Leon asked after their initial greeting and once everyone had their first drinks. Beer all around.

“Well we figured, Leon is inviting us, so we better bring food”, Chris said, grinning as he most likely remembered that time Leon tried to cook and ended up setting half the kitchen on fire.

“You should have seen it, it was glorious”, Piers said. “He was wearing only a-”

“Oh my god stop right there”, Claire interrupted, eyes wide in terror. “That is my brother! I really don’t want to know what he gets up to.”

“I, for one, am grateful.” Sasha was already taking the bags of food to the kitchen, where they had set up a small buffet. “Since Leon destroyed half of what I made.”

“Really, Leon, why would you do that?”, Claire asked, disapproving frown accompanied by a tilting of her head.

“It was an accident how many times?!” Leon rolled his eyes, but still went to help Sasha. They rearranged a few things, got more bowls, and, well, now they certainly had enough food. Chris was an amazing cook too and Leon couldn’t wait to try everything.

“Anyway, it’s good to finally meet you in person, Sasha”, Chris said, leaning down to embrace him in a quick hug. Leon started to usher everyone into the living room where they sat down. It felt like he hadn’t done so in ages. Parties were exhausting and this one had barely started.

His respite was brief however, as the doorbell rang again. This time it was Jake, Sherry and Helena, though Leon couldn’t quite decide if he was happy or agitated that everyone seemed to arrive at the same time.

He was glad though, when he turned to guide them to the living room as well, to see that Sasha and the others were already engaged in pleasant conversation. His boyfriend’s nervousness seemed to have vanished, or at least he didn’t let it show. They were laughing, he seemed...happy.

“Right”, Jake’s voice dragged him back to reality. “As soon as you’re done staring at your boyfriend feel free to get us some drinks, yeah?”

“Jake”, Sherry looked furious, though it was still hard for Leon not to think of her as the little girl from Raccoon City. “I’m sorry, Leon, he can be… very rude.”

“It’s quite all right”, he said, chuckling. “How about I get that weird vodka that I totally didn’t have to look for in three different stores.”

Jake just gave him a thumbs up as he quickly walked to one of the yet free seats. Ah. Another thing Leon had failed to check up on. But if he ended up sitting on the floor, he didn’t quite care. This was the first time they all had managed to meet up like this.

“Weird vodka? Count me in”, Helena told him in passing, winking at him.

He grinned as he went to get their drinks. A few introductions were in order, and he watched them from the kitchen. This was all so… normal. Somewhere deep inside he expected zombies to pop out of his wardrobe maybe, simply because all of them were survivors and seemed to be magically attracting them. All of them here together - maybe it was too much zombie magnetism?

Again, he was barely in the living room when the doorbell rang. This should be the last time though.

“Jill, Sheva, glad you-”, Leon stopped mid sentence as he saw how distressed the blonde looked. “What’s wrong?”

“Our flower person just said there was a problem with the delivery and they can’t make it!”, Jill stormed past him, straight into the kitchen to open a bottle of beer and halfway downing it in one go. “At this rate we’re going to have to call it off. _Again_.”

“Darling, are the flowers really that important?”, Sheva asked, joining her fiancée.

“I… I guess not but I just… It feels like the universe doesn’t want us to get married. This is the… what, fourth time?”

Leon tried to close the door he was still holding open in a not awkward way. It didn’t quite work. Everyone was watching the two women intently, and a silence had settled over them. Only now did Jill realize where she was.

“Oh”, she said. “Oh, I’m so sorry. You’re Sasha, right?”

She walked over to shake his hand, as did Sheva and they both properly introduced themselves.

“So you’re the person Leon totally _isn’t_ in love with, huh?”, Sheva asked, grinning as Jill settled down in her lap.

Leon groaned.

“So everyone knows about that?”

“We have a newsletter”, Piers said.

“What, seriously?”

“No”, Chris assured him, nudging Piers who was having a little laughing fit next to him. “Don’t tease him too much.”  

“Leon?”, Sasha turned and frowned at him a little worriedly. He reassured his boyfriend with a smile.

His family was here. Despite the teasing, he was happy.

“Coming. Ah… shit”, he added once he noticed that they had indeed run out of chairs. He was about to sit on the floor when Sasha pat his lap.

“I _am_ basically a chair”, his boyfriend said.

Leon felt like a teenager, unable to suppress his grin or his blush.

“Well if you insist.” He gingerly sat down in Sasha’s lap, only relaxing when he wrapped an arm around his waist and snuggling close. No one was mocking them… yet. Maybe it was his boyfriend’s commanding aura, despite his smiles. Leon certainly knew that he could be scary.  

Soon enough the small coffee table was covered in food, empty and half filled beer bottles, various other drinks and a few knives. All of them were prepared, even when hanging out like this. So far Sasha seemed to get along with everyone and enjoyed the stories he got to hear about Leon.

“You think he’d have believed the thing about the newsletter?” Oh, wasn’t he glad Piers had to bring that up again.

“He _did_ believe Ada when she said she was just ‘looking for her boyfriend’”, Claire grinned at him. He would never live this down.

“I am fully aware that Leon is quite the dork”, Sasha said, but who was Leon to protest. “I do enjoy hearing stories about it though.”

“It’s funny though, cause he doesn’t seem like a dork when you see him.” Sherry crossed her arms, as if to inspect Leon for the first time. “Quite the opposite actually, with his headshots, and cool moves. But then he starts talking…”

“Wow, ouch.” He pretended to be physically hurt by the comment. “I’d be careful what you say though, young lady.”

He glanced over at Claire, whose grin only widened. She knew exactly what he was up to.

“Well”, she dragged out the word. “I remember, way, way back in good old 1998, we met this adorable blonde girl of 12.”

“Oh please no, not again”, Sherry groaned as she hid her face behind her hands. Jake beside her laughed.

“Whatever’s happening I have to hear this”, he said, downing his… Leon couldn’t even tell how much he had drunk. Then again by now they were all a little tipsy.

“She was wearing the most adorable sailor outfit”, Leon continued. “Oh and she was so brave, crawling through the police station, and the sewers, to help Claire fight the Tyrant.”

“Wait, Tyrants?”, Sasha interjected. “Those were the ones we fought, yes?”

Leon nodded.

“Claire had one on her tail back then, killed it, too. With the help of Ada, I believe”, Leon added the last part and Claire rolled her eyes.

“Where does she even get all those rocket launchers?”, she mumbled.  

“Impressive”, Sasha said, earning only an embarrassed shrug from the brunette.

“Yeah but let’s not forget the sailor outfit, okay?”, she asked, making Sherry blush again.

“You uh…”, Jake leaned towards his girlfriend, but his whisper was still audible. “Still have that outfit?”

“No, of course not.” It seemed Sherry was quite oblivious to the innuendo at the moment. “I still have your vest though.”

“What, my vest?”, Claire asked, a soft smile on her face. “I… I didn’t know that.”

“Well it’s just…-”

“She almost killed me when I tried to toss it out”, Jake interrupted. “I’m guessing it’s pretty important to her.”

“Speaking of which”, Leon had no idea how that was speaking of which, but to his semi drunk brain it made sense. “What are your intentions with our Sherry, young man?”

“‘Our Sherry’?”, Piers quoted. “‘Young man’? Fuck, you’re like her parents. This is beautiful to watch.”

“Less beautiful for me…”, Sherry muttered.

“Jake still hasn’t answered the question”, Claire crossed her arms, that glare could make anyone talk.

“I… I… I… “, suddenly Jake stood, ready to flee. “More drinks anyone?”

“Yes please”, Jill handed him her empty beer bottle, glad for the new one.

“You guys are mean”, Chris said, though it did not seem like he meant it. His smile betrayed him.

“I think it’s nice.” Sasha’s voice was quiet, but everyone was listening. He had that effect on people. “So many of us… you… have lost their family. But you just… made a new one. You take care of each other, I think that’s wonderful.”

The silence that settled between them wasn’t exactly awkward, though their smiles may have been just that bit embarrassed. It sounded quite cheesy, but it was true. Sure, some of them knew each other longer than others, or better, but they had all gone through the same thing, and it was something that just kept them together. Of course it helped that his friends were awesome, Leon thought.

He noticed that Jake had leaned back, fumbling behind him, and suddenly music came on, interrupting their little moment. Leon didn’t recognize the song, but the lyrics were enough to make him groan in frustration.

_I'm not in love_

_So don't forget it_

_It's just a silly phase I'm going through_

“Guys, come on!”

He couldn’t fault them for laughing, he knew he had been an idiot. Still, he was amazed Jake had found that song so quickly. Or maybe they had all prepared themselves, he wouldn’t put it past them.

“All right, all right”, Leon raised his voice until everyone paid him attention. Not his favourite spot to be in, but the slight buzz made him not care too much. “I admit it, I love him.”

He turned to Sasha.

“I love you”, he said again. “And you’re part of this family now.”

The kiss he leaned in for was accompanied by various cheers and applause. Leon thought he heard Helena actually make an ‘aw’ sound.

“So, who had… one hour fifteen minutes?”, Jake asked as he pulled out a small notebook. “Dammit, Piers won.”

“Yes!” He almost giggled as he collected money from everyone else around them.

“Wait a minute”, Leon was confused. “You bet on when… I would say it? I changed my mind I want nothing to do with you.”

“дерьмо and I missed it by ten minutes!” Sasha looked genuinely disappointed. His own boyfriend. Why did he put up with these people?

“I hate all of you.”

“And yet you are still grinning.” Well, Sasha’s smile was pretty infectious. He couldn’t really stay mad for long.

As the night went on even Leon, who was not the sharpest in that respect, could tell that Helena and Claire got on pretty well. They were deep in conversation, constantly grinning at each other and Helena even started to twirl her hair. Which was something Leon had never seen her do. A good sign, he supposed, and he whispered as much into Sasha’s ear.

“The beginning of a new romance perhaps?”, Sasha asked.

“You’re drunk, aren’t you?”

“Not as drunk as you, lightweight.” He raised his voice now, addressing everyone else. “Who wants to hear the story of how Leon passed out just before we-”

“Holy shit I am going to hurt you if you tell that story”, Leon interrupted him.

“You’re telling me Leon is a lightweight?”, Helena asked. “I am not at all shocked.”

“You’d think I could drink more, what with being infected and all.” There wasn’t really any denying that fact, he just was.

“What, you’re infected too?”, Jake asked.

“What do you mean, ‘too’?”

An awkward silence settled around the room, with Piers pulling down on the sleeve of his hoodie to cover his scarred hand.

“If it’s okay to ask…”, Sasha started. “Who else is, or was, infected?”

He slowly raised his hand, followed by Leon, then Jake, Sherry, Piers and Jill.

“Okay but I was born like this”, Jake insisted. “So am I technically infected?”

“I’d say it counts”, Piers said, nodding as if he actually knew what he was talking about.

“Well… looks like we’re the outsiders here”, Helena said, with Claire grinning at her. “What a strange world.”

“Sasha?” Piers couldn’t quite meet his gaze. “Is that why you’re, uhm…”

“Yes. A plaga. But Leon saved my life.” His voice was gentle, patiently explaining. “I try not to let it affect me, though of course I had to make some changes to my lifestyle. It was hard, at first.”

“Wait, Leon?”, Piers asked. “That would mean he had to-”

“Shoot me, yes”, Sasha confirmed. “But he’s a good shot, and the alternative would have been worse.”

Well this... wasn’t at all uncomfortable for him. Leon would still feel guilty about it for the rest of his life, that he hadn’t managed to stop Sasha in time, even with JD’s help. Things could have been a lot different. But of course he loved Sasha the way he was.

“Well then, this is depressing”, Jake said into the silence, earning another nudge from Sherry. “What? It is. We should do something fun. You guys have Twister?”

“Oh my god, Jake”, Jill groaned, with pretty much everyone joining in except Sasha. “You’re incredibly insensitive, do you know that?”

“What?”, Jake asked, honestly confused for a moment before he glanced at Sasha in his wheelchair. “Oh. Uhm. Well.”

“It’s quite all right”, he replied, laughing so hard there were tears in his eyes. “I do not mind. Someone has to spin and I certainly wouldn’t mind watching Leon contort himself.”

“I’m assuming I don’t have a say in this”, Leon said, leaning down to press a kiss to Sasha’s temple.

“Nope.”

Between all of them the coffee table was quickly out of the way, the couch and other chairs pulled back and the mat spread out on the floor. It would be awkward at some point anyway, but to keep that to a minimum only he, Jill, Claire and Piers would play. The latter hesitated for a moment before taking off his jacket, now revealing the scars running all over his arm. Chris smiled gently up at him and took his hand to kiss it.

Leon could only imagine how hard it must be for Piers. At least his infection, that something was wrong with him, wasn’t visible. In Piers’ case, it was all too obvious, though to an untrained eye it would look more like a burn. It was a good sign that he was comfortable enough to show it to them. Family wouldn’t judge, and most of them could relate.

“All right, возлюбленная, right foot green”, Sasha instructed, and of course Leon stood with his back to him. He was only slightly blushing at the thought that he would have to lean forward soon.

“‘Sweetheart’?”, Jake asked. “That’s… cheesy.”

“I like it.” Leon turned his head to grin at his boyfriend, whose turn it was now to blush a little. So finally he knew. Hadn’t found out in the way he would have liked to, but in a way it was perfect.

Sweetheart… It was cheesy. But it was so like Sasha, who could be tough and yet so gentle. Leon couldn’t stop grinning, but now he could at least pretend it was because his face was squished against Claire’s thigh.

Soon enough they were all bend over or under each other, giggling like school children which was partially due to the alcohol, and because their mental age was about twelve. Except Jake’s, who was about ten.

“Piers I’m begging you”, Claire muttered as she tried to turn her head away from his ass as much as possible. “Don’t fart right now.”

Piers was shaking with laughter at that, and started to wobble. His one hand was over Leon’s back, who was almost lying on the floor, but still managing to hold himself up. His other was barely supporting his weight now.

“You shouldn’t… shouldn’t have said that”, he managed to say, still laughing.

“Don’t fall, I’m not losing because of you”, Leon said. He couldn’t see much of what was happening with his face almost pressed to the floor, but he knew if Piers fell he would, too.

“Too late, man down!”, he managed to say just as his hand slipped and he fell face first onto Leon, who couldn’t hold both their weight and hit the floor with an ‘oof’.

“Looks like it’s between you and me now”, Jill said, having to glance up at Claire. Her glare was not quite as effective with her arms and legs crossed and her frog like stance.

“Oh you’re on.”

“Does anyone else think this is kind of hot…?”, Sheva asked, her gaze not leaving Jill.

“Definitely not the only one”, Chris muttered, who was fixed on the Leon-Piers-pile.

“How… how did this happen?” Leon was confused, somehow Piers had managed to entangle himself in him to the point where he wasn’t quite sure which legs belonged to him.

Piers was still giggling fiercely, making Leon shake along with him. It was really adorable and he couldn’t stop himself from joining in. It took Chris and Jake to help disentangle them, while Claire and Jill kept playing and even managed to keep their faces straight. In the end Claire was the one to keep herself up for a split second longer than her opponent, and she immediately jumped up from where she had fallen.

“Yes, I win!”, she called, throwing her hands up. “What do I win?”

“The knowledge that you’re better than all of us?”, Leon suggested, finally free from Piers.

“Well that is very true, I think I can accept that.”

“All right, I think that uncontrollable giggling means it’s time for us to go back to our hotel”, Chris said, grinning down at his still giggling boyfriend. Of course he would still be the responsible one, despite all the alcohol.

“Are we gonna…”, Piers looked around as if to check that no one was listening, which they of course were. “Do stuff?”

“Oh my god, suddenly I regret deciding to share a hotel room with these guys.” Claire hid her face in her hands, groaning for full effect.

“I could offer you my place”, Helena leaned over, speaking quietly for whatever reason. “There’s enough room there. I’d hate for you to be caught between… that.”

She glanced over at Chris, who was now kneeling in front of his boyfriend, pulling him up by his arms to promptly sling him over his shoulders. Piers was surprised for a second but Chris’ hand on his ass made him giggle again.

“Nice view”, he muttered, not at all subtly glancing down at Chris’ behind.

“I think it might be time for us to go too”, Sherry said, smiling as she was watching the whole scene. Jake was slung around her, apparently quite clingy when he was drunk.

“Seems the party is over”, Sheva gently wrapped her arm around Jill’s waist and just like that, the group dissolved.

Leon couldn’t describe how good it had felt to have them all here together, and that they all just accepted Sasha into their little family. They said their goodbyes, everyone but Piers hugging and promising to meet up again soon. Piers was simply waving at them from his position on Chris’ shoulder, breaking out into fits of giggles every other moment.

Though if they would actually manage to meet up again, who knew?

What they would definitely manage was to finally make Jill and Sheva’s wedding happen. They all promised to help out and each would take care of a different aspect - dress, venue, food, flowers, all of it was covered. It was unanimously agreed that those two not being married was simply unacceptable.

Leon and Sasha decided that cleaning up could definitely wait until tomorrow, they were both too drunk to manage it anyway, and so they just let themselves fall into bed. Leon was immediately draped over his boyfriend, his hand slipping under his shirt to draw lazy circles onto his skin.

“I like your friends”, Sasha mumbled, sleepiness overcoming him just as quickly as it did Leon.

“They’re your friends now too”, Leon pointed out.

“I only met them once.” He sighed as Leon pressed a soft kiss to his jaw, blond hair tickling his skin.

“Doesn’t matter”, Leon insisted. They all got along so well, and there was something that connected all of them. These were people that both of them could rely upon, no matter what.

Sasha simply hummed in agreement, his breathing slowing as he was about to drift off to sleep.

“I have to talk to you, sweetheart”, he managed to say.

“It sounds weird when you say it in English.” Leon managed to lift his head, frowning up at his boyfriend. He really prefered the other version.

“All right. I still have to talk to you, возлюбленная.”

“Is it urgent?”, Leon asked, a little worried. “Can’t it wait until tomorrow, I’m afraid I wouldn’t remember if you told me now.”

“I suppose it can.” Sasha’s hand was back in his hair, gently brushing through it. It was Leon’s turn to humm contentedly as he let his head fall back onto his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Good night then.”

Leon tried to say it back, but he was already gone, too content in his drunken state with the man he loved on his bed. The worry in Sasha’s voice hadn’t even registered with him, and true to his word he didn’t remember the conversation the next day. He only slowly blinked his eyes open, trying to assess if he had a hangover. Strangely enough that wasn’t the case and he had to grin as he again realized on top of whom he was waking up. Sasha had been here for more than a week, but each morning was new and exciting and Leon only wished that it could stay like that forever.

He dispelled such thoughts, didn’t need them as long as his boyfriend was here and instead started to press soft kisses to his jaw. Then his neck, moving further down, gently pushing up his shirt. His eyes still halfway closed Leon focused on his nipples first, licking, kissing, sucking until his boyfriend started to stir. He could tell Sasha was still in that halfway world between asleep and awake, but his breathing was already growing heavier and he could feel him growing hard as well. It still sometimes seemed bizarre to Leon that he could have this kind of effect on someone, but seeing it made him happy every time.

Leon kissed his way lower now, hot breath against Sasha’s abs as he decided he needed to mark him. A hickey. He had never done that before, to anyone, so why not now? He knew the theory of it, and Leon traced along the lines of his abs with his fingers before deciding on the perfect spot, a little off to the right. He pressed his lips to the sensitive skin there, and started to suck. Immediately Sasha’s hand was in his hair again, grasping it, and a soft moan escaped his lips. It only encouraged him, sucking harder, only to feel his boyfriend’s erection growing against his chest.

When he pulled away to regard his work he was pleased by how red that patch of skin now was, and he licked over it softly to soothe whatever pain he may have caused, making Sasha gasp above him. But his eyes were still closed and so he couldn’t see how widely Leon was grinning as he resumed his trail of kisses.

They hadn’t managed to undress the night before and Sasha was still in his jeans. Leon palmed his boyfriend’s erection through the fabric, looking up to see his reaction. He was clearly awake, hand loosely on Leon’s head, biting down on his lower lip to keep from moaning. It was a beautiful sight and he wished he could keep it forever. But it was early, he was lazy, and really wanted to suck his boyfriend off. He realized that he actually craved it. Maybe what Sasha had told him about being demisexual was true, he had only ever felt like this about one other person and couldn’t even imagine being with anyone else even if he thought them attractive.

But deep thoughts about his sexuality were too distracting now, and he could hardly keep them with his brain only half awake and the other half occupied with finally getting rid of those damn jeans that kept him from doing what he craved. He swiftly unbuttoned them to pull them down as much as they needed to be, a little surprised that Sasha wasn’t wearing any underwear, which immediately revealed how hard he was. There was no hesitation, his lips were immediately around Sasha’s cock and he moved his head further down, trying to keep his breathing even.

Sasha’s hand in his hair tightened, a soft moan escaped his lips as Leon moved up again, dragging his tongue along his length.

“You can push if you want”, he mumbled against Sasha’s skin, licking along his length and over the tip. His boyfriend gasped above him, finally opening his eyes, pupils blown wide in arousal. “I mean it. God I want you.”

“Leon ah-”, Sasha’s words were slurred, turning into gasps and moans as he wrapped his lips around his length again, moving up and down slowly, lazily. Until Sasha heeded Leon’s words, and pushed him down. It sent a surge of arousal through him, as Sasha’s cock hit the back of his throat, and his hand kept him there for a few heartbeats before relinquishing control once more.

Leon needed to take a few breaths before he could go down on Sasha again, who looked worriedly down at him.

“Too much?”, he asked softly, but he only shook his head.

“Again.”

He let Sasha fuck his mouth, supporting the movement he guided Leon into, as he wasn’t able to thrust up into him. He obeyed every tug and push and took him deeper than he’d ever done before. Leon himself was so hard by now it was almost agony, making his movements to get rid of his own jeans frantic, barely pulling them down as he had done with Sasha’s. Just enough so he could touch himself, sloppy and messy because he was still concentrating on pleasing his boyfriend.

Leon was so close already, making Sasha feel good, getting those incredible moans out of him was a huge turn on for him. Even more so when he finally pushed Leon all the way down again, both of them freezing as he came into his mouth, the salty taste spreading. His eyes watered a little as Sasha kept holding him like this, but it was all worth it, a few more strokes and he too froze in his orgasm, the wave of pleasure making him forget any discomfort.

When he was finally able to pull away he swallowed, head resting on Sasha’s thigh as he tried to catch his breath again. He felt his boyfriend softly wipe away the tear that had rolled down his cheek.

“I am so sorry Leon, I-”

“Don’t be”, he interrupted, now sitting up to adjust himself, then helping Sasha to do so as well. He slowly crawled up his boyfriend, straddling his hips, hands resting on either side of his head. “That was really hot.”

“I like when you’re confident like this, and yet you still blush”, Sasha was smiling now, gently cupping his cheek. Leon hadn’t even realized the heat rising into his cheeks again, but it was just something he would never be able to get rid of. If Sasha liked it, he didn’t much care anyway.

“Didn’t you want to talk?”, Leon asked, vaguely remembering something his boyfriend had said last night.

“It’s… it can really wait”, Sasha said, pulling him down into a kiss. Leon made sure to let him really taste himself there, and he grinned when they pulled away. “Oh it can definitely wait.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I finally managed to incorporate the song this entire thing is based on. [Check it out if you like](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmrX4nhEdZY)


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha's visit turns into something entirely different.

Living with his boyfriend was greater than Leon could have ever imagined. Most of the time he could push the thought aside that in a few weeks, this would all be over, because he needed to enjoy every single moment of it. Waking up next to Sasha, watching him sleep and slowly wake up, with that adorable mussy hair, it almost made his chest burst with love. And every day, he would tell him.

 

“I love you”, he whispered that morning too, earning, as usual, a sweet grin from his boyfriend.

 

“Hm… love you too”, his words were slurred but he never missed replying either.

 

“I’ll make you some coffee, but Hunnigan called, I gotta go to the White House real quick.” He leaned down to press a slow, lazy kiss to Sasha’s lips, his hair tickling and making him laugh. “I’ll hurry.”

 

“Wait…” Sasha grasped his wrist after Leon had obediently gotten him his coffee, they were both pretty useless without it. “You are just… _going_ to the White House? Where the President is?”

 

“Yeah I mean, I work there, sometimes. The DSO does have a separate building as well.”

 

“But that’s where the President is!” Sasha’s eyes were wide, and only now did Leon realize why. He hadn’t had coffee yet, so he was a little slow.

 

“Are you… impressed?”, Leon asked, smiling smugly.

 

“I just-”, he huffed before taking another sip of his coffee. Black, unlike Leon’s. “Well maybe a little.”

 

“You know there are tours there, right?” Leon sat down on the edge of the bed, gently stroking over his boyfriend’s stomach. “You could meet me there for lunch, and I’ll show you around.”

 

“Seriously? You can just do that?” Sasha’s eyes went even wider, he had never seen him like this, this… excited, in a very innocent way.

 

“Yes, I mean, not into the restricted areas, I could get in trouble for that. But the touristy stuff, sure.”

 

“That would be really cool-”, he stopped himself, but the word had already left his mouth.

 

“‘Cool’? Did you just say that?” Leon had to work very hard on not laughing right there, and instead kissed his boyfriend again. “I’ll see you later then? I’ll meet you in front of the gates.”

 

“All right. I cannot wait.”

 

Leon’s grin never left him that morning, and he earned a knowing smile and an eye roll from Hunnigan. Apparently he had managed to bleed onto one of his reports, a wound that hadn’t properly healed, and vital information was missing. Not that vital as it turned out, but the bureaucrats liked their reports neat and blood-free, and so he simply typed it all out again, filling in what was missing. It had been about a fairly uneventful mission, there had hardly been any zombies in that hidden underground lab, and just the one freakish monster.

 

On his way to meet his boyfriend at the gates just leading to the White House, Leon ran into one of the researchers he had met when he had accompanied Chris to visit Piers while he was still in his coma. At first they had just greeted each other, chit chatted here and there, as they had tended to bump into each other over and over again. He was a nice person, and after Piers had woken up, and they had determined the changes his body had gone through, in what way the virus had actually helped him survive, Leon had mentioned his boyfriend. Not that he was his boyfriend, but that he knew someone who had been infected, who was now hurt because of him and several meetings and months later he had found out that they were working on something that could actually help Sasha walk again.

 

But it wasn’t a sure thing, there would need to be test runs of course, there was no guarantee that they would actually succeed, and even if they did Leon would need to be one hundred percent sure that it was safe before he could even mention it to his boyfriend. He just hadn’t been able to tell him before, couldn’t promise him something that he might not be able to deliver. Leon knew how disappointed he would be, if he had told him, and in the end nothing came of it.

 

Today however, the news sounded very promising. Apparently they were very, very close. But close did not mean one hundred percent sure, and so Leon decided to still keep it to himself. He had no idea how to even tell him, and so he pushed the thought away for now, only put his smile back on as he leaned down to kiss Sasha.

 

His boyfriend was actually giddy as he showed him around, as giddy as the stoic ex-freedom fighter could ever be. But his eyes lit up, he patiently listened to the guide tell the history of the place, and to the little tidbits Leon whispered to him here and there. But Leon had heard most of those stories a thousand times in passing already, and so it didn’t take long for him to drift off. Only when Sasha whispered something about the Statue of Liberty did he pay attention again.

 

“What?”, he asked, trying to focus on him, and not the tour guide with the incredibly low cut shirt.

 

“I said I’ve never been to the Statue of Liberty either.”

 

“Do you wanna go?”

 

“Excuse me?” Sasha frowned up at him, a cute little frown.

 

“I’m serious. Let’s go to New York. You can’t just be stuck in Washington while you’re here. It’s not far, we can rent a car.”

 

“Wait, no! Claire told me to never let you drive”, he said.

 

“Wait, what? When?” Why on earth would she say something like that? It wasn’t his fault things tended to go to hell when he was driving. He usually did it in stressful situations, a regular drive to New York would surely be okay.

 

“During the party. She told me you crash everything.” Sasha was smiling softly, but nevertheless he seemed actually serious.

 

“I do not- Okay maybe I crashed that one car, and well that other one too… and the helicopter. But that wasn’t my fault okay?”

 

“Of course, sweetheart. We’ll still take the train.” He even had the audacity to pet his leg as if to say ‘Sure, Leon’.

 

“I can’t believe this”, he huffed, but didn’t press the matter.

 

It wasn’t very far, in the end it didn’t really matter it they took the train, or the car, what mattered was the light in Sasha’s eyes when they approached Grand Central Station. Leon loved watching him look around, not able to decide what he wanted to see first. He even let Leon push him, so he had more time to enjoy the bustling of the city around them.

 

Sasha was a very proud person, and though Leon would have gladly paid for the most expensive, most luxurious hotel in the city, simply because his boyfriend deserved it, he knew he wouldn’t accept it. So they had compromised, had looked around for hotels before coming here, and decided on a highly rated one, which had small rooms, but was very cosy, and of course wheelchair friendly. The room truly didn’t accommodate more than them, a bed,and a door leading to an equally small bathroom, but the interior was tasteful, with warm colours and a window not looking out onto a wall.

 

It was stuffy inside, however, and the first thing Leon did was open the window. From the rooftop of the building, a soft tune drifted inside.

 

“Oh I like this song”, Leon muttered, softly swaying to the rhythm.

 

“Really?” He turned to face Sasha, who was smiling sadly at him. “I would invite you to dance, but…”

 

It broke Leon’s heart when he got like this, and made him wish for his scientist friend to just finally tell him they would be able to heal him. But there was no sense in wishing for that now.

 

“Come, then.” Leon knelt in front of him, guiding Sasha’s legs around his waist, and motioning for him to hold onto him. He stood again, pulling his boyfriend with him.

 

Leon was by no means a good dancer, but the small room did not leave him much room to move anyway, and so he started to softly move to the song again, as he had done before. It was dancing, sort of. It was the best he could so anyway, and some of the sadness seemed to leave Sasha’s eyes.

 

“ _The river always finds the sea, so helplessly, like you find me…_ ” He usually didn’t sing in front of other people, had even stopped doing it in the shower once Sasha had come over, but he was too comfortable right now, felt so at ease with this man, he couldn’t help himself. The shocked expression his boyfriend gave him made him stop however.

 

“Ah I’m sorry”, Leon whispered. “She does it better, I’ll stop.”

 

“No please don’t”, Sasha replied. “Your voice is so lovely, please, do go on.”

 

Leon blushed at that. He had never considered himself to be a good singer, but as he thought about it, he realized he had never actually done it in front of other people before. No wonder he didn’t know.

 

“ _We are paper boats floating on a stream, and it would seem, we’ll never be apart. I will always find you, like it’s written in the stars…_ ”

 

Sasha watched him, fascinated and a little wistful, immediately kissing him once the song was over. There was a yearning in that kiss, like he was looking for something that Leon was just too eager to give him, if only he knew what it was.

 

“Hey, Sasha, what is it?”

 

His boyfriend’s eyes had filled with tears, threatening to spill at any moment. This was supposed to be a happy time, their holiday together. Had he done something wrong?

 

“You… you made me dance”, he choked out, his grip on Leon’s shoulders tightening.

 

“That’s what I’m here for. Great hair and bad dancing.” He leaned in to press a soft kiss to Sasha’s lips, hearing him gasp when he pulled away.

 

“I don’t want to leave…”, he whispered, not meeting Leon’s gaze.

 

Leon had stopped moving, now they were just standing in the middle of the room, the next song filling the silence between them.

 

“I don’t want you to leave either”, he finally admitted.

 

Sasha’s head snapped up at that, a hopeful expression in his eyes.

 

“Really?”, he asked, and Leon nodded in reply. “I… I have a confession to make. I’ve been job hunting.”

 

“Oh?”

 

Sasha had a job though, one that he loved, or so he had always thought.

 

“When you were working, I looked around, and I actually found something”, Sasha explained. “A library, not far from your place. They even have a children’s program, so I can still work with them, but Leon… it’s so quiet. I used to love being a teacher, but after the war I… I cannot handle the stress anymore. This… this would be perfect.”

 

It sounded like Sasha had thought about this, even before he had started looking for a job here. For how long? Why hadn’t he mentioned anything?

 

“What are you saying?”, Leon asked softly.

 

“I guess what I am saying is… I want to live here”, he said. “All I am wondering is, if I need to look for an apartment on my own or if… if we could do that together.”

 

Leon’s heart was racing inside his chest. This was everything he had wanted, had thought about for a long time now. A new place, something just for the two of them…

 

“But what about your life… your country?”, Leon asked, earning a sad sigh from his boyfriend.

 

“I am done trying to find happiness in that country”, he said, voice low and sad. “I am not even sure I can call it a life. You don’t… you don’t see me on my bad days and I… I am scared you will not want me once you do.”

 

“Hey, that’s bullshit, okay?” Sasha grinned at that, and Leon finally lowered them onto the bed so he could cup his cheek. “I love you, good days or bad days I… if this is what you really want, then I’d be the happiest man on this planet.”

 

“I am glad then, that I can make you happy too.”

 

This… this was really happening. Sasha would not need to leave, or at least, once he returned, he would stay, for good.

 

Leon kissed his boyfriend and soon to be roommate so excitedly they both fell over. He couldn’t even apologize, that’s how happy he was, and they celebrated with sweet and slow lovemaking. The sadness was gone from Sasha’s eyes, as he pushed deep into him, he was just smiling and keeping his gaze so intently it made him blush. But he couldn’t stop watching him, the beautiful moans tumbling from his lips, the way he twisted the sheets when Leon hit his sweet spot. They found their release almost simultaneously that night, with Leon covering his boyfriend’s body almost completely, pressing sloppy kisses to his neck.

 

“I can’t wait to always wake up next to you”, he whispered into Sasha’s ear, relishing in those soft strokes over his back.

 

“Me too”, Sasha whispered, but Leon knew that look, he was worrying about something again. He pulled out gently, lying on his side next to his boyfriend to clean him off.

 

“Now…”, Leon pulled him close by his waist, still leaving enough space between them so they could look at each other. “Tell me what bothers you.”

 

“I suppose, if we want to live together, you need to know. I…”, he hesitated for a moment. “I have PTSD. It… I have made progress, but I can have pretty bad days and… and the nightmares. You have seen me get a panic attack.”

 

“I… I didn’t know it was that bad. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”, Leon asked. He could have pretty bad nightmares himself, but that was it, and something he had learned to deal with, even without Sasha. He wasn’t sure what it meant for his boyfriend, and if he could help, how he could help.

 

“It was easy enough to hide, we never saw each other for that long at a time… I suppose I did not want to seem weak. You handle all of this so easily…”

 

“You know that’s not true”, he whispered, cupping his cheek and brushing over it with his thumb. “Without you… after China, I don’t know what I would have done. I… I want to help, if I can. But don’t think this will make me want to move in with you any less, okay?”

 

Sasha just kissed him in reply, smiling softly at him before they both went to sleep. Leon was giddy during their entire time in New York, because once they returned, they would be able to go looking for apartments. But soon enough Sasha’s excitements about the sights here infected him, and his boyfriend’s mood could not even be damped by some areas he could not visit due to his condition. And though Leon didn’t know the city very well, they ended up finding quite a few nice places on their own, a small park, a cozy cafe in which they spent hours just talking, planning their future together.

 

Their future…

 

Leon still couldn’t quite believe it. He had never thought that this could be a possibility for him, someone who accepted what he did, someone who would give up so much just to be with him. And although it was scary to think what he could lose if he messed up, how he would make Sasha feel if he were gone, it only made him work harder. Leon told himself that he would always come home, because now he was coming home to him.

 

If he was being ridiculously cheesy, he did not care at all. Not when he was looking at different apartments with his boyfriend, one after another, discussing afterwards what they liked about it and what they didn’t. After a week however, they still hadn’t found the right one, but Sasha had shown him the library where he had found a new job. Leon had passed by it about a million times, but had never had a chance to visit it. It was situated in an old church, the rows of pews removed to make space for bookshelves, the cold stone floor covered in red, soft carpet. Bean bags and chairs were everywhere, creating space for people to just hang out and read right here. The sense of dread and damnation Leon usually got when he was inside a church - not that he was a particularly religious man, or thought that he was a very sinful one - did not creep up on him here. Sasha seemed comfortable here, too, watching wistfully as a parent read a story to their child. He briefly wondered if that was something he wanted.

 

But first things first.

 

It took them about a week and many, many visits before they finally found the right apartment. But when they did, they instantly knew.

 

“Wow…”, Sasha gasped after the realtor had slid open the metal door just behind the elevator, leading them into the loft.

 

It was _huge_ , a wide open space, and the first thing that came to Leon’s mind was that it would be perfect for Sasha to move around in. The dark wooden floor gave the whole area a warm atmosphere though. His boyfriend moved around a pillar towards the kitchen, which was equally spaced out, and though it would need a few modifications, was already pretty close to perfect for him.

 

The only rooms separated from the main area were the bed- and bathroom but after quickly examining both, Leon only needed to look at his boyfriend once to know that this was it.

 

“We’ll take it.”

 

They recruited some help from their friends to move all of Leon’s things to their new place. Sasha didn’t have much that was worth shipping all the way to the States, he would only need to go back soon to get his clothes, and a few other items. Whatever else they needed, they would get soon enough, right now the loft was still pretty empty, but the new bed was all they really needed. Chris and Piers seemed to be okay with the new couch Leon had bought for the apartment, one of the few things he had been allowed to pay on his own for. Everything else Sasha insisted they shared.

 

The morning after they’d moved, Leon found Piers sleeping flat out on Chris’ chest, using him as mattress and pillow, his boyfriend’s strong arms wrapped around him. He couldn’t help but watch for a few moments, before he started on coffee - the only thing he was allowed to do in the kitchen. He snuck past them again, slipping back into bed to gently wake his boyfriend up.

 

Leon almost spilled coffee all over himself and the sheets when his phone rang, quickly picking up and hoping Sasha hadn’t been woken up by that. He had planned on doing that gently, maybe even in a sexy way.

 

“Yes?”, he whispered, leaning away from Sasha but not wanting to leave the bed in case the movement would disturb him.

 

“Hey it’s me.” It was his researcher friend, who rarely called, and certainly not this early in the morning. “We got it.”

 

“What?” The room seemed to vanish around him, leaving only the white patch of wall he was looking at.

 

“We got it, your friend, he can walk again. I’ve made arrangements, we could start the procedure any day.”

 

“And you’re certain that-”

 

“Yeah you made that very clear”, he interrupted. “I’m sure.”

 

“I uh…” Sasha was stirring now, and for some reason he was panicking because of it. “Thanks, I’ll call you soon.”

 

“Hm… who’ssat?”, Sasha slurred, his hand creeping under Leon’s shirt to just rest on his stomach.

 

“I uh… Here, drink your coffee.” He had no idea why he was nervous right now, and he hoped Sasha wouldn’t be able to feel his rapidly beating heart as he was resting with his back against him. He just watched his boyfriend drink his coffee now, doing the same just to have some time to think about how he would tell him.

 

“So”, Sasha said, turning and putting his mug aside once it was empty. “Why are you so tense? Did you break something in the kitchen already?”

 

“No- What? Why would you immediately think that?”

 

“Chris told me a few more stories. I am quite worried I have to admit.” He looked at Leon with a crooked smile, and though he was a little offended, it was way too cute. Not that he’d ever tell Sasha he was cute, that would be dangerous indeed.

 

“I, no, forget that. I have to tell you something important. Life changing, actually.” Leon took a deep breath. “Please just… think about it, there’s no need to rush anything.”

 

“Leon what is it?” Sasha’s grin had vanished, leaving him only frowning.

 

“I have been in contact with one of the researchers who helped Piers. They’ve been working with his blood, and due to your unique circumstances, what with the Plaga inside you, or whatever remains of its influence, I don’t really know the details all I know is…”, he hesitated for just a moment, Sasha already looked so hopeful. It was exactly the reason he hadn’t said anything sooner. “They can make you walk again.”

 

Sasha just stared at him for a while, in complete silence. Not so much staring at him, but staring right through him, as if he had left his body and only this shell was still here. It went on for so long Leon got worried, gently brushed over his arm to remind him of this earthly plane.

 

“Sasha?”

 

He took in a sharp breath, eyes focusing on Leon now.

 

“Are you certain? Please, if this is a joke, it is not-”

 

“It isn’t. Why would I ever joke about that?”, he interrupted. “I didn’t tell you sooner because they weren’t sure, and I couldn’t bear to see you hurt even more. But now they are, my love. They can do it.”

 

“о боже.” Sasha started shaking suddenly, looking around, moving his hands, not knowing what to do with himself. Leon took his hands in his own, pulling them up to press a kiss to them, watching as the first tears started to roll down his boyfriend’s cheeks.

 

“I can… I can…”, he sobbed. “I can dance with you. I- I can finally be a real boyfriend.”

 

“Hey, hey, look at me”, Leon said, fixing his gaze and pulling his hands to his chest. “Don’t you _ever_ , ever think that you weren’t because of this! I’m the one who was being a complete idiot for so long, but you… Sasha you are the realest thing in my life.”

 

Sasha couldn’t reply to that, could only shake his head and let Leon pull him into a hug. He gently rubbed circles over his back, let him cry himself out. This was a big step, a huge thing that turned his entire life around, his reaction was only natural.

 

But it worried Leon that he truly thought this, that he didn’t think he was good enough, when it was just the opposite, when he was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Use of his legs or not, Leon didn’t care, he only cared that Sasha was happy. If this was it, then he would support him in any way. He would need to.

 

“Sasha”, Leon softly said, giving him enough room so they could look at each other. “You know it’s not… it’s not going to be easy. I don’t know the details yet, but there’ll be physical therapy, it’ll be a long road before you can actually do it. Just… keep that in mind, okay? I know that you can do it, if you set your mind to it.”

 

“You will be there with me?”, Sasha asked softly, clinging to the front of his shirt. After all this time, Leon had never seen him this vulnerable.

 

“Of course. Every second.”

 

“Then I want to do it”, he said, tear stains still on his cheeks, but a new resolve showed in his eyes now. “When can we start?”

 

“We could go there today, if you like”, Leon said, already reaching for his phone as Sasha nodded.

 

They needed to make arrangements of course, first of all talking to Chris and Piers who were still at their place. There was no reason to hide this from them, and they promised their support as well. Pier seemed a little more relaxed now, admitting that he was glad that there was something good to come out of what he did to himself. Sasha had pulled him into an abrupt hug at that, surprising Piers and making him almost fall over. Aside from with Leon, he wasn’t the cuddliest person, but soon enough Piers relaxed into the hug, accepting the soft ‘thank you’ Sasha whispered into his ear.

 

For now it was just him and Leon driving to the research facility together, for an initial discussion on how to proceed. He held his boyfriend’s hand as the next steps were explained to them. Sasha would need to be put in an artificial coma, and he squeezed his hands at the news, but both of them knew it wouldn’t just be easy. He’d be injected with a form of the virus, which would then help him rebuilt his spine where it was damaged. But the process would be incredibly painful, hence the coma. He would need to stay in it for a few weeks at least, and once awake, undergo physical therapy.

 

The doctor had complimented Sasha on his workout routine, not letting his legs become too weak but nevertheless, there would be a long period before he could actually walk again. It would take time, hard work and a lot of support from Leon. They were warned, too, that it could be a frustrating time, physical therapy wouldn’t be easy. But Sasha was determined, told the doctor he would do everything it would take to be able to do it. Leon had no doubt about it.

 

But for all his bravery, his determination, he could tell that Sasha was nervous. He was shaking when he packed his bags, going back and forth through the apartment, always forgetting something, muttering to himself in English and Russian. Leon had to stop him at one point, leaned down to kiss him softly to just make him relax for just a moment. Sasha smiled sheepishly at him when he realized what he’d been doing, and together they made a neat little system, checklists, to make sure they had everything.

 

“Why are you packing your bags as well?”, Sasha asked him, frowning in that adorable way of his.

 

“I told you, I’m not leaving your side.”

 

“They said it could be weeks before I wake up, you don’t have to…”

 

“But I want to”, Leon insisted. “I love you, I am not leaving you.”

 

“What have I done to ever deserve someone like you…” Sasha slowly came over, brushing the softest of kisses against his lips. They stayed like that for a while, resting their foreheads against each other, Sasha’s breath tickling his lips. He would miss this intimacy so much, and suddenly his heart lurched at the prospect.

 

“Well you are an excellent cook”, he finally said. “So it’s a win - win, really.”

 

“Oh you silly American”, Sasha giggled. A sound Leon couldn’t get enough of.

 

“You’ll be one soon too, you know.” He cocked his head, grinning smugly. “You’ll be the grumpy American then.”

 

“What do you mean?” The smile was still there, but it was slowly fading. “It’ll be ages before I could get citizenship.”

 

“Why the hell do you think I work for the government? I’ll pull some strings, you could have it by the time you wake up.”

 

“You are just… impossible.” Sasha shook his head with a shy smile. “My knight in shining armour.”

 

“More like your noble steed”, he replied with a grin, quickly scooping Sasha up from his wheelchair and spinning him around. He held on tightly to Leon’s neck, his body shaking with pure, innocent laughter.

 

It felt good for both of them, to laugh until they were breathless. They let themselves fall onto the bed, holding and kissing each other until they needed to leave. If anything were to happen, and the risk was always there, both of them knew that, this was a good way to part. Leon didn’t let that fear show on the way to the facility, kept up his smile, his reassurances that everything would be okay. But deep down he felt a fear he hadn’t experienced before, not even when he was surrounded by zombies with seemingly no way out. If anything were to happen to him…

 

He had to stop that train of thought as long as Sasha was still awake. His boyfriend needed to believe in this as well. So he just held his hand as he was lying in the hospital bed, kissing him one final time.

 

“I love you. I’ll be here when you wake up”, he promised, kissing his knuckles as the doctors prepared to put Sasha under.

 

“I love you too”, he hesitated for a moment, smiling back at him but there was a hint of something else in those beautiful brown eyes. “Thank you, for everything.”

 

Leon just nodded, his speech suddenly failing him. But Sasha’s eyelids began to droop already, and slowly but surely he lost consciousness. He could do nothing as he watched the doctors wheel him out of the room to begin the procedure. Of course he had protested, he wanted to be there, but in the end he could see that he would only be in the way.

 

So instead he collapsed into the nearest chair, head in his hands as he finally let himself be overwhelmed by that fear of losing his boyfriend. It was irrational, it was such a small chance… And yet there was still nothing else he could think about.

 

“He’ll be okay, he’ll be okay”, he kept muttering to himself, ignoring the tears rolling down his cheeks, ignoring everything else around him. Even the sound of the door opening again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So do people still want this? I have some ideas for a next chapter. Sorry it always takes so long. But my thesis is done now, so yay! 
> 
> о боже = oh god
> 
> The song Leon is singing [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFrjMq4aL-g)


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leon has to watch over Sasha while he is in his coma. Thankfully he has people who watch out for him as well.

"Leon."

  
He looked up, had to blink a few times, eventually using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe away his tears. It was Chris, looking so worriedly down at him. He slowly came to kneel in front of Leon, taking his hand.

  
"I saw Sasha. He's in surgery now, isn't he?"

  
Leon could only nod, his speech still hadn't come back to him, was still trying to calm himself down. He didn't know how, though, when the one person who could always make sure he was grounded wasn't here. He'd be back, he would be, he kept telling himself. Suddenly Chris' strong arms were around him, pulling him into a tight hug. Oh, he had forgotten how good he felt. Safe and warm, like nothing in the world could harm him when Chris was here.

  
"I'm s-scared...", Leon finally admitted, his breathing hitching as he tried to even it out. "I know they said it would be okay, but what if it's not. I can't... I can't..."

  
"Shh", Chris let his hands rub circles on his back, soothing him. "He's strong, and stubborn, he'll be okay."

  
"He _is_ stubborn", Leon agreed, finally able to make those tears stop rolling down his cheek. Chris brushed the few remaining on his skin away with his thumb, smiling softly. "Thanks."

  
"Any time."

  
"What are you doing here anyway?", Leon asked him, as it only occurred to him now. In his defence he had been a bit busy breaking down.

  
"Just a regular check up. They monitor Piers for any changes but he's been stable for a long time, it's just routine now."

  
Of course, Piers was infected as well, and just like Leon he needed to be kept an eye on, just in case. Neither would ever forgive themselves if they ever hurt anyone because of their condition. And of course Chris would accompany him, he was an amazing boyfriend, and... regular friend. Leon felt guilty keeping him from Piers when he needed him.

  
"You should go to Piers", Leon said quietly. "He probably needs you, I'll be fine. I'll wait here for Sasha."

  
"Nonsense. I'm not leaving you", Chris insisted. "We're friends, remember? And Piers has done this dozens of times, it's nothing new. You know, he actually gets annoyed with me, that I still insist on joining him."

  
"He would", Leon replied with a small smile.

  
"So I'm texting him. Do you want me to tell him to come too?"

  
"I... maybe not?" He felt even guiltier asking this of Chris, but he didn't know if he could deal with anyone else but him at the moment. While he liked Piers a lot, they just didn't have the history he and Chris shared, the sheer amount of years they had been friends. He felt comfortable in his presence, and after that breakdown he really needed it.

  
"All right. Done."

  
"I... I'm so sorry, Chris, I didn't mean to-"

  
"Stop", Chris interrupted, brushing over his arm. "You should have told me it was today, I'd have been here. You always do this, trying to get through hard times alone when you don't need to."

  
He let his head drop, staring at his hands. They'd been through this before, when he almost messed things up with Sasha, and now he'd done it again.

  
"I don't want to be a burden", he whispered, his hands balling into fists.

  
"Hey, Leon, you're not, look at me." Chris cupped his face with both hands, making him look up again. The honesty in his friend's eyes brought him close to tears again. "You're not a burden. You're my best friend, I love you, okay?"

  
As he pressed a kiss to Leon's forehead, his whole body shook with another wave of sobs, a strange mix of relief and worry spreading in his chest. Again Chris just pulled him into an embrace, his strong body a pillar to lean on, his body heat slowly soothing him again. He didn't pressure Leon, just let him cry himself out, until there were no more tears to shed.

  
"So you're staying here, huh?", Chris asked when Leon was finally calm again, leaning back in his chair, and offering the other to his friend. There was another bed here, well, more like a cot, but it would be enough for Leon. He had promised not to leave Sasha's side, and he wouldn't. "Do they know for how long he'll be out?"

  
"No... Could be... could be a long time", Leon admitted. "I don't care how long, I won't leave him, I won't have him wake up alone after something like this. Not... not again."

  
"Again?" Chris leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, watching him.

  
"When... you know that I shot him, to get rid of the plaga." He sighed before continuing. "He told me once, that he woke up alone. Hurt, confused, no one there. It took the nurses a while to notice and even then... It was days before I showed up. He didn't blame me, he never does, but... It had to have been horrible."

  
"You couldn't have known..."

  
"Couldn't I?" His head snapped to look at him. "He was a rebel, most of his friends died while I was there, I should have just stopped to think, to stop being selfish for one damn second and just be there for him."

  
"It was different back then, and you know it. Besides, you're here for him now, Leon." Why was Chris so damn calm, why did he sound so damn sure of himself? Leon wasn't a good person, and he didn't understand why Sasha was even with him.

  
But he just didn't have the energy to argue anymore.

  
"Yeah, I suppose so."

  
They sat in silence after that, Chris sensing that Leon wasn't in the mood to talk further. He stayed, without asking Leon, for hours, until Sasha was finally rolled back into the room, making Leon stand and rush towards him, but the doctor told him to stay away. They did their thing, making sure Sasha was properly hooked up to any machines he'd need before talking to Leon, the steady beep of his boyfriend's heartbeat filling the room.

  
"Everything went fine", the doctor told him, and Leon let out a relieved sigh. "As we've said before we can't be sure when we can get him out of the coma. It will take time, we'll monitor him, and keep you updated. But are you sure..."

  
Just as Chris had done he eyed the cot in the room. Maybe it was silly, that Leon stayed, but he didn't care and told the doctor as much, who just shrugged and left the room. Immediately he rushed to Sasha. He didn't know what he had expected, his boyfriend didn't look much different than before. A little paler perhaps, but he looked almost peaceful, as if he were just sleeping, and hadn't just gone through a life changing experience. He looked like he'd wake up at any moment, as if everything would just be okay in a few moments. But he had to remind himself that it wasn't the case, a sense of dread filling him again. Why was he so worried? He had known about all of this from the start.

  
The sound of footsteps told him Chris was now standing beside him, but he didn't turn to look, couldn't take his eyes off the sleeping figure before him. It was just like all those years ago...

  
"Hey...", Chris whispered, the warmth of his hand felt good on his shoulder. "Are you sure it's good for you to stay here?"

  
"I told you I'm not leaving him."

  
"I understand, and it's good that you want to be there for him, but please take care of yourself too, okay?"

  
Leon slowly turned to look at him now, that very Chris-like look of concern on his face. He softly sighed, even managed a small smile. He had always looked out for him, for everyone, really.

  
"I'll be okay", Leon whispered, trying not to let his voice crack. "Thank you."

  
"You know you can call me for anything, right?"

  
"I know." Leon let himself be pulled into another hug, sighing again. He felt very tired, suddenly, as if he had run a marathon. "I... I think I need to get some rest."

  
"Of course." Chris let him go again, cupping his cheek, and for a moment Leon thought he was about to do something else, there was just a look in his eyes, but it passed just as quickly as it had flared up. "I'll come by again soon, okay?"

  
"I'd really like that."

  
Another quick hug, and Chris was on his way out, looking back, hesitating for a moment in the doorway, but then he was gone. Maybe if Leon hadn't been so preoccupied with Sasha, he'd have thought more about this strange behaviour, but now he pulled up a chair so he could sit by his side, carefully took his hand, and just watched. There wasn't much else to do, Sasha needed rest now, and so did he. To think that his body was working overtime now, slowly healing itself, and causing immense pain as it did. At least the coma was good for something.

  
Leon had to smile weakly at how proud, how strong Sasha still looked, even in this place, this hospital bed.

  
"You'll make it", he whispered. "I know you will."

  
He couldn't bring himself to sleep on his cot that night, he needed to stay close, and eventually fell asleep, still in that chair, head resting on the bed. He woke to the nurse making her rounds, and the doctor checking up on Sasha, shooing him away. Leon had insisted though, that he would take care of cleaning him, and whatever else he needed to do. He had taken time off for this, hopefully it would be enough.

  
"Wow, this almost doesn't look like a hospital room anymore."

  
Leon turned sharply, he had been so lost in his thoughts for hours that he hadn't noticed Chris come inside, but couldn't help but smile. Of course he'd come back the very next day. A blush crept into his cheeks, as he had been bustling about, unpacking some of his, and Sasha's things to have this room feel a bit more like home. He wasn't sure how aware his boyfriend was, of anything, but he made sure to also keep talking to him, in case he could hear it.

  
"Hey Chris..." They'd only recently gotten into the habit of hugging each other when they met, but it was a habit Leon approved of, a lot. He smiled up at Chris after their greeting, his hands lingering on those strong arms for a moment. "You didn't have to come back right away."

  
"I just wanted to make sure you're all right. And Sasha of course."

  
They sat by his side, so Leon could have an eye on Sasha as they chatted away. Chris again stayed with him for hours, did so again the next day, though after that his visits spaced out. A little. Piers came over as well, for check ups, as well as to just see Leon, who was grateful for the company. Being cooped up here, well not quite alone, but talking only to himself, might not have been too good. After a while they even managed to coax him out of the room, to have lunch in the cafeteria, though Leon promised he would be right back before pressing a soft kiss to Sasha's forehead.

  
The cafeteria food wasn't the greatest, but after living off of vending machine food because he didn't dare to stray too far from Sasha's room, it was a welcome change. Today's dish was supposed to be a classical Russian dish, but Leon doubted that it would taste remotely like this in its home country. It was a homogeneous mass of... something. Well, he'd had worse in the field. At least there was no smell of nearby rotting zombies making it worse.

  
"Is this beef... stroga-something?", he asked, sighing at his own stupidity. "Wow, I can't even pronounce that. I can't say anything in my boyfriend's mother tongue. I... I'm sorry."

  
He added the apology upon seeing the looks on their faces. Pity. He was whining like an idiot when he wasn't the one lying in a hospital bed. He had always wanted to learn Russian, for Sasha, but somehow it had just never worked out. Though he suspected it was his own doing, what was stopping him, really?

  
"You know, I could teach you, a bit", Chris said, now smiling gently at him. "To keep you occupied, and imagine his surprise."

  
"Wait, since when do you speak Russian?" Leon was baffled. How did he always manage to be completely surprised by his closest friends?

  
"Oh he's very versatile", Piers said with a grin, earning an annoyed look from Chris. "What? I meant that you also speak Japanese. And Spanish."

  
"Sure you did", Chris replied, but turned to Leon again. "So what do you say?"

  
"Er... molto bene?"

  
"That... Leon that was Italian." It was obvious Chris was doing his best not to grin, but once Piers started giggling he couldn't keep it back any longer, while Leon let his forehead hit the table. At least Sasha wasn't here to witness his failure. "S-sorry. Leon, it was correct Italian though!"

  
"At least I have that going for me", Leon mumbled against the table, suddenly feeling a warm hand on his neck. He slowly looked up again, and realized it was Piers'. His giggles had subsided, and the smile he gave him now wasn't mocking in the slightest. The same thing he'd seen in Chris' eyes a while ago, he could swear he saw it now too.

  
"You got a lot going for you", he said. "I didn't mean to laugh at you like that."

  
This was... unexpected. True, he hadn't known Piers very well before he had been hurt, injected with the virus, but normally he didn't care, or assumed people knew he was joking. Leon hadn't taken it to heart that much it... almost seemed like the young man had grown up a little, had become kinder. He smiled at him in return.

  
"It's okay, Piers. It was pretty funny." He couldn't deny that he wouldn't have laughed if it had happened to someone else. "So about that Russian..."

  
"You in?" Chris' smile was gentle as he watched both of them, and Leon realized Piers' hand was still on the back of his neck, slowly wandering down his back to pause for just a moment at the small of it. Only then it was gone, and Leon missed its warmth.

  
"Yeah. It would be pretty amazing I think."

  
"Actually, I'd like to get in on that, if that's okay", Piers piped up, looking a little anxious about it. "Sasha and I... we've been emailing, and, he's really supportive. I like him a lot."

  
He looked down as he said that, as if he were admitting a crush, though Leon suspected it was only because he hadn't told Chris. Which seemed likely, considering his surprised look. He himself hadn't known that they had been talking, but they had been pretty busy lately. It was only natural, they had a lot of things in common, and if they could support each other then Leon was happy about it.

  
"Of course", Leon said. "I'd be happy not to be the only student. What if the teacher is strict?"

  
He said it with a grin towards Chris, who just rolled his eyes.

  
"Oh don't worry about it, I know how to get his attention." And there he was, the old Piers, wriggling his eyebrows at his boyfriend.

  
"Anyway..." Chris just completely ignored him, it seemed he knew how to deal with this kind of silliness, though Leon was baffled how he could resist so easily. "First lesson: Hello."

  
They spent hours listening to Chris, trying to learn the few words he told them with an accent that was at least not offending to actual Russian people. Soon enough Leon remembered where they were though, and insisted they go back to Sasha's room. The last few metres there he actually rushed, somehow suddenly convinced that his boyfriend had woken up just as he was gone. But he hadn't, of course he hadn't, looked as peaceful as ever, and so they settled down in a corner of the room, trying to make themselves comfortable.

  
Chris was an excellent teacher, patient, thorough, and after that first day, extremely prepared. He brought them picture books to learn different things or animals, sheets to learn the alphabet that seemed so overwhelming to Leon at first, but with Chris' help they both learned it quickly. But he didn't concentrate too much on the writing, it was important to Piers and Leon that they could talk to Sasha, to not let him lose that part of his culture. It was really the least they could do.

  
A lot of times they studied in the cafeteria, and a few times Chris and Piers actually managed to get Leon outside, despite his fear of Sasha waking up just when he wasn't there. But weeks had passed, and though he was assured he was doing well, it would still be some time before they could wake him up, or that he could wake up on his own.

  
So after weeks he was enjoying a sunny day outside with Piers. Chris had been called away to the BSAA headquarters, and so it was just the two of them, lying on the grass outside of the research station, along with some people who worked here. They were so close together, if Leon turned his head, he could just press a kiss to his scarred cheek. For now he enjoyed the sun on his face, squinting up or just closing his eyes.

  
"Have you thought about what you want to do, when he wakes up?", Piers asked after a long, comfortable silence between them. They had just eaten out here, and he was a little sleepy, which only made him more honest.

  
"I... not really. I have to help him get back on his feet...", he paused for a moment. "Quite literally."

  
Piers giggled at that, a sweet little sound, and Leon turned his head to glance at him. Despite his scars, or maybe even because of them, he was quite lovely. He could definitely see why Chris was so captivated by him. They were so good for each other, and Leon was glad they had gotten together. Now that Piers wasn't working in the field anymore, them being a couple within the BSAA wasn't a problem anymore. As they had gotten closer Piers had even told him why, it wasn't voluntarily, he suffered from PTSD, had severe episodes still, there was just no way he could go out into the field anymore. But he seemed happy enough with his job, and his relationship.

  
"You know what I mean", Piers said, turning his head too and looking straight into his eyes. "When he can walk, what do you think you'll do?"

  
"Hm... I'm not sure." He hesitated for a moment, looking up and thinking back to their time in New York. "I think... once he's better, we'll go dancing. I'm terrible but, I really don't care, I really want to dance with him."

  
A soft chuckle by his side made him turn to look at Piers again, those clear, brown eyes filled with such warmth. There were specks of yellow in them too, towards the center, gradually spreading out. They were lovely, really.

  
"I hope he knows how lucky he is to have you", Piers whispered, and slipped his hand into Leon's. "I'm glad we got to talk, you know. I don't have many friends, not since... you know."

  
"Well I'm glad that I can help. You've helped me too, you and Chris. You make this a lot easier."

  
They grinned at each other for a while, eventually bursting into giggles. They were so close, gazing into each other's eyes, it seemed so silly for a moment. But it was true, both of them had been so damn supportive, if it hadn't been for them he'd still be in that room, just watching Sasha, day in and day out. It might have driven him a bit stir crazy, and if he didn't have it all together, he wouldn't be any help to his boyfriend either.

  
The time he'd taken off work had run out though, a few weeks later, with Sasha being under for over a month now. He would be getting an assignment any day now, and there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn't disobey any orders, not again, not with the new President, who was not his biggest fan, and not after he had gone rogue so many times. As he had done in Eastern Slav, when he hadn't returned as he had been told. So he dreaded it, every day from then on, that he would be called away, and miss his boyfriend waking up.

  
Of course that was just the case.

  
About a week after his vacation days had run out, he had gotten the dreaded call. Hunnigan apologized profusely as she gave him his assignment, but she wasn't to blame. No one was, really, it was just the way the world worked. And after seeing what was at stake - an entire rural town in South America, threatened to be extinguished by the t-virus - he didn't have a choice. He kissed Sasha's forehead, and promised him he would be back soon.

  
It was a gritty three days. The mud and the humidity didn't make his work easier, and only made the stench of rotting flesh worse. Though he was thankful that the corpses he found were not zombies, they had only been shot... And he shook his head at those thoughts. All his work against Umbrella, and yet there were people out there who did worse things even without the use of the virus. The lab he found in the small town could hardly be called that, it was a group of shacks that violated every safety regulation Leon had ever read, and he was amazed that there hadn't been an outbreak already. In the end he fought his way through the few infected Umbrella goons, or Tri-Cell, or Neo Umbrella, he didn't even care, to finally be able to burn it all to the ground, getting rid of the rest of the virus samples they had gotten their hands on.

  
As soon as he got back to the States though, he got the message he had feared even while he was fighting.

  
_He's woken up, please, Leon, come home as soon as you can - Chris_

  
Leon was about to break down. After all this time, after the month, over a month he had spent by his side, he still hadn't managed to be able to support his boyfriend. Again, he was alone. Rationally he knew it wasn't his fault, he had been called on an assignment, but deep down, a voice told him that he was wrong. That he had done something wrong, that Sasha again was confused and alone because of him.

  
He tapped his foot through his debriefing, needed to get it over with quickly, but he couldn't bring himself to withhold any information. He'd sworn to himself he'd eradicate the virus from the face of the earth and he'd only hurt his cause if he left anything out. What he did hurry through was his shower, and his hair was still dripping wet when he finally made it to the research station, breathless when he finally made it to Sasha's room.

  
He was asleep.

  
Leon breathed a sigh of relief, because he hadn't figured out yet how to apologize to him, when he had broken the most important promise in his life. This gave him more time.

  
Chris and Piers were in the room as well, sitting to Sasha's left, watching over him. Chris got up when he entered the room, but Leon walked around the bed, ignoring him. He hesitated for a moment before he took Sasha's hand, gently squeezing it.

  
"What... what did I miss?", he asked, not looking away from his boyfriend. He didn't look as peaceful anymore, there was a small frown on his forehead.

  
"He was just up for a few minutes", Chris said quietly. "He was very out of it, I'm not sure he realized what was going on, or that he'll remember it."

  
"I wasn't here."

  
"It was not your fault-", Piers started, but he interrupted him.

  
"I know. But I still wasn't here."

  
"Leon..." He knew just the look on Chris' face, and he couldn't bear to see it. Pity, worry.

  
"I just, I..."

  
"Do you want us to leave?", Piers asked softly. Thankfully they were giving him his space.

  
"No I..." Finally, he looked at them, their worried looks did not burn as badly as he had expected. "I need you. Both of you."

  
They'd been so supportive over the last few weeks, he truly didn't know what he would have done without them. And they had taught him, as had Sasha, that it was okay to ask for help. He did try to stop pushing people away.

  
"Okay, we'll stay." Chris sat down again, Piers in his lap so Leon could have the other chair, and they waited. For hours, until Leon's hair had dried on its own and Piers had whispered 'How is his hair so perfect' into Chris' ear.

  
Leon was almost about to nod off, his head actually falling forward and he snapped up again, since he hadn't gotten any sleep after coming back from his assignment. But slowly, Sasha started to stir, mumbled something in Russian that Leon couldn't understand, and bit by bit, opened his eyes. He needed a few moments to focus them, blinking as Leon's heartbeat rose and he inched to the edge of his seat.

  
Sasha looked around the room, as if he were searching for something, and when he saw Leon, he seemed to have found it. A beautiful, albeit a little loopy smile spread on his face, and Leon's heart skipped a beat. He was okay, of course he was okay.

  
"Leon..."

  
" _Sasha, love, how are you feeling?_ ", he asked him in Russian, though he was still convinced that his accent was horrible, he hadn't expected Sasha to look at him with utter bewilderment. He even leaned back a little, that look of confusion so honest, so clear on him it was almost hilarious.

  
" _Leon doesn't speak Russian_ ", Sasha replied in the same language, now looking at Chris and Piers as if to ask them if that really was Leon. Piers had pressed a hand to his mouth, trying very hard not to giggle, and failing. " _Why does he speak Russian?_ "

  
" _We have been_ ", Leon had to think of the word for a moment. " _Studying. Learning? As a surprise._ "

  
He could practically hear the gears in Sasha's head turn, slowly, and once he had processed it, started to grin again.

  
"For me?" Sasha was evidently still a bit confused, mixing languages on the fly. " _You are such a sweetheart._ "

  
" _I love you, Sasha_ ", he whispered as he leaned close, for their first kiss in way too long. His boyfriend was a little bit clumsy, but nevertheless it filled him with such warmth and happiness, that sense of dread that had been in the pit of his stomach for so long suddenly vanished.

  
" _I love you too, sweetheart..._ ", Sasha trailed off, cupping his cheek, but not able to hold his hand up for long.

  
He knew they should be calling for the doctors, but he couldn't bring himself to do it, not yet. Just a few more moments with the love of his live, just a few. After their kiss he sat down on the side of the bed, though he had miscalculated his movement, almost sitting on his boyfriend's leg whose eyes went wide.

  
"Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry!" Immediately Leon jumped up again, but Sasha didn't give any indication of being in pain, there was only that look of complete shock.

  
"D-do that again...", he said softly, but instead of actually sitting down on him, Leon slipped his hand under the covers, and let it rest on Sasha's leg.

  
"Oh god." Sasha's voice was breaking, and he started to shake, tears forming in his eyes. "I c-can.... I can feel it. I can feel your hand."

  
Leon broke into a big smile, and put a bit more pressure on his boyfriend's leg, who gasped in return. Looking up at him, he returned Leon's smile.

  
"I can feel your hand!", he said again, shaking and giggling at the same time, then pointing at his feet. His toes were moving. "Look! I can move, look, Leon, I'm wriggling my toes!"

  
"I can see that, my love", Leon said, clutching Sasha's hand with his free one. He was grinning so wide it felt he was about to burst, and he could feel a tear rolling down his cheek too. "I knew you would be okay, I just... I'm sorry I wasn't here."

  
Sasha was still grinning him, only slowly started to frown, then wipe away his tears. He looked confused, and thought for a moment before he looked at Chris and Piers.

  
"I remember... you were here, were you not?", he asked them. Leon hadn't even known, had been too preoccupied to ask. Though he hadn't managed to be there himself, he was glad Sasha hadn't been alone.

  
"Yeah, we were", Chris said, he and his boyfriend smiling gently at Sasha. Piers had pulled his hoodie over his hands, hiding his mouth behind his sleeve. He looked... close to tears himself. Leon guessed there were still a lot of things he didn't know about Piers, he hadn't expected him to get emotional over this. But it was endearing.

  
"Thank you", Leon mouthed, and Chris gave him a small nod. He should have known, really, Chris just always managed to be there when you needed him.

  
Meanwhile Sasha had reached out, motioned for Piers to come closer, who now sat on the other side of the bed. He took the smaller man's hand, and pulled it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles.

  
"Thank you, for being there. You as well", he added, glancing at Chris for a moment. "Please don't cry, there's no need."

  
"I-I'm not crying, you are", Piers pointed out. "There's just something in my eye."

  
"Of course there is." Chris stood now, hugging his boyfriend from behind, who slowly stood up now. "We should leave you two to it, and we'll inform the doctors on our way out, okay?"

  
"Sure." Leon gave him another nod, it was time to face the consequences, there would be time for being close later.

  
Once they were gone Leon kissed his boyfriend again, resting their foreheads against each other. This, he had missed this so damn much, just being close to him, feeling those brown eyes looking at him, so full of warmth and love. They didn't need words right now, it was enough to finally feel each other again, though the moment was interrupted all too soon.

  
They were able to unhook Sasha from his machines, he didn't need them anymore, the doctor had decided after checking his pulse, his eyes, and very slowly and carefully, his legs. Moving them, stretching them just a little bit, asking Sasha how much he felt.

  
"All of it", he said, not able to stop smiling. "They feel... sore."

  
Even discomfort was a cause of happiness for him now, as long as he _could_  feel it. Leon stood as close as he could without getting in the way, watching carefully, committing everything to memory. He would need to help Sasha through the upcoming weeks, months even, every scrap of information might be useful.

  
They scheduled an MRI for later that day, and after getting the results decided that there wasn't really anything keeping him from going home. There was the option of him going to a rehab center, but after a brief discussion they decided he'd be more comfortable at home. It wasn't far, and he'd rather drive there every day, and go to sleep in his own home, beside his boyfriend. Sasha stayed for another few days in the research facility, so they could monitor him for any changes, but he just seemed his own, healthy self.

  
Sasha was strictly forbidden from standing on his own though, despite him having exercised regularly, the muscles in his legs had still deteriorated, and would now not be able to hold his own weight. It would take time, and physical therapy, before he could attempt to walk on his own. It only put a small damper on his mood, for now he did seem content enough to feel his legs, to move his toes and every time Leon picked him up to carry him somewhere, he let out a small gasp.

  
As Leon carried him through their apartment, finally home after just too long, and placed him on their bed, Sasha sighed. A soft sigh, but a happy one.

  
"I missed sleeping by your side", Sasha whispered as Leon settled in beside him, immediately wrapping his arm around his boyfriend and pulling him close.

  
"It's been a few days for you, it was over a month for me", he said, repeating that happy sigh. "Just so you know, I'm not letting you go for a very, very long time."

  
"I had hoped you would say that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terrible at keeping any sort of schedule so next update is... whenever, I guess? Sorry. (Also I hope you see where I am going with Piers and Chris *cough*)


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha's road to recovery is longer than he expected, and nowhere near as easy, putting a strain on him and his boyfriend.

Sasha was pushing himself too hard.

Leon had no idea what went on in his physical therapy, his boyfriend would only let him drop him off, and pick him up again, if he went as far as that. Often he would just get a taxi, or even use public transportation, all on his own. He was stubborn like that, Leon was all too aware of it.

And even though he didn't see, and even before Sasha's doctor told him, Leon knew that he was pushing himself too hard. He also knew that Sasha didn't let him see anything, because he wanted to do it on his own, and finally just show Leon that he could walk again. But the road to that dramatic moment would be long and hard. He had always thought that he would be there to help his boyfriend, to ease the burden, but it hadn't turned out like that at all.

Sasha's happiness had only lasted for a short time, until he had been to a few appointments and had realized that it would take a lot longer for him to walk than he had expected. The muscles in his legs needed to get stronger, he hadn't been properly using them for years now. And so he got frustrated when he didn't make the progress that he wanted to make, because being stubborn and having an iron will was not enough in this case. It also needed patience and persistence.

He ended up pushing Leon away, wouldn't let him help shower, or reach high places, wouldn't let him help with anything, eventually leading to their very first fight. Sasha had been on edge for weeks now, and they had talked less and less to each other. When they did, his boyfriend only answered with the least amount of words possible, snapped at him when Leon tried to initiate a conversation. He knew Sasha was frustrated, he knew how difficult it must be, and so he tried his best to remain calm. Which had been the wrong thing to do apparently.

Sasha had dropped a jar of pickles, it had shattered, spilling them and the water they were in all across the kitchen floor. Leon had hurried out of the bedroom when he heard the sound, and his boyfriend cursing in Russian. He was relieved when he saw that it was just a jar that had broken, and started to gather the broken pieces.

"Leave, I can do it", Sasha said, already tense.

"It's okay, I'll help."

"Stop just-" Leon looked up and saw how frustrated and angry Sasha looked. When he spoke next, he was yelling. "Why are you always so  _fucking_ calm? Just let me do it and leave!"

"I'm trying to help, Sasha", he said quietly as his stomach dropped, with only a sense of hurt and dread remaining. They had never fought before, Sasha had never been angry at him before, not even when he had been a terrible person to him.

"I didn't ask for your help, and I don't need it!"

This wasn't him talking, this was his frustration, nothing more, Leon tried to tell himself. It would pass and it would be like it was before, if only Sasha would let him talk...

"Sasha-"

"Just... fucking  _go_!"

Leon was startled so much that he let the shards of glass he had gathered drop again, looked at them instead of Sasha, because he couldn't bear it. And then... he just left. Without money, without a jacket, he only had his keys with him. Soon enough he was shivering, but he just kept walking, down the road, through the park, he didn't know where to go. He didn't feel like he could bother any of his friends right now, wouldn't even know what to say to them.

Couples fought sometimes, didn't they? With how big of an idiot he was, he should have been surprised that it hadn't happened earlier. This just... it didn't make any sense to Leon and he didn't know how to fix it. All he wanted to do was help.

Helpless. That was how he felt, he realized as he let himself sink down on the steps of the Lincoln memorial. How had he even gotten here? He wasn't sure, but it didn't matter. This place was peaceful at least, at this time of night. Though he was shivering, he stayed here for a while, looking out on the artificial lake here. He and Chris had raced each other around it once, so long ago, and he had wanted to suggest it to Sasha, as an incentive, but he got the feeling that would only make things worse now. How could he convey what he felt, how could he finally get Sasha to see?

For a brief moment he considered going to Chris, who had moved, along with the BSAA, to Washington and was now a lot closer. Walking distance even, considering what he had already walked to get here. But he always felt guilty using him as his support, and it occurred to him then, what he would say.

Just talk to him.

Maybe he'd yell at Leon again, but he had to at least try. They were living together now, he loved this man with all his heart, he couldn't just leave it like this.

The way back felt about a million times longer than his first trip, the cold now seeping through his clothes, his skin, made him feel like he was made of ice. The last ten minutes were agony, he was shivering, and couldn't stop, needed three tries before he got the key into the lock. Seeing his own reflection in the glass door showed that his lips had taken on a blue-ish tinge. He must've been outside for hours.

Leon slipped inside, tried to be as quiet as possible, but as soon as he had closed the door behind him, Sasha had rolled into the living room. They looked at each other in silence for a while, and Leon thought that his boyfriend looked guilty.

"I'm sorry", Leon whispered, and slowly a sad smile spread on Sasha's face.

"I should be the one saying that." He came closer now, and Leon sank down onto the couch, accepting the hoodie Sasha handed him. Putting it on felt like heaven, but still he pulled a blanket that was hung over the back of the couch, over him. "You're freezing... I am, you know, I'm so sorry."

"I know you're frustrated", Leon said, finally able to stop shivering.

"I am. And it just... You are so understanding, so calm, so loving. It should not, but it infuriates me."

"I know the feeling, I do", he replied, hoping that by doing so he wasn't making it worse. "But I don't know what to do."

"There's nothing you have to do differently, I... have to get over my damn self", Sasha said with a weak smile. "I should never have yelled at you, I regretted it the instant I did."

"It's okay..."

"No, it really is not." Sasha took his hand, and pressed a kiss to its knuckles. He looked so serious, he looked hurt, by his own actions.

"Then let me rephrase: I forgive you, let's move on, okay?" He leaned in just as Sasha did, to press a sweet kiss to his lips, let it linger, until it turned into something more. Eagerly parting his lips, they let their tongues meet, deepening the kiss. Sasha always tasted faintly of coffee, he loved that taste and was about to slip into his lap when he forced himself to pull away. "We need to talk."

Sasha looked guilty again at those words, but nodded nonetheless, leaning back in his wheelchair to give Leon his full attention.

"You're pushing yourself too hard", Leon said, and his boyfriend huffed annoyed at that. "You've heard that before, I take it."

"Yes. On every appointment."

"Then maybe take it a little easier?" Leon leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Please."

"What am I supposed to do, not work on myself?" Sasha was getting frustrated again, but this was important.

"I didn't say that, and I'm sure your doctor didn't, either. He told me today that you fell pretty badly..." His boyfriend didn't meet his eyes anymore, just looked away, but his silence was all the confirmation he needed. "If you keep this up you'll hurt yourself even worse, and that will only hinder your progress. Sasha, look at me."

As Leon took his hand, Sasha did, reluctantly, but some of his anger faded from his eyes. Later Leon would neither confirm or deny that he had tried to use his best puppy eyes.

"I want you to be safe, Sasha. I love you, please, please don't be so hard on yourself."

"Oh, don't look at me like that...", he looked away for a moment, but couldn't resist the puppy eyes it seemed, looking back into them, and slowly started to smile. "I promise, I will try."

"That's all I'm asking." Leon felt bold now, felt good that they had talked and made progress, and so he tossed aside the blanket still around him, and slipped into Sasha's lap, careful not to put too much pressure onto him. He cupped his boyfriend's face, and leaned in for another kiss, this time not pulling away when they deepened it, only once to whisper. "Bedroom."

Sasha knew the way in his sleep, so they did not stop kissing as he moved them there, and that was about the amount of time they both needed to get hard. Sex was also something they had neglected since Sasha had come home, first Leon had wanted to be careful, then he had been mindful of the random erections his boyfriend had gotten, which made him terribly embarrassed. And well, then they had stopped talking, so now they were both very eager to get into bed. Sasha even let Leon pick him up, to speed up the process.

"How do you want me?", Leon whispered into Sasha's ear, straddling his hip, their crotches pressed together. His boyfriend was so beautifully flushed already, he loved that view.

"I want you to take me."

"Are you sure? It's going to be different."

It'd be the first time since he had regained that sensitivity, Leon would need to take his time preparing him, would need to be even more gentle.

"I am. Turn me around", Sasha said, and started to turn, letting Leon help him go all the way after he had taken off his shirt.

He went slow, first undressing himself, then Sasha, and once more straddled his legs, pressing his hard length against his ass, but again careful not to put his entire weight onto him as he wasn't quite sure how much he could take. Sasha had his head turned, could see Leon out of the corner of his eye as he reached for the lube. But despite being very needy, they were in no hurry. He leaned down to kiss his boyfriend, trail a whole bunch of them over his shoulders, then followed down his spine, until he reached that beautiful curve of his ass.

Sasha gasped when Leon lightly bit the sensitive flesh there, followed closely by a low chuckle.

"Adventurous tonight..."

"That good?", Leon asked, not sure if he wasn't too sensitive still.

"Very", Sasha replied with a contented hum.

So Leon kept going, kept kissing and nipping lower and lower, over his ass, along his inner thigh, relishing in the moans tumbling from his boyfriend's lips, the way he twisted the sheets, writhing under his touch. His, and his alone, only Leon made him feel that way. After all this time it was still such a satisfying thought.

"You good?", Leon asked after a particularly deep moan, alongside Sasha's entire body trembling. He had just pressed the softest of kisses to his ankle, followed by a light bite, and him licking over that spot. Oh he loved how sensitive he was now.

" _Yes_ ", Sasha gasped in Russian, making Leon grin. " _I need you inside me_."

As he'd promised himself, Leon was very gentle when he prepared his boyfriend, pushing one lubed finger into him, feeling him shudder and gasp again as he ever so slowly stretched him wider. He had never heard Sasha sound like this, but it was no surprise, he had hardly been able to feel it before. His boyfriend started babbling, started to tell him how good it felt, how intense it was, how it seemed like he could feel even more than before. Sasha cried out when he brushed over his prostate, used another finger to stretch him even wider. That cry almost made Leon stop, but then he started begging, actually begging, in Russian, for him to keep going. Leon hadn't known that his boyfriend begging him to do something would make him even harder, almost painfully so, and yet here he was, wanting to hear these particular words again and again.

When he was ready, Leon gently lifted his boyfriend to place a pillow under his hips, brushed against his leaking cock in the process, grinning at how that made him moan again. Before he pushed inside he leaned forward, covered Sasha with his body, who instinctively leaned towards him so they could kiss.

"Ready?", Leon whispered.

"Yes." That word was a breath, barely audible, and turned into a long, drawn out moan when he finally pushed into his boyfriend.

He had done his part well, Sasha's body eagerly accepted him, and according to that beautiful, gorgeous face there was no discomfort for him. Leon buried himself completely in him, but stayed like that to keep watching Sasha for a while, and to let him get used to the sensation again. He couldn't even imagine what it must be like for him.

"Oh, oh god, Leon..." Sasha gasped, gripping the sheets so tightly they were already ripped in places. "You... You have no idea what this feels like I... You feel so perfect."

"So do you, love, so do you." Again he leaned down to press kisses to Sasha's back, letting him feel Leon inside him, until he stopped shuddering. "Ready for more?"

"Fuck, yes I- aahh", whatever he had been about to say was lost in a deep moan as Leon started to move, pulling out almost all the way, just to push back in, as slowly as he had done the first time.

Leon let his head fall forward, his blond hair spilling into his face, slick from sweat in some places, sticking to his forehead. He was propped up on his hands, on either side of Sasha's head, thrusting slowly but always pushing in all the way. He wouldn't try to speed up tonight, Sasha was already coming apart underneath those slow thrusts, being any rougher might completely overwhelm him. And Leon as well.

Soon enough they had both lost all ability for speech, were moaning in a sort of harmony, Sasha had let his eyes fall closed, was seemingly lost in his pleasure. It didn't take much more for him to come, moaning even louder, ripping a bigger hole in the already ruined sheets. Leon was about to pull out when Sasha begged him to continue.

"Finish inside me."

That look of utter bliss, those flushed cheeks, and that request, was almost enough to send him over the edge too. A few more thrusts and that familiar warmth spread through him, until he finally froze in his movements, only pushing deep inside his boyfriend once more.

The emotional turmoil of the last weeks, the long walk in the cold and the sex had been enough to make him completely exhausted, and so he collapsed next to Sasha, who was smiling at him. A sweet, blissful smile. He reached out to trace random patterns on Leon's chest, who turned his head to return that smile.

"I... I'll clean us up in a minute", Leon mumbled. "Just give me... Need to catch my breath."

"There's no hurry, love, stay with me."

"All sticky?"

"Yes, all sticky."

Leon couldn't resist that invitation, and pulled his boyfriend close, who was still a little overwhelmed from his orgasm. He confessed that it had been more intense than it had been in years, perhaps more intense than any he had in his life, precisely because he had been numbed for so long. In the end Leon still got up to clean them both up, gracefully let Sasha's come stained pillow drop off the edge of the bed, before they settled in to sleep. But a frantic knocking on their door stopped them from doing just that, and since Leon was quicker, he slipped into the nearest pair of sweatpants, and opened the door.

Just outside was a small, shaking Piers, his hoodie pulled low, clinging to a small bag and a pillow. The pillow had little pieces of sushi on them. Why Leon was focusing on that, when Piers looked like he was about to cry, was beyond him.

"I'm so s-sorry, Leon", Piers stammered, and before he knew it Leon, had pulled him inside, one arm around his shoulders, closing the door with his other. "I didn't have anyone else to go to..."

By now Sasha had managed to put on pants, too, and came investigating who would come here at so late an hour. When he saw Piers however, any anger Leon might have been able to detect on his face vanished.

"Piers, what happened?", Sasha took the question right out of his mouth, and he led the small, shaking man to the couch so they could both sit down. He looked scared, almost terrified.

"Chris is on a mission", Piers whispered. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have come."

He was about to stand, a half hearted attempt really, and so Leon didn't have much trouble holding him back, tightening his arm around him just a little bit.

"That's what friends are for", Leon said gently, smiling at him. "Are you worried about him?"

"No, I mean... yes, I always am but..."

"You can't be alone right now, yes?", Sasha finished in his stead, his eyes so full of understanding. Leon didn't quite get it, but Piers nodded. "You get nightmares, anxiety attacks?"

Again, Piers nodded, still clinging so tightly to the little sushi pillow. Leon only wondered what Piers had done before they had moved to Washington, when Chris was gone and he felt like this. Did he have anyone to go to? Or had he been on his own the entire time? Leon knew how rough it could be, and he did not even suffer from PTSD.

"I'm... scared to go to sleep", Piers quietly admitted. Only now Leon noticed that he was wearing his pyjamas under his hoodie, with the same sushi pattern as the pillow. "The bed is so empty..."

"Wanna join us in our bed?", Leon asked. "There's a TV too, we can stay up all night if you like."

Piers' eyes went wide as he looked up at Leon, suddenly seeming so damn young. Leon knew that Chris was worried about his age, wondering if he was taking advantage of someone so young and vulnerable. But Leon had seen how happy his friend made Piers, they were both good for each other.

"Can I?"

"Sure", Leon said, gently brushing away the single tear that had rolled down his cheek. "There's enough room for all of us, hell, we could even fit Chris and his arms in there."

That made Piers giggle, finally, and he did seem a little bit more at ease as they moved to the bedroom. Though perhaps unnecessary, Leon still made it clear that all they would do was sleep, and hold him if he needed to. Piers nodded, briefly let go of his pillow to slip out of his hoodie, and then into bed. He'd occupy the middle, with Leon on his right, and Sasha on his left, who needed a bit longer to join them there.

They settled in together, and turned on the TV, zapping through different channels until they found a cartoon movie that seemed relaxing enough. Leon wouldn't risk showing Piers any kind of action movie, not when he was already distressed like this. They stayed up for a few hours longer, slowly getting comfortable in each other's presence, and as Piers slowly moved closer to Leon, eventually ending up in his arms, he could feel the young man's heartbeat had slowed. He glanced over him at Sasha, who gave him a gentle smile, and slipped his hand into Piers'.

"Thank you", Piers finally mumbled, when his head lolled against Leon's chest, and he slowly drifted off to sleep.

He and Sasha stayed up a bit longer, but only exchanged glances, afraid to wake their guest up, who clearly needed sleep. They didn't know for how long Chris had been away, for how long Piers had been stressed and not able to sleep. Judging by the bags under his eyes it was definitely too long.

"We let him stay?", it was more of a whispered statement than a question, but Leon wholeheartedly agreed. As long as Chris was gone and Piers needed them, this would be his home.

Looking down at him... Leon's heart skipped a beat. Once Sasha had fallen asleep too, and had let go of his hand, he had started to cling to Leon's shirt, and after a while his even breathing got more erratic, his small body started to shake again.

"Shh, Piers, shh, you're safe, I'm here", he whispered, gently petting his hair, rocking him back and forth. Piers whimpered in his embrace, but Leon kept whispering, and finally the nightmare seemed to be over, and his breathing evened out again. Just to make sure he kept watch for a little while longer, but eventually the day's exhaustion overwhelmed him, and he fell asleep as well.

When he woke up from a peaceful, dreamless sleep he needed a while to remember why it was Piers in his arms and not Sasha, who was not in their bed at all. The smaller man was still pressed to his chest, awake, hands flat against Leon looking a strange mix of worried and relaxed.

"Morning", Leon mumbled, and he could feel Piers trying to move away. He was too sleepy to fight it, hoped Sasha had already made coffee, and so he slipped out of Leon's embrace, sat up, and pulled Sasha's blanket around him.

"I'm sorry", Piers said again, looking down.

"Hm? What for?"

"We slept like this I... when I woke up Sasha was gone, what if he's mad?"

"He won't", Leon reassured him with a gentle smile. "We just slept, didn't we? Come on, let's see what he's up to. Did you sleep well at least?"

Piers nodded with a shy smile.

"Better than I have in a week", he said quietly, but slipped out of his blanket cocoon and followed Leon into the kitchen where Sasha had indeed been making coffee, and breakfast it seemed.

"Has he been gone that long?", Leon asked, worried that Piers hadn't come to them sooner. Of course he was also worried about Chris, but that was a constant state of being for him, and he also knew the big guy could take care of himself.

"Yeah", Piers said, as they both gratefully accepted a cup of coffee, and settled in at the already set dining table. Sasha had been busy it seemed. "He's supposed to come back next week."

"That's still a while." Sasha came to them with a tray over his wheelchair armrests, one they had especially bought for that purpose. It was laden with delicious scrambled eggs, fried tomatoes and bacon, even French toast, Leon's favourite breakfast. "Leon and I thought, that if you wanted to, you could stay here while he's gone."

"R-really?" Piers' eyes went wide as he still clung to his cup. "I really don't want to impose... You guys have your own lives."

"And you're part of that", Leon replied. "Just as you helped me, we'd like to help you. It's what friends do."

"I... I would really like that", Piers replied quietly, not looking at either of them. "Thank you so much."

"Don't mention it", he said, reaching over to take the younger man's hand and squeeze it gently. "We're happy to have you."

Having gotten a full night's sleep, and a proper breakfast, seemed to do wonders for Piers. He was looking much healthier, and with the prospect of not being alone for the next week, even managed to smile. Together they went back to his and Chris' apartment and packed a proper sleepover bag, a change of clothes, his DS, a book and other things he might need. They also left a note telling Chris where his boyfriend was, as they didn't have any means to contact him while he was in the field. Leon was a little more worried than he usually would be, since he hadn't heard anything about that particular BSAA operation at the office, and the DSO was usually at least aware of what they were doing. But he didn't need Piers to worry any more than he already did, and so he kept his worries to himself, at least for now. He did, however, ask Hunnigan to keep an ear out, just in case.

Piers living with them was... surprisingly easy. He fit well into their daily routine, and in some places, helped out perfectly. He had learned to cook ever since he had come home and wasn't allowed to work in the field anymore, helping Sasha make dinner every night. Leon loved coming home to them laughing and joking while preparing the food, it filled him with a new kind of warmth. Piers also helped Sasha go to his therapy appointments when Leon wasn't there. Though he didn't have any field work at the moment, he still needed to be in the office for briefings, reports or training, the DSO was very strict when it came to the latter and he didn't mind, he liked to be prepared. It was good to know however, that Sasha wasn't alone. He hadn't exactly gotten around to making many new friends when he was in his coma, and though he hadn't expected the library to still offer him the job after such a long time of not contacting them, the offer was still there. Piers had accompanied Sasha when Leon didn't have time to do so, so they both excitedly shared the new one night.

"That's amazing", Leon said, leaning down to kiss his boyfriend. "I'm so glad."

"They were also happy to hear that I will be recovering, though it says a lot that they were willing to hire me anyway."

Sasha had already settled into their large bed. Tonight was movie night, on his way home Leon had picked up a copy of Mad Max, as they had been shocked to hear that Piers had never seen it before. At first the younger man had been anxious about asking to sleep in their bed again, felt like a small child, but they both assured him that they didn't mind. Leon had to admit that it was even more than that... It felt good, all three of them in that big bed, cuddled up against each other, Piers always in the middle. They formed a sort of protective shield around him, trying to ward off his nightmares.

Leon had just stepped out of the shower, slipped into sweatpants to see Piers excitedly joining Sasha in the bed as he still towelled his hair dry. They looked adorable together, the younger man inspecting the blu ray box, reading what the movie was about, leaning back against Sasha's chest to show him as well. Something in the back of Leon's mind craved for Chris to be here as well, to join them in this big pile and for this movie, craved to be in that strong embrace again, leaning against him just as Piers did right now. He would just need to invite Chris once he came back, had wanted to do so anyway, though he would surely want to be with his boyfriend if he did.

Right, boyfriend. He had one too, and shouldn't really crave to be in someone else's arms, should he? Chris and he were friends though, very old, very close friends, and he'd held Piers too, for comfort and safety. Nothing wrong with that...

"Hey, Leon", Sasha's voice finally got him out of his stupor, and he realized his hand holding the towel was still halfway raised towards his head. "You coming?"

"Oh, yes, of course..."

"Your hair is still wet", Piers said, pressing further into Sasha's embrace, trying to hide from him.

So Leon did the only thing he could do: Jumped onto the bed, landing on all fours, and he shook his head, spraying the water from it all over Sasha and Piers. The latter shrieked, tried to shield himself from the onslaught but to no use, and so he just accepted his fate, giggling uncontrollably until Leon finally stopped again.

"Now it's not so wet anymore", Leon said with a big grin, finally settling in by their side as well.

"You look like a dog", Sasha managed to get out between laughing fits, and all Leon could do was stare.

Stare at these two lovely men, both laughing, holding their stomachs, cheeks flushed from it. They looked so damn happy, and after everything both of them had went through, they deserved it so much. Before he knew what he was doing himself, Leon had propped himself up on his hand, and leaned over Piers to kiss his boyfriend. There was a sort of desperation in that kiss, though he hadn't known where that had come from. But it overwhelmed him from time to time, how lucky he had gotten to have this wonderful person in his life. These wonderful people, he corrected himself, when he pulled away and saw Piers blushing, having stared at that kiss from barely inches away. Leon's heartbeat rose as he leaned in, and pressed a kiss to the young man's scarred cheek. He let it linger there, for a lot longer than a kiss like that usually should, and looked down as he pulled away.

Slowly, hesitantly, he noticed Piers reaching out, cupping his cheek and making him look up again. Piers looked nervous, but there was a shy smile on his face as well, widening when Sasha copied Leon's movements, kissing his cheek as well. Leon let out the breath he had been holding, the tension his actions had created suddenly evaporating.

"Let us watch the movie now, yes?", Sasha asked, and they all let out a nervous laugh, but agreeing to the suggestion.

So once more they settled in, Piers moving from Sasha's embrace to Leon's, and back again during the course of the movie. In the end they fell asleep again, in one big pile, all awkwardness forgotten.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris and Leon are called on a joint BSAA/DSO operation, leaving Sasha and Piers to support each other while they're gone.

Sasha could tell that Leon was worried about Chris, when he didn't return for another two weeks. He knew him far too well by now, but he also knew that he'd but on a brave face, to keep Piers at ease while he stayed with them. Slowly, as he was living with them, Sasha realized how much of a support the young man had been to Leon when he was in his coma, and he was so, so grateful. Leon didn't like showing weakness, or asking others for help, and he had been worried that he'd be all alone without him, so thankful that it hadn't been the case.

Piers was such a sweet young man too. The more time they spent together, the more at ease he was around him, despite the age difference, they got along really well. Finally he had someone to talk to about food, real food, not the greasy pizza Leon tended to prefer, although he always ate whatever he made without complaint. He just didn't look quite as happy as when he ate his pizza. His boyfriend had to admit though, when he came home again one night, to find Sasha and Piers had created a small feast for all of them, that this was 'the life', as he had called it. Sasha figure that that was probably a good thing.

All three of them together... it just felt like family, it felt like those days long ago, when he, Irina and JD would sit together like this, talk and have fun. After everything, he would have never expected to feel this kind of happiness again. He almost regretted it when Chris came home, because it would mean Piers leaving, but seeing them embrace each other, Chris lifting the smaller man off his feet, he couldn't help but feel a warmth. The same kind of warmth he felt when he looked at Leon.

They lived closer now, he told himself, they would be able to meet more often, though it was quite obvious that the two lovers would be occupied for at least a few days. And Sasha had his own life to concentrate on, his therapy appointments, his new job that he would however only be able to start once Leon had fulfilled his promise and helped him become a citizen. It still took time, more than Leon had anticipated, for which he constantly apologized, but Sasha only silenced him with kisses.

He did try his very best to be a better person, to not snap at Leon when he was frustrated and his boyfriend only wanted to help. It was difficult, but he was slowly getting used to the idea that it would take more time, and he relaxed a little. And it wasn't like he didn't make any progress at all, he just hadn't shown Leon any of it... not yet. It was silly, he knew that, but he had this moment in his head, of him finally be able to stand up on his own, and just walk towards his boyfriend. As if he were in a movie... But they were not, and he was convinced that he would probably mess it up and trip, and yet he hadn't been able to show Leon any of his progress. Soon, he told himself, he would show him very soon.

For now they went back to their old Piers-less routine, and Sasha found himself pausing in the evenings, while preparing dinner, looking to his side and expecting him to be there. It had been such a short time they had spent close together, and yet... They could relate to each other, suffered from the same crippling anxiety and panic attacks, had even helped each other through some of them. Piers knew what it was like, in a way Leon just couldn't. To feel so helpless... His legs had been crippled, he thought he was going to die, he had been all alone... One afternoon they had spent together on the couch, Piers pressed close to his side, and had told him about what it had been like for him, trapped in that underwater facility, the ocean rushing in, filling his lungs. Only the virus had kept him alive, though it had felt like dying. Sometimes Piers even had trouble taking a shower, and bathing was out of the question for him, any kind of large body of water filled him with terror.

Sasha missed him, plain and simple. It made him feel guilty, to hear the door and expecting someone who wasn't his boyfriend to enter, feeling a strange mix of disappointment and happiness filling him when he looked at Leon in that doorway. He was being selfish, he should just appreciate what he had... Though he did, god, he did appreciate Leon. He loved him so much he found himself wondering about marriage, sometimes wanted to just spring it on him, but he knew full well how long it had taken them to get to this point. Moving forward to something like this would need time, a lot more time.

Thoughts like these were interrupted semi regularly, when Leon was called out to assignments all over the world. Always with little to no warning, though Sasha had - if that was possible - almost gotten used to it. Sometimes it'd be days before Leon needed to leave, sometimes just minutes, and rarely he would wake up to find the bed empty, with a note telling him he needed to go. He wasn't supposed to, it was quite illegal actually, but his boyfriend still talked to him about his assignments, and it seemed to Sasha that he needed to, to keep what sanity he had. Sasha would listen, and do his best to help him work through it, he didn't want his boyfriend to develop the same issues that he had, though he also suggested that he might start visiting a therapist too. The government would surely prefer its agents healthy.

Though Leon had agreed to it, they didn't have time to make the plan a reality, as he had been called away again, and Sasha found their bed cold and empty, again. He hated this, not being able to say goodbye. While Leon was very capable, was stronger and more resilient than a normal human being, he was still worried, out of his mind worried that sometimes it caused him a panic attack. For now he was able to remain calm. Calm enough to get out of bed, and search out the note that his boyfriend had surely left behind. And there it was, as usual, on the dining table, complete with a little heart beside his name. Evidently this time there was to be a joint operation with the BSAA, he would work together with Chris, and a wave of relief came over him. Together they would surely be unstoppable.

But it also meant that Piers was alone once more.

It was early though, and when Sasha reached for his phone, he didn't unlock it yet, didn't call him. So he jumped when it suddenly rang, the chorus of  _I'm not in love_  ringing out through the empty kitchen. It was Piers.

"Good morning", he greeted him.

"I- Sorry, I just... did you get your note too?"

"Yeah", Sasha hesitated for a moment, smiling to himself. "Want to come over?"

The sigh escaping Piers' lips was audible, even over the phone. A sigh of relief.

"Is that okay?"

"Pack a large bag, we have no idea when they'll be back."

It barely took him half an hour to do just that and make his way over to the apartment, standing in the doorway, panting a little as Sasha welcomed him inside.

"Did you bring your sushi pyjamas again?", Sasha asked with a teasing smile.

"I did", Piers replied with a little blush, but a smile as well. "Why? Do you like sushi?"

"Oh, you look cute in them, that is all." He took the younger man's bag, and carried it towards the bedroom. "I only had a few pieces in Japan, actually. There was so much to try, it kind of slipped my mind to eat more of it, and it is not something easily acquired in Eastern Slav."

"What? No way!" Piers was watching him put away his things from the doorway. "We have to go get some!"

"I have a physical therapy appointment soon though. Perhaps we could meet after?"

"I can drive you", he offered. "I'll wait and then we can go."

"I, uhm..." Sasha hadn't let Leon watch, could he just let Piers do just that? Asking him to wait out in the car, however, seemed rude too. "Okay, yes, let's do that."

He was nervous when they made their way to his doctor, but tried his best not to show it, not even when he raised an eyebrow at seeing Piers, who was very much not Leon. Not his boyfriend. Piers sat down on the floor at the side of the room, pulling out the book he had brought. At least he wouldn't be watching him the entire time.

As always they started with some stretching, but, as he noticed when Piers gasped, he had made more progress than he realized. He could push himself up, could balance himself on his legs long enough to reach the two parallel bars that were in the middle of the room, held up by iron bars that were strong enough to hold his weight. By holding onto these bars he could practice walking with the added help of his upper body strength, which was more developed than any other part of his body.

"You're like, standing, and and", Piers had stood up, eyes wide. "And walking! Holy shit!"

"Don't make me laugh", Sasha said, smiling, a drop of sweat rolling down his forehead. This was still exhausting every time. All he wanted was for this to get easier. "I will fall."

So Piers kept quiet, but also kept watching him as he went through his routines, today he managed to go back and forth between those bars too, before he half collapsed, half lowered himself back into his wheelchair.

"Good, very good", his doctor told him. "Much better than last time. I see you've been doing your exercises."

"Yes, like a good little boy."

Piers chuckled at that, before they made their goodbyes. The next appointment would be soon, and it would not stop for the foreseeable future.

"That was incredible", Piers told him after they'd made their way to the small sushi place he had discovered.

It barely contained the five tables in it, and a bar behind which the chefs prepared the food but it didn't feel crammed, it felt cozy. The dark wood, red accents on the walls and comfortable chairs certainly added to it. Not that he knew much about the latter, he had to take Piers' word for it.

"What did Leon say?", the younger man asked him.

"He... He doesn't know."

"But why not?" Piers frowned at him, leaning forward and letting his elbows rest on the table. "He would love to see you like this, I'm sure."

"I know he would but... ah it's silly." He huffed, leaning back against the back of his chair. And though he knew it was silly, he felt that if he could tell someone, it was Piers. Who else did he have to talk to, really? "I just... I want there to be this big moment, when I just stand from this damn thing and walk towards him. Preferably into his open arms and a kiss. But I... I can't do it yet, I'd fall..."

"It's not silly at all, Sasha." Looking up again at Piers' gentle eyes showed him that the young man really meant it. It was a relief, he had to admit, he had felt so silly keeping it to himself. "And I'm sure it'll be a great moment. Then he'll lift you up and twirl you around, and when your feet are on the ground again, you'll kiss."

Piers was beaming at him, a gorgeous, a little teasing smile. Though Sasha knew that he was mocking him, a little bit, in the way that friends do, he thought that that image sounded very, very nice. He really wouldn't mind at all if Leon decided to do that. Perhaps when his boyfriend came back, they could watch a few romantic comedies for... inspiration. Though knowing Leon, it would take a lot more than that to give him a hint, he could be a little dense when it came to these things after all. But he tried, very hard, to be romantic when he could, and it was adorable. Sasha had to grin when he thought back to one of their first meetings, where they had not even been together, and Leon had brought him flowers. His sweet dork...

"What are you grinning about?", Piers interrupted his train of thought. "Thinking about smooching Leon, huh?"

"'Smooching'?", Sasha echoed. "Really?"

"Well that's what it is", Piers shrugged, making kissing noises and grinning at him. But before he could do anything to embarrass them further, their food arrived. Not that Sasha minded in the least, the young man made him smile and laugh, and that was something he sorely needed when Leon was gone. It wasn't being alone that made this time hard, it was thinking that there was always that chance that Leon wouldn't return.

Piers had ordered them a little bit of everything, and explained it all to Sasha who was very impressed with the way the sushi had been prepared. It looked like something he needed to try out at home too, to challenge himself. Maki, nigiri, some with traditional fillings like salmon, tuna and cucumber, but also new takes on it, with some cream cheese fillings, or fried chicken. He scolded himself that he hadn't tried more of it when he had been  _in Japan_  with his boyfriend, but his mind hadn't been occupied with food for the most part, and Japanese cuisine was definitely more than just sushi.

It had been a while since he had used chopsticks too, and so Piers had to explain it to him again, took his hand and placed them the way they needed to be, and then guided him through the motions. The young man's scarred hand was a little bit rough to the touch, but compared to what he had been like when they first met, how shy he had been, the way he had hidden it from him, Sasha was glad that he trusted him enough to do this.

He didn't quite remember how the sushi in Japan had tasted, could remember more of the way Leon had looked in the setting sun, his hair practically glowing with its rays, looking positively divine. It didn't really matter, he didn't need to compare this food to anything because it was amazing. Piers grinned at the sounds he made, how he devoured everything before him, and ordered more. Only when he was stuffed and couldn't eat another bite, he realized how little the young man had eaten.

"Are you all right?", Sasha asked him, frowning and the way Piers squirmed in his seat at the question.

"Yeah, I'm not that hungry."

"You sure? It is my treat", he said, and that seemed to make Piers even more uncomfortable.

"I can pay, it's okay."

"Piers..."

He had averted his eyes for a moment, but looked back at him with those big brown eyes, and finally sighed.

"A desk job doesn't pay quite as much as being out in the field", he admitted. "I... I don't like taking so much of Chris' money. I'm fine, really, I just need to... need to be a little careful sometimes."

"I understand, I really do", he added at Piers' huffing. "I have to take Leon's money, for now. It took me a while to come to terms with it, and to realize that I don't owe him anything. And neither do you, but as I said, I understand. Will you let me invite you? To thank you for keeping me company. And Leon, when I couldn't?"

"Ah well, all right", Piers said with a small smile.

"Want to share another plate, then? I think I could got for some more avocado maki..."

Sasha's plan worked. As Piers agreed and he ordered another plate, he managed to distract him enough so that he didn't notice that he himself wasn't eating anything else. He was so stuffed, he wouldn't even have been able to. After, Piers looked a lot less hungry, and he asked for the bill. They were happily chatting away on the way home, Piers helping Sasha in and out of the car with practised motions, as if he had done it a million times before, as if they really were living together. Though for a while at least, it was true.

In the beginning it felt like a holiday, having this fresh routine with Piers, who for now worked only part time, and was with Sasha for half the week. They found ways to occupy them, and it was a lot of fun, especially when Piers introduced him to the concept of co-op video games. They would spend hours in front of the TV playing Super Mario, their team usually consisting of Princess Peach and Rosalina. As much fun as they had together, without Leon being here, Piers also offered to help him with his exercises as well. And so apart from his regular appointments he'd try, leaning heavily on Piers, to walk a few steps through the apartment. It was exhausting work, but he was incredibly grateful for his assistance. The more he could work out, and progress towards his final goal, the happier he got.

Weeks passed, longer than any regular assignment of Leon and Chris had lasted for a long time, and they started to actively worry. Not that feeling that was always there, in the pit of his stomach, the thought at the back of his mind, now Sasha woke up thinking something terrible must have happened. It persisted so strongly that they ended up contacting Hunnigan and Jill, both saying that they had gotten a message from them a few days ago, that they were still fine but couldn't return yet. Most likely, it would take a lot more time, perhaps even months before they got back. But Jill, as well as Hunnigan, promised they would relay any messages to them, to assure them that their boyfriends were safe. It was highly illegal, all of them knew that, and so it would only happen in person. But Sasha and Piers were glad for the added company.

Just after Jill's first visit, Sasha received a small package. He hadn't ordered anything, and for some reason he felt uneasy opening it, but once he had done, he froze.

"Sasha, you okay?", Piers asked, having just walked over from the living room, slowly setting the wii u pad aside. "What's that?"

He referred to the documents in his lap, the passport with his name, his social security number. Sasha was now officially a citizen of the United States of America. This was supposed to be a happy moment, one that he had been supposed to share with his boyfriend, who, for all he knew was in deep shit right now.

"I am uh...", Sasha trailed off, choking up a little, and so he just handed Piers the passport.

"He was supposed to be here for this, wasn't he?"

He only nodded, and let Piers take the documents from him and set them aside on the dinner table. Hesitantly he stepped closer, and finally slipped into Sasha's lap, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close. Sasha returned the hug, held the slender man tightly, fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt. He tried to even his breathing, tried to remain calm. He was supposed to be used to this, to the constant worry. Leon would be fine, he was incredibly capable, strong, and he had Chris with him. But he hated that he couldn't share this moment with him, and for all his dreams of having this movie moment for when he could finally walk again, this just made him realize again how slim the chances of that actually were.

"Sh, it's okay, Sasha. They'll come home to us, and they'll be all right", Piers whispered to him, gently rubbing circles on his back. "And Leon will be so happy, and then we'll have a little party. I'll get us little flags and party hats and everything that could possibly have the American flag on it."

Sasha chuckled at that, and finally managed to hold back the tears. It felt a little weird, that this young man would need to comfort him, and not the other way around. But Piers was strong, stronger than he sometimes realized. He could barely describe how happy he was that he was here now, on his own he might have reacted very differently.

"Thank you", he eventually said, after having indulged himself in that embrace for a little while longer. He looked up at Piers with a brittle smile, taking comfort in those gentle, brown eyes.

"Don't mention it." Piers cupped his face, hesitating for a moment, and then leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead. Sasha let his eyes fall closed, fingers tightening in Piers' shirt. It was a sweet, innocent gesture, comforting, and somehow it was so much more. But he couldn't let himself wonder what it might mean, only relished in those soft lips on his skin, returning the smile when Piers eventually pulled away.

"How about we order like a bunch of greasy stuff, and just stuff ourselves", Piers suggested. "Until we can't move anymore."

"Sounds like a very good plan."

They did spend that night just playing, laughing and eating until they fell asleep on the couch, but a few days later, now that Sasha did have his citizenship and working permit, some of the fun had to wait. When Piers was off at his work, Sasha now had to start his own, feeling a little nervous when he made his way to the library, for his very first day. But there was no need for that, it was the perfect kind of work for him, mostly quiet, something he could be completely absorbed in, that didn't drain him too much. And he was able to plan out activities for the weekly children's hour. He hadn't fully realized how much he had missed working with them, seeing the smiles on their faces, and all this in a really relaxed environment. There was hardly any pressure on him, though his first children's day still made him very nervous. But it came back to him like riding a bike, though he briefly wondered if he still knew how to do that, and the children took to him easily. For now he just read to a small group of them, and he was surprised to see that all of them actually listened, unlike a lot of his students had. They were enraptured in the story, and so he put extra effort into the voices, his acting, and most kids would gasp and laugh, they were that absorbed in the story.

After that first time reading to them, they actually protested when he stopped, making him smile. It felt good to work again, to do something that seemed to matter. As he put the book he had been reading away, and started to pick up the pillows the children had been sitting on, he was suddenly joined by Piers, who was beaming at him.

"You're really great with kids", he told Sasha, placing the pillows in a neat pile where he showed him. "They were really captivated."

"I really missed it", he admitted.

"You were a teacher, right?"

"Yes but... it is quite stressful. This is much better." He glanced up at Piers, and there was an understanding in his eyes. Stress wasn't good for either of them.

"You know... Leon's going to love watching you like this. It's like your eyes...  _sparkle_ ", he said with a chuckle, and Sasha rolled his eyes at him. But some part of him deep down really just wanted Leon to walk in right now, to see him in his element, the way he was before. Sort of, anyway. He knew he would never be completely able to go back to who he had been, that was completely impossible.

But it didn't have to be a bad thing, not at all. He had changed, and though he had seen and done horrible things, he had started to change for the better, he liked to think. And as he looked up at Piers, who chatted away about a funny thing that had happened at work, it hit him again how lucky he was to have these people in his live, who had been a big part of that positive change. He couldn't even imagine where he would be right now if Leon hadn't come back to the hospital, hadn't come back to him after those dreadful two years. Sure, he was worried about his boyfriend now, but he wouldn't change it for the world. He'd always come back to him after all.

Over the course of the next few weeks a few messages managed to make their way to them. Chris and Leon were investigating another lead they had found, but after one telling them they were heading to an underground facility, they stopped coming altogether. For security reasons, they couldn't tell them where they were, not even the continent, so all they could do, what they had been doing, was wait, and continue living their lives. It had almost been two months since they had left, and it almost felt like he had always been living with Piers, it just came that easily. They shared a bed as well, mostly for convenience, since setting up the couch would take time out of their day, every day, but it was also for comfort.

"It's weird without Leon here", Piers had said the first night he had switched from the couch to the bed.

"It always is, without him."

Piers had nodded again, understood him so well, and had slowly inched closer, until Sasha had reached out to pull him into an embrace. The younger man had sighed against his chest, fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt, and they fell asleep together, for once without any nightmares. Sometimes they'd sleep entangled like this, sometimes keeping to their own sides, although it was still a little weird to wake up and find someone else by his side. But comforting, too, to find that someone was there at all. It was a strange mix of emotions sometimes, but one he got used to after a while, and they had quickly found their routine.

Part of it was Piers helping Sasha walk through the apartment, or some form of it, depending how well Sasha felt. Piers would pull him out of his chair, or he'd manage to stand on his own, and the younger man would wrap an arm around his waist, and Sasha one around his shoulder. Almost every day he'd take a few steps, and every day, there would be more. When they had been living together for close to two months, it really hit Sasha how much progress he had really made. Piers was holding his hands, but so very lightly that he wasn't even supporting him at all, walking backwards as Sasha kept moving towards him. He was so absorbed in his task, of putting one foot in front of the other, that he hardly even realized Piers had been leading him around the apartment, not just once or twice, Sasha didn't even know how many times.

He just looked up, and saw the younger man beaming at him. Such a sweet smile, so genuine, and just full of happiness that it confused him for a moment.

"What?", he asked, still concentrating on just standing, but slowly realizing that it wasn't as hard as it used to be.

"Sasha you're  _walking_. We've been walking around this place for I don't know... twenty minutes? You're fucking  _walking_!"

The realization threatened to overwhelm him for a moment, but Piers' grip on his hands tightened, and he managed to keep himself upright. With all his focus on just getting better he had never stopped to just think about what he was doing, hadn't even fully enjoyed the first moment he had ever stood on his own two feet again. And now he was, as Piers had said, walking through the damn apartment, and didn't even realize. Tears threatened to fill his eyes, but he wiped them away before they could fall, now only holding one of the younger man's hands, and yet he was still standing.

Piers stepped closer, and wrapped an arm around his waist, probably scared that he'd fall and hurt himself. He was smaller than him, Sasha now realized. He hadn't been taller than anyone in such a long time...

"Thank you, Piers", he whispered. "Thank you so much."

"Oh, I didn't do anything. It was all you."

Sasha couldn't have said who initiated the kiss that night, whether he leaned down, or Piers stood on his toes, maybe it was just both of them moving together. Nevertheless the next thing he felt were the younger man's lips on his, a little rough where they were scarred but still warm and wonderful. It was chaste at first, they simply let it linger for a while, then pulled away mere inches to look into each other's eyes for a moment. This time, Sasha thought, it was a very conscious choice on their parts, to lean in again, to deepen the kiss and part their lips. Piers tasted like the pizza they'd had earlier, and now he could feel him wrap his other arm around Sasha's waist as well, pulling him closer, steadying him. But it still didn't stop his legs from starting to shake from the strain, and now Piers was gently pushing him, making him walk backwards until his knees hit the couch and he could let himself fall. The younger man immediately followed, only shortly breaking the kiss to settle in his lap, and Sasha wrapped his arms around him, holding him close.

They just kept kissing, not thinking about the consequences, kept tasting each other, feeling the other's warmth. Oh and it felt good, not just because Sasha missed Leon but also... because this was Piers. He'd come to care for the young man a lot more than he thought he had. But when Piers rolled his hips, grinding their crotches together, making him moan, it managed to somehow smack some sense into him, and he abruptly pulled away.

" _Shit_ ", he said in Russian, watching Piers scramble out of his lap. "We should not have done that."

"God, you're right, I'm so sorry", Piers said, suddenly so pale, and started to pace back and forth in front of him, arms wrapped around his slender form.

"No it... it was me too."

"Shit. We... We need to tell them, don't we?" He suddenly came to a halt, looking at Sasha with a panic in his eyes. "We can't just... we just did that... fuck."

"Yes", he agreed, already dreading it. How could they have let this happen? They were in loving relationships, didn't they have everything? "It'll never happen again."

"No, never!", Piers quickly said. "I love him."

And although they agreed to that, Sasha knew that it would be hard, that after he had gotten that taste, all he wanted was more. No, he told himself, he couldn't be in love with Piers, he just couldn't.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Piers and Sasha had been spending time together, Leon and Chris found themselves in deep, deep shit.

Leon hated leaving on short notice, and hated that he couldn't give Sasha any details as to where he went. He'd had plans with Sasha, they had wanted to try out that new fancy restaurant, his papers were supposed to arrive soon and he had wanted to present them to him, had wanted to make it a small ceremony because it was a big deal to both of them. But in this line of work, he was reminded again, planning too far ahead was never a good idea.

Although he hated leaving, a small part of him was looking forward to working with Chris. It was weird, he realized, it was definitely very weird when he considered what they would do together, but he was, simply, curious. He had seen Claire in action a few times, and she was already incredible, if her brother was anything like her, it would make things a lot easier. Not that Helena wasn't a capable partner, he could very much rely on her, but well, his curiosity was very strong. And it hadn't been up to him to chose which one of them would go on the joint BSAA-DSO operation, they had, as always, gotten a message on a secure government line and Leon had been as surprised as Chris to see him on the heliport.

They kept it strictly professional while they were still being briefed, followed by them being outfitted, and Chris looking a little awkward going on a mission in civilian clothing. Leon had donned his usual dark blue shirt, with the black vest that doubled as light kevlar, while Chris stuck to a simple military shirt with a white one underneath, hiding his own bullet proof vest. Next thing they knew they were on a plane to Europe, Switzerland to be precise, and they had a few hours to themselves.

"Do you always travel in first class when you're on missions?", Chris asked, looking around the large cabin and testing out how far back the seat would go. He could practically lie down in it, and giggled for a second before he straightened it again. Leon only beamed at him.

"Well, what's the fun travelling econ?"

"I'm thinking I may have picked the wrong line of work..." Chris winced at the comment, and immediately apologized. It wasn't like Leon had much of a choice back then, was practically forced into working for the government, as they'd held Sherry as a threat over his head. He hadn't even been sure what they'd do, but he had been young and scared, had just survived a damn town full of zombies, he had just wanted to keep the little girl safe. The work wasn't bad, but the fact was still there: He couldn't quit even if he wanted to, his contract wouldn't let him, not yet.

"It's okay. Let's just talk about something else."

"How are things going with Sasha? Is he making any progress?", Chris asked, and Leon sighed, this was not exactly what he wanted to talk about either, he hadn't even told him about their fight.

"I don't even know, to be honest", Leon admitted. Now was as good a time to talk about it as any, they had a long way to go still. "He won't let me see him and we... we fought."

"About what?" Chris leaned forward, arms resting on the table between them.

"He... He got mad that I'm so calm", he said, laughing humourlessly. "I get it, he's frustrated, I'm always trying to help. And he's so stubborn, he wants to do everything himself, although he doesn't have to."

"Yeah that sounds like him", Chris said with a small smile. "But you made up?"

"Yeah. I walked outside for a while, and we properly talked when I got back. I think we're good."

"You know you can always come talk to me, right?"

"Yeah I know... But I also knew what you'd say, that we just need to talk", Leon replied with a small smile. "And I didn't want to bother you."

"Leon...", Chris said with an exasperated sigh.

"I know, I know, let's just talk about something else, okay? How's your sister, I haven't talked to her in a while."

"She's good", Chris said, leaning back in his seat. "It's cute how excited she is about Helena."

"Oh is that who she's constantly texting when we're not on a mission?", Leon asked, grinning as he thought back to when they had last seen each other a few days ago. He could hardly get her attention.

"Probably. She's just a little nervous, you know, wondering if Helena would be okay with her being ace."

"I... could try and test the waters, so to speak", Leon suggested. "Subtly ask her what she thinks about it?"

"Subtle?", Chris asked, raising an eyebrow. "You and subtle? You're as subtle as a bull in a china shop when it's about something like this."

"What, how dare you?!" Leon crossed his arms, pretending to be offended but he knew that it was completely true. "Fine, I'll stay out of it. But I do think she should talk to Helena, she's cool."

"She is, but I can understand Claire. She used to date someone without telling them and well... Turned out that guy wasn't quite as nice as he pretended to be."

Leon sat up at that, a sudden dread filling him.

"What did he do?", he asked, afraid of the answer.

"Tried to do, more like. Force himself on her, trying to... 'fix' her." Chris looked away, but Leon could see the way the muscles in his arms tensed, how angry he got, and how much he tried to suppress it. It was in the past now, there was nothing he could do. Finally he faced Leon again. "But you know my sister. She can take care of herself, sent him to the hospital but still... It was a shock. That you can be so wrong about someone..."

"I can imagine... Shit I had no idea."

"She doesn't like to talk about it. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything..." Chris shifted in his seat, looking even more uncomfortable, but Leon reached over the table, gently covering that strong hand with his.

"It's okay, I won't say anything. But I promise you, whether Helena can handle a relationship like that or not, she will never do anything like that. She's one of the good ones."

"I got that impression", Chris said with a small smile, glancing down at their hands for a moment. "Still, I'm her brother, it's my job to worry."

"And it's good that you do. At least you have each other."

He didn't have any family left, and Chris knew that, he had told him long ago. Leon usually didn't mind, he had friends to support him, and now an amazing boyfriend who lived with him, but sometimes when he looked at the Redfields he got a little jealous... but mostly sad. Chris seemed to sense as much, who now stood, and motioned for Leon to do the same.

"Come on...", Chris said, waving until he finally stood in front of him. And without much further ado, simply wrapped his strong arms around Leon, pulling him into a wonderful warm hug. His fingers found purchase in the fabric of Chris' shirt, softly curling in it. He couldn't help but sigh, Chris' hugs did that to him, he always felt so safe in that strong embrace. "You have us, Leon."

"I know", Leon mumbled against that large chest.

They stood like that for a while, Chris like a pillar against him, support, safety. He brushed Leon's hair out of his face when they pulled apart again, though he resented the loss of warmth.

"Better?", Chris asked, and he nodded.

"Better."

They spent the rest of the flight mostly sleeping, then chatting and finally preparing for the mission. There wasn't any time to get acclimatized, or fight the jet lag, it was straight to the abandoned office building that had been identified as having belonged to Umbrella. They were tasked with assessing the situation, to see if it was more than just an office, as many Umbrella facilities were, and whether or not they could find any further information about the evidently still remaining members of the organization. They hadn't even been hiding behind a front, hadn't called themselves TriCell or Neo Umbrella, or whatever names they had gone by in the last few years, when they arrived at the site, a plain sign on the outside read "Umbrella".

"Can you believe these people?", Leon asked, huffing annoyed as he got out of the car. Chris had been driving of course. "They're not even trying anymore."

"That's a bad sign", Chris said, quickly following, both taking out their guns, but leaving the safety on. "Let's hope we can find something that'll give us an edge so we can kick their asses.

"Agreed."

It was eerie, so late at night, the office building dimly lit on the inside and the door gave way a little too easily for Leon's taste. Guns at the ready, both of them switched off their personalities as soon as they were at the other side of the door, all that was left was their training. Systematically they searched through the plain white rooms, one after the other, not leaving a page unturned, or a computer unchecked. Most wouldn't turn on anymore, likely caused by one of the many fail saves Umbrella tended to implement in their facilities. So they had to stick to information that was actually on paper, though on the lower floors, there was nothing unusual, if Leon didn't know any better he'd say this was actually the office of a regular pharmaceutical company. The few times they were on edge though, turned out to be caused by a regular noise of the night like a bird, or a book falling. This place was completely and utterly deserted, no humans left. And surprisingly, no zombies either.

The top floor housed the executive's office, and here they were finally able to find a working computer.

"Keep an eye out, will you?", Leon said absentmindedly, but Chris was indeed pacing the office, looking out the window over the city, then back to checking the corridor just outside.

Leon shouldn't have been surprised to find a riddle on the screen, the solution to which would be the computer's password. Typical Umbrella. The solution was probably nearby, but he hated figuring this stuff out. It took up time, and it annoyed the hell out of him. Someone, somewhere was responsible for this, probably giggling to himself at the agony he caused them. Leon liked to imagine a bald, old man, who was singelhandedly responsible for all the riddles and puzzles he had ever encountered in any of the Umbrella facilities. It all seemed very much like it was created by one mad mastermind.

But whether not this was the case, Leon did find the solution after a while, hidden in a book in the bottom most drawer of the desk. There were numbers scrawled there, pertaining to the letters of the riddle he found in front of him, spelling the password: biohazard.

"Oh for fuck's sake...", he mumbled as the words 'access granted' flashed on the screen.

"Was the password 'biohazard'?", Chris asked, grinning at him.

"Yes. It's like the Umbrella equivalent of using the word 'password'."

But still, they never knew if there were dire consequences to entering the wrong passwords. They'd seen it happen more than enough times, and neither of them liked to be reckless. And yet, after all that trouble, there were no incriminating files on the computer either, not that Leon could find anyway. He huffed in frustration when he still hadn't found anything after an hour, and even Chris had gotten a little slower in his patrol around the room. But finally Leon noticed a program, just there on the desktop, the icon looked like Pacman, which was why he hadn't paid it any attention before, but it was labelled "door". When he opened it, a noise coming from the bookshelf to his right made him flinch and stand up quickly, immediately reaching for his gun again.

A secret door. An actual secret door hidden behind a bookshelf. He shouldn't really be surprised, and it was less that he was surprised, and more that he kind of wanted something like this in his apartment. Maybe they could turn the door to the bedroom into something like this.... But he needed to focus now, carefully stepped forward to glance inside the now open room. It was another office, but it looked like it was very, very old. Not that it was dusty, but the furniture looked straight out of the 20ies, as did the books and files on the shelves here, and yet everything was perfectly preserved. This was evidently not just for work, but also for pleasure, which was a sickening thought as Leon reached for the first file, open on the table, depicting a gruesome experiment with the c-virus.

"Leon, stop!", Chris called out, and he could hear him rushing towards him, and as he turned his head he saw what his friend meant.

He had walked straight into a trap. Everything suddenly seemed as if it happened in slow motion. There was a small hole in the wall, something... something metal was in there, would come out of there in a split second and kill him. But then the breath was suddenly knocked out of his body, as he felt himself getting pulled back, and falling to the floor, turning around in the process. Except he didn't land quite as hard as he expected.

Leon was now pressed flat against Chris' chest, who was wincing from having hit the floor without a human pillow underneath him. He turned for a moment and saw that an arrow had hit the opposite wall of the hidden office, a silver one, which would have hit his head if Chris hadn't pulled him away.

"I...", he turned to look at his friend again. "I must have missed something."

He hadn't quite expected Chris to laugh at that, laugh so hard that he was shaking Leon along with him, even a tear rolled down his cheek that he wiped away helpfully.

"What?", Leon asked.

"That was so... you", Chris replied. "It's just so different. You when you're an agent and now... you're you again."

"I... know what you mean, actually." He disentangled himself from Chris now, reaching out to help him stand as well. "But it has to be different, can't afford to be a dork. Oh and thanks, by the way, for saving my life."

"Not a problem", he replied with a grin, picking up their guns that they had dropped in this whole mess, and then proceeded to throw a few books into the hidden room to see if there were any more traps. "I think it's safe now."

As safe as it could be. But this was what they had been looking for: Actual, real information that they could use, and boy, had they hit the jackpot. Documentation of several experiments that had been done in an unknown location, and hints to more offices like this, though unfortunately, there were no employee records. Of course these people hardly cared about those, would probably use them all up for their experiments if they needed them. Leon was back in his agent persona, so to speak, it was true that he had one, and he needed it, looking at these pictures.

"Leon." Chris had found a printed out email, from something called headquarters, but there was no additional information as to where that would be. "This is a... purge order, for these offices and others. That's why this place is empty, they realized that we'd found out about it."

"Shit", Leon cursed under his breath, taking the piece of paper from Chris. This was... a schedule. The facilities would be purged one after the other, with a bit of time for evacuation in between. At least they could hope not everyone who had worked here was dead. "We're too late for some of them, but we might be able to reach one with actual people in it."

"We can't radio this in, you know?" Chris voiced his own thoughts. They had no idea how exactly Umbrella had found out about their plans, so to be safe, they could not say where they were going. This was going to be hell on Sasha and Piers, but they didn't have a choice. "Look, there's one in Austria we might be able to get to in time. Let's go."

Together they rushed out, though Chris gently took his hand away from the handle of the driver's side of the car, raising his eyebrow.

"What? I can drive."

"Claire told me not to", Chris said flatly. "Come on, we don't have time to argue."

Leon sighed, but ultimately followed suit, getting into the passenger's seat once more. If there was one thing he liked about Europe, it was that compared to the US, it was small. They drove through the entire night and already managed it to Austria, only resting for a short while before Chris drove them the rest of the way. But they had been too late, again. The place was just as deserted as the first one had been, but another thorough search revealed _another _ hidden room with information to _another _ office. They tried to find a way out, a shortcut to find the mysterious headquarters the emails talked about, but there was nothing else, only a merry goose chase from one office building to another, always those same pictures of experiments there.

It was frustrating beyond measure, and the only messages they could relay were that they were okay, and that they were still investigating, but they did so via remote channels, trying to stay off the radar. They traveled all over Europe, even so far as to go into Russia, but eventually, they ended up in Germany, deep in the Black Forest. Standing in front of a steel hatch, halfway hidden under a few leaves. It easily opened, which worried Leon, but they were so close now, he could feel it.

Chris slipped into the dimly lit shaft first, started to climb down the ladder they found inside, with Leon following closely behind. He was sure that he had left the hatch open, as far as it would go, but perhaps there was a mechanism that automatically closed it, either way, the light above him was suddenly gone, and as he looked up at the closed hatch, he heard a click.

"This can't be good", he mumbled, climbing back up to try and open it. Nothing, it wouldn't move.

"We're locked in, aren't we?", Chris asked from below him.

"Yup... Come on, we have to keep going, there has to be another way out." Not that they really had a choice, and they still had to find out what had happened here.

Climbing down took a very long time, or at least it seemed that way to Leon. Being locked away from any natural light, just the green shimmer of the emergency lighting by his side every few steps made it hard to tell the time. In any case, Leon was very glad to have the floor under his feet when they had reached the end of the ladder, feeling Chris' hands on his waist for the last bit, steadying him. He gave his friend a small smile before turning to inspect their surroundings. They were in a very small chamber, with nothing but this ladder in it, and a steel door leading outside. Leon stepped forward and turned the lock that was on this side, opening it carefully.

This place reminded him a lot of the underground facility in Raccoon City, which didn't exactly set him at ease. The halls and doors were stainless steel, with lights set at regular intervals at the top of the walls. There didn't seem to be any emergency lighting, so at least the facility still had its supply of electricity. He knew just how difficult navigating these halls could be if they had to first find a generator - Umbrella's locks were usually electronic.

Pulling out their guns once more, but keeping them down, they slowly and carefully started to make their way down the hall, keeping quiet. They hadn't seen anyone so far, but there was no indication of an evacuation, or another terrible incident, as they tended to happen when these disgusting experiments were involved.

Down the hall they found the actual entrance into the facility, but this one too, had been locked. Behind a large glass front they could see something resembling a welcoming desk, the door to which was unlocked as well, and they slipped inside. The terminal was working, but didn't actually have any kind of authority over the facility's controls, which rendered it almost useless to them. It did however, have information as to where they might be able to find a terminal that could get them out of here, and provide them with details as to the purpose of this place.

"Hey, Chris, guess where we need to go", Leon said, sighing, already feeling exhausted.

"The very bottom."

"Just the one."

They rolled their eyes at each other, but couldn't help the grin spreading on their faces.

"Just our luck, huh?", Chris asked.

"We really shouldn't have expected anything else."

They were able at least, to connect their phones to the terminal and extract the map data of the frankly maze-like facility, in typical Umbrella fashion. At least this way they had somewhat of a chance to find their way around this place. It seemed to be divided into ten floors, each connected by an elevator, which was out of order at the moment, pointing to some sort of lockdown, and a stairway. The designer of this must have been especially cruel, as they would need to cross along the length of each floor, to be able to go further down. Leon sincerely hoped that once they had reached the tenth floor and the executive's office there, they would be able to restore power to the elevator. He was exhausted already, and made sure to pack some of the water bottles and snacks that they were able to find in this office.

The first few floors seemed to be reserved for offices, then one for military personnel and an armoury, showing that Umbrella wasn't even hiding the fact that their experiments tended to go horribly wrong, followed by research levels and finally one for whoever was in charge here. It looked like they had an entire luxury apartment down there, but Chris and Leon would hopefully find out soon enough.

Just as in all those office buildings they had investigated, the place was eerily quiet, sending them both further on edge. This being the place that actually housed the experiments made the silence all the more threatening, they both knew what this could lead to. And though they were both alert as they made their way through the floors, they were still startled when they had reached the fifth.

"Chris, look out!", he called, and now it was his turn to pull him back by his collar.

The zombie that had burst through the door on their right had narrowly avoided his friend, and fallen to the floor. Leon took that opportunity to pull the knife out of its holster around his thigh, and stab the thing in the head. If there was one, there would sure as hell be others and he was in no mood to attract a whole horde of them.

"Damn it", Chris mumbled, kneeling down to inspect the office worker who now lay permanently dead at their feet. Not even a researcher, the virus had even made its way up to this level. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it", he said as he scanned the adjoining room for more of them, so far, it seemed clear. "It's clear, but we have to expect more of them, get ready."

"Looks like we need to stop by that armoury after all..."

There were indeed more, lots more. At first they managed to sneak by them, as there were only a few, trapped in their offices with a few stragglers in the halls that they mostly managed to take out quietly. The first time it got close was when they reached the floor housing the military personnel, which meant armoured zombies that they had a little more trouble shooting in the head. Most of them were actually readied, kevlar, helmets, a sign that they had been warned about something, perhaps the outbreak, and perhaps there would be more of these particular nuisances further down. Before they moved on, however, they managed to stop by the armoury that the map had shown them, getting rid of another zombie before stocking up on weapons and ammunition. Leon prayed that it wouldn't get worse than this, thinking that if he didn't say it out loud, it had a chance of becoming true.

Naturally, it did.

As soon as they reached the research floors, they were greeted by the by now all too familiar craziness that accompanied every mission involving Umbrella. The straight hallway was blocked by mutated plants, and after clearing out the remaining shuffling zombies on their side of the floor, they needed to find a way to cut through them. They managed it by improvising a small flamethrower, watching with satisfaction as the t-virus enhanced plant withered away, only to be surprised that the sprinkler system was indeed still working. They both rushed forward through the rest of the floor, finding shelter in a room at the end of it, near the staircase. It had taken them hours to get through that plant, and after a quick check of his phone, Leon realized they had been in this place for nearly two days. He was already exhausted, and he had that little virus boost in him, he couldn't even imagine how Chris must feel.

The one positive thing they found in that room were supplies: Food and water, even some blankets that they could use to make a temporary bed that they settled in on after locking the door, and barricading it with everything they could find. Crates, chairs, tables, all of it was now in front of that door, and as they had gotten rid of most of the zombies on this floor, felt relatively safe so they could rest.

"Why didn't you say anything?", Leon asked. "You must be exhausted."

Only now did he realize that Chris indeed looked that way.

"Well I had hoped that we'd get through this quickly", he replied, already setting down on their makeshift bed. Leon joined him there, sitting down and looking at the door. "I guess it will still be a while. I'm sorry, I should have said something, I'll get us in trouble if I'm tired."

"Don't worry about it, we found this place now, it seems quite secure."

He turned to look down at Chris, who was lying on his side, looking ready to fall asleep, but was holding out one arm, reaching for him. Leon tilted his head in confusion.

"What are you doing?", he asked.

"Oh, right, mission." Chris shook his head a little, lowering his arm again, and only then did Leon realize what he had been trying to do. "Sorry, tired."

Leon glanced at the door, and the barricade they had put in front of it. The lock looked pretty sturdy as well, their guns were by the makeshift bed and within reach, they would definitely wake up before any of them got in here. If any of them got in here. So he shrugged, and settled in as well, pressing his back to Chris' chest, who wrapped an arm around his waist almost immediately, sighing softly. Leon told himself it would definitely be fine, this might not be the most practical position in case they got attacked, but they were safe, sort of. Truth be told, Chris just felt like an added layer of security around him, something that he sorely needed. So he set the alarm for a few hours, and followed his friend in falling asleep.

Both felt a little groggy when they were woken up, but that quickly dissipated when they encountered their next group of zombies. Gunning them down was easy enough, they were both good shots, and they had enough experience to keep their calm, and aim for the head. The things that stopped them from proceeding more quickly were the _stupid _ Umbrella puzzles, intricate locks, nonsensical riddles that would open doors for them, not to mention the fun experiments still lurking down here. Like a new kind of licker, that could camouflage itself and had proclaimed one entire floor as its hunting grounds. In addition to that, the door to the staircase was blocked, and there was no chance of them clearing it with that thing prowling the halls. It turned into a cat and mouse game, but before they even realized what they were fighting the licker had slashed open Chris' arm which they had to bandage with Leon's ripped up sleeve, and he himself had only narrowly avoided decapitation by dodging back in time. He had earned himself a small cut on his cheek, and a bruise on his ass.

By the time they had finally killed that thing they were bruised even worse, and another day had passed, prompting them to rest for another short while. The rest of the floors were the same: Escaped experiments, puzzles, barricades. When they finally, _finally _ reached the lowest floor, narrowly closing the door in front of a group of zombies and locking it, they both sunk to their knees, bleeding, bruised, exhausted. It had been almost a week of this.

"This place better have something", Chris said, panting as he stood again, taking Leon's hand to help him up as well.

"Honestly, I don't have the energy to get mad if it doesn't. I just want to get out of here."

"Well, let's hope that we can do that at least."

It was a possibility of course, that they'd either have to fight their way back up because the elevator wouldn't work, or that they'd simply be stuck down here forever. But Leon pushed these thoughts aside, instead made his way through these luxurious rooms and to the executive's office that would house the solution to all their problems. Probably.

"I'm copying everything onto my phone", Leon said as he managed to connect his to Umbrella's operating system. "They can sift through it later. Ah... score."

There it was: Restore energy to elevator. Leon happily clicked on it, the elevator was right down here, they would only need to get in and ride it all the way back up. Perfect.

_ Self-destruct initiated _

The computer voice let his stomach drop, and he looked up at Chris who stared at him, wide eyed.

"What did you do?", he asked, rushing to see what was going on with that computer.

"I made the elevator useable again! What the shit?!"

"Five minutes", Chris read from the screen, and Leon prayed, begged that the elevator wouldn't take that long. "Do we have a way out, are the doors unlocked?"

"I don't know, fuck", Leon cursed. "No it's not wait... here: open main doors."

"No wait!" Chris grabbed his hand to stop him from clicking on it. "If we do that some of the zombies might get out, see if we can open the hatch again. They won't be able to climb ladders, hopefully."

"Okay.. come on, come on...", he mumbled to himself as he tried to remain calm and yet hurriedly clicked through the different options on the screen. It seemed like way too long until he finally found it, and a green confirmation flashed up on the screen: The hatch was unlocked. "Now, run!"

He took his friend's hand and together they bolted for the elevator, lucky that it was at least already down here but once inside, all they could do was wait. It was agony, the way the computer voice told them that all staff needed to evacuate, and helpfully kept them up to date with how much time was left.

"It's going to be close", Leon mumbled, balling his hands into fists. If he was going to die because of a slow elevator he'd... come back to haunt the Umbrella people, annoying them just as much as they annoyed him. Still five floors to go.

"Leon..." He almost hadn't heard Chris' whisper over the loud sirens going off, but when he turned to look at him he was suddenly a lot closer than before. He gently took both his hands, closing what remaining distance there was between them.

"Chris, what-"

He didn't get to finish that sentence, Chris leaned in abruptly, pressing their lips together and Leon's brain short circuited. There was nothing on his mind, not the movie cliche of that situation, nor the danger they were still in, all he could feel were his friend's soft lips on his. And then, he found himself returning it. It was just like all those years ago, they were still perfectly in sync and it still felt so damn good.

"I love you", Chris mumbled against his lips, but there was no time for him to react, as he was suddenly pulled down the hall by his friend.

_ One minute remaining _

"Yes, thank you for that reminder!", was all Leon thought to say as they dodged a few zombies that had somehow managed to make their way up here, or perhaps they had been hiding somewhere. In any case it was something he couldn't think about right now.

They slipped into the room that housed the ladder to their freedom, narrowly avoiding another group of zombies, of which one managed to just slip its arm inside. Leon was frustrated now, it had been too damn long that they'd been down here, and he was pissed. So he took all his strength, pulled the door open an inch and then slammed it closed so hard he managed to take the zombie's arm clean off. Immediately he turned the lock and for once not able to come up with a clever line, just turned to follow Chris up the ladder.

The computer voice was counting down the seconds now, and Leon could only think what if. What if the hatch wasn't open after all, would the door be strong enough to keep them safe? Those last few steps were agony, but he didn't get to breathe a sigh of relief when Chris did open the hatch, he just kept going, scrambling up as fast as he could. He was pulled up the rest of the way by Chris, who slammed down the hatch as hard as Leon had done with the door downstairs, and pushed both of them to the soft grass, away from the hole in the ground. They heard a loud rumbling underneath them, but it soon subsided, and both of them turned to look at the hatch. It looked like nothing had changed, but deep underground a lot of zombies were burning right now.

Leon let himself fall back onto the soft grass, blinking up against the sun. The sun! They hadn't seen it for a week, and though it hurt his eyes it was the most beautiful thing he had seen in a while. Although... looking to his side, seeing Chris propped up next to him, shirt bloody, dirty, bags under his eyes, that sight almost seemed more beautiful. He was okay, they were both okay. He almost couldn't believe it.

It suddenly hit him though, what they'd done down there, what Chris had said... Later he'd tell himself it was the left over adrenaline, the danger they had been in, that had made him act this way, but right now, and deep down he knew it was more than that. He reached up to cup Chris' cheek, and gently guide him down into another kiss. This one was deeper, he eagerly parted his lips to let their tongues meet, and adjusted his position so his friend was between his legs, which were now wrapped around his waist.

And so they lay there, on the forest floor, making out above a burning Umbrella facility. They spent what felt like hours this way, though in real time it had barely been half an hour, kissed untill they were breathless, gasping against each other to just lean in again. Until slowly, reality came back.

"Chris I... I love him", Leon said, and his friend pulled away a little, looking down at him sadly.

"So do I... No wait, I mean Piers!" They both had to grin at that awkwardness. "I mean I love Sasha, but not in the way I love him or, well, you..."

"Do you... do you mean that?" Leon disentangled himself from Chris, sitting up, his friend joining him by his side. "You love... both of us?"

"Well I... I think I always loved you, as cheesy as that sounds", Chris said with a soft chuckle, and a sigh, tugging on a few strands of grass.

"What? Even back then?" Leon could hardly believe it, but then he was always so dense about these things.

"Yeah... But things hadn't been right, and before I realized what it was we were such good friends, and that was so important to me. Still is, I couldn't stand to lose you as a friend." Chris looked at him again, taking his hand to kiss its knuckles. "I just... I suppose I didn't want to leave it unsaid. That back there was a hell of a lot closer than I wanted it to be."

"I...", Leon hesitated, and stared at Chris for a while, thinking.

He had never been very versed in these things, had two relationships his entire life even though the first one could barely be called that, it was a high school crush he now realized, not more. He was so dense in fact, that he had almost screwed up the one relationship that had ever mattered to him, had denied this dull feeling within him to really burst into what it was: being in love. The more he thought about it and looked at Chris, that big guy, the most gentle person he'd ever met, he realized that it was the same feeling he had for Sasha. And just like with him, he had always assumed it was platonic affection, that he just felt strongly about his friend. But it was different from what he felt for Helena or Claire, this was... more.

And then he remembered Sasha.

"I... I think I feel the same way", Leon said, his voice close to breaking. "But I... What are we going to do? We can't just... I don't know, share?! What would the others say? Oh fuck..."

He'd basically just cheated on Sasha. That thought hit him with a force he hadn't expected, made him feel sick. He never thought he could be that kind of a person. Though it _had _ been a life or death situation... They'd been tired, vulnerable, but in the end it was just an excuse.

"Well others do it... Share, I mean", Chris said. "Relationships with more than two people exist."

"Seriously?" There was still so much Leon had no idea about... It seemed selfish to him, in a way, but damn did he want to keep kissing Chris.

"Whatever we do... We need to talk to Piers and Sasha. And get home first."

They both had to laugh at that, and finally looked around the German forest that they were still stuck in, and where they'd just had an eye opening conversation in. Leon pulled out his phone, and opened a channel.

"This is agents Kennedy of the DSO and Redfield of the BSAA, requesting immediate extraction from whoever is closest right now. There'll be beer in it. Lots of beer", Leon said, exhausted but grinning.

"Should have opened with the beer", a male voice with a thick German accent replied. Chris beamed at him. "This is Schmitz from the Federal Intelligence Service. We'll send a chopper to your coordinates right away."

Leon didn't have much time to dread any kind of conversation with his boyfriend, for now he was too busy getting to safety, getting home and wrapping up with the German government so they could take care of the mess that had happened here. Both he and Chris spent the flight sleeping, and didn't have a chance to discuss anything else. Only when they touched ground in the States that familiar sense of dread overwhelmed him again.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back from their mission in Europe, Leon has to deal with the consequences of his confession.

Dread, pain and exhaustion were not a good mixture.

Leon felt terrible when they finally touched down in the States, only vaguely recognized the order to come into the office for a debriefing in two days with a nod. Along with Chris, they made their way to his and Sasha's apartment, having received a message that Piers was there too. It only made Leon feel guiltier. He kept leaving Sasha alone, no wonder he sought out company, and now he even cheated on him, not to mention that it was on a mission. Shouldn't he be concentrating on killing zombies?

He sighed as he turned the key in its lock, in the metal door leading to the apartment. Chris gave him a reassuring smile and a nod, but he knew his friend too well, could see the worry in his eyes, the fear. There was no excuse for what they'd done. If they had only stopped but... Leon had wanted it, had wanted to keep kissing this gorgeous man who was not his boyfriend. Who hadn't given up his whole life for him...

Oh god, Sasha had done so much for him... Leon had no idea what to do. What if Sasha couldn't forgive him, what if he asked him to never speak to Chris again? He couldn't really deal with either of those options... But who was he to demand anything right now? He had to face the consequences of what they had done, and so he pulled the door to the side, opening it and stepped inside, with Chris following close behind.

"Sasha?", he called out, feeling a strange sense of relief when he rolled into the living room.

"You're back!", he said, stopping a few feet away from him.

Leon couldn't read the expression on his face, it was strange, the way he wouldn't come closer as he usually did. He only took in the state Leon was in - clothes torn, face bruised, blood on him - and then, he stood.

He was frozen in place as his boyfriend pushed himself up, slowly putting one foot on the floor in front of him, then the other. Oh, he had forgotten how tall he was...

"No, I can do it", Sasha said as Leon was about to take a step forward, reaching out to him.

So he just watched as his formerly paralyzed boyfriend walked up to him, slowly but surely, to come to a stop with mere inches separating them.

"You... you're walking!", Leon said, finally breaking out into a grin.

Suddenly he was grasping Sasha's waist, lifting him up to twirl him around, making both of them laugh. When he was safely back on his own two feet, Sasha crossed his arms behind Leon's neck, leaning in for a kiss.

He was so happy that for a while he forgot all about what he still needed to confess. But when he did, he pulled away, only now for the first time noticing how scared Piers looked. He hadn't embraced Chris, was standing next to him with his arms crossed, as if he were trying to make himself even smaller. Before Leon could ask if something was wrong, Piers told his boyfriend that they needed to talk, already on his way out of the apartment.

"Are you sure?", Sasha asked him, but Piers only nodded.

Leon watched in confusion, Chris shrugging too, as they left the apartment. Now alone with Sasha, they walked - both of them - walked to the couch where he pulled away from Leon.

"Why did he look so scared?", Leon asked, now seeing a similar fear in Sasha's eyes.

"Because he... he is going to tell Chris that we... we kissed." He waited for Leon's reaction, glancing at his own hands and his face, not able to stick to one. "You... you don't look mad."

How could he be mad? He'd done the same thing, and he could understand why they would do it. They were probably lonely, got along so well, both of them were wonderful people it would only be natural... Nevertheless there was that twinge of a nasty feeling inside him, one that he told himself he wasn't allowed to feel, not after what he'd done.

"I can't be", he said eventually, feeling heat rise into his cheeks. "Because we kissed too. Chris and I."

"You... You did?"

"Yes, uhm", he hated making Sasha worry, but for the sake of the truth he'd need to tell him what had happened. "The facility we had been trapped in for a week had a self destruct and... it was close. Chris kissed me in the elevator back up to the surface when we weren't sure we'd make it."

"Oh god, Leon I'm sorry", he still reached out to take Leon's hand and gently squeeze it. "He... kissed you?"

"Yes. But I returned it and we... kept kissing once we were outside", Leon confessed, pulling his hand away. He didn't deserve that touch. "But that's all that happened, I swear. I'm so sorry."

"So am I, Leon", Sasha slowly moved closer, once more reaching for his hand. "I'm so sorry, I do not know why I did it."

"Because you care for him?"

"I do, but I love you, Leon! I promise it will never happen again!"

Sasha... wasn't even mad at him? Or perhaps he just managed to hide it since they were both at fault here? Maybe he was as afraid of him leaving, just as Leon was.

"I promise too, Sasha", Leon said, trying to ignore the twinge in his heart at those words. "It will never happen again."

Though they hugged and kissed that night, it seemed their relationship had changed. They were silent as Sasha took care of his wounds, and then Leon slept through the entire next day, but even then it was different.

Sasha was walking around the apartment more and more, Leon should be ecstatic, he was, but it was hard to show when they barely talked, touched, or kissed. He hated himself for it, for everything. For giving in to Chris, for blaming Sasha, which he had no right to do, and for not knowing how to proceed. How were they supposed to move on?

He met Chris again during their debriefing and told Leon how his and Piers' conversation had gone. Pretty much the same way, except Piers had almost fallen apart, had cried his eyes out as he had talked about what happened. It only added to Leon's guilt, and he cursed himself when he found himself in Chris' personal space again.

"We can't", Chris whispered, but the way he leaned forward showed Leon that's not what he wanted.

"I know, I know but...", Leon stopped himself, quietly cursing. "God, I'm a terrible person for even thinking about this again. I promised him."

"No it's me I... I shouldn't have kissed you in the first place", Chris said, looking away.

"It happened, it was both of us, and I don't really regret that it happened", Leon whispered, so quietly his friend had to lean down. "I wouldn't have wanted to die without... without hearing those words."

He wouldn't make it worse by saying them as well, but it was the truth, though he had left that particular bit of information out of his confession. He didn't want Sasha to forbid him to see Chris again, he couldn't bear it, knowing full well how selfish he was.

After that meeting they stopped contacting Piers and Chris for a while, and he could tell that it hurt both of them. It was clear on Sasha's stoic face, at least to Leon, that he missed the young man, and he understood that feeling all too well. He missed both of them, their company and friendship. Once they had moved to Washington they had started to spend so much time together, but all of that was gone now.

At least, after some time, he and Sasha found closer together once more. They'd tiptoed around each other for a while, but slowly, and carefully their touches and kisses would get more frequent. They were able to forgive each other, it seemed. And the more time passed, the stronger Sasha got... which made Leon's mind wander.

He'd often needed to top, simply because Sasha hadn't been able to do much, but Leon had to admit that it wasn't exactly in his nature. He started thinking about Sasha taking him, on the floor, against the wall, maybe even...

"What are you thinking about?", Sasha interrupted his thoughts.

"Uhm..." And for once in his life, Leon decided to be bold. "You, bending... bending me over the counter and uhm... f-fucking me."

He'd gone crimson, of course he had, but when he finally looked at Sasha again, he saw him smile, and then... he just left. Leon was left wondering if he'd said something wrong, if he had gone too fast. Maybe Sasha was still mad, didn't want to touch him like this, maybe he hadn't forgiven him yet, but soon those thoughts were silent, when his boyfriend returned to the kitchen... With a bottle of lube in his hand, and the most wicked smile he had ever seen on him.

"You want me to fuck you, hm?", he asked, walking closer to him, strangely reminding Leon of a wolf stalking its prey.

He practically jumped up, the chair he'd been sitting on clattering to the floor but he didn't care.

"Yes!", he blurted out, and now Sasha was in his personal space, hand pressed to his chest and pushing him backwards until he hit the kitchen counter.

His boyfriend grasped his shirt, twisted it and pulled Leon into a rough kiss, one that he immediately melted into. Leon hated that he was so inexperienced, even now, when it came to sex because this, being dominated in a way, manhandled, as Sasha roughly turned him around, was exactly what he wanted. If only he had realized it sooner...

"Hard already...", Sasha mumbled against his neck, his palm rubbing over his crotch and yes he was already hard, it hadn't happened this fast in a while, but Leon knew why. "But remember, love, if anything is too much just tell me to stop. Understood?"

"Yes", Leon gasped, breath hitching as Sasha's hands slipped under his shirt, greedily running over his chest and finding his nipples, rolling them between his fingers. "Oh, oh god, yes."

He obeyed when Sasha ordered him to raise his arms, so he could take off his shirt, let his boyfriend unzip his jeans and pull them down, pooling around his ankles. And finally, he felt Sasha's hand between his shoulderblades, pushing him down, his chest hitting the counter so hard it knocked the wind out of him. For a moment it seemed his boyfriend hesitated, perhaps thinking it was too much, but that hand was back on his shoulders when Leon involuntarily moaned.

"You really like this, don't you?", he heard Sasha ask, though he was only able to reply with some incoherent words of affirmation. He could practically hear the grin in his boyfriend's voice then. "I'll give you what you need, love, do not worry."

Leon heard the click of the bottle, tried to turn to see what Sasha was doing but it was impossible to do, because now his boyfriend twisted his arms behind his back, holding both wrists with one hand. He was completely at his mercy, and he absolutely loved everything about this.

His boyfriend didn't waste much time on foreplay, it was not what this was about, instead already pushed one lubed finger into him, faster and rougher than Leon was used to. But still, he wasn't cruel, and made sure that he didn't hurt him though something inside Leon thought that maybe a bit of pain wouldn't even be the worst idea... Normally he'd be shocked at that revelation, but not when Sasha rubbed over his prostate, it instead made him moan louder than he'd done ever before.

"Sasha, please, oh god, I need you, please fuck me right now!" He was babbling, moaning and begging as Sasha was still preparing him, and he squirmed on the counter, not able to move much under his boyfriend's iron grip.

He didn't listen to Leon, not yet, instead kept working him open, stretching him wider because Sasha was still concerned with his well being, no matter how rough the sex. The counter underneath him was cold, and his erection, almost painfully hard now, kept brushing against it as he squirmed, a delicious tease in addition to the warmth that was spreading through him already.

" _God_...", Sasha mumbled in Russian. " _You are beautiful like this... I can't wait to fuck you._ "

" _Then do it, please_ ", Leon replied in the same language. He'd been practising with Chris, and he had also taught him some of the naughtier words... and of course he'd blushed, but now it came in handy. " _Please, please fuck me._ "

He knew he was ready now, he'd done this often enough with Sasha, and even by himself... Thinking of the 'practice' they'd had made him blush but god, he couldn't care less at this moment, because now, now Sasha finally removed his fingers, and again Leon squirmed to see what was happening but couldn't, still firmly held in place by his boyfriend's strong hand. He had even forgotten how strong he could be.

The next thing he knew he felt Sasha's lubed cock against his entrance, and a whimper escaped his lips. He'd never been more desperate for sex than right now.

"You want this, hm? You want my cock inside you?" Sasha had switched back to English, though whether it was on purpose or not, Leon couldn't tell.

"Y-Yes..."

"Say it." He hadn't pushed into him yet, his tip was still just teasing his entrance, even as he leaned forward to grab Leon's hair with his free hand, to pull back his head. "Tell me."

"I-I..." The slight sting of his hair being pulled back only made him want it more, out of the corner of his eyes he could see that Sasha was flushed too, eyes darkened with lust. "I want- want your cock inside me. Please."

Without warning, Sasha let go of his hair and pushed into him, sharply, roughly and all the way, stopping there for a moment, listening to Leon's helpless moans, watching him squirm on the counter. This was everything he'd needed, and more, as Sasha started on a merciless rhythm, pushing him even further onto the counter. Every time he pushed all the way into him, the smacking sound was drowned out by both their moans, Leon's for once louder than his boyfriend's.

He was completely blissed out, couldn't catch a single thought with how good this felt. Sasha's hand still holding his arms behind his back, the other digging into his hips, most likely to leave bruises but he didn't care. All he felt was pleasure.

Sasha never stopped, never slowed down, his thrusts continually rough and hard, hitting Leon's sweet spot each time. And so he was the first to come, with a scream, and as his boyfriend kept fucking into him, felt his own come that had hit the counter he was on. He was a sticky mess by the time Sasha came as well, abruptly stopping, buried deep within him, with Leon completely overstimulated now.

He was confused when Sasha suddenly let go of him, pulled out, and he heard a soft thud. Turning around, he saw his boyfriend had collapsed onto the kitchen floor, his pants barely pulled low enough so he had been able to fuck him. He was flushed, and grinning up at him.

"That... that was exhausting", Sasha said, still panting, and Leon had to laugh. He quickly pulled up his pants, a blush already creeping into his cheeks, before he joined his boyfriend on the floor.

"You okay, it wasn't too much?", he asked, gently rubbing circles on Sasha's hip, who closed his eyes and hummed contentedly.

"No, I will be fine in a moment and besides", he opened his eyes again and grinned at Leon. "It was definitely worth it. I had no idea how much you liked it like this."

"Well before..." And he immediately stopped himself. He shouldn't have started with this, it hadn't been Sasha's fault, not in any way.

"I wasn't able to", Sasha finished nonetheless, of course he'd understand. "Were you... You should have talked to me if I... if I wasn't enough. If you have needs maybe someone else-"

"It doesn't matter anymore", Leon interrupted. "This, right now, was perfect, and besides, sex is not the most important thing. Being with you is."

"I'm sure Chris could have-"

"Don't. Please." He had no idea if Sasha was only speaking hypothetically, or if he wanted to talk about the kiss again, but he didn't want to ruin this moment. Not now, when they had finally gotten close again. "Can we just enjoy this?"

"But it's the... how do you say", Sasha thought for a moment, his face a mask. "Elephant in the room. Always between us and yet we don't talk about it. You miss him, don't you?"

Leon didn't say anything. Of course he missed him, his friendship but... he wouldn't say it, wouldn't risk his relationship with Sasha, but he missed that kiss too, those perfect hugs from him. He wished he could stop thinking about it when he had a perfect boyfriend right next to him.

"I miss Piers too. Both of them", Sasha continued. "We haven't even talked to them about all this, and I think we should. Let us not ruin everything just because of a kiss."

"I love you so much, do you know that?" Leon sighed with relief because yes, yes he wanted their friendship to continue so badly, even at the risk of pining after Chris for longer. After all they had been through together, he didn't want to let them go just like that.

"I do know", Sasha said with a smug smile, and a sweet kiss to his lips. "Now, we need to talk about this... surprising submissive side of yours."

The heat in his cheeks got more intense, and he looked down, his hair falling into his face. He hadn't really known it himself, and, yes, he supposed submissive was the right word. He liked it when Sasha had told him what to do, to say, how he'd held him down. A few years ago he might have been ashamed, but his boyfriend's features had turned into a gentle smile. He wouldn't judge Leon, he'd patiently listen.

"I'm not sure what came over me, I just know that I liked it. A lot. And maybe... even more."

What 'more' entitled, he wasn't so sure about.

"Have you thought about tying up? Or some spanking." Sasha talked so matter of factly about it, while Leon was still just blushing next to him.

"I- I, uhm... not really."

"Hey" Sasha reached for his hand, and kissed his cheek. "We can take it really slow, find out together what you'll like, okay? And whenever you want to stop just say hm... 'Umbrella'"?

"You mean like a safe word?", he asked. "Isn't that for like uhm.... like bondage stuff?"

"Not really", he replied, very calmly. Leon loved that he never needed to feel stupid around him. "I knew a group of friends who used one if the conversation went somewhere they didn't like. And especially if you are not quite sure what you want, it is important that we have one. I don't ever want to make you uncomfortable, or hurt you. So it needs to be something you would not think of in a sexual setting, something where I will know that you mean it."

"'Umbrella' is perfect then...", Leon said with a crooked grin. He'd long given up on thinking about regular umbrellas with that word. It meant terror, fear, monsters and pain. So yes, it would be perfect. "So uhm... about tying up..."

After Sasha had rested enough to be able to stand again, they proceeded to clean up the kitchen where Leon had made quite the mess, and had another quickie in the shower. His boyfriend wasn't quite up to holding up Leon and fucking him against the wall yet, but maybe in time that particular fantasy could be fulfilled as well.

The rest of the day they spent on the couch in the living room, discussing various things Leon might like while watching Netflix. Most times he had no idea what they were even watching, too focused was he on the idea of having his hands and feet bound to the bed, once more being completely at the mercy of his boyfriend. He wasn't so sure yet about pain, but a part of him seemed eager to at least try it. He knew that he'd be safe with Sasha.

A few days later they invited Piers and Chris for dinner again, being up front right away that they wanted to talk and clear everything out of the way. They seemed relieved as well, when they finally came over, though strangely tense too. Leon knew that state too well, it had accompanied him for weeks, and now he didn't even hug his best friend because of it, what he'd done still in the back of his mind.

In the end, with a few glasses of wine, or in Chris' case, beer, talking about it was a little easier, and more honest perhaps. Not enough to get drunk of course, just enough to loosen the tongue. What happened then, was a completely awkward round of everyone somehow managing to apologize at once, and then bursting out into laughter.

"Wow, how did we even manage to do that?" Piers' giggle was adorable, and Sasha seemed to think so as well, his eyes twinkling when he looked at the small man.

"I have no idea", Leon said, trying to calm his breathing again. "So erm... does that mean we're good?"

"Well, I am", Chris said, his smile relaxed, the tension gone from his shoulders, and everyone agreed. Leon's own tension seemed to dissipate at that.

It was almost... like back to normal after that? Just catching up on what they had missed during the last few weeks, talks about future plans together, maybe even a holiday if he and Chris were able to get one, talks of Jill and Sheva's wedding that was still in the making. A bit more alcohol flowed, and eventually Piers decided they needed music, reaching for Leon's hand to pull him up.

"Come on, I want to see you flail."

"Well I am not exactly inclined to show you when you start like that", Leon giggled, but let himself be pulled up.

"He is not that bad of a dancer", Sasha piped up. "You need to guide him first, loosen him up."

"Loosen him up, huh?", Piers gave him a dirty grin and a wink, making Leon blush. Damn that man could be bold. "Come on, show me your moves."

Leon didn't have any moves, not really, but he was relieved, he was having fun dancing to the notes of _Come and get your love_  filling the apartment, and he enjoyed the younger man's hands on his hips. He always needed a while to get used to it, to relax, and though he knew the others would tease him about his dancing, he also knew that it wasn't vicious.

"Well, you're not half bad", Piers called over the music, and giggling, he twirled Leon around. "We should go out some time!"

"May I cut in?" Suddenly Chris was by his side, bowing and holding out his hand as if they were at an old fashioned ball.

"Why, sir, of course you may", Piers said with a grin, took Leon's hand and guided it towards Chris'.

"Do I have a say in this?", he asked, though he didn't mind this at all. It was silly, but silly fun, and he felt so relieved and tipsy he went along with it.

"Nope!" Piers had already moved back to the couch, where he now held out his hand for Sasha, who hesitated for a moment before taking it.

Leon watched him be pulled up, watched Piers make a little jump backwards so they were in a more open space, both laughing as they, too, started to dance. His own attention was drawn back to Chris. Large, handsome Chris ever so gently still holding his hand.

"I'm not really a good dancer either", Chris admitted. "I don't know what I was thinking."

But now Leon was a bit more confident, and so it was him who guided his friend's hips to the beat of the next song. Just like him, Chris was incredibly stiff at first, and he was even able to detect a bit of red in his cheeks. For once, it was nice to see that on someone else, and it kind of suited him, it made Leon understand why Sasha liked it so much on him. But after the first awkward song, it came a bit more easy to his friend, and soon enough they'd found a rhythm together.

"Oh, look at that", Piers said. "The Padawan has become the Master."

"What?" Leon had no idea what he was talking about.

"Don't you know Star Wars?", Sasha asked, pretending to be shocked. "Even I know Star Wars."

"I guess we'll have to watch that together", Leon hesitated. "If... if that's a movie."

"Yes it is", Chris was trying very hard not to laugh, he could see the tears forming in his eyes, the sign that he was very close to it. "We should do that together, I would love to see your face at some parts."

Oh, this was good, being together again, all four. He couldn't wait to watch that movie together, or as he later found out, series of movies. But for now, they were dancing, sometimes more seriously, sometimes like complete idiots and making each other laugh. Slowly but surely they stopped having reservations about touching each other, and after a while Leon glanced over at his boyfriend and Piers... who were very close. A slower song had come on, and Sasha had an arm around Piers, was cupping his cheek with his hand it seemed... a lot more than what friends would do. But then who was he to complain, Chris' hands were on his hips, he had twirled him around and Leon had gasped at the ease with which he had lifted him. And when he landed again, mere inches were separating them. Once more Leon was fascinated by those deep brown eyes...

Very abruptly, Leon pulled away and took a few steps backwards. Unlike in the movies, the music did not come to a screeching halt, it just kept playing, and the other stared at him. Sasha only let go of Piers' cheek, and otherwise stayed close. He had wanted to kiss Chris again, had almost done so, why had he thought that getting tipsy with them so soon was a good idea, he was not over him, not yet. It seemed that all of the alcohol in his blood had evaporated in an instant, as he looked at his boyfriend pleadingly.

"Sasha, I... I didn't mean to-" His words caught in his throat, when he watched his boyfriend lean in, and press a kiss to Piers' lips. "W-what?"

"You should kiss him", Sasha said, looking at Chris. Piers on the other hand, frankly just blinked at him, confused. Leon understood that too well. Or well, he didn't understand at all. "If you want to, one moment..."

He let go of Piers, who absentmindedly touched his own lips, to turn down the music so they could properly talk, now all standing in an awkward semi circle in the living room. What exactly was Sasha going on about? He wasn't going to suggest to-

"I don't want to break up with you!", Leon blurted out, taking a step towards him. "Please, I didn't-"

"I am not saying that, my love." Sasha gently took his hand, and lifted it to his lips to kiss it. "I just think that this is silly. We all feel bad about what happened, but I just... I want it to stay the same, like it is right now. I know you want to be with Chris, and I want to be with Piers, and maybe it is just me, and maybe I am ruining everything right now, but I do not mind if you are with him, or... or with Piers. I am saying that I care deeply about all of you, and... and being with you feels right. In whatever way."

Sasha's little speech left them all standing in an awkward silence. The way he put it... It seemed so easy, and nevertheless Sasha did seem a bit uneasy.

"Can we... can we just do that?" Leon was genuinely confused. "Just, I mean, like, all four of us..."

He made a weird gesture with his hands, that may or may not have been sexual, and he quickly hid his hands behind his back hoping that no one had seen it. Chances were small of course.

"There's no relationship police, you know?" Sasha gave him a small smile, but not in a mocking way. He knew full well that Leon didn't exactly know much about these things. "I mean... If you all do not feel the same way, we can set it to rest now, but I would have hated myself if I did not say anything."

Another long pause, where each of them seemed to be lost in their own thoughts, but eventually it was Chris who spoke up.

"You're right." Finally he really looked up again, at his boyfriend, who looked torn between being hopeful, and terrified. "Oh Piers, please don't look so scared. You never have to be scared of me."

He quickly went to embrace the smaller man, holding him close to his body.

"I just don't want to lose you", Piers whispered, fingers curling in the front of his shirt.

"You won't, you never will. Like Sasha said", and Chris looked at him almost... thankful, for speaking up. "It doesn't mean we have to break up. We'll just have... uhm, as strange as it sounds, more boyfriend...s?"

Some of the tension between them evaporated when they all had to chuckle at those words. Could it really be that easy? In a way it would be like it had always been, except... with more kissing, and Sasha had made it sound like there could be even more. But what about jealousy, what if either of them felt left out, or wronged?

For once though, Leon voiced his concerns, this was too important for him not to. He couldn't lose them just because he'd been too shy to open his damn mouth.

"I think, in that case, we just need to talk to each other", Chris said. By now they had all taken a seat again, Sasha had needed to rest anyway, and all this standing around didn't make it less awkward. Piers was still in his arms however. "If there's anything that bothers us, we need to say it, and fix it. We're all grown ups here, right?"

"Well I don't know about Leon, but the rest of us, sure." There it was again, that crooked Piers-smile, the cheeky bastard.

"Hey! I'm older than you!"

"Right, sorry, grandpa."

"That's right, apologize to your elders!" Leon squeezed himself behind Piers, and started tickling him, who had nowhere to go as he was still pressed close to Chris.

"Ah, ah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!", Piers managed to get out between giggling fits, so Leon finally stopped and pressed a quick peck to his scarred cheek.

"So we... agree?", Sasha asked, to make sure. "We will figure this out, yes?"

"Yeah", Leon agreed, as did Piers and Chris, all of them relaxing visibly.

"So, can we please make out now?", Sasha asked, looking at the younger man and holding out his arms when he practically scrambled into his lap. Both Leon and Chris had to laugh at this, shaking and edging closer to each other, not that any of that stopped those two from proceeding with what they had planned. He supposed the whole thing was a little easier with the remaining alcohol in their system, but Leon didn't think it made much of a difference. This just felt so right, he didn't feel jealous at all seeing this happening.

They watched the two for a while, and it didn't feel voyeuristic at all it just... felt natural, at least to Leon, especially with Chris' strong body by his side, an arm already wrapped around him. Piers hesitated for a moment in Sasha's lap, turned to Chris again who gave him a nod, but still, he didn't kiss him. Only smiled at him, small hands on Sasha's cheeks.

"I'm so glad you said something", the smaller man whispered, it was barely audible to Leon. "I missed you."

Sasha mumbled something in Russian in return, something he didn't understand, but Piers must have, as he finally leaned in to kiss him. The kisses they shared at first were chaste, sweet ones. Just little pecks before they just stared and smiled again, until it slowly turned into something more, parting their lips to deepen the kiss, and now Leon couldn't hold back either.

Chris hadn't been watching them, or hadn't been watching them for as long as he had, his eyes were fixed on Leon, pupils blown wide. Even having been with Sasha for years, it was still strange to him to be so openly desired by someone. And that's all he could see in Chris' eyes, so he took his friend's, or other boyfriend's hand and guided it to his chest, now lost for words. Chris frowned at him, gaze flitting down to where his hand was now pressed to Leon's chest, until he once more guided that hand to give him a little push. Now catching on, Chris increased the pressure, pressed Leon down until he was lying on his back on the couch.

Next time, he told himself, he'd be able to use his words, to tell Chris what he needed from him. To push him, to pin his wrists down, to tell him what to do, but there was time for that later. For now Chris settled in between his legs, their crotches pressed together, just as they'd been in that forest in Germany, strong arms on either side of Leon's head, hands brushing through his hair, making him hum contentedly. He loved this, the affection it showed when he or Sasha played with his hair.

"Hey", Chris whispered, a bright smile appearing on his face. Leon understood the feeling too well, returned that smile, and leaned up as much as he could, kissed the corner of his mouth before letting his head fall back onto the couch.

Chris followed, immediately, to turn the kiss into a proper one, copying Piers and Sasha's movements, kissing sweetly at first, before it turned into something more. Leon could get lost in those kisses, how soft Chris' lips were, his entire body weight on him, but it didn't feel oppressive, he only felt safe, protected, and yet he had to think of the way he had been lifted up by him before, how easy it had been... Decidedly not-chaste pictures filled his mind at that: Chris picking him up, fucking him against the wall, or just lifting him to push him down on that big cock. Leon had never forgotten that part of his anatomy, even if it had been years...

He was panting when they finally stopped kissing, and pretty sure he was rock hard against Chris, who definitely, very definitely was. Again they had to laugh as they both noticed, glancing over at Piers and Sasha who joined in. It turned out, as they talked, that they were not quite ready yet to switch sexual partners, that they'd keep it relatively above the waist line for now, and would talk when any of them felt ready.

Leon couldn't quite believe his luck, once more in his life. They'd figure all this out, he knew now, and as he fell asleep, sandwiched in between Chris and Sasha, who was holding Piers close, he felt safe and content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for reading this complete mess! 
> 
> For the sequel to this, go read the a lot more thought out [Explorations in Polyamory](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5613673/chapters/12933112)!


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